Navybluegal Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 (edited) Had a date planned with a guy I met online. We work in the same industry so same friends/acquaintances/business partners, if that matters. He texts (!) me 6 hours before the dinner saying that he got offered double time to work a shift tonight. It is purely for money and has no bearing on his career potential. In fact, as I'm familiar with the way our business works, he was seeking out overtime while having had already made plans for the date with me. Crappy of him, and I don't ever want to see this dude. Plus, if he ever needs a professional favor he is obviously not getting it. What a dumb way to burn a bridge. What do I say? I want to make it clear that I'm mad and don't want to see him but keep it classy. Basically, a text that I he wanted to show to our mutual friends/coworkers, I wouldn't be embarrassed for myself (i.e. no cursing, preferably). Should I just not respond and block him? Ideas? Edited June 15, 2019 by Navybluegal
FMW Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 Personally I wouldn't waste the energy. I would just not bother making any response and ignore any further attempts he might make to contact you. I think the message would be clear and there's nothing for him to show anyone. 1
alphamale Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 what if you send a nastygram to him and then he sends flower to you, would you go out with him?
Author Navybluegal Posted June 15, 2019 Author Posted June 15, 2019 I like the idea of not responding. Seems like a sabotage on his part almost... 1
amaysngrace Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 Why would you be rude? He didn’t stand you up, he cancelled. 6
Author Navybluegal Posted June 15, 2019 Author Posted June 15, 2019 If someone cancels a date for a legitimate reason (sick, dead, kid issues, stuck at work), I have no problem with that. But he just wants to make some extra dough which he has PLENTY of already. Just shows what his priorities are. 1
amaysngrace Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 Ambition isn’t a bad priority. He let you know six hours in advance. I’m not sure what you’re so mad about. 3
Beendaredonedat Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 If someone cancels a date for a legitimate reason (sick, dead, kid issues, stuck at work), I have no problem with that. But he just wants to make some extra dough which he has PLENTY of already. Just shows what his priorities are. Then why be rude or say anything to him other than to decline any further attempts to date you that he may or may not make? You have business in the same circles so best you remain professional and don't come across as anything but that to any colleagues. Its not like you have been dating for months and he has been treating you like crap or anything. 1
preraph Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 I cancel anything and everything when I get the chance to make double rates. I mean that's just part of what I do and if I was going to be with anyone that would just be part of our life. 6
Author Navybluegal Posted June 15, 2019 Author Posted June 15, 2019 Ambition isn’t a bad priority. He let you know six hours in advance. I’m not sure what you’re so mad about. My time is expensive too. I could have make plans to pick up extra time tonight myself but was COMMITED to the dinner plan. He obviously wasn't. Yeah I'm pissed off!
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 What do I say? I want to make it clear that I'm mad and don't want to see him but keep it classy. Basically, a text that I he wanted to show to our mutual friends/coworkers, I wouldn't be embarrassed for myself (i.e. no cursing, preferably). Should I just not respond and block him? Ideas? Since you want to keep it classy do not make it clear that you're mad. Here's what I'd do. I'd text him back, "No problem at all! Wonderful that you were able to line up some overtime! :)" That is a classy upbeat text he can show your mutual friends. And would be a sincere text from me because he actually would have done me a favor by showing his colors before I took time out of my schedule to be with him. Or worse yet, began to date him. However, you have given him and anyone else who sees your text a thumbnail pic of the person you are, upbeat and gracious! You never know. One day he may actually grow into a better person and be in a position to help you out in some way, such as with a job, a promotion or a raise. And if this is never the case, someone who sees the text may be in such a position. Life takes some strange turns! The reverse is true, too. Take a slight dig at him and it could cost you later greatly, if not with him, then possibly with someone who sees your text but doesn't know the circumstances under which it was sent. And even if they do know, they will admire you for taking the high road! Recently a person who came to me for my services took a lot of my time and ended up kind of kicking me in the teeth later. She did contact me after that with a terse text after I'd taken a lot of time with her and treated her royally. I replied to her terse text with a very gracious one ending it with telling her that if I can ever be of help to her, to let me know. And I meant it. The young lady has a lot to learn in life. And after she learns it she may end up embarrassed about what she did. I realize people grow and change and if/when she does, she will know that she can always work with me and I'll be gracious to her, no matter what happens. I have run my business this way for decades and make a living in a career few people have success with. It always pays to be gracious. 2
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 (edited) I think he made the right decision. Agree. And especially after seeing responses from others saying they'd cancel if they have an opportunity to increase their bottom line. Those posts change my opinion on this (whether or not I'd consider him for a future date or relationship), which I've never really thought about. I will say, as a single mom my recreation always was second to (and still is even though my kids are grown, I need to provide for my future so that my kids don't have to) work opportunities. Edited June 15, 2019 by LivingWaterPlease 1
amaysngrace Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 I’ve missed things because I’ve had to work too. That’s life. And when you work for someone and they say they need you to fill in, you show up. I wouldn’t have a problem with a six hour heads up under those circumstances. But that’s just me. 1
Author Navybluegal Posted June 15, 2019 Author Posted June 15, 2019 Again, not the case in this scenario. He is making 300K a year, and didn't need to be there tonight at all. There is a reason some people are perpetually single. They don't make their personal life a priority. Sent him a text "no worries" while grinding my teeth. 1
smackie9 Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 I know someone like this, and all his GF's end up leaving him every time. Now I agree ambition is good BUT only good when it is balanced with other priorities. Working overtime was a choice, not that he had to, so I can see why the OP is upset. I would be too. I like a man to stick with his promises, and would go out of his way to take me on a date (First impressions count!)...the OP got passed over for something else he would rather do.That's the bottom line. OP just tell him you have changed your mind, and will not be going on a date with him.....ever. 1
Author Navybluegal Posted June 15, 2019 Author Posted June 15, 2019 I know someone like this, and all his GF's end up leaving him every time. Now I agree ambition is good BUT only good when it is balanced with other priorities. Working overtime was a choice, not that he had to, so I can see why the OP is upset. I would be too. I like a man to stick with his promises, and would go out of his way to take me on a date (First impressions count!)...the OP got passed over for something else he would rather do.That's the bottom line. OP just tell him you have changed your mind, and will not be going on a date with him. Thank you! I so needed to hear this 1
Beendaredonedat Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 Sent him a text "no worries" while grinding my teeth. Oh I wouldn't be doing that if I were you, you're just enabling him to be an asshat if you tell him "no worries" particularly if it's p.o'd you to the point of starting a thread about it. I'd just ignore it and when/if he reaches out again, I'd ignore him. Your silence will be loud and clear. If you would rather not ignore his next attempt at contact/a date, I'd just tell him "No, thank you though" and nothing further.
Kitty Tantrum Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 Now you have to keep your word - and keep your worries to yourself. I agree that it would be perfectly acceptable to ignore/politely decline any future attempt to get together. It would not be prudent or advisable to make any kind of fuss about it. You aren't in a relationship with him (haven't even met?), he does not owe you any priority over his livelihood in anyway. It's a choice that made you feel crummy and disappointed, and may be a good sign that he wouldn't be a good match for you, but it was not WRONG. 2
Author Navybluegal Posted June 15, 2019 Author Posted June 15, 2019 I don't think I had a choice, really. "No worries" leaves us on a cordial note. Being rude is not an option - unlike this guy, I'm very cognizant of making sure I don't burn bridges when I'm dating people I may end up having to work with at some point. My industry is small, everyone knows each other so you walk a fine line with personal relationships. Didn't want to be too nice either as I don't really want to hear from him again. I deleted him from my app, which I'm sure he'll see and hopefully get the, ahem, message. 2
Beendaredonedat Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 .... deleted... I see you've resolved the issue. Cheers!
FMW Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 You handled it well, OP. I've used the "no worries" response before as well when I really felt like lighting into someone. Sometimes we just have to move on! 1
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