dumbluck05 Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 I looked up recent phone bills and found that my husband has been it contact with an ex. He said it started by her text messaging him, then he called to see who it was..he did not know the number. This started a string of about a month long little 1-2 minute call a couple of times but then there was a call for 14 minutes and one for almost an hour. That was 8 months ago and he said they just talked and they are both married and that was it. Then about 4 months ago I saw additional conversations a couple of 1 minutes where he tried to call her then a couple of 5 minutes then there was another hour long conversation. He says she text messaged him first and he called her because she was having problems. He said she was going through some tuff times, recent miscarriage and loss of pet and so on. He said he told her they did not need to call or talk to eachother anymore and it was mutual. However the last time they talked she was at a store close to our house and told him to stop by and he did for just a minute he said they did'nt even hug or anything. She told my husband that she looked up our house and drove by to see what it looked like and he then did the same. My biggest concern is that this is the woman with whom he had oral sex with 4 times the month before we got engaged. Should I be concerned or should I believe him?
lilmoma1973 Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 Hey Dumbluck05, First of all he don't need no contact with someone when he is with you .. He should be committed to you and only you.. Whether she miscarried or her pet died tell her to confide in someone else beside your man .. OH hell no i won't go for that give him and ultimatium either friends with her or your BE YOUR H .. TELL HIM HE CAN'T HAVE HIS CAKE AND EAT IT TOO!! Once you cheat with someone you should leave that person alone or problems will fall ..Good luck
Guest Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 He's still cheating on you. An affair is an addiction, and he will never admit to you, whilst he doesn't want you to leave him, that there's any real connection between them. Why don't you ring her yourself? Most wifes of men who've cheated think the other woman was at fault, and intended to do nothing but break you up for the fun of it. But, you're a woman - women generally aren't like that (except in the movies). She had a connection to him, probably emotional - and he to her. He might in fact be the one who's having trouble breaking it off with her. Ring her yourself - be calm, polite and tell her that you want the truth, and tell her the truth might not make any difference to what you're doing (as in staying with him). I think you'll get the real truth from her, and she could give you evidence of who's ringing who... you just have to see her phone bill and compare the times. I'm telling you this because I was seeing a married man. His wife found out, and he appears, I'm sure, to her, to be doing everything right. But, from a public phone, and other people's phones, I still get called. I want to tell her because I want him to stop being this type of person who just messes around with people's lives - mine included. I have compassion for her, and feel sorry for her that she's there simply due to lack of evidence she need not be. I know what he's doing, and I have evidence to show her. Do you think though, if I rang her, she'd listen to me? Nup. She thinks I just want to break them up so I can have him... ironically, I know precisely what he's doing, and he is certainly not the type of man I would want to even just be friends with, let alone be the unfortunate wife of. My advice to women who aren't sure of what your man is doing after he says the affair's over? Stop buying books on how to rebuild your marriage, and buy books written to help the "other woman" let go... THOSE books will tell you what he's doing to keep her in the loop... and trust me... if he wanted her not to contact him, he would not let her. He could quite easily see his choice as being to contact this woman and not get 'busted' from you... chances are, the other glaringly obvious option of just ignoring her calls, etc, he just can't and won't do.
Author dumbluck05 Posted October 10, 2005 Author Posted October 10, 2005 I did give her a call and I think it helped. I got the whole story from my husband then told him I wanted to call her. So with his cell phone I made the call. I actually made him talk to her on speaker phone. She answered and it was very casual like oh hey whats up not oh i miss you or anything ( and this was when she didn't know I was listening or even there). So my husband said well hey my wife just wants to ask you some questions so be totally honest with her, she knows everything....she replied sure no problem. She was very nice and so was I. Everything she said my husband had already told me. She has been married for a while and was and is going through some tough times ie several miscarriages and is currently expecting ( with her husband) she said her husband knew she had talked with mine because they tell eachother everything and he seemed ok with it but my husband and her both decided not to talk anymore since they " had a past " they thought it wasn't the right thing to do since they are both happily married. I believe I got the truth especially since they had not spoken in a couple of months and I said let's call her and I did right away, it did not give him a chance to have a cover up or anything.
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