mejustme Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 I try my hardest to keep the break up clean, I am the girl that can remain cordial with the ex. Not like hanging out and not FWB after, but I really do like to keep it friendly. Back story; broke up one week from today, NC for days and and then the hurtful texts come. I was the one that got dumped, so I should be the angry one, or so I thought. But I. D.o.n.t like the negativity, so for me it’s easier to be nice. I was the one to break NC ( I know stupid) but I was having a week moment. The conversation was very cold on his end. So I just basically said that I never wanted things to end this way and that if he’d ever want to discuss further I was open to that. Conversation ended. I went about my business. Ran into someone while I was out and was informed that my very very recent ex had been talking to someone for a little now. So obviously he was talking to her before he broke up with me, which now it all makes sense. I kind of figured this was the case, but he wasn’t honest with me and instead blamed stupid stuff in me and I was the reason for the breakup. Of course it was all my fault. Totally twisted it around. So once I learned this I reached out and basically told him thanks for making me look like an idiot. And told him that I knew about the OW. In which he replied, “No idea what But it’s typical for a liar to try to turn things around” Unbelievable, that pissed me off. So I replied, “ not turning anything around, just stating what I heard” I know I shouldn’t have reached out, but I was upset and played for a fool. I became defensive. So of course the following text was, “ stop! There is something mentally wrong with you” I never responded back. I. D.o.n.t see how to him that makes me mental.
amaysngrace Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 It’s a defense mechanism to preserve his wounded ego.
stillafool Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 Yeah he had to put the blame on you so not to feel like the cheating jerk he is. Yeah he was cheating and didn't have the balls to tell you he met someone else he wanted to be with. Block him and move on. 1
Author mejustme Posted June 2, 2019 Author Posted June 2, 2019 I was waiting for it; first he deleted the pictures of us, then he deleted posts that involved the two of us and now he blocked me. I know it’s for the best I do! And I know how trivial and juvenile it sounds to be upset over social media, but it does upset me. It’s like every day he tries to hurt me more. Tbh, I just don’t get why people block the other! I just think it’s so immature. I know the first thing people say is to block them from everything, but that’s just to help with the healing process. This is why he did it tho, just another way to beat me down.
Beendaredonedat Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 Look at it this way (rather than the way you are taking it) It was kind of him to block and delete you. Now you can go TRUE zero contact which will help you to more quickly get you so that you are indifferent to him and everything about him. It is when you get to the stage of indifference that you will be in a healthy place emotionally to find yourself another partner that may just end up being your life-mate. Think positively about the block! 2
isolatedgothic Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 If he truly is doing this to just beat you down more, then you've dodged a bullet. Love doesn't act this ugly. Love doesn't block and hide and hurt. Right now, you are in the middle of the pain of losing someone you love. It is a hard process, but as the other poster said, look at this as a positive. Maybe he's done you a favor, showing you who he truly is. Now. Do HIM a favor, and let him go. Love opens the door if the little bird wants to fly. Let him fly. Try to reset your mind and tell yourself you are doing him a kindness by allowing him to flee and leave. You're giving him what he wants. How he deals with that is on him, but you let him go...cry, post, do whatever you can to get the support you need as you heal. We are here for you.
The Outlaw Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 Don't let being blocked on social media rile you up, it's never worth it. As much as it hurts, it's for the best and he's spoken his piece when he blocked you. It's time to move on. Go spend time with family and friends. Find a hobby or something that you enjoy doing as a distraction. It will pass with time, believe me.
basil67 Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 Turning this around for a bit - what makes you think that he's doing this to deliberately beat you down? Is it not possible he's doing it to move on? 1
Fekenaws Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 My ex and I never blocked each other on social media after she ended our relationship. I continued to stalk her on it almost every day for 8 months following the end of our relationship. She eventually broke no contact, and months later she asked me to hang out just this last week and it was an awful experience (for me) because I realized that she was LONG over our relationship and that I had been wasting my time. I didn't even get a hug goodbye from her. I think your ex is being merciful right now, it sounds like he's been through this before. Right now I'm still on my exes social media, but I'm going to remove myself soon.
d0nnivain Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 Blocking is not immature. It's about self preservation. He's not doing this to hurt you. He's doing it to help him because seeing you upsets him.
Author mejustme Posted June 6, 2019 Author Posted June 6, 2019 I know I shouldn’t but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t. But I just noticed that he had unblocked me now from Facebook post two week break up and NC. I know you can’t tell me why, but I’m curious and because of this I have hope. I am not sure if he blocked me on the phone and I am not about to check, but I did notice that he hasn’t unblocked me from IM. And I am aware that once you block someone and unblock them, you have to wait 48 hours to block them again. I’m on pins and needles overs here bc I know that when the 48 hours is up I will be crushed again. So assuming he only wanted to look at pictures of mine, but not talk. I honestly cannot believe how bad this break up is making me feel. I cared so much about him and how ugly things got between us is crazy to me. I wish he would just reach out. Any insight on why he would unblock me?
