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Posted

I always suspected that my ex-husband would have been a feminist in a house fire. I used to have nightmares where we were all trapped in a burning building and I would grab one kid under each arm, and he would be there clinging to my leg like he expected me to drag (or carry?!) him out, too. :eek:

 

Very symbolic of the whole dynamic our marriage ended up having (even though he sold himself as conservative/traditional/patriarchal/man-of-the-house/etc.). No more feminists for this gal. I run far away if I catch so much a whiff of an expectation of gender equality.

  • Like 1
Posted
This is silly. Mum and dad work together to get the kids and pets out of there - saving a family is not about gender.

 

Also, this feminist gets up to investigate the Things That Go Bump in the Night. Hubby sleeps through everything. Your broad generalisations make you look foolish.

 

Erm...you might have already noticed by now that I don’t particularly care what anyone thinks of me. If you’re going to post on a forum then a thick skin and a lack of shame come in pretty handy.

Posted
Erm...you might have already noticed by now that I don’t particularly care what anyone thinks of me. If you’re going to post on a forum then a thick skin and a lack of shame come in pretty handy.

 

And yet it remains that your broad generalisations are inaccurate.

  • Like 1
Posted
And yet it remains that your broad generalisations are inaccurate.

 

Well then, you are welcome to keep on following me around the forum to tell everyone that they are. You must have as much time on your hands as I do, which is quite worrying really :laugh:

Posted (edited)

A thread about women not having the common courtesy to offer to pay (never mind actually paying or going Dutch or whatever) on the first dates with a stranger turning into a pile on against 'feminism'? How totally unexpected... :rolleyes:

Edited by littleblackheart
  • Like 2
Posted

little and some

 

if you dont mind

 

I still am curious to know if the reasons you see it as rude and entitled are universal/applicable to other things

 

like a guy kissing a girl without asking for example

 

is that considered rude/entitled to YOU?

Posted

I picked up the tab on the third date with my SO and still pick it up here and there after 5 years. But, he insists most of the time on paying. It's just the way he is and likes to treat me very well. We are in our 60s.

 

While I would split the bill on a first meet up from OLD, I do find it a little arrogant to be writing women off who don't as if you have so many options that you can afford to be so discriminatory. If you do have that many options, good for you and you should use whatever criteria you want to eliminate the "dead wood". I suspect though that if you were really into a woman who didn't offer to split it, you wouldn't be caring about it anyway. If you're worried about money, I don't think you should bother dating. Women have their own criteria for weeding out dating prospects too.

Posted
little and some

 

if you dont mind

 

I still am curious to know if the reasons you see it as rude and entitled are universal/applicable to other things

 

like a guy kissing a girl without asking for example

 

is that considered rude/entitled to YOU?

 

It's a difficult comparison because knowing in advance whether or not you are happy to pay for your share is pretty black and white whereas there is a lot of nuance and social cues involved in a kiss and the man has to lead- that is the way it is, look at the thread on asking for a kiss, to most it is a turn-off. The man is expected to just sorta know when she wants to be kissed and when she doesn't.

 

But in principle, no man (or woman) should expect a kiss from anyone, I mean most rational men wouldn't just go up to a woman on the street and try and kiss her would they? In a romantic situation it's different and the guy has to read the woman and mostly it just works, in my experience anyway. I don't ask because as women here will testify it shows the man hasn't got a clue about what he is doing and that is not a good look but I don't go to kiss a woman expecting it to work- it's more of a "go for a hug and see if our lips meet" sorta thing and thankfully only once have I ended up kissing a woman's cheek, she wasn't up for a kiss and that's fine, we both weren't offended and nobody cried about it afterwards.

Posted

@Cr86

 

The correct analogy would be if the guy decided as standard even before leaving the house that he will be kissing you (or getting a second date, or having sex that night) no matter what, whether you show any sign of interest or not, because he invited you on that first date and paid for the meal.

 

Besides the lack of manners in not offering on date 1, this can totally create a false impression on an entitled guy (remember, you are both complete strangers) who may think you not offering = you now owing him.

 

The overwhelming majority of guys out there are actually very decent and respectful, but there are still the outlier aggressive, controlling or socially clueless men that you need to consider.

 

I personally don't understand why anyone would willingly want to put themselves in such a vulnerable position with a stranger on a first date without any thought , but as we already established solidly now Curiousroxy86, we will not see eye to eye on this.

  • Like 1
Posted
I picked up the tab on the third date with my SO and still pick it up here and there after 5 years. But, he insists most of the time on paying. It's just the way he is and likes to treat me very well. We are in our 60s.

 

While I would split the bill on a first meet up from OLD, I do find it a little arrogant to be writing women off who don't as if you have so many options that you can afford to be so discriminatory. If you do have that many options, good for you and you should use whatever criteria you want to eliminate the "dead wood". I suspect though that if you were really into a woman who didn't offer to split it, you wouldn't be caring about it anyway. If you're worried about money, I don't think you should bother dating. Women have their own criteria for weeding out dating prospects too.

 

The problem is that you can flip the genders in your post and it reads the same- if woman have got enough options that they can discount an otherwise good man because he didn't pay and they would rather root around amongst the f*** boys that do then good luck to them, I guess. It's obviously working out for them which is why we see a new "Where have all the good men gone!!11" article being knocked out every five minutes. If women were really into a guy who didn't pay then they wouldn't be caring about it right?

 

Reducing a man's appeal to a binary decision about whether he pays is pretty shallow. Like I say if you reduce a woman to the size of her breasts that is considered the epitome of classless boorishness but it seems socially acceptable for a woman to do it to a man and his wallet....

Posted

Thread closed, rather than clean the off topic posts up I'll just leave the thread closed.

It would help if you read the first post and post to the thread starter's issue rather than post random thoughts.

 

 

Thanks all who posted!

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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