wise_up Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 My H was a taxi driver for ten yrs. We have been together for 29 yrs. He just told me 10 months ago that he cheated on me 9 times while he was a taxi driver!! After 29 yrs of thinking he was honest & faithful, how do you cope with that. There were no mobile phones back then. No way of knowing where he was, or who he was with. Pick up a woman, chat her up, go in for 'coffee'. And leave!! We have four children. He has now lived his life (he's 48 now) as he wanted to without worrying about me being jealous or mistrusting him, because I was trusting & gullible. Now he says sorry, and wants everything to be perfect!! What sort of woman has sex after a ten minute taxi ride?
johan Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 Hey, wise_up. What a shock. This is an interesting case of "what you don't know won't hurt you". As long as you didn't know, you weren't hurt. Now that you know it clearly hurts a lot. I guess, aside from all this, he must have been good to you. What's the balance? Does the good outweigh the bad? You staying with him?
Author wise_up Posted September 25, 2005 Author Posted September 25, 2005 Yes, it does hurt a lot, For 20 yrs it was like we had a good marriage. Also, because it was so long ago, I can't check any facts or anything. There could have been 50 for all I know. The first one happened when I was in hospital having our first child, How's that for love? It's hard to just forget 29 yrs together. He always told me he loved me. He said if he told me back then he was scaredd I would have left!! So beware, wives of taxi drivers.
smile95 Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 I am more amazed as I get older what slutty woman are out there. I would never imagine that happening! Ever. A taxi driver? What kind of wman does that? Is he very very good looking???? Charming????
RecordProducer Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 I am also very surprised that he confessed. Some men claim to be able to love their wives while having some fun on aside. For them sleeping with another woman is like eating a sandwich prepared by another woman - they don't think they should be faithful to their wives culinary although they may love how they cook. All you can do now is accept that it was just sex, that he is not the most moral person you've ever met, and get past it. You don't have to forgive him or trust him or not feel angry. Don't run away from your feelings. It's useless to fight about it now, but I think walking on eggs (as many women do after discovering their husbands' affairs) for the sake of moving on and not going back actually hurts the women. Now everyone will advise you to let it go and forget. But you can't. I'd say: let it all out. Punish him so you can feel better. What's punishment for you, I don't know. It could be anything from divorce to cheating on him, from no trust to spending the money he was going to spend on himself... Just don't let him get away with it. Many people feel so humiliated by their partners' infidelity that they bury their true feelings and let them eat their souls while sparing the partner the pain of their own sins. Many men do cheat so that could be your consolation, but not his justification. Many women cheat also but you didn't. Did he actually tell you that he drove these women and had sex with them after 10 min? His occupation has nothing to do with infidelity. If a man doesn't cheat because his wife is always after him, it's still not good. We want our partners to be faithful to us because they choose so, not because we check up on them 10 times a day. They are not children that we must control so that they don't start using drugs. Besides, taxi drivers are not the only ones who cheat, as you know. You were not gullible. It's easy to be gullible as much as it's easy to not trust your partner. When I was maried, I never asked my husband where he's been. He could have left work at any time, sleep with a woman and come back to work. I believe he was faithful to me and don't think I was gullible. You trusted him and you lived a good life for 29 years. He made a mistake, not you. Don't blame yourself. He didn't find love in his affairs - love that he missed from you. he just wanted some excitement. And I don't think he got it really. He just hurt you. Did he swear it would never happen again? Why did he confess at all?
Author wise_up Posted September 26, 2005 Author Posted September 26, 2005 Thanks for the advice. No, I won't let him get away with it. He is very flirtatious.All his mates were doing the same thing. Sometime down the track I am going to set him up with one of those investigation services. Catch him red handed, so to speak. (That will embarass the hell out of him!) He knows it hurts me enormously, but he is unable to admit how much, I don't think he wants to. I am not going to do anything rash, just think on it and take my time to work out the best course of action. I think a lot of women make the mistake of reacting in anger immediately. Instead of thinking clearly to get a little revenge. Any ideas for a little revenge? Nothing too nasty, just enough to shake him up a bit.
lilmoma1973 Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 Hey Wiseup, I feel so sorry that he has done this to you for so many yrs and that the fact that he never told you anything ...Did you ever suspect him cheating or would even dream he could? I would set his ass up and see if he takes the bait maybe hire someone or use a friend he doesn't know .. If he does then you know he will never be true again and then you will need to move .. I can't believe he done this 9yrs and never felt any remorse.. I would have a hard time trusting this man ever ..
RecordProducer Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 Any ideas for a little revenge? Nothing too nasty, just enough to shake him up a bit. How about take his tool away from him so he can't use it any longer? (the penis, that is... not the vehicle ) I personally don't see how catching him would embarrass him. If he had a center for embarrassment in his brain, he wouldn't be unfaithful. The only equal revenge is to cheat on him with the whole town. The thing that worries me is that you want to catch him next time. So you believe that there will be next time (you're not that gullible though). How will the 10th time make him more of a cheater than he already is? I would divorce him, but that's just me. So why did he confess at all?
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