Candygirl1414 Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 (edited) Apologies in advance for the long post! Just trying to get all the details in there for a better picture. I’ve been seeing a guy for 2 months, we’ve slept together and everything’s seemed to be going really good and he was great to me. He went on a 2 week vacation a couple weeks ago and when he came back I felt like his interest was a bit low. He did text me a couple times while he was away and when he got back, but he was back for about a week and we still had not seen each other. He was away over his first weekend back with friends and did say he wanted to see me but had made no plans..we chatted after his weekend away for a couple days then I didn’t hear anything from him for 4 days. I had written him of that he lost interest since 4 days is a long time then I ended up running into him when I was out with friends. He seemed really happy to see me and invited me and my friend to come sit with him and his, texted me that night when he got home then texted me the next day and asked me to hang out. We had a nice night and I slept over and the next morning we were chatting and the “ex” topic came up. He told me he had been in a long term relationship and explained it to me and I kind of got uneasy thinking he might not be ready to move on. He picked up on in because after I left he texted me asking I was okay and if he scared me. I said he hadn’t just had given me a lot to think about. He texted me the entire rest of that day, and texted me everyday, for the next 3 days making a real effort to keep the conversation going and texting me a ton( he’s usually not very good at texting, gives really short answers and doesn’t always ask question). After 3 days of blowing up my phone he asked me to go for a walk, I did and ended up sleeping over at his place. We cleared the air about our previous conversation, and the whole night he made lots of references to things we wanted to do with me and show me in the future, made some cutesy comments like “we’ll be one of those couples” etc. and just had a great night.He also told me he wasn’t dating. My concern and confusion is I don’t know If he started texting me a bunch and pursuing because he genuinely likes me and was scared of losing me after we talked that day or if he was just a typical guy and when he sensed that he might be losing me immediately wanted me back. I’m still so confused about why I didn’t hear from him those 4 days and what that meant..So my question now is do I wait for him to initiate contact again and see if his interest was truly genuine and not just because he didn’t like the thought of me going anywhere? Or because he has been the one texting a lot and putting himself out there the past week do I reciprocate to show my interest(although I think he already is aware interested) and reach out to him? The day I left his house I did text him that night saying thanks for good night the day before etc. and he replied but wondering how I should proceed going forward I’m just so thrown off because I felt he was losing interest before all of this. Any advice as to what to do or whats going on?!? Edited June 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and fix title
Gretchen12 Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 My concern and confusion is I don’t know If he started texting me a bunch and pursuing because he genuinely likes me and was scared of losing me after we talked that day or if he was just a typical guy and when he sensed that he might be losing me immediately wanted me back. What's the difference? What's the difference between "scared of losing you after you talked that day" and "sensed that he might be losing you and wanted you back"? Do you have a history of sabotaging your relationships? It almost sounds like you don't want it to work out. Or, if you're real honest with yourself, ask yourself are you still sore about being ignored previously and now you won't let that go without getting an apology? A person, is like a river, it is always changing. You need to allow people to sort out their feelings on their own. As for how to behave going forward, you don't need to match him on attentiveness. Just be open and sincere, which is what people really want from others. 2
Redhead14 Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 Have you two had any conversation about your dating goals overall? Are you looking for a long-term, committed relationship. Is he? You are giving him a lot of "milk for free" here. The real question is is he afraid of losing you or losing the sex? You've had the conversation above and now you just need to sit back and observe whether he remains consistent in his contact and continues to schedule proper dates regularly. You need to be in receptive mode -- respond to texts and calls in a timely fashion. Don't reach out first as much for a bit and see what happens. 3
BC1980 Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 It seems like this has had some starts and stops over 2 months. I'd probably stick with it for another months and see where he goes with it. If he hasn't made moves to be exclusive after 3 months, I'd peace out and say he's not that interested. 1
Versacehottie Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 Let him make the next move. I have a feeling he needs to feel and decide that he is the one who has chosen to be with you. You can't help him along with that decision, other than being yourself. If you are not exclusive, do you
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 Does he keep in contact with you other ways? Personally I think the fact that we have the ability to be in touch 24/7 has skewed dating & people think we have the obligation to communicate that much in the beginning of a relationship. 2 months in some guy blowing up my phone would have me outta there in a heartbeat but it makes most people happy. I genuinely believe you should assess his opinion of you on how he treats you in person & not so much on how often he sends you a text. That said if you don't feel valued, walk. 2
basil67 Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 The four day absence sounds like it was in the past. How's he treating you right now? 1
frus69 Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 If I remember right this is your third post about this guy and in your previous two everybody already told you he has low interest What did you expect 2
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 Op I don’t know if it’s because he genuinely is interested in being with you or if it was just ego.... It’s still too early to tell As with most things in dating time will reveal Right now though his talk and efforts don’t mean a mutha effin thing if he has not asked to be your exclusive boyfriend shortly....
