mereduke Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 Hi I am new and I'll give you the whole story as short as possible. Been with my bf for 3 years come December. He is 36, I am 23. We are both mature and I am almost done with school. We have had an ideal relationship and love each other VERY much (thats what makes this so hard). He was married before for 5 years and she cheated on him. Hes been divorced for around 5yrs now. The thing is, is I have been wanting to get married for a long time now and we have done this merry-go-round crap of he's not ready, he doesn't know if he'll ever want to get married, he doesn't know what his hang up is, etc. Well I took it a step farther this time and started casually seeing other people (I told him so we were clear on that). Well he did freak when he found out I actually was and to make a long story short we had a nice talk Tues. afternoon. He took off half a day at work (which he never does) and came over. Basically, I told him I wanted to get married and I couldn't continue this with him without knowing what he wanted, period! He said that he never thought he'd get married again and the fact that he was atleast considering is good. He said he didn't want to stop completely talking/seeing me. I told him that it can't be like that, there is no back and forth anymore. We left it at, he was going to do some thinking. Well Friday I broke down and texted him saying I don't know where we stand, is this over b/c we haven't talked. He sent one back (which in 3 yrs he has NEVER texted me-he dispises it) saying that he was confused about where we stood too and he thought I didn't want to talk to him right now. I sent one saying of course i wanted to talk to him, i missed him, and i thought he needed time to think. He replied back he has been thinking but that didn't mean he didn't want to talk to me..well I replied back then the ball is officially in your court. I didn't hear from here after that until this morning he sent me a text before he went to the game just saying rise and shine.hope you have fun today.glad you texted me last night.and then we texted back and forth just bsing until he went to the game. And thats it, in a long nutshell. Where do I go from here, what should I think, what does this mean, etc?? HELP I REALLY REALLY NEED IT. Thanks to all that respond!
mrstyles Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 mereduke, as a guy who has had his heart broken, but who has also seen the wonderful joy and blessings that come from a successful marriage - my advice is this: be objective. look at your relationship from outside your relationship.. if that makes any sense! he was in a marriage for a few years before things went bad, meaning he's been burned - hence the lack of commitment to future partners. there may need to be some issues to deal with before he'll ever committ to marriage again, stuff like 'learning to trust again', etc also from my experience, 3 yrs is usually the point at which either the couple gets married or breaksup. i guess basically what i'm saying is it sounds like you guys are heading for breakup lane, but breaking up is hard to do especially if it's been 3 yrs, sometimes your emotions get the better of you and you um and ahh about breaking up because it has meant so much. get advice from people you trust ask them 'how do you see my relationship with ....' tell them to be honest without fear of reprisal. bottom line..... relationships are hard, but you'll be happy one day god bless you mereduke
Author mereduke Posted September 25, 2005 Author Posted September 25, 2005 ok so no one wants to respond but i'll update as of now anyway. I texted him and said that i was sorry for putting pressure on him to make such a huge decision and i hope he can forgive me for being a selfish bitch and i hope we can be friends. I did this cuz no contact with him is driving me crazy, so hopefully when he sees it he will call and want to talk. I really have never been this confused in my life. My mom keeps saying to stop listening to everyone else and follow my heart. My heart says he loves me and wants to get married eventually, but I don't trust my own judgement! ????
d'Arthez Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 You started a thread with the same information earlier, with the same questions. Don't expect people to reply to threads, that had been around already.
Author mereduke Posted September 25, 2005 Author Posted September 25, 2005 You don't have to be a D***, just thought people visited different spots and I might get some different opinions!
d'Arthez Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 And you don't have to swear. Given the nature of the boards, most people already see a thread at the first time. And it is pointless for people to respond to a thread, when they have offered advice on that. Furthermore, by the logic of creating the same thread again, people are practically forced to read the duplicate threads, otherwise they would offer redundant advice. Or do you prefer to receive redundant advice?
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