Doesn't Offer to Split Check

[Logo]

It used to be that whenever I went out on first dates or first meets even when for drinks only, the woman I met would at least offer to split the check or take out her credit card or purse. The part of the country where I live a few drinks do add up to a hefty check in most cases.

 

But in the last couple months, that's all changed and I don't know why.

 

I don't mind paying on the first date, or second date, or even on the third. I simply don't understand why the women I'm going out with suddenly don't offer to split the check at all. They sit there, quietly, as though we're a married couple and I'm the head of the household or some such.

 

Could something about the way I carry myself have changed? Maybe it's things I say or do that have changed? What gives?

 

Any ideas?

Edited June 13, 2019 by Logo

[BloodRedRose]

Where I live not offering to split the check would be unthinkable and rightly so. Probably a cultural thing, or it's that the women here are emancipated enough.

What do you mean by "suddenly"? Its not like women changed all of sudden there where you lived. It's just that you happened to choose entitled ones who probably share memes of them being queens and "if you cant handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best" lol

[Logo]

I don't know how I'm picking entitled women. Is it possible I'm giving them the impression that I have put them on a pedestal?

 

 

Even then, if a woman doesn't so much as bother to split the check, is it worth continuing to date her?

[LivingWaterPlease]

Possibly you appear more prosperous than you did in the past?

 

I never offer to pay the tab because the guys I've dated make waaay more than I do so that it would seem humorous for me to offer. Actually I think I did offer with one guy I'd dated a lot and he looked at me as if I was from outer space.

 

I do try to make sure the guy I date has an amazing time! Not talking about physical rewards. Just talking about being a good listener, interesting conversationalist and attempting to be lots of fun!

Edited June 13, 2019 by LivingWaterPlease

[Logo]

You are onto something. I did buy myself a nice shirt or two. But is that prosperous? I should go back to my old wardrobe or better yet, wear clothes I haven't worn in a decade if that's what it is.

Edited June 13, 2019 by Logo

[LivingWaterPlease]

All I did was buy myself a nice shirt or two. That's prosperous? Should go back to my old wardrobe.

 

Hahaha! Good idea! Wear something with worn cuffs! Just kidding!

 

Not sure what to tell you. If you want them to split the check maybe just say, "Let's go dutch!" Not sure if that's the correct terminology but it used to be.

[Logo]

That's an interesting idea. If I ask her to split the check will she continue to see me? It could be a good test. If she is interested in me as a person it shouldn't matter if I can afford to pay for her drinks/meal or not.

[Logo]

entitled ones who probably share memes of them being queens and "if you cant handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best" lol

 

 

It's time to start testing to see if they feel entitled or not. I never thought I'd test a woman, but maybe it's about time I did what's been done to me a million times.

[BloodRedRose]

When the waiter comes to ask if you'd like a note, just tell him "oh sure, I'll be paying for (your meal and drinks)" and he'll bring you two notes. That's quite a harsh move since some of the women could possible not afford eating there, but then it's on them for not vocalizing that the restaurant is too expensive. Or you can ask them if the price range is ok prior to the date. I would always tell if the restaurant is out of my budget prior to dates and some guys would then insist on treating me and others let me choose something more suitable. This could also help you weed out the entitled ones

[Shining One]

Even then, if a woman doesn't so much as bother to split the check, is it worth continuing to date her?

If she hasn't reciprocated in some other fashion (and I don't mean sex), then I would vote no.

[Logo]

If I did that, it would be the closest thing to saying "I don't plan on seeing you again".

 

 

I never had to deal with this before. The women I went on dates with simply offered. The simple act of offering was in and of itself a nice gesture. Now I feel they take it for granted. That's why it's bothering me.

[Logo]

If she hasn't reciprocated in some other fashion (and I don't mean sex), then I would vote no.

 

 

After how many dates would it be reasonable to expect any woman to start to reciprocate (and I don't mean sex either)?

 

 

My ex offered on the first date and every time after until I foolishly started telling her that I got the check. My girlfriend before that insisted that we split the check and all expenses every time. The women I have dated since the breakup a couple of years ago have offered to pay. A few have used me for a free meal, but the rest offered to split.

 

 

 

In the last couple months, it all changed.

