Blackwell Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 Hey y'all. Apologies if in wrong spot. But I'm looking for a little bit of help. There's a chap I happen to like, who I know shoe colleagues, that I believe is interested in dating or at least getting to know me better. If dating certainly be interested despite an age gap as he seems like, and from what I've heard, a decent guy. Anyway over the year to year & a half he has offered to buy me lunch, coffee, etc. All to which said yes. Recently though he made a comment that he would buy me anything I wanted but unfortunately a colleague who would make fun of it/possibly even cause trouble over it was there and I did not respond how I certainly wanted to. The last one, buy me anything I wanted, I think he may have taken as rejection. He usually acknowledges some way or another but recently taken to more or less ignoring. The problem is I haven't been working in the same area recently and as such interactions are at best sporadic. It's aggravated me how to broach and correct this misunderstanding.
chillii Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 Can you still see him somewhere or call him, text. Just apologize for the sitch and explain what you said here, wouldn't let it drag out too long though he might be thinking the worst.
PRW Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 Saying "buy anything you wanted" is a bit over-the-top when there isn't even an official relationship here. The best way to approach something like that is to half ignore it and treat it like it wasn't a serious statement and don't give it any serious attention. There is a chance that he feels awkward after making such an over-the-top comment and that could be why he seems to have pulled back (he feels embarrassed). Apologizing for nothing (and this is really "nothing") doesn't do anything positive and just simply puts focus on something that should have been ignored or forgotten about in the first place. Apologizing in a situation like this never fixes anything and usually just makes it worse. Look for opportunities to spend time together without other people around and go from there. Having other people with you just gets in the way. Don't over complicate it. 1
kendahke Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 Hey y'all. Apologies if in wrong spot. But I'm looking for a little bit of help. There's a chap I happen to like, who I know shoe colleagues, that I believe is interested in dating or at least getting to know me better. If dating certainly be interested despite an age gap as he seems like, and from what I've heard, a decent guy. Anyway over the year to year & a half he has offered to buy me lunch, coffee, etc. All to which said yes. Recently though he made a comment that he would buy me anything I wanted but unfortunately a colleague who would make fun of it/possibly even cause trouble over it was there and I did not respond how I certainly wanted to. The last one, buy me anything I wanted, I think he may have taken as rejection. He usually acknowledges some way or another but recently taken to more or less ignoring. The problem is I haven't been working in the same area recently and as such interactions are at best sporadic. It's aggravated me how to broach and correct this misunderstanding. Just go up to him and tell him "remember the comment you made about buying me anything? I did want to answer you, but not in front of (the person)." and then take up the conversation and see where it goes. 1
Author Blackwell Posted June 14, 2019 Author Posted June 14, 2019 (edited) Thanks for the suggestion/ideas. PRW - though it doesn't quite fit what I've seen of his personality, he comes across as confident, that might be it. The way the conversation went before he said 'buy anything' could have made it a case of embarrassing 'foot in mouth'. Edited June 14, 2019 by Blackwell
ExpatInItaly Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 Why don't you offer to buy him coffee now? Or invite him to grab lunch with you? I wouldn't even bring up the "I'll buy you anything you want" comment. Let your invitation to meet speak for itself. See how he responds. It appears he's been doing nearly all the initiating for quite a while, so I would take the opportunity to demonstrate a bit of interest too. 2
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