Orokotikki Posted June 6, 2019 Posted June 6, 2019 To creep on you or string you along. Please, let exes stay exes. BTW (i like to always nitpick on this) you aren't 'in NC' at any point if you can tell they have blocked or unblocked you (you need to have them blocked), not that you declared you were, but to me 'NC' denotes a very specific thing. 1
preraph Posted June 6, 2019 Posted June 6, 2019 Idle curiosity. Making sure you didn't move in next door or something. Looking to see if you're still in town or if he can go to the places you used to go without fear of running into you. You need to let it go. I mean, he knows where to find you if he wants to ask you out again. 1
Fekenaws Posted June 6, 2019 Posted June 6, 2019 I didn't know this till recently, but Facebook has an awesome new feature made just for breakups called "Take a break" in the settings. It's highly modular, so you can, for example, block seeing anything your ex posts from your newsfeed as well as anything they have been tagged in without them knowing, AND still have them as friends and let them view your page if you like. This way you can move on, and still leave the door there if you really want to. In my experience, Facebook likes, adds, comments, Snapchat views, etc, mean absolutely nothing. The only type of communication that matters are direct private messages, like texting, or phonecalls. Even then, I'd recommend trying to detox and move on. It's rough, but most people don't end up getting back together. 3
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 6, 2019 Posted June 6, 2019 I didn't know this till recently, but Facebook has an awesome new feature made just for breakups called "Take a break" in the settings. I believe this was created due to the 2016 U.S. presidential election, not for people going through breakups . But, it works. 1
Fekenaws Posted June 6, 2019 Posted June 6, 2019 Haha according to Facebook's own blog it was developed with relationships in mind, but who knows https://www.facebook.com/help/1638212473101795?helpref=faq_content
nolanola Posted June 6, 2019 Posted June 6, 2019 Cutting that last thread of keeping tabs on your ex is one of the hardest things sometimes. You can rationalize that you're not reaching out to them or directly seeing them, so what's the harm if you look every now and then? The problem is exactly what you're experiencing right now - that how you feel is still attached to what they do, what they think, or even what you think they think. You can spend a lot of mental energy doing this and in the end, you will still have no idea. And the whole time, they are living their lives and you're trapped under their thumb. Instead of worrying and wondering about why he is doing this, try to realize that it doesn't matter. Just like someone upthread says, blocking and unblocking doesn't mean a whole lot and it certainly doesn't mean "I want you back". Unless and until he reaches out directly to you and wants to really talk, which is what you deserve, then all of it is just noise. There is something very freeing in letting go, even if it takes a long time. It's been a super slow process for me, but I am getting much better at it and it is helping me SO much to not be aware of what he's doing or not doing. The temptation is still there, but it does get less and less. 2
BC1980 Posted June 6, 2019 Posted June 6, 2019 One of the reasons for going NC is to force yourself to accept that it's over. I think staying in contact with an ex on social media is worse than having to see them everyday after a breakup. Social media allows you to live in a fantasy. 1
stillafool Posted June 6, 2019 Posted June 6, 2019 I know I shouldn’t but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t. But I just noticed that he had unblocked me now from Facebook post two week break up and NC. I know you can’t tell me why, but I’m curious and because of this I have hope. I am not sure if he blocked me on the phone and I am not about to check, but I did notice that he hasn’t unblocked me from IM. And I am aware that once you block someone and unblock them, you have to wait 48 hours to block them again. I’m on pins and needles overs here bc I know that when the 48 hours is up I will be crushed again. So assuming he only wanted to look at pictures of mine, but not talk. I honestly cannot believe how bad this break up is making me feel. I cared so much about him and how ugly things got between us is crazy to me. I wish he would just reach out. Any insight on why he would unblock me? How long have you been broken up?
Author mejustme Posted June 7, 2019 Author Posted June 7, 2019 How long have you been broken up? We have been broken up two weeks now
William Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 Three threads merged and please continue discussion of this breakup in this thread only. Thanks!
Author mejustme Posted June 10, 2019 Author Posted June 10, 2019 I’m not looking for ridicule or judgement, just support. Some may not care to respond, but right now I really need an outlet. I’m struggling, really struggling with this break up. It’s been two full weeks of NC. He blocked me on all social media ( which I know is good) but he just recently unblocked me from Facebook three days ago, figuring I would have been blocked again after the 48 hour wait time, I have not been. Blocked me Instagram I guess around the same time and just unblocked me from there yesterday. I shouldn’t care, but I do! I was doing good yo until yesterday, but I e come to the conclusion that I was just being hopeful, hopeful that he’d reach out since he unblocked me, but he hasn’t. I am so sad over this, and just beside myself. I’ve been asked out by two different men and I just can’t do it! Honestly, I don’t want to! Today is the first day that I’m really not doing so well. I’m sick to my stomach, nerves are on edge and really in a bad way. Not depressed, just sad and disappointed. He went out last night to the place that he took me to in our first official date, I know this bc of a mutual friend. I don’t know if he was with someone but I’m going to say that he was. It was a club and he doesn’t do the club thing alone. Ironically enough he reached out to our mutual friend just today and asked how my son made out on his first football practice. Why does he care, why did he unblock me? We aren’t friends in any social media sites, so what is he getting out of unblocking me? ive never been this way, I usually get very angry and because of the anger I become resentful, but noooo, my heart is actually completely broken this time. I really fell in love with this man after only 10 months. Gosh, I hate this. I hate that I was doing okay and now 2 weeks later and I’m going to fall apart! Sucks so bad
lonelyplanetmoon Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 So sorry you have to go through this. Heartbreak is never easy. You probably crashed because you looked at his fb profile. You need to block him and be in the dark about him as much as possible. I am also about 2 weeks after bomb dropped. It sucks. Really sucks. You are not suffering alone.
nolanola Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 OP, I found that the first few weeks after a breakup are actually not so bad because you're still running on the adrenaline of everything that went down in the breakup. After that time, the reality of not seeing them or talking to them (and no new news about them) sets in and that's when I was probably at my worst. After that, it was about two months before I started feeling better. And by better I mean not crying everyday. I mean having glimmers of "I feel ok right now". I'm at 7 months NC now and have been feeling better for a little while. It's not a linear process and it's perfectly ok to acknowledge that you are sad right now. I would strongly suggest that you stay off social media for a while. The temptation of looking at his stuff, especially now that you're unblocked, might be too much. I definitely found when I could stay away from seeing things about my ex or his girlfriend it helped a lot. Just not being on Facebook has been really great for me. I'll remind you, like a lot of people have said to me, social media is not a true representation of what is actually going on in someone's life - it's what they want you to believe. But it's hard to understand that when you're heartbroken, sitting in your bathrobe and trying to interpret what your ex is posting or who is "liking" his post. Posting here helped me a lot. Just knowing that other people had the same thoughts that I did was really helpful. As far as him reaching out, please know that he is doing you a favor by not reaching out right now. Him reaching out would only keep you stuck right now. Keep going forward and try to just feel what you need to feel. It won't last forever. My Dad always says "this too shall pass" and it's so true - nothing in life lasts forever, not good times, not sad times, not heartbreak. Things are always changing and moving. Also, don't worry about dating if it doesn't feel right. I've been back online for a couple of months now and I feel mostly ok about it, but I definitely would not have felt that way in the first few months. And I still feel kind of blah sometimes now - especially when I have a date that isn't so great. At first, I really wanted to find someone so I could let my ex know -like it was a competition or something. But the longer that I don't have contact with him, the more I realize that I need to focus on what's best for me instead of trying to make myself look a certain way to him. Honestly, I should have done that more during the relationship. Find something to look forward to if you can - makes the days feel a little brighter. I promise if you keep going forward and just let yourself feel what you need to feel, it will start to get better. Unfortunately there isn't any short cut.
Author mejustme Posted June 11, 2019 Author Posted June 11, 2019 NC now for 15 days, I think. When the ex and I were still together I purchased concert tickets for him. They came in the form of etickets so I never technically handed them to him, but printed out a copy and gave him the copy. I offered these tickets the day after we broke up as they were a gift to him and for no other reason other than they were his and I had no interest in going. He did not want them. I’m sure he responded out of anger at that time, but I never offered them to him again. Seeing as tho I wouldn’t use them I decided that I’d sell them for face value and at least get my money back. I will admit that I hung on to them for two weeks figuring if we got back together we would at least have them and we could go. So I learned that he had been out to the clubs, assuming with another woman, and I just said “Ef it” and I threw them on two sites to try and sell them. Low and behold he reached out on the site and said that he would buy them from me, he’d put a check in the mail and I could mail him the tickets. Of course I responded, and said that they were a gift to you and I would just email the tickets so long as he still wanted them. He responded with, yes if you did not sell them. I emailed him the eticket and told him to have a nice time and to enjoy. Never thinking that he would bring a date to this concert. I was trying to do the right thing since they were his anyhow, but the thought that another woman would be there enjoying the show with my ex BF just rips my heart out even more. What I don’t understand is why would he want them? I could never bring another guy to something that my ex paid for. Is he really that cold? Ugh. This is horrible. As a side note, I am really hoping that this post isn’t going to be merged into the other posts. Honestly I don’t understand why that keeps happening to me. If anybody can shed some light in the above or this matter.
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