M.Said Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 I met this girl in summer of 2018 and when we first met i kept my cool because i hadnt had the best luck with women that year. She was very eager to get to know me which threw me off, so we went on a few dates. We went for a walk around the town and spoke throughout the night for hours. I took her to the movies, and then decided to take her to a deer park with historical buildings and we had our first kiss. From there things were more or less magic. We would see eachother everyday, makeout sessions led to a little bit more but we didnt sleep with eachother. I continued to take her to nice places, bought her random roses and things were passionate. Went to more historical places and we hadnt defined what we were so we were just seeing eachother. I then needed to go to my family to deal with problems and when i came back she wasnt answering my texts or wanting to meet up. When we finally met up she didnt wan to kiss and she later told me that she wanted to get back into getting to know me again. For three months i worked on winning this woman's heart and took her to amazing places and dates. However i did not build a steong enough emotional connection as i was guarded from thinking she would ghost again. We dated for a few more months and we finally got to a place where she was comfortable once again and she cooked me a home cooked meal at her place. It seemed like everything was going in the right direction and i drove her to an interview in her home city where she got the job and moved back. I wrote her a nice message when she left and we continued to keep in touch everyday, the effort being more on her part which was nice. Then she told me she was going to be in my city for a day but when i messaged her during the day she didnt respond. I sent her an annoyed message as i was looking forward to seeing her but she was only here for work and didnt say she would be able to see me. From then on after my applogy we kept in touch as she was back in Leicester but my neediness grew and i think she picked up on it. She then grew distant coming closer to Valentines day and this was due to a family bereavement. During this time i overtexted her and tried hard to get back the times if nostalgia that i showed more neediness and a less attractive side of myself. We didnt speak for over a month and she contacted me, stating what she had gone through and asking me about what id been up to. I then fell into the trap of trying to reconcile again, instead of being cool and letting things run their natural course. I pressured for a meet up and when this wasnt met with a prompt response i said "**** it i had enough" due to the stupid advice of a friend. I then realised my mistake and apologised, which she did not respond to until after a month, where she forgave me. Now we have been speaking and i have been pacing myself. Ive been aiming to build a more emotional connection and asking her deeper questions which have had positive effects. I have thrown in elements of positive memories and showed a picture of the two of us to her which was nice. We've agreed to meet up for a movie this weekend but i plan to keep it cool. I dont want to open up too much and would rather ask her more questions about herself. Its been 6 months since i last saw her and due to the connection we previously built i made a conscious decision not to date anyone else during our time apart. I have a whole new attitude now and aim to be less needy? Any advice on how to approach this moving further and ultimately build this into a relationship?
Inspire Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 I think the reactions you've had are largely based on the fact that you never defined what you were or knew where all of this was leading. The reality is that she may not have been into you as much as you were into her and that always tends to cause some turbulence. Ultimately you need to find out how she sees you, where she wants things to go and why couldn't she commit to something before.
Juha Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 My advice would be to go out and date other women... You are totally focused on this woman, without being in a relationship. It has been 6 months and you refused to go out and date other women. That is not a good thing, you really need to not be so outcome dependent with this woman... While I understand where you are at with your feelings for her there has been a large amount of damage and you do not know where she is at as far as how she feels with you. If you are hoping to get another shot with her it is going to take a long period of time before anything happens. You should go out and date other women while trying to reconcile with this woman. If it works out great, if not you will have wasted your time and be set back and hurting a lot. To protect yourself and not have oneitis go out and date other women... I wish you luck
ExpatInItaly Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 I just don’t think this woman is all that into you, OP. See her this weekend if you like, but I’d keep expectations low. It should t be this difficult to build an emotional connection. When it is, you sometimes have to concede that you’re barking up the wrong tree.
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