VladislavCanada Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 I really need help. For the past month i've been thinking about 1 girl... i fell in love. Its not the same as before, before i would just think someone is hot and thats it. In this case, i feel very different. My feelings towards her are really strong. I love her smiles and eyes. I love when she laughs and talks. I cant stop looking at her. If i talked to her at least once throughout the day, I feel like that day was successful, if not i feel failure and sadness. If she TALKS to other guys i feel jealous. Because of her i quit video games and started working out daily non-stop. I started watching Alpha M and Teachmensfasion and am learning how to look perfect in front of her. The thing is, we're still in High School, thinking about her really distracts me from work. My marks started dropping. I've got my courses selected for next year and we have none together, i feel really sad that i wont see her in classes. People always say: " oh well if she doesn't like you back, then forget about her". Its not as easy as it sounds. And idk if she likes me or not. Also thats why flirting and slowly becoming friends is a thing. I feel like my life is useless without her. I really want to stop liking her and forget her. But at the same time i want to earn her love and be with her. I now love going to school, just because I get to see her there. Pls help me
d0nnivain Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 First a vocabulary lesson. You are not "in love." You are infatuated. You can't be in love with somebody you have not dated. It just doesn't work that way. Infatuation is the step before when you experience all the things you describe: feeling distracted, feeling euphoric when she talks to you, wanting to spend time with her, taking steps to be a better man etc. Infatuation is a good launch point. Good for you for taking steps to improve yourself. However, there must be balance in everything. You don't have to completely give up video games but you do need to have other interests. You will never be perfect; perfection is an illusion. You only have to be a good person -- polite, interesting, attractive in her eyes. Take some of that Alpha male stuff with a grain of salt. First it's designed for adults. Second it's not to be followed like a recipe. Rather it's about developing & maintaining self confidence. Now do make sure you say hello to her every day. Work your way up to being able to talk to her. Ask about her classes, her plans after school, her summer etc. If you can manage to be where she's going to be that would be helpful. For example if she's working as a lifeguard you hang out at that beach. Eventually ask her to spend time with you. When school gets back in session next fall, be prepared to ask her to a dance or game. 2
Author VladislavCanada Posted June 15, 2019 Author Posted June 15, 2019 First a vocabulary lesson. You are not "in love." You are infatuated. You can't be in love with somebody you have not dated. It just doesn't work that way. Infatuation is the step before when you experience all the things you describe: feeling distracted, feeling euphoric when she talks to you, wanting to spend time with her, taking steps to be a better man etc. Infatuation is a good launch point. Good for you for taking steps to improve yourself. However, there must be balance in everything. You don't have to completely give up video games but you do need to have other interests. You will never be perfect; perfection is an illusion. You only have to be a good person -- polite, interesting, attractive in her eyes. Take some of that Alpha male stuff with a grain of salt. First it's designed for adults. Second it's not to be followed like a recipe. Rather it's about developing & maintaining self confidence. Now do make sure you say hello to her every day. Work your way up to being able to talk to her. Ask about her classes, her plans after school, her summer etc. If you can manage to be where she's going to be that would be helpful. For example if she's working as a lifeguard you hang out at that beach. Eventually ask her to spend time with you. When school gets back in session next fall, be prepared to ask her to a dance or game. Thank you I will do so 1
BaileyB Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 (edited) I could not agree with Donnivain more. What you feel is infatuation. Investing yourself so much in one person that you ignore other interests and your grades drops speaks to an immature and unhealthy attachment - something that will not be attractive to a woman, in fact may scare her away. Nobody wants to be responsible for another person’s emotional well-being, or your success/failure in school. It’s not fair for you to do that to her. Talk to her and ask her on a date if you want, but go about your life otherwise... Edited June 15, 2019 by BaileyB
smackie9 Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 (edited) It's all part of growing up. You will learn more about feelings, hormones and the like as time goes on. Yes it's confusing because you want to get it right. Well giving up things you like isn't the way to go. It won't increase your chances with her. If she likes you, she likes you..if she doesn't you can't change that, because it's just the way she feels, and that's just life. Being distracted is something you just have to work through. I get it, who can you really talk to about this...your mom, your dad? ugh! how awkward am I right? If your grades are slipping you may have to confess when they see your report card. If you want to take the edge off, keep busy. Play basketball with some buddies, or take up running, something to take your mind off of things. If anything, you can go talk to a school counselor. It might give you some relief just to say these things to someone. Edited June 15, 2019 by smackie9
lifeofapirate Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 I really need help. For the past month i've been thinking about 1 girl... i fell in love. Its not the same as before, before i would just think someone is hot and that's it. In this case, i feel very different. My feelings towards her are really strong. I love her smiles and eyes. I love when she laughs and talks. I cant stop looking at her. If I talked to her at least once throughout the day, I feel like that day was successful, if not I feel failure and sadness. If she TALKS to other guys I feel jealous. Because of her I quit video games and started working out daily non-stop. I started watching Alpha M and Teachmensfasion and am learning how to look perfect in front of her. The thing is, we're still in High School, thinking about her really distracts me from work. My marks started dropping. I've got my courses selected for next year and we have none together, I feel really sad that i wont see her in classes. People always say: " oh well if she doesn't like you back, then forget about her". Its not as easy as it sounds. And idk if she likes me or not. Also thats why flirting and slowly becoming friends is a thing. I feel like my life is useless without her. I really want to stop liking her and forget her. But at the same time i want to earn her love and be with her. I now love going to school, just because I get to see her there. Pls help me Sounds like a great story so far. Young love, though beautiful is an inexperienced love and the state of can really overtake you if you have never felt it before. I've seen it make high school guys quit all sports, ditch friends, allow their grades to drop off, and other similar things. It's a powerful thing and unlike a lot of adults who say, "I've never felt this way before," but don't really mean it, have forgotten, or are just in love with the idea of being in love, kids your age can say/think it and actually mean it. The trouble is in you saying that you think you life is "useless without her." It's not! That's not a healthy way of looking at a person or a potential relationship. And that's certainly not "alpha." There are literally millions of girls out there. Millions! Being in limerence like you are in over this girl tends to make you believe that she is the only one or someone magical and maybe even your soul mate. It gives you blinders to all the other women that you encounter in your life. I know I can't just say, "Stop it," and you just be able to do it right away. That's what limerence is in many ways - having a chemical high that is attached to only one person. Just be aware of it and think the thought sometimes that your life is great with or without her and that if it doesn't work out with her that you are an attractive guy who will attract another wonderful woman. Even if you don't feel or believe it, just think it to yourself and maybe even say it out loud. I think you know it's best if you start slowly trying to get there. You'll actually be more attractive if you start to have this belief. On another note, why not just go ask her to hang out? If you want her, go for it.
mark clemson Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 Agreeing with lifeofapirate - this sounds like limerence. You can (and probably should) research it further on Wikipedia to get a sense of how it will go. Probably the best case scenario is that this girl will love you back, but if she doesn't (and there's a good chance of that unfortunately) it will probably be pretty stressful. The good news is it's finite and WILL END. The bad news is it will take months. IF it looks like she will never really want to be with you, I suggest you DON'T try to "keep hope alive" but instead acknowledge fully that it will never be and go no contact. In fact, consider doing your best to make contact actually impossible. This will allow it to fade much more quickly and avoid you "stringing yourself along" and making it hard to move on to someone else due to the one-sided emotional attachment you feel for her.
kendahke Posted June 17, 2019 Posted June 17, 2019 First thing you need to do: figure out if she even likes you like that. There is no point in holding out hope for someone who isn't interested in you being her man. Either she's there or she isn't and all the hope in the world will never change that. Don't spend too much time trying to be her friend--that will get you friendzoned and you want to be her lover/her man, not her buddy that she talks to about other guys--because that's what friends do. It's good that the idea of her has motivated you to investing time in yourself with the working out and learning how to dress. I advise that you do those things for yourself, not for her. Don't let your studies/grades slip too much further---at the end of the day, that will get you further on your path than she will. 1
Author VladislavCanada Posted June 18, 2019 Author Posted June 18, 2019 Thank you people! I learned a lot from this
Lotsgoingon Posted June 18, 2019 Posted June 18, 2019 Experiencing your first infatuation with someone is like going through an earthquake. You've felt nothing like this before. Here's the thing ... infatuation doesn't last ... and it's not necessarily accurate. In other words, those strong feelings you have now ... can ... disappear in seconds ... and you'll be wondering how you felt them in the first place. BTW: us older folks have to deal with infatuation as well. You know you're infatuated when you barely know the person and yet you think and passionately feel ... that they are perfect. That's actually hormones talking, brain chemicals working ... those harmones and chemicals will die down. Over time, you'll see what many of us discover to our surprise: sometimes we may feel attraction to people we wouldn't have guessed. So resume your life. Frankly, if you were to ever have a chance with her, you will need to have the rest of your life working. People do not want to date others who come up to them and say, "I haven't been able to study because all I'm doing is thinking of you." If some girl came up to you like that, you'd likely keep your distance. Instead, you want to date a girl who really likes you but who has her own life ... that you can admire and cheer her on about. So resume your life ... because that's how you will be attractive to other people. We all (men and women) want to date people who have their own rich lives. Now, you don't need to try so hard. Instead, pursue things you are really interested in and assume that there will be girls who value your interests. Hang in there man ... infatuation is powerful ... it's as strong as any drug out there ... indeed it is a drug ... just drugs we didn't inject into ourselves ... but rather which activated in our bodies and brains. Something about this girl touched a vulnerable spot in you ... The good news is that ... you have the capability of feeling strongly for another person.
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