Savannah1990 Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 (edited) IHi guys, There's a new guy in our office. He's in a relationship but told my other male colleague that he's unhappy with her but hesitant to break up. I hardly spoke to this new coworker, but he did like 2 of my instapics and made a few jokes when we sat together in our break. He doesn't like any instapics of other new coworkers, just mine. One was a pic of me in springbreak and one of me with my brother. But that was all of the contact we had. Last week, we had a big party at work. And this new coworker was kind of wasted. He came up to me several times and started hugging me really close, wanted to dance with me constantly, grabbed me softly by my hips, put his arms around me and hold my hands. He was intensely staring at me all the time and looked me in the eyes. He did not do this to other female coworkers. Our heads were so close that we could nearly kiss and I really felt this amazing (sexual) tension between us. But, he was pretty wasted. When I left the building he came after me and grabbed my hand. I took a cab and we hugged and said goodbye. Next days at work he constantly looked at me but was very shy. He just asked a couple of things but it was a bit awkward. I don't know how to act. I'm starting to like him but I don't know how to interpret his behavior. Edited June 14, 2019 by Savannah1990
Atwood Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 I'm intepreting his behaviour as immature, disrespectful and selfish. If you're in a relationship, whether you're happy or unhappy, it says something about you if you willfully behave like this with someone else outside of your relationship. Not to mention it's the oldest trick in the book to tell everyone your partner is awful and rotten so you give yourself a free pass to mess around elsewhere. A mature, responsible person would focus on their relationship either trying to fix it or initiating a break up. He's more interested in thinking about himself and his own feelings. If I were you, I'd be smart enough to spare yourself the heartache of getting involved with people like that because if you think he wouldn't disrespect you like he's disrespecting his partner, you'd be disappointed. 2
Author Savannah1990 Posted June 14, 2019 Author Posted June 14, 2019 I agree with you. I myself wouldn't be dancing with another guy like that if I were in a relationship. But some people think it's kind of innocent to dance with other people when your in a club or at a party..holding hands seems more intimate though. So that's what I find hard to interpret. Was is 'just for fun' cause it was at a party, or does it mean more? And if it does means more, than I agree I should distance myself. One part of me says it's just an innocent dance and having fun, another part says he's interested because he also liked my instapics. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 First is this a job or career? If it's your career, steer clear of him. Getting involved with somebody at work is usually a bad idea. If it's just a job, that prohibition against dating somebody you worked with isn't as important. Jobs are pretty easy to come by. It does sound like he's flirting with you but until you get confirm that the GF is history you are playing with fire. Next time he touches you in anyway whatsoever point blank look him in the eyes & ask what his GF would think of his behavior. He'll either tell you she's out of the picture; back off; or prove to you that he's a cheater in which case you should no longer want him. Because you mention spring break & him liking your instapics I'm going to assume you are relatively young. Understand that him liking anything on social media is absolutely meaningless. Put no stock whatsoever on that. While at work be professional. period. 2
Author Savannah1990 Posted June 14, 2019 Author Posted June 14, 2019 (edited) IfFor me it's a job, for him it's his career. He's also about 13 years older than me. I hate it cause I think his behavior is immature, and still I can't stop thinking about him since that night and I notice some butterflies in my stomach when I see him, which I try to really stop. Maybe I'm just way to sensitive and unexperienced and now starting to fall in love with a guy that was just having a drunken dance with me. But still, if it was just a drunken dance, why did he hugged me, grabbed my hands and put his arms around me? Blugh Edited June 14, 2019 by Savannah1990
d0nnivain Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 He did those things because he was drunk & you were there, flirting with him & stroking his ego. Based on your spring break comment & your admission of inexperience at 13 years older then you, I'm guessing this guy is in his 30s. He's old enough to know better & you are right, he's immature. If he's not at least 33 & you are far too young for him & his behavior is bordering on illegal. Stay clear. He's not a good person. I was willing to chalk this up to youngster missteps if you were both under 20 but since he's older, his behavior makes him unsuitable. Be careful. At best he's taking advantage. At worst, he's an unfaithful, lying predator 1
Author Savannah1990 Posted June 14, 2019 Author Posted June 14, 2019 Thanx for your replies, it really helps me. I am 21 years old, he is 34. I only had a longer lasting relationship with my high school sweetheart, but after that I was single and I'm really focused on my studies so I don't go out that often. It was really weird and so other co-workers made comments like "OMG, he's in love with you" and "wow, he's totally into you". But I felt a mixture of excitement but it also really surprised me and he really pulled me into it as he was the clear initiator. Next day I felt kind of ashamed. I had some guys dancing behind me before and pulling their arms around me at other parties but these were just random guys of my age. They didn't hold my hands, cuddled with me and did not keep staring at me.
smackie9 Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 He's infatuated with you because he is bored with his relationship. You are just a toy...a rebound. You are playing with fire...run! it's possible this is just how he is...a cheater/player.
d0nnivain Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 Take the ego stroke & just laugh the rest of it off, putting distance between you & this guy. Given your stated ages I am no longer worried he's a pedophile. If he comes to you properly assures you in a verifiable way that the GF is gone & asks you on a date if you are interested go. He'd be opening himself up to a claim of sexual harassment / discrimination if he tried to date you but he won't be the 1st. Unfortunately I doubt he has that much class or couth. He just wants simple NSA sex. If you give it to him it will be fodder for water cooler gossip & nobody at work will respect you.
