toyboy98 Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 Im not jealous person. I allow my girlfriend to dance and flirt with other men when shes out drunk because I know she will sleep next to me after all. Ofcourse I dont want her to kiss anyone or anything like that but im fine if shes having fun. One night she was drinking with her friends while I was at work. Everything was normal after that night she just told me that she had fun. Two weeks later my friend who was in the same nightclub with her told me that he saw her spending whole night with some dude. She was dancing with him and he was dragging her by hand around the club. My friend told that to me and said he would not tolerate that kind of behavior if she was his gf. It didnt sound bad at first but because my friend had to tell me that, ofcourse I started to worry. I asked her what happened that night and she said nothing. I told her that it sounds bad because someone else had to tell me about it. She said things my friend said, happened, but she would never cheat on me. I said its hard for me to say anything else than I trust what you say, because I wasnt there to see what really happened. Im 100% sure she went home alone that night. I just still feel confused and little bit embarrased because my friend had to tell me something like that. Im also thinking what if she went too far that night but I just dont know that. When I think about it, I feel like I want to talk about it again with her, but I would then look like insecure and controlling boyfriend. What you guys think?
frus69 Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 I dont understand if your friend hadn't had to tell you that you would not feel bad anymore? Like if she told you that you would be ok with it? Your only problem is your friend had to tell you that? Not what she actually did??
emeraldgreen Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 I allow my girlfriend to dance and flirt with other men when shes out drunk That's cuck talk. Expect better of your GF. It's ridiculous that she'd even want to do that crap, let alone you be okay with it. 2
Author toyboy98 Posted June 10, 2019 Author Posted June 10, 2019 I dont understand if your friend hadn't had to tell you that you would not feel bad anymore? Like if she told you that you would be ok with it? Your only problem is your friend had to tell you that? Not what she actually did?? The way he told me sounded like something really bad have happened. Thats why it feels like something bad happened but I just didnt get to see it with my own eyes.
Author toyboy98 Posted June 10, 2019 Author Posted June 10, 2019 That's cuck talk. Expect better of your GF. It's ridiculous that she'd even want to do that crap, let alone you be okay with it. How is it cuck talk if im confident enough to let her have fun without being jealous? Ofc all that fun has to be done in a certain limits and to this day it has been on those limits
emeraldgreen Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 It's not confidence. It's denial or naivete at best. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 How is it cuck talk if im confident enough to let her have fun without being jealous? Ofc all that fun has to be done in a certain limits and to this day it has been on those limits Because it's only "fun" when you know about it first, and it's evidently not okay when you don't. I was young and pretty carefree like your girlfriend once. And I behaved that way because I enjoyed attention from other guys and wasn't totally invested in the guy I was dating at the time. It's isn't about you being confident; it's about you having boundaries. Trust me when I say girls like this will push those boundaries; I was one, back in the day. When I matured and was serious, I didn't let other dudes drag me around by the hand at clubs. I wasn't interested in dancing with them, either. This isn't a reflection of your confidence or trust. It's about her playing around and not being ready for the level of commitment you would like. Your girlfriend sounds young. You can set your boundaries if you like, but if this is the sort of thing she does with some regularity, then I wouldn't expect a serious relationship from her. She's not done exploring and having fun yet.
BaileyB Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 I could not agree more with Expat. She is young, and she is not done having fun. