The-Nomad Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Single for 7 years, no dating no nothing. Been a bit of a hermit and only spending time with life-long friends and not meeting anybody new. I'd like to get back into dating. I don't have trouble holding a conversation with women, but I absolutely abhor approaching someone completely blind, due to the fact that I don't deal with rejection very well. Ideally, I'd like to find a female wing-woman who can go to social events with me, can help with picking out women whom are showing any signs of interest towards me, let me know so then I can approach them. I'd fare better approaching someone that I know, who has some level of attraction/interest rather than going in blind. My best female friend thinks this is an unreasonable and strange request and and absolutely refuses to help me in that regard. She claims most women will agree with her. What are your thoughts?
chillii Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Well , l ain't a women last l checked but yeah l agree, bit ridiculous. Just do your thing mingle and meet people naturally , no need for a big song and dance . lt's usually pretty obvious when someone likes ya back.
Shining One Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 One of my closest female friends used to be my wing woman. I'm sure she'd be willing to do it again if I asked. However, not many women are willing to do what she does. I'm not sure why that is the case. Perhaps some of the women here can shed some light on that.
alphamale Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 your wingman should never be a woman or a gay man 2
JuneL Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Not sure how that would work. Wouldn’t people just assume you’re a couple? 2
Author The-Nomad Posted June 11, 2019 Author Posted June 11, 2019 (edited) Figured a female wing-woman would be able to tell whether or not another female is interested. My best friend always told me she was 100% correct with it, but thinks what I'm asking for will be turn-off for women. Probably better to get other women's thoughts on it. Edited June 11, 2019 by The-Nomad
Author The-Nomad Posted June 11, 2019 Author Posted June 11, 2019 Not sure how that would work. Wouldn’t people just assume you’re a couple? We'd go to these events with a group of people.
Gretchen12 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 I agree with her. I would never do it. I wouldn't do it to another woman because I wouldn't want it done to me. That you even thought of doing this, will be the reason dating isn't going to be easy for you. Really if I'm seeing a guy and find out he had done this when he approached me, I'd end it.
Author The-Nomad Posted June 11, 2019 Author Posted June 11, 2019 Really...you'd end it even if it was going well?
ChatroomHero Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Figured a female wing-woman would be able to tell whether or not another female is interested. My best friend always told me she was 100% correct with it, but thinks what I'm asking for will be turn-off for women. Probably better to get other women's thoughts on it. I find when you happen to have a wing woman, they tend to think any woman you are interested in is giving signs...even to the point where they set you up with a friend of theirs and they encourage you even when you can absolutely tell the other girl is not interested. Basically a wing woman always seemed to me to give advice about what to do...only if the other girl was really into you...they are not so helpful when trying to land another woman. They tend to give romance movie advice like if you just don't give up eventually woman will come around and see how great you are and fall for you. In that regard their advice on when and how to approach usually is pretty cringe-worthy. Better to go out with guy friends that are adept at chatting up woman and bringing them to your table. Just not the guy friends that are the type to walk right up to women and say, "My friend likes you!". Hang with the friends that are openly social and tend to meet people in public. If you don't have anyone like that, just go with a friend to a festival or outdoor events/concerts etc. that have large groups of people. It's very easy to find a group of women and make small talk in large, open, social gatherings.
clia Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 We'd go to these events with a group of people. So, you're saying you would go to an event with a group of friends, and one of your friends, who happens to be female, would help you decide who to approach? That honestly sounds like how things normally work. What am I missing?
smackie9 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 If you are that desperate go find a dating coach to learn how to do it properly. You give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. You teach a man to fish you feed him for a lifetime.
Author The-Nomad Posted June 11, 2019 Author Posted June 11, 2019 To her, she says I need to learn to take a risk, be rejected, deal with it, and keep moving. She felt she would only enable me to rely on other people for help, women will see that as a sign of low self-confidence. I mean I get it, I've approached women in the past, but I wanted to try something different. If it's really so unreasonable, I guess I"ll just do it the old-fashioned way. 1
Gretchen12 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Really...you'd end it even if it was going well? Yes I would. And I may as well date the wingwoman since she was the one who picked me out of a crowd.
Author The-Nomad Posted June 11, 2019 Author Posted June 11, 2019 Beats me. She tells me women throw subtle signs of interest at me often. I'm oblivious to it so I figured why not just tell me who's doing it and I'll go and say hi. Didn't think this idea was THAT crazy.
smackie9 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 If you need someone to let you know where and when the cues are, how are able to hold a conversation and read their body language...are you going to have her whisper in your ear when there is a sign? Like I said go learn from a pro.
Gretchen12 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Have you considered dating this friend of yours? Make it easy for everyone.
Foxhall Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 think Id agree with chatroom hero on this, Personally anyway Id rather do my own hunting rather than someone else trying to pull the strings, in the old days though I had buddies who were naturalists at chatting up women so being in a group with them meant I could always get in by default shall we say! In terms of women helping you with this, bit dangerous making generalisations but my feeling is women are a bit insular with this and prefer not too. My cousin whom I am quite close too, yet I know she just would never be comfortable with this request, My Hungarian friend however would thrive on it, now she has a very extroverted personality so would love all that. at the same time what she would be pushing on me might not really be what would suit me either.
Shining One Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 If you are that desperate go find a dating coach to learn how to do it properly. You give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. You teach a man to fish you feed him for a lifetime.I think this happens naturally with a good wing woman. I learned a lot from mine. At first, she would point out the signs I was missing. Eventually, I started seeing them myself.
littleblackheart Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 I had a guy friend ask me the same thing years ago; like you he just needed a bit of support after years single as a bit of a 'hermit'. I went as far as give him generic ego boosting advice, and we spent a few hours setting him his 'dating profile' online, but actually going out with him and helping him speak to women? No way. After a handful of false starts, turns out he needed no one's help after all. He went from shy, unassuming recluse to 'player' (ish) in a few months. He always had women dripping all over him without realising it (he's not particularly socially aware) - all it took was a gentle push in the right direction. Maybe all you need is a gentle nudge from a well-meaning friend?
kendahke Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 To her, she says I need to learn to take a risk, be rejected, deal with it, and keep moving. She felt she would only enable me to rely on other people for help, women will see that as a sign of low self-confidence. She's right. You, at some point in time, have to develop your judgement and keep your "woman-picker" in top working order. You've left yours to neglect for 7 years. She nor any other woman, can't get you past what you need to develop past on your own.
Author The-Nomad Posted June 11, 2019 Author Posted June 11, 2019 I had a guy friend ask me the same thing years ago; like you he just needed a bit of support after years single as a bit of a 'hermit'. I went as far as give him generic ego boosting advice, and we spent a few hours setting him his 'dating profile' online, but actually going out with him and helping him speak to women? No way. After a handful of false starts, turns out he needed no one's help after all. He went from shy, unassuming recluse to 'player' (ish) in a few months. He always had women dripping all over him without realising it (he's not particularly socially aware) - all it took was a gentle push in the right direction. Maybe all you need is a gentle nudge from a well-meaning friend? This is exactly what she said what would happen to me if I tried, which is why she refuses to help. It sounds like maybe the best course of action is to just take a risk and do it myself like everybody else and eventually figure out what kind of women I'd attract. But I REALLY hate that sting of rejection though, it used to irk me for a while before I could move on. Any tips on how I can move past it faster?
Versacehottie Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Well, I don't think it's impossible but other women are likely going to be confused by the relationship between you and your best friend. Anyone who is a stranger to you guys won't know what the relationship is between you and will probably be reluctant to flirt with you. It could work every now and then (usually in bigger groups rather than just a duo) but i don't think you should rely on it as a strategy. Maybe ask your bff if she will help you occasionally at places that are a part of what you guys were going to do normally. If she is your friend, she should be willing to do this, if it happens organically not like a buddy movie trolling for guys--maybe that's what she wants no part of? Or she is shy or in love with you herself. Ok that's my 2 cents. 3rd cent is that you should find a way that you don't really rely on your friends for this. Yes to go out in a group but that you handle the flirting and pick up techniques on your own. Good luck
vla1120 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Figured a female wing-woman would be able to tell whether or not another female is interested. My best friend always told me she was 100% correct with it, but thinks what I'm asking for will be turn-off for women. Probably better to get other women's thoughts on it. Well, my problem with that is, if I saw a man having a drink with another woman, I would assume they were a couple. So, I certainly wouldn't show interest. What are your thoughts about a woman approaching you even if she thinks you're "with" your friend?
Orokotikki Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Single man with "female wingwoman" = Single man with single woman repellent. What quality woman do you really think you'll attract with another woman with you? 3
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