Girlfriend refriending her ex on fbook

[Smithy82]

Well it didn't take long for another red flag lol.

 

So my gf of 2 months recently refriended a fwb guy she used to hook up with for around a year back in 2016. I knew she had dated him (he's a former mutual coworker) but never had asked her about him. I asked her about him and the first thing she said was, "Oh he was a big *******. He was two-faced and did me wrong." She further elaborated by saying he would lead her on and would make promises of being in a relationship with her but always ended up going back to his ex. I guess at some point they were "exclusive friends with benefits." I asked if they were still friends and she goes, "Oh, I don't talk to him but I actually added him on facebook the other day." I'm like, "Reaaaaallyyyy....??" I asked her why would she do that and she just said, "He popped up on my 'people you may know' link." She kept saying she didn't know why she added him. She just "wasn't thinking at the time."

 

There wasn't a fight about it. We just talked about it. I said I thought it seemed weird to add someone you had an intimate and emotional relationship for a year and "not think about it." Also that he was apparently "not a good person." Lol so what does she get out of adding him? And she's not one of these people with tons of friends. She's naturally very introverted and only has around 200 fbook friends. I asked her how she'd feel if I added a fwb girl from years ago and what she'd think and my gf said she'd be upset. I also asked if I made her happy enough or gave her enough attention. Which she said I did.

 

So as we had this initial conversation she took her phone out and defriended him on the spot, without me even asking. A couple weeks passed and she said she blocked him because they have mutual friends and he came up in a tagged post. I said, "Oh, I thought you blocked him that first time we talked about you friending him." I was still curious about that stuff so we talked a little bit more about him. She said last January when she finally left her other long-term off-and-on ex, she became Instagram friends with the fwb guy and one of them mailed the other some book they had borrowed previously. I say, "are you still friends on Instagram?" And she says "No." I say, "When did you stop being friends on instragram?" She thought for about 8 seconds and said, "I deleted him in February." (This was when she was single and before her and I dated). I said, "Why then?" She said, "Because things just seemed weird between us."

 

So she deleted him off instagram in February when she was single because she still had mixed feelings for him. Starts dating me in April and then re-adds him on facebook at the end of May lol. Makes perfect sense.

 

She did finally admit she added him not because she "wasn't thinking," but because she was upset about me talking to my most recent ex. Thing is, I was actively saying goodbye and going no contact with my ex as my gf and I agreed we would both do that with our most recent exes. I had showed my gf some of the messages from my most recent ex after I told her I was seeing someone new and we wouldn't be friends anymore. I didn't say anything out of line to my ex but she replied with long loving messages and this apparently upset my current gf. I thought I was doing a chivalrous thing by showing my current gf what was being said as to be transparent with her. So at the time I was actively ending my contact with my last ex, she then spitefully added her former fwb guy on facebook.

 

I don't know if she's emotionally mature for a real relationship. I wonder if she's always monkey-branched in her previous relationships. She's the one that pushed initially to be in an exclusive relationship. And she's the one that said when we very first dating, "Please don't hurt me. I always get hurt by guys who go behind my back and hurt me." I wonder if that's true of if it's some type of projection by my gf lol. I know she's worried about my most recent ex and I make sure to never mention her and have also wiped mentions of her clean from my fbook per my current gf's request. I've tried to reassure her - that if I wanted to be with my ex, I would be. I'm with her (my current gf) because I want only her.

 

So anyways, this readding of an ex makes me think either she's:

 

Not happy and something in our relationship is lacking or...

Attention-whore or..

Monkey-brancher or..

Acts spitefully (notice how it turned from her "Not knowing" why she did it into "I did it because you were talking to your ex" .. her basically playing a blame game so it's not really her fault. A common cheater's tactic. Or..

Still has unresolved feelings for him and won't admit it...

NONE OF THESE ARE GOOD REASONS LOL

 

I told her I wish instead of being spiteful and adding your ex you would have instead talked to me about what bothered you so we could have resolved it. I didn't tell her but I kinda wish she'd just date him again and crash and burn that train wreck with that supposed "jerk" who always thought of her as second-best and never thought she was worth enough to be a girlfriend lol. I told her, "Hey if you want to be fbook friends with him or talk to him go ahead. I don't control you." I did also tell her that if she does just give me a heads up when she does so I can leave and not look back. I will not be an afterthought. I expect commitment in a relationship and I see what she did as some for of emotional cheating. This is yet again another example of nice guys finishing last and how girls like dbags and drama. I'm not saying I can't be the dbag at times too but I really like her and have been true and good and of course it gets me to where I am hehe

Edited June 15, 2019 by Smithy82

[d0nnivain]

You have only been with her for 8 weeks (2 months). Why make it 9, especially since she added him to spite you? She's petty & immature & not worth the time it took you to post all that.

 

Next.

[doyathinkso]

This story has been brought to you by the stifling ascendance of the anti-social media phenomenon and the concomitant decline in the level of emotional maturity in the populace using it.

[Kelliousme]

Perhaps all of the above

 

Like you said, ANY of those reasons are bad. They're literally all HUGE red flags. I don't see why you should stay with her. She sounds immature, spiteful, and have tendencies to hide certain things or lie to you. The loose ends with her EX AND the FWB isn't helping either. Save yourself!!!

[Acacia98]

This is yet again another example of nice guys finishing last and how girls like dbags and drama. I'm not saying I can't be the dbag at times too but I really like her and have been true and good and of course it gets me to where I am hehe

 

I don't think this is an example of that at all.

 

Let's call it what it is. She's emotionally immature, doesn't understand how to do healthy relationships, and is definitely on the rebound. She's the wrong person for you.

 

If you're serious about settling down, you're going about it the wrong way. You need to make better dating choices. Try looking for someone who's at the same stage of life as you and has moved on 100% from all previous relationships. Look for someone who's not manipulative and is not committed to mind games. Also, look for someone who's not as deeply insecure as this woman is.

 

I strongly recommend that you go back to your other discussion thread about this relationship and read the advice people gave you there. There was lots of good stuff in that thread.

[preraph]

She's crushing on him, but he never cared and still doesn't and was just having sex and she still wants him, but it's futile. Just don't make any commitments to her, enjoy having sex with her if you want, but both of you should be up front about dating other people.