d0nnivain Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 I personally would take all her stuff and burn it until it's a pile of ashes. Take some pics too and post them on instagram OP, do not do this.
Commongoal123 Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 So.... She feels pressured by the relationship. Where is the pressure coming from? Inside her own head, or.....?
snowboy91 Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 I'm sorry to hear about this. You said you wanted to meet 4 days a week instead of 7 - it is very hard to go backwards in terms of time spent together. Even in the absence of depression, it's likely to make one partner second guess the relationship or what their partner is up to... depression is going to make it much worse since she's probably constantly catastrophising everything. When she says she feels drained and exhausted, believe her. Don't take it personally - you can do all you like to be who you think she needs you to be but it means you're not being authentic, and eventually you'll end up drained. Which will keep her second guessing the relationship, and you'll end up doing things for each other out of fear rather than actually enriching each other's lives. That's a really unpleasant (and thus pointless) way to have a relationship. So it's better for her to leave, work on herself and allow her own life to take precedence rather than pouring whatever energy she has into maintaining the relationship. If you truly care about her, then understand that it's what she needs. Be kind to her (definitely return her stuff - it is hers!), but don't wait for her, it's highly likely she won't come back.
Lotsgoingon Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 You say everything is great ... and then you report that she didn't think you were affectionate ... and you guys were spending 7 days a week together. I'm sorry ... 7 days a week for most people ... is dysfunctional ... some sign of mutual dependence in an unhealthy way. Not a sign of closeness ... but a sign of insularity and lack of individuation ... Spending 7 days a week together is not a known treatment for depression. Far from it. And if you're not affectionate, that's huge ... Sounds to me like you have mixed feelings about her and about being her caretaker with depression but you're out of touch with these feelings. I'll warn you about depression ... She gets better, you should not assume she'll want to be with you. Depression makes you less assertive ... less clear ... she gets her energy back and heals some ... she'll likely want a very different type of relationship. And likely she'll have the confidence and energy to tell you that she doesn't want to talk to you again. And of course, you want to give her back her stuff. Tell her you want to set a date and time for her to pick up her stuff. And her crying, that's not a sign that she's changed her mind about breaking up. It's a sign she is facing up to the loss of ending things with you, the loss of her dreams for the relationship. Many people suppress all of this in a breakup ... she's not. When a woman initiating a break up cried on me, that meant I was toast. Meant they were feeling the loss now ... and would have no reason to revisit things later because they faced up to what they were losing in the first place.
Author lilpomp Posted June 19, 2019 Author Posted June 19, 2019 Ok so I have an update to this, 2 days ago I was home and she messaged me to go outside my house. I went and I found her there, we talked again, we kissed eachother and she felt butterflies all over again. I told her I would fix stuff from my end but she also needs to work on herself. She asked me if we wanted to date on Saturday and all was good and planned until yesterday when she started overthinking again and she was scared again when she was alone. We met again and called off the date, I told her that she never listened to me etc. and in some cases she didn't have answers to what I was saying. I don't get what she's trying to do? Does she want me to move on or not?
Author lilpomp Posted June 19, 2019 Author Posted June 19, 2019 Also, the problem is that she has a gut feeling which honestly I think is due to her anxiety/depression/overthinking. When she told me i'm going with my gut feeling, I started the car, drove her home didn't talk to her, she told me bye and was going to cry, and I told her bye and left and it ended their.
d0nnivain Posted June 19, 2019 Posted June 19, 2019 She wants to end it because she knows she can't be in a relationship now. She is a nice person & hates hurting you. Plus she knows when you are gone she will be all alone & have nobody. That idea & change in general after all the upheaval with her mother's death scares her. So she's sending mixed messages, coming closer, pulling back & basically toying with you (although not in an intentional malicious way; more of a broken confused way). This will go on until you stop it 1
Author lilpomp Posted June 19, 2019 Author Posted June 19, 2019 She wants to end it because she knows she can't be in a relationship now. She is a nice person & hates hurting you. Plus she knows when you are gone she will be all alone & have nobody. That idea & change in general after all the upheaval with her mother's death scares her. So she's sending mixed messages, coming closer, pulling back & basically toying with you (although not in an intentional malicious way; more of a broken confused way). This will go on until you stop it Couldn't have said it any better. She has counselling tomorrow. A part of me wants to get back with her and another part of me wants to just forget and move on because this is making mad. She can't be toying around because I have feelings too and this has definitely stalled my progress. I still feel that she's gonna message me back sometime soon when she realizes that all of this started when she didn't give me time for myself, some time for me to be alone.
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