kendahke Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 Its important to note ... although we've been FWB, she's now said she's willing to consider more, but is very clear that she won't offer further details and this will take 'a long time'. but not with you---the rest of what she said was to keep you in place for when she needed to use you next. Her words give you psychotic hope that if you just wait and squander your youth with her, she might, just maybe even, perhaps deign to open the shut door to her intimacy a crack to let you peek inside, but never allowed to come over that threshold. It doesn't take 4 years for a mentally and emotionally well adjusted adult human to figure this out. Me: I don't want to experience losing you again. Without a commitment, its only a matter of time until I get hurt, or someone comes along and makes you feel good. Her: I think its important that you feel secure in your choice instead of trying to change me - Translation: "you're going to just have to be good with how I treat you if you want me around" by telling me what I should say, or how, or when. Asking me to make promises I'm not ready to make. The only promise I can make with you is to 'try' [to work on us]. yeah, that and $2.50 will get you a cup of bad joe. Me: Will you promise to be faithful to me while we're working on us? Her: Lets focus on the present, not your fears. You lose today worrying about tomorrow. Translation: Not no, but hell no. OP, she's involved with someone else or she's got the guy lined up and is working on him/waiting on him to give her the green light. You are investing all of the right emotions and feelings into a completely wrong woman for you. 1
Author earthprime Posted June 13, 2019 Author Posted June 13, 2019 Were you ever her boyfriend? Yes, we were living together for two years.
Author earthprime Posted June 13, 2019 Author Posted June 13, 2019 but not with you---the rest of what she said was to keep you in place for when she needed to use you next. Her words give you psychotic hope that if you just wait and squander your youth with her, she might, just maybe even, perhaps deign to open the shut door to her intimacy a crack to let you peek inside, but never allowed to come over that threshold. ... Thank you for this analysis. I think I have a lot of work to do on myself. I fear she'll find someone else, but a healthy person would understand that she'll just do this to them as well the moment they stop giving her what she needs.
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 Me: Will you promise to be faithful to me while we're working on us? Her: Lets focus on the present, not your fears. You lose today worrying about tomorrow. Unfortunately, that is not a yes. You have to assume she is sleeping with other men or at least wants to. Now that you have that piece of info, does it change how you feel about staying? Overall she wants you on her terms & doesn't care if she loses you. It sounds like her way or the highway. I think you will be a lot happier & more fulfilled on the highway. 1
frus69 Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 Yes, we were living together for two years. You were her bf so she was committed to you before. Now she doesnt want to commit to you anymore. Well, that's obvious then she is losing interest and she will fall for someone else. It's just a matter of time 1
kendahke Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 Thank you for this analysis. I think I have a lot of work to do on myself. I fear she'll find someone else, but a healthy person would understand that she'll just do this to them as well the moment they stop giving her what she needs. Your right mind is still strong---you need to lean on that more and tell your heart to stand down for now. It's not in a healthy enough place to be making decisions right now. You want your heart in the mix only when your right mind isn't throttling it.
kendahke Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 You were her bf so she was committed to you before. I don't think she was ever committed to him. She was committed to the convenience, not him. 1
BaileyB Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 (edited) Yes, we were living together for two years. Boy, have you ever settled for less than you deserve. I’m sorry to say this, but she is a lot of talk... and what she is not saying - she does not want to commit to you and she is not faithful to you. She does not love you because if she did, she would not have used your feelings for her in this way. The question here is not “what’s her problem” but rather, why have you spent four years of your life with a woman who has not given you what you want - a committed relationship. Seriously, don’t waste another day on this woman... Edited June 13, 2019 by BaileyB
Redhead14 Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 Yes, we were living together for two years. I'd say you were just EXISTING together.
frus69 Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 (edited) I don't think she was ever committed to him. She was committed to the convenience, not him. whatever it was, she was committed to something, and now nothing, so it's going backwards. It was never ideal and now it's even worse - crystal clear she's losing interest. And i'm not surprised. Women dont love, or respect men who has no self esteem.The moment she saw OP settle for the bare minimum she offers, the moment she saw his weakness she will never fall in love for Edited June 13, 2019 by frus69
mopakarim Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 This isn't about you not getting your question answered. This is about you not getting the commitment you need to feel safe and secure in this relationship. She doesn't have to provide you with any type of commitment, but you don't have to stay in a relationship where you're not getting it either. You may love her, but love isn't always enough. It doesn't sound like you are truly fulfilled in this relationship. Most people would not be. That is why people usually have a talk about exclusivity early on in the relationship. That is why they walk away if they don't get the exclusivity early on. It is very difficult, if not impossible, to feel secure when the person you love wants to date other people. You don't deserve to have to live with that insecurity. It will only continue as long as you stay with her. Walk away. You will miss and it will hurt. You will move on though. Some day when you find somebody who will give you what you need, you will wonder why you stayed in this relationship for as long as you did. Also, she is punishing you for wanting to walk away?! What the heck?! Of course, you wanted to walk away. You don't owe her anything. Not then, and definitely not years later. Wow, why have you stuck with her for four years? That conversation would have been the last one I had with her if I were you. Maybe more detail would provide context that would change my opinion, but seriously, how has this lasted four years? 1
devilish innocent Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 You really need to move on. For whatever reason she's not able to offer what you need. She's giving you a faint hope that things might change because she wants you to stay. It things were going to change, though, they would have by now. This relationship probably should have ended for good when you broke up years ago. Instead you've let yourself get stuck in a toxic situation. Life is too short for that. Cut off all contact with her so that you can put this completely behind you.
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