Flame Aura Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 Thanx for your replies, it really helps me. I am 21 years old, he is 34. I only had a longer lasting relationship with my high school sweetheart, but after that I was single and I'm really focused on my studies so I don't go out that often. It was really weird and so other co-workers made comments like "OMG, he's in love with you" and "wow, he's totally into you". But I felt a mixture of excitement but it also really surprised me and he really pulled me into it as he was the clear initiator. Next day I felt kind of ashamed. I had some guys dancing behind me before and pulling their arms around me at other parties but these were just random guys of my age. They didn't hold my hands, cuddled with me and did not keep staring at me. If you don't want to end up getting hurt at some point, stay away from him.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 Personally, I'd be repulsed by a guy who would flirt with me like that while he has a girlfriend. Whatever his feelings about her, the way he's behaving with you is inexcusable. This is a guy who would do the same to you if you hit a rough patch. He's not a good guy. If you get with him, eventually this will be confirmed the hard way.
JuneL Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 If I’m reading this correctly, you’re a college kid doing a summer job and a much older (and creepy, no less) guy with a girlfriend got drunk and made a pass at you. How should you react? You should react by reporting to his supervisor.
Author Savannah1990 Posted June 14, 2019 Author Posted June 14, 2019 (edited) II agree. One part of me is repulsed and thinks it's immature. One part is strangely attracted to him since that night and the other part says 'you are making too much out of this, this guy was just having some innocent fun'. Especially since it happened in full sight of all the other colleagues. And that makes me feel even more like it was just innocent playing around, because I cannot imagine someone really flirting that openly while everyone around him knows that he's in a relationship. But I just never had a guy touching, dancing etc with me in a club to this degree, so I'm really analyzing what it meant. Yeah, he is older but not my superior. He works on some other chores than I do Edited June 14, 2019 by Savannah1990
OatsAndHall Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 He shouldn't be picking up on you while he's still in a relationship, drunk or not. That's an immediate red flag. Even if he were single, I would suggest that you avoid dating in the workplace as much as possible. It can open up a can of worms that can't be closed. A former coworker of mine dated about a half-dozen women that we worked with at a mental-health treatment center for teens. Things went south with one of them and he ended up transferred off of campus to one of the facility's school-based programs. He went from making $16/hour to $13/hour in order to keep his job.
The Outlaw Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 Unhappy or not, he's still in a relationship, and even though he was drunk, what he did was still wrong. It isn't showing any respect towards his relationship despite the shape it's in. Just leave him alone. If you did get in a relationship with him, and things went wrong, you've still got to work along side him.
elaine567 Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 My guess you are the naive newbie, if his relationship is "unhappy" he has probably tried it on with many of your co workers to no avail... I would stay well away, you are far too young to be the other woman to some would be office Lothario, cheating on his gf.. 1
OnlyHonesty Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 We need to have the wisdom to look at how people treat others. You are talking about the butterflies, but swap places for a second. Imagine you were his gf, and he was acting this way with another girl. This is why I always say Even if a King treats you like a Queen, pay attention to how he treats his servants... 1
Author Savannah1990 Posted June 16, 2019 Author Posted June 16, 2019 You guys are so right. As time moves on, my repulsion of his behavior grows and butterflies are starting to fly even weaker. He kept staring at me at work whole week, but didn't have any nerves to say something. Me neither though. It was so awkward. Like he was ashamed of what he did as well.. I hope I can get rid of this shameful feeling and that we can just behave normal towards each other again. The way it is now feels kind of tensed and awkward.
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2019 Posted June 16, 2019 The awkwardness needs to stay. It's a protective barrier keeping you apart.
Author Savannah1990 Posted July 19, 2019 Author Posted July 19, 2019 Hi everyone, I just wanted to give you all an update about the situation, since you all really helped me out! Everything is still the same, but those small butterflies I felt are almost gone. He kept being shy but then sometimes made jokes to me and looked at me, wanted to start a talk/searched for contact in an awkward manner. I just reacted aloof. He still likes all my social media posts. He went away for a short holiday with his GF and posted about that on insta and FB. I didn't noticed much about it, but another coworker told me that it was very strange that he posted like a dozen pictures of his holiday and himself, but not one of his GF. While other years, he always posted pictures of her or the 2 of them together on holidays. He did tag her, but he wrote 'holiday is almost over', which gave silly replies from his friends like 'wow, that sounds like you're enjoying yourself (not)'. He didn't respond to that. My coworker thinks that his relationship is almost dead, or he just doesn't feels like posting pics of his GF because he's infatuated with me. I think coworker thinks about it to much and overanalyses it. But all together, the way he treats his GF makes me dislike him even more.
kendahke Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 You guys are so right. As time moves on, my repulsion of his behavior grows and butterflies are starting to fly even weaker. He kept staring at me at work whole week, but didn't have any nerves to say something. I think it's remarkable that the fact that he's got a girlfriend isn't what initially stopped you nor had it stopped you until we started weighing in about other things. So if he wasn't creepy and older, but still had a girlfriend, the butterflies would be flying high and proud, huh?
stillafool Posted July 19, 2019 Posted July 19, 2019 I think you are putting to much of your mental space and time analyzing this unavailable man. You should be out having fun with people your own age and meeting new available guys.
Author Savannah1990 Posted July 19, 2019 Author Posted July 19, 2019 I think it's remarkable that the fact that he's got a girlfriend isn't what initially stopped you nor had it stopped you until we started weighing in about other things. So if he wasn't creepy and older, but still had a girlfriend, the butterflies would be flying high and proud, huh? No it's especially the fact that he has a girlfriend that keeps me away and repulsed. Cause I like that much that, if he'd be single, I would give it a chance
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