I'veseenbetterlol Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 When a person does that, you kick them to the curb. Their interest from the beginning was very low, but they wanted an ego boost. He wants you back, but will dump you at any opportunity. I had a guy do this, went absolutely crazy over me then pulled back. He ended up lying about deleting his social media and actually blocked me. When I got upset he begged for me back, then told me he wasn't "ready" for a relationship and told me that we could be friends. A man who wants a relationship is consistent and doesn't love bomb you. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 I urge you to be very cautious. God, I acted like this guy did when I was younger. Here's what I was doing ... I'd disappear ... and then if I ran into someone (same kind of scenario you had) I would put on a helluva great face and part of that was genuine. And so that the person I had disappeared on ... wouldn't think I was a total flake, I might keep up consistent contact for a while ...maybe several weeks ... and then I'd lose steam ... because I was ambivalent all along. So yes, be suspicious ... Yes, don't let your guard 100 percent down for now ... He sounds ambivalent ... not like a player ... just someone who doesn't know what he feels ... ambivalent people always disappoint. Often ambivalent people don't want to date the other person--they're just to confused and muddled to be clear about it. 2
kendahke Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 Four days quiet at the beginning of a "relationship" after you've had sex with them is an indication that you've been demoted and are good for a "fall back on". His interest to see you should have been burning a hole through him--instead, he went 4 days without acknowledging that you two even knew one another, biblically. 1
Iris The Butterfly Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 (edited) Overall, it sounds like his interest is low. The fact that he went away and didn't keep in touch much shows he's not that interested. The fact that he didn't make plans to see you at all when he got back shows he's not that interested. The fact that you only saw him because you ran into each other out, does not mean that he's interested. If a guy doesn't contact you for 4 days after you have sex, heck, even ONE day, he's not that interested. If he happens to see you again, like he did, sure he will be happy to spend the night and will be lovey dovey. But he's not that interested that he would be eagerly in contact with you and setting up the next date. Running into someone doesn't count as a date. My bf and I had sex within less than a month of dating. Leading up to that, he texted or called me every day. He was so eager to see me he never let one day pass that he wasn't either 1) calling or texting; or 2) setting up the next date. When we slept together for the first time, he was very eager to continue seeing me and talking ALL THE TIME. He went out of town after we had been dating about 2 months for 4 days and was moaning about how much he would miss me. He called me every day he was gone. That's what you want. Your guy isn't interested in anything more than occasionally hooking up with you when it's on the table, i.e. if you run into him. Sorry. You feel like he's lost or losing interest. If you had a guy who was interested, you wouldn't even be wondering. And no, you don't need to reach out to show him you are. You're on the back burner, hon. Edited June 15, 2019 by littlebridge
smackie9 Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 This guy is not interested on a level you expect him to be. Yes you are right he knows how much you are interested in him. That's why he knows that is he does the right thing and says the right thing, to hoover you back for some sex. That's right, that's pretty much all he is interested in...sex. You are being duped with his bs that he's afraid of losing your interest, blah blah blah. Heard it all before. Hun, a guy will do and will say what you want to hear to get laid. And I'm sure he was getting laid on his vacation too. He is not what you think he is. You are being played. 2
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