LonelyKay Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 Hey y'all...I had a question. I will try to make a long story short! I dated this guy back in High School and we broke up after a year because I moved with my family. I then dated and lived with someone else for 6 years (we have a four year old daughter together). I recently broke up with my ex and moved into an Apt. I got in contact with my old boyfriend (from high school) and we started dating. He had a long history of being in trouble with the law but was doing a great job of cleaning up. He then got arrested for probation violation and is doing 3 months in jail. I am feeling so torn apart. I want to wait until he gets out to continue our relationship, but my friends say that I should move on. If you have any answers, or words of wisdom, please share with me!! I am desperate for advice:) Kay
Outcast Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 Probation was his chance to prove he could change once and for all. He blew that. I wouldn't risk it if I were you.
lynnered Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 Im not trying to be personal but is his trouble with law for drugs or violence? Do U feel comfortable with this man around your child? I dont see him "doing a great job of cleaning up" if he was "arrested for probation violation and is doing 3 months in jail". people can change when they want it badly enough a & when they feel strong enough he does not sound like he changed if hes back in jail. why do you want to wait until he gets out to continue the relationship? thats what you need to think about , what is it about him? is he a good person ? are you in love with him? does he enrich your life? will he be a positive influence on your child? In this situation you cannot only think of your wants/needs ,if this is a serious or going to be serious you need to be very careful about who you bring into your childs life& if its not serious i would dump him. or another suggestion to NC until hes together for a good period of time . i personally would not even get involved with a person with a long or short history of being in trouble with the law ,maybe a parking ticket or they shoplifted once ok ,but drugs ,violence ,rape& murder types of crimes HELL NO!! a long history you are saying not just 1 or 2 incidents & think there may be times he wasnt caught ,dont mean to say it again but you have a child & you need to be be very careful who you have in your life. you of course make this choice think long & hard answer those questions i typed you on here or at home write a list of pros & cons to having him in your life , and you say your friends say to move on ,what are their reasons put that on your list as well. goodluck & take care The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do, the hard part is doing it --General Norman Schwarzkopf
d'Arthez Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 I would be sceptical and consider definitely the crime for which he was busted. If the law for which he was busted does make sense to you, forget about him. Whether it is possesion of drugs, violence, or jay-walking.
Author LonelyKay Posted September 25, 2005 Author Posted September 25, 2005 Well, he was on probation for possession of marijuana. He violated his probation by not completing all his community service hours. He had a month to do the hours and did not do them. This happened a month ago. He was just sentenced to the 3 months. I have only been dating him a few weeks, but I really feel like I love him. I have not introduced him to my daughter for the fact that he was on probation and I didn't want to put her in that situation. But I feel like the 3 months in jail will be a fresh start for him, for us. It is just hard to imagine 87 (I am counting) more days apart. We had such strong feelings because of our history. I don't want to seem like he didn't do anything wrong, because he did obviously...but that was in his past, and I feel like I am nobody without him... I just don't know how to pass the time. He treated me really well, which is something I did not experience in my last relationship. I am so confused, but thank you for all of the helpful advice!!
Craig Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 My point of view. Strike 1: He had a long history of being in trouble with the law. Strike 2: He recently got arrested for probation violation. Strike 3: He violated his probation by not completing all his community service hours. He had a month to do the hours and did not do them. What this says to me is he has a habit of doing whatever he wants, when he wants and without regard for the future consequences. Unless there was some reason (like a broken leg, etc.) that he didn't do his community service it was his choice to go back to jail. He knew the consequences and apparently didn't care. He hasn't changed yet and may never change. I vote move on for the sake of your daughter and yourself.
Jadey Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 I totally agree with Craig Id move on if i was you. I know itll be hard but its best for you and your daughter. Do you really feel you can trust this man?
Author LonelyKay Posted September 25, 2005 Author Posted September 25, 2005 I can see both sides, and that makes it that much harder. I feel like if I move on, what do I do with all of these feelings that are inside? If I wait, again, how can I just sit there for 3 months and ponder what makes me feel this way? I am feeling just lonely and maybe that is why I want to hold onto him. I know, deep down, that I care for him, but I don't know if that is enough of a reason to hurt this much. I do know, that I don't ever want to date again!!! Aggg...so much frustration. On the plus side, when I started talking to him again, he did complete community service hours, but not enough. And then again, he said that he had nothing to look forward to, that being in jail wouldn't have mattered, until I came into the picture. Then he tried to redeem himself, but it was too late!! Hope this makes sense! Thank you so much for the feedback:) Y'all are great.
flowergirl Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 Kay, Kay, Kay, girl, here it is, straight up: DO NOT DATE THIS MAN!!!! Especially since you have a young child to think about. I spent four years of my life dating an alcoholic whose addiction led him in and out of county and state (I''m sure he must have a cell block named after him by now!). He was and still is, umemployed, abusive and irresponsible, and I'm sure you don't want that in your daughter's life. And as far as feeling like you're nothing without him, tahat's your non-existent self-esteem talking, and that, of course is a very bad thing, so think og the blessing that your daughter is, and put her first in your life.
brokendancer Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 well, i must confess it depends on why he broke his probation. my boyfriend has been in trouble before too so i understand how u feel. we live in a small town and the cops blame him for everything. if he intentionally did something to get in trouble then i say he was just thinking of himself and you should find someone who deserves your love. but! if he isnt really to blame then be there for him. its the hard times in a relationship that prove who we really are and get us from 1 happy moment to the next. hang in there. if you need to talk my email is [email protected] or AIM - riven7terp.
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