Shining One Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Here's an example of how my wing woman helped me one night: I was at a lounge. I was there for over 30 minutes, not getting any "welcome" signs from the women there. She showed up, dressed to kill. She had one drink with me and danced with me for two songs before she left. I was not lacking for dance partners the rest of the night and I did not go home alone.
The Outlaw Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 It's best to just cast any doubt or fear of rejection to the side and just get to know someone before you ask. That's what I did, and it was way easier. Got rejected anyway, but it wasn't half as bad as it could be. But if you don't want to go in that way, I've said it before and I'll say it again, the best way to meet someone is through a mutual friend.
Orokotikki Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Hey shining, that seems like it could work pretty well. I imagined them just sitting together at the bar talking to each other or something.
fishlips Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 To her, she says I need to learn to take a risk, be rejected, deal with it, and keep moving. She felt she would only enable me to rely on other people for help, women will see that as a sign of low self-confidence. I mean I get it, I've approached women in the past, but I wanted to try something different. If it's really so unreasonable, I guess I"ll just do it the old-fashioned way. I wouldn't call it unreasonable, but it's definitely a bit juvenile. I think you'll have better luck if you just try to meet women yourself. Do you have a dog? If you do, go to dog parks. Women love to talk to guys with dogs.
littleblackheart Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Any tips on how I can move past it faster? Other than actually going out there and 'facing your fear' head on, as it were? No . The only thing my friend said helped was be able to 'debrief' and get rejections out of his system by sharing his misadventures, laughing at himself a little bit and keeping it light hearted (a feat for him - he had the moody and mysterious 'Heathcliffe' vibe locked down at that point) - it helped him keep it in perspective. Can you use your friend as a sounding board (not a crutch!)?
alphamale Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 She showed up, dressed to kill. why aren't you dating her?!? 1
elaine567 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 I can see a friend telling you that women are interested in you to boost your ego, OR she may genuinely think that woman a, b and c are interested in you, but to then have that theory tested by you actually approaching, is maybe a step too far. "Oh sorry I got it wrong...again..." - awkward.
Author The-Nomad Posted June 11, 2019 Author Posted June 11, 2019 I can see a friend telling you that women are interested in you to boost your ego, OR she may genuinely think that woman a, b and c are interested in you, but to then have that theory tested by you actually approaching, is maybe a step too far. "Oh sorry I got it wrong...again..." - awkward. I used to challenge her whenever she would point out when women were interested in me. Made her angry a few times because she didn't appreciate that I wouldn't trust or believe her, and thought she was doing it for ego-boosting.
lana-banana Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 It's absolutely unreasonable. If you can't handle rejection, you're in no condition to navigate the many emotional ups and downs of dating. I know it stinks, but you have to get over it and learn to deal like everyone else if you want to develop a healthy connection with a mature adult. 1
preraph Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 If you're not noticing the ones noticing you it may be because you're focused on one who is good looking that every other guy is checking out and missing the ones who might be interested back. 2
Versacehottie Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 It's absolutely unreasonable. If you can't handle rejection, you're in no condition to navigate the many emotional ups and downs of dating. I know it stinks, but you have to get over it and learn to deal like everyone else if you want to develop a healthy connection with a mature adult. I agree. This one hurdle is small in comparison to the big picture of do you want to get out there and date and are you ready for it? I don't think there is a substitute or a bandaid for just doing it! One thing that i noticed from your OP is that you seemed just slightly proud of the fact that you've been single for the long stretch of time and just slightly apathetic toward dating in general, i.e. focusing on this minor thing while leaving the big thing undone. Is there a possibility YOU like this friend and looking for signs that it's reciprocated? If so, maybe act on it. If not, round up some of your guy friends, they are usually great for helping as wingmen or at least WILLING. Plus let's not forget the obvious: you will probably need to be doing a lot of app or online dating now vs the last time you tried. I do believe in meeting people organically and through friends is better but you might have to hit it from all directions. Have a less linear approach, i.e. it doesn't have to be a cold approach in a bar or an immediate connection via an app. A lot of times your best relationships evolve over time, i.e. via activities, friendships, work, acquaintances. Work those as well. Be open. Good luck 1
Lotsgoingon Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 The point is to talk to a bunch of people, and not just people who look obviously interested. Many, if not most, people develop interest after you talk to them, especially if you're not drop-dead handsome and fit. And if you only approach people you think are interested, you're putting enormous pressure on yourself to perform ... which undermines the fun of dating and being social. Instead, you want to really enjoy the process, actually learn something from the people you talk to ... and you want to share something interesting about yourself, about your job, just random observations--with them. And in the process, there will be random people that you find the talking is wonderful and you feel something strong ... and you might ask them out. By just chatting up anyone ... you also gain confidence in talking to people ... Don't worry about impressing anyone ... Just get social. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Since it is unreasonable to your friend, stop asking her. When she tried to do this for you in the past you didn't appreciate her efforts so I can see why she's reluctant now. I have been the wingwoman for several buddies. I always thought it was fun. Chose a different female friend or the GF of a long term buddy who is more open to helping you.
frus69 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 If you cant handle rejection, how can you handle life? Grow a pair. If you cant be a grown man and hunt your own women, hmm..you lack masculinity. It's a very unattractive trait for women.
Interstellar Posted June 12, 2019 Posted June 12, 2019 (edited) Your wingman or woman should absolutely build you up in front of the lady you’re attracted to. Most wingmen and wingwomen don’t know how to do an effective job of hyping you up that you eventually start believing them which boosts your confidence. In sports they have a term, it’s called a HYPE MAN. You want a hype man that absolutely thinks you’re the greatest, if you can find someone like that man, consider yourself lucky. Or you can just pay one to be your Hype Man. Edited June 12, 2019 by Interstellar 1
Shining One Posted June 12, 2019 Posted June 12, 2019 On the rejection front, there's nothing a wing woman can do to help with that. While she may help decrease the frequency by helping you find women who are already expressing interest (if she chose to do so), she can't eliminate it. Dealing with it is entirely up to you. Speaking from experience, it does get easier over time.
emeraldgreen Posted June 12, 2019 Posted June 12, 2019 Definitely gotta learn to do this. It's survival of the fittest, not the survival of the weakest but brought a switched-on friend.
Flame Aura Posted June 12, 2019 Posted June 12, 2019 Definitely unreasonable, and sounds like you are just too scared to meet and talk to women. When you get into a relationship is this 'friend' going to be by your side all the time telling you what to do? No off course not, so better you learn now to do it yourself and get some confidence as you seem to be lacking in it. 1
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