Whose Move?

[Johnson1]

I recently started dating a beautiful, 5' 10" woman who is a cardiologist. Very demure, smart and mature. I could tell right off the bat, she's not someone I would want to rush things with. We met on Saturday night at a bar where my friends band played. We hit off great. We kissed goodnight and she texted me that she got home okay. She said she had a great evening and we should keep in touch. The next day on Sunday I texted her and we made plans for next Saturday to have dinner she loved the plans I made and is very excited and looking forward to it. On Monday evening she texted me and sent me a video that her friend made of me singing and we had short cordial conversation and said goodnight. The next night on Tuesday I texted her, and again we had cordial, pleasant conversation. We exchanged pictures of each other. Everything has been going awesome through text, but yesterday we didn't respond. Our date is on Saturday. How long should I wait to text her back before Saturday if I don't hear from her? I don't want to seem pushy or needy in any way whatsoever.

 

I thought about texting her good morning and wishing her a good day, but she gets up at 4 a.m. and since she's a doctor she may be very busy. She is home every evening though.

Edited June 13, 2019 by Vocals5

[LauraXX]

I'd just text her on Friday to finalize the plans for Saturday. I'm not a big texter myself and for me personally it would be a bit too much if a guy texted me almost every day after a first date.

[Johnson1]

I'd just text her on Friday to finalize the plans for Saturday. I'm not a big texter myself and for me personally it would be a bit too much if a guy texted me almost every day after a first date.

 

I'm thinking the same thing. Too much can go wrong during text before then. I don't like texting either.

[lurker74]

The time between the first and second date is the most critical. You should remain in light touch. One or two texts per day, but no pestering.

[Gretchen12]

Definitely no good morning texts. That's for kids. Go ahead and text but only if you have something interesting to say.

[PRW]

If you already made specific plans,...just show up. That's it,...just show up. Anything else makes you look insecure as if you expect her to stand you up or cancel.

 

The communication on Sunday used to set the next date is perfect, but any contacting after that point is superfluous and much of the time hurts your cause and does not help it. It is important to feel anticipation for the upcoming date,...rather then her get bored with you (or turned off by you in some way) before you get to the date. It is more important that she "wonder" about you and what you will do and will talk about on the date as the day approaches.

 

If she contacts you before the date respond in kind, but do not initiate.

[smackie9]

Text the day before, saying "I look forward to having dinner with you tomorrow night." and ad whatever else to that.

[Flame Aura]

Text the day before, saying "I look forward to having dinner with you tomorrow night." and ad whatever else to that.

This.

 

 

You have already arranged the next date. No need for pointless chit chat. If she messages you fine, reply. If not do as smackie says and message on Friday to confirm the plans.

[Johnson1]

All brilliantly thought out responses. Thank you all so much!!! Since my marriage of 31 years ended 6 years ago I've dated a lot and I can honestly say I haven't come across someone if her caliber. I don't want to blow this.

 

Mackie, I'll do what you suggest. Trying hard not to overthink things or assume the worst if I don't hear from her before Friday. You never know what someone's thinking. People could be interested one minute and be put off or have a change if heart the next.

[Johnson1]

If you already made specific plans,...just show up. That's it,...just show up. Anything else makes you look insecure as if you expect her to stand you up or cancel.

 

The communication on Sunday used to set the next date is perfect, but any contacting after that point is superfluous and much of the time hurts your cause and does not help it. It is important to feel anticipation for the upcoming date,...rather then her get bored with you (or turned off by you in some way) before you get to the date. It is more important that she "wonder" about you and what you will do and will talk about on the date as the day approaches.

 

If she contacts you before the date respond in kind, but do not initiate.

 

Great insight! I was thinking along the same lines. Our texts were great. It can easily go downhill by saying the wrong thing or coming across as uninteresting.

[Johnson1]

Dating can really drive ya nuts! lol. Sometimes it's easy, other times it takes a lot more thought.

[Partymix19]

Someone of her caliber?

 

You don’t even know her so take her off that pedastool. Just because she’s a doctor doesn’t mean you treat her any different than a waitress.

 

Text on Friday saying you look forward to Saturday.

[Johnson1]

Someone of her caliber?

 

You don’t even know her so take her off that pedastool. Just because she’s a doctor doesn’t mean you treat her any different than a waitress.

 

Text on Friday saying you look forward to Saturday.

 

True. Thanks.

[d0nnivain]

Absolutely send one text to confirm the date. She is a busy doctor. You don't want to be sitting in a restaurant waiting to find out she had an emergency. You would confirm a business meeting. Confirm this date. Confirming is not weak. It's practical & polite.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Although I respect the fact that you (and probably she) are not big texters, I think it's important to remain in touch between date #1 and date #2.

 

That's not to say you need to have full blown texting conversations but a simple "Good morning - hope you have an awesome day" isn't a bad thing.

 

I'm not sure where you met, if it was online or organically, but most men and women today have very short attention spans and are easily distracted. If you're busy on top of that, all the more reason to let someone know they're on your radar as well as keeping you on theirs.

 

That's just my two cents so take it for what it's worth.

 

At the very least, I would send a text the night before letting her know you're looking forward to seeing her as already suggested.

[Happy Lemming]

All brilliantly thought out responses. Thank you all so much!!! Since my marriage of 31 years ended 6 years ago I don't want to blow this.

 

So based on my calculations, you are late 50's, early 60's?? Cut out the texting everyday, it makes you look like a teenager.

 

For a Saturday night date, I call on Wednesday and offer up my suggestions and set the time. I call & leave message on Friday night confirming plans and that's it.

 

A cardiologist is very busy, she has patients and HUGE responsibilities that require her time and concentration. She has people's lives in her hands, so give her the time to do her job. Even though she is home in the evening, I'm sure she is reviewing charts and data on her patients, maybe even reading up on the latest heart drug or procedures. [Continuing Education]

[Johnson1]

Although I respect the fact that you (and probably she) are not big texters, I think it's important to remain in touch between date #1 and date #2.

 

That's not to say you need to have full blown texting conversations but a simple "Good morning - hope you have an awesome day" isn't a bad thing.

 

I'm not sure where you met, if it was online or organically, but most men and women today have very short attention spans and are easily distracted. If you're busy on top of that, all the more reason to let someone know they're on your radar as well as keeping you on theirs.

 

That's just my two cents so take it for what it's worth.

 

At the very least, I would send a text the night before letting her know you're looking forward to seeing her as already suggested.

 

Her and I met at a bar where my band friends were playing. We hit it off great.

[Gretchen12]

Her and I met at a bar where my band friends were playing. We hit it off great.

 

Oh good, not online.

 

Since you're out of practice... you know, when you confirm, don't ask "are we still on?" or "I am confirming we still have a date". I also don't like the "looking forward to it" text. What you can do is you text about some details of logistics of meeting. For example, give her suggestion where to park and whether you meet up outside or at the bar. Or if you pick her up, ask about the address, etc. Or if you have something witty to say that's fine too but should be funny.

[d0nnivain]

Just confirm in any positive language you chose.

 

"Are we still on?" is a bit negative / unsure. "looking forward to it" is fine even if it's not 1 person's preference; it's still an affirmative statement as opposed to a mealy wishy-washy question

[rightondude]

I myself just met someone last weekend. We've been texting back and forth and had lunch yesterday. Full on smooching in the parking lot after both dates. I will start a new thread if I need to so as not to hijack yours, but I have trouble tamping down the enthusiasm. Don't want to seem "too interested" or "needy" but at the same time don't want to sound "disinterested." My only advice is to mirror the duration of the messaging and length of her messages as much as possible.

 

But then it's hard to know when to be the one to initiate the discussion. Too many "good mornings!!" can make someone cringe and run off if they're not quite at the same level of "into you" as you are.

 

I would also say, as in music, "always leave them wanting more."

[Johnson1]

So based on my calculations, you are late 50's, early 60's?? Cut out the texting everyday, it makes you look like a teenager.

 

For a Saturday night date, I call on Wednesday and offer up my suggestions and set the time. I call & leave message on Friday night confirming plans and that's it.

 

A cardiologist is very busy, she has patients and HUGE responsibilities that require her time and concentration. She has people's lives in her hands, so give her the time to do her job. Even though she is home in the evening, I'm sure she is reviewing charts and data on her patients, maybe even reading up on the latest heart drug or procedures. [Continuing Education]

 

 

I understand that perfectly well and agree. I was never big on texting, prefer the phone, but it's too eatly for that in this case. It depends on the person. With some there was a lot of communication at first, but you're right, this is different

[Happy Lemming]

It depends on the person. With some there was a lot of communication at first, but you're right, this is different

 

Since you are both "mature" adults, I'm thinking, it might not be out of line to ask her what level of communication she is comfortable with.

 

You could say you never dated a doctor before and you are not sure how much of her "free" time is spent with "continuing education", reviewing charts/data, etc.? I'm sure she brings some work home with her.

 

In my youth, I did date a woman doctor (intern) and there would be some weeks where she would be at the hospital 3-4 days straight (sleeping there). I know your cardiologist isn't doing that, but I'm sure emergencies come up that require her full & undivided attention.

[Lotsgoingon]

Dude, be careful of too much texting. It's easily misleading ... A phone call is better ... and in person 100x better.

 

Hey, watch that "caliber" thing ... Do NOT say that to her ... You are worthy of dating her or not. If you're not, then back out now. Don't put her on a pedestal, which by implication puts you at a lower level.

 

Relax and be yourself. If you trip up a little ... that's fine ... If she's into you, she won't turn on you based on you doing a few awkward things.

[Johnson1]

Oh good, not online.

 

Since you're out of practice... you know, when you confirm, don't ask "are we still on?" or "I am confirming we still have a date". I also don't like the "looking forward to it" text. What you can do is you text about some details of logistics of meeting. For example, give her suggestion where to park and whether you meet up outside or at the bar. Or if you pick her up, ask about the address, etc. Or if you have something witty to say that's fine too but should be funny.

 

Not out of practice by any means. Actually as a vocalist I've probably dated and been in more relationships than I can remember over the last 6 years. Not that I'm proud of it, I just ran into a lot of the wrong women, some of whom I was warned about by friends not to go there, but having a good heart I've always ignored gut instincts and red flags. Many took advantage of the niceness, flowers, opening car doors, helping them around their home, etc.

 

Actually she was the one who said she is looking forward to it. She even said on Tuesday 'Is it Saturday yet?, lol'. I've already spoke with her about what I have planned, like who the band is that'll be playing, the fact that they're a blues jam band and we can dance etc. She was enthralled with what I planned. I don't want to get into talking with her about picking her up, parking and things like that until the day before it happens. I mean, I could do that tonight, but I don't know how much we should talk until the day before. Short and sweet (if I do) like others said. Being witty isn't a problem either. I'm always cracking people up. We were LOLing all 3 times we texted. My only concern is leaving her hanging for 3 days. I last spoke with her on Tuesday night. I don't want to text her during the day on Friday because she's a doctor and I don't want to pester her, which means Friday night. That's 3 full days of no contact. This is my dilemma.

Edited June 13, 2019 by Vocals5

[Johnson1]

Dude, be careful of too much texting. It's easily misleading ... A phone call is better ... and in person 100x better.

 

Hey, watch that "caliber" thing ... Do NOT say that to her ... You are worthy of dating her or not. If you're not, then back out now. Don't put her on a pedestal, which by implication puts you at a lower level.

 

Relax and be yourself. If you trip up a little ... that's fine ... If she's into you, she won't turn on you based on you doing a few awkward things.

 

I agree wholeheartedly. I've been burned putting someone on a pedestal. The only comment I made to her was that she looked pretty in the pic she sent. She sent a cartoon characature of herself saying 'awwe, thank you'. She really liked the B&W pic I sent. l know over-doing it puts me at a disadvantage. I'm very relaxed. So far everything is going textbook perfect. I'm just concerned about going 3 full days if no contact.

Edited June 13, 2019 by Vocals5