[Shining One]

After how many dates would it be reasonable to expect any woman to start to reciprocate (and I don't mean sex either)?

That's totally up to you. I go for 3 to 5 dates myself.

[chillii]

Have you changed your wardrobe , maybe your looking wealthy enough to shout these days.

[Gretchen12]

Why should she "offer" to split the bill, as if it's a given you're supposed to pay and her offer is doing you a favor. She ordered, she ate. She can't assume someone else is paying. I hate this fake offer that some women do, taking out the purse but being very slow to actually whip out money and grab the check.

 

You need to get better at splitting the bill. You can either take turns paying or you just tell her how much to give you or ask for separate checks. A woman who's into you will pay and continue to see you.

[mrs rubble]

When I was dating I always insisted on paying my own way.

That way you don’t owe anyone anything.

[Kamille]

Maybe you upped your game and these women see you with more romantic interest?

 

I insist on splitting the bill when I'm not interested in seeing the guy again.

[Curiousroxy86]

I find this thread very amusing

 

Me personally I am prepared to go dutch at anytime I agree to go out with a guy but I do not proactively offer. If he ask to go dutch I will. Never had it happen though. I do proactively offer to pay all of third date both mine and his since the guy pays all of first two dates. If the first date was date zero (drinks date) then I will offer to pay on the fourth. I do not first two dates (three dates if first was date zero).

Edited June 13, 2019 by Curiousroxy86

[Shining One]

If the first date was date zero (drinks date) then I will offer to pay on the fourth.

I'm curious, why would a drinks date not count? I can understand a coffee date not counting, but something with alcohol adds up quickly, at least around here.

[Gaeta]

Here if we meet a new man and we insist on splitting the bill (first meet) it means we're not interested in seeing him again.

 

Go on cheaper dates to start with. My first meetings were ALWAYS over coffee, or a walk in a park, or ice-cream. I would let him pay my part a big $1.85. If he was interested in meeting again then it could be a restaurant but I much prefer a sport launch than a fancy restaurant so again no one is going bankrupt. I would let the man pay the 2nd date as it was his invite. The 3rd date was on me completely. From there we switch turns.

 

I also think you are aiming at the wrong women. If a woman isn't interested in a coffee for a 1st date just drop her.

[Art_Critic]

If you don't have a problem paying then why does it matter if they offer, are you looking for that feel good feeling of saying "Don't worry about it, I got this"?

If you are then you do have a problem with paying..

 

I get that nobody wants to feel like they are being taking advantage of but it's just a date, you are not buying her a car.

 

When I was dating I didn't care that I paid, in fact I feel it is something a male does to court a woman, I do hear you though that many women did offer when they could but most times the date was setup so I got the check and just took care of it, I can't EVER remember thinking "Damn.. she never offered to pay"

 

The only thing I can think of is maybe it's the type of places you are taking them.. are they more of a coffee type of thing or dinner ?

[Gaeta]

The only thing I can think of is maybe it's the type of places you are taking them.. are they more of a coffee type of thing or dinner ?

 

OP spends way too much money on these first dates on women he has no clue he'll see again. If a new woman expect to be treated to a $150 meal and he meets a new woman each week then it's money burnt.

 

OP stop treating these women to restaurants and drinks when you don't even know they'll be a next date. I am sure you have a lot more to offer a woman and you have a lot more to impress a woman than a wallet.

[Gaeta]

Women use you as a wallet because somehow you offer yourself as one.

[Curiousroxy86]

I'm curious, why would a drinks date not count? I can understand a coffee date not counting, but something with alcohol adds up quickly, at least around here.

 

date zero (walk in the park, beverage date, anything extremely cheap or free) isnt suppose to be a real date. people who do date zeros want to see if they even want to continue to invest more time and effort into the person. so no date zeros or just a beverage date do not count as "effort" to me. plus I dont drink alcohol so mine is not going to cost that much.

Edited June 13, 2019 by Curiousroxy86

[clia]

Have these first dates or first meets turned into second dates? I agree with some of the others that I usually would only offer to split the bill on a first date if I knew I didn't want to see the guy again. I would typically reciprocate paying in some fashion by the third date.

 

If you are doing drinks on these first dates or first meets, find somewhere with a good happy hour menu and go there to keep the costs down.