Redhead14 Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 At least in some cases ER physicians receive overtime pay by working extra shifts. There may be other high dollar careers in which shift work could result in adding to an already high income, also. If he's an ER physician who is getting overtime pay there could be a reason other than extra income he took the shift. Possibly there was no one else to cover the shift and he took it as a function of being responsible for the health and well being of others. We just don't know the details. However, even if he did it just for the money, again, we don't know his financial situation or obligations. She said they work in the same "industry". If he were a doctor, I think she'd have said that. And, the fact is too that even people who make a lot of money can over extend themselves and not be good at managing money. So, I'd be more interested in that aspect in terms of being a dating candidate. I think it just says that he's not that into her and didn't mind passing on a date with her . . .
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 Another point I just thought about is that it's possible a person in such a job, making $300K or more a year, depends on OT to pull in that kind of money. In my area an ER Dr. wouldn't be making $300K a year without substantial OT work. And it's possible that if a Dr. doesn't take it when it's offered he/she may find it's not being offered to him/her as much anymore. Also, wonder about pay scale and opportunities for folks such as air traffic controllers. Though their base pay may not be as high as $300K it's possible they, too, can increase their incomes by taking OT shifts. We just don't know the details in this case. And neither does OP. Or at least she hasn't stated them. It's very possible OP has assumed a lot without knowing the situation and if she harbors resentment has cut herself out of a relationship she may have wanted to be in. However, assuming the man in question is, say, an ER Dr. who wants to keep his income healthy by taking OT work, it's probably not a good match with OP since she would be facing having a bf (or possibly later on a husband) who would be depending on OT shift work to keep his income up. 1
alphamale Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 Also, wonder about pay scale and opportunities for folks such as air traffic controllers. Though their base pay may not be as high as $300K it's possible they, too, can increase their incomes by taking OT shifts. PATCO members are capped on how many hours they can work per wk or per mo 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 She said they work in the same "industry". If he were a doctor, I think she'd have said that. And, the fact is too that even people who make a lot of money can over extend themselves and not be good at managing money. So, I'd be more interested in that aspect in terms of being a dating candidate. I think it just says that he's not that into her and didn't mind passing on a date with her . . . It was just an example used to point out that there are folks making $300K a year who would get paid OT by taking an extra shift. There are also industries in which production runs 24/6 or 24/7 that have high level/highly paid managers working shifts who would be paid OT, so that could also be the case with OP's guy. Unless she gives us the info, we don't know what he does.
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 PATCO members are capped on how many hours they can work per wk or per mo Thankfully! Good info, alphamale!
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 There are also industries in which production runs 24/6 or 24/7 that have high level/highly paid managers working shifts who would be paid OT, so that could also be the case with OP's guy. Also highly skilled technicians.
some_username1 Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 Good catch!! I was wondering when someone was going to pick up on this!!! Typically $300K jobs are salaried not hourly--I can't think of a $300K that's an hourly one where "double time" is on the table. It makes me think that OP or her date is overstating his income or maybe too optimistic. The attention toward is a little materialistic IMO. One doesn't need to be getting into all that before a first date. In his defense, OT or extra work during what should be off hours when salaried, while technically optional is often not that way at all in reality. Usually high pressure to take on the extra work (and extra pay). I wonder if this guy is the same one that texted at 7am. I would just say that OP's stance on this current issue with this guy and that issue with that 7am guy suggests that she is taking a VERY rigid stance, checklist-y on her initial dates. I mean which is it? 7am is too early suggesting OP is free and doesn't want too much eagerness OR canceling a date due to having to work which suggests a date to be responsible, good at his job etc OR do you just want some guy that will read your mind and every whim perfectly?? It's a little hypocritical and too stifling TBH. Check out OP's thread titles, there is a theme here...I would gently suggest OP has put herself on such a high pedestal that no man on Earth is going to be capable of sweeping her off of it. 2
Art_Critic Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 This isn't about money, this is about keeping your word and personal integrity. If I make so much as the smallest of promise to give someone my time either personally or professionally I will ALWAYS keep my word.. Always... Even with my Son who plays Baseball in LL, he goes to EVERY practice and EVERY game because you make a commitment and don't go back on your word.. That being said, there are reason's to cancel a date but taking a shift at work isn't one of them. As much as I like several of the posts on this thread saying it's work ethic etc etc I can't get passed him Not Keeping His Word. I say next him since this will not be the last time he won't keep his word since people like that keep doing it. 1
Versacehottie Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 Check out OP's thread titles, there is a theme here...I would gently suggest OP has put herself on such a high pedestal that no man on Earth is going to be capable of sweeping her off of it. Yeah I noticed the one 7am and now this one. With that one it would indicate she is one type of dater with one cluster of dating ideas and now with this one it's on the other spectrum of cluster of opposite dating ideas. So yeah that just makes me think she is difficult to date in general, not reasonable or consider the other person being different than her just want to fit an impossible mold she has in her mind IMO. This is not a pass on people that cancel dates, just observations about the OP. 1
JuneL Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 Maybe OP has expressed her dislike of receiving a text at 7am, which led to his bailing. 2
Versacehottie Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 This isn't about money, this is about keeping your word and personal integrity. If I make so much as the smallest of promise to give someone my time either personally or professionally I will ALWAYS keep my word.. Always... Even with my Son who plays Baseball in LL, he goes to EVERY practice and EVERY game because you make a commitment and don't go back on your word.. That being said, there are reason's to cancel a date but taking a shift at work isn't one of them. As much as I like several of the posts on this thread saying it's work ethic etc etc I can't get passed him Not Keeping His Word. I say next him since this will not be the last time he won't keep his word since people like that keep doing it. Ehhhh, i don't think we know enough to say the bolded. Not sure what industries you are familiar with or what the workforce standards are where you are and when or if you are working but for some people they basically must go in even though overtime and extra work is technically optional. And we don't know his financial situation, he could be stretched to the max or simply have something in mind to do with the extra money he would make. That's legit for some people's thought processes vs a girl who he basically knows nothing about...or knows enough that he is willing to chance that she won't go out with him at a later date. Plus some guys are just like that. Risk now, fix later. That said, if they met through an app, it could be just as realistic or more that he was just flaking on her and using work as an excuse. While that is the more likely scenario, it doesn't mean the other one is impossible. the way she is taking it so personally and what she previously said at 7am texts, and the way he is handling this first date makes me think they are incompatible though so it's probably best this happened. 1
Author Navybluegal Posted June 16, 2019 Author Posted June 16, 2019 So apparently he didn't get the message that I don't want to see him again, and sent me a text me with pictures of food he is eating on his trip and asking how my weekend is going. Eyeroll. What should I respond with? Something cordial and polite to tell him I'm not interested.
Author Navybluegal Posted June 16, 2019 Author Posted June 16, 2019 Again I say don’t respond I feel that it's rude and disrespectful,no? I'd hate to be ghosted like that. Should I just say we want different things? 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 Do what you want but I wouldn’t want respond 1
JuneL Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 Did he reschedule? If not, then he’s not interested. Save some dignity and do not respond further. 1
alphamale Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 I feel that it's rude and disrespectful,no? I'd hate to be ghosted like that. Should I just say we want different things? don't do or say anything...
some_username1 Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 I feel that it's rude and disrespectful,no? I'd hate to be ghosted like that. Should I just say we want different things? Are you sure you don't just want to flat out reject him to make sure you get recompense for him bailing? Because there really isn't a justified reason to respond at all. 1
stillafool Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 I feel that it's rude and disrespectful,no? I'd hate to be ghosted like that. Should I just say we want different things? Don't respond with that as you don't want to tell him what he wants. Just tell him that you've decided you aren't interested and to take care. That's it, no further discussion. 1
amaysngrace Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 So apparently he didn't get the message that I don't want to see him again... What message? The no worries one? 2
Tamfana Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 We work in the same industry so same friends/acquaintances/business partners, Because of this, do you have to be especially polite to him?
JEG88 Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 Tug up your big girl pants and move on. I agree to not responding. He's not worth staying mad over, I don't see why that's hard to do.
mortensorchid Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 That was very s***** of him to do that. Don't respond, don't bring it up again if you see him again, and let him do a rain check. If he doesn't, you're done. If he does, go out with him that one time but chances are you will not hear from him again after that.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 This isn't about money, this is about keeping your word and personal integrity. If I make so much as the smallest of promise to give someone my time either personally or professionally I will ALWAYS keep my word.. Always... . This! Yes! If I commit to a date, even if I feel like not going, I don't cancel or flake. That is extremely rude. You don't owe him any respect back because he dropped you for overtime.
Author Navybluegal Posted June 17, 2019 Author Posted June 17, 2019 (edited) I SO should have followed your all’s advice Not to respond! Send him a nice cordial text saying that we’re looking for different things and I feel like we should both keep looking and no hard feelings on my end. He was not cool with it, and accused me of being unreasonable and basically very ungentlemanly about the whole thing. I know it’s not about me at this point. Dodged that bullet!!! On the other hand, I’m glad that I told him that it was not appreciated him canceling the first date, as I feel that he will know that there will be some women like myself who will not put up with flaky behavior. I know it won’t change him but I’m glad that I interjected that boundary. Edited June 17, 2019 by Navybluegal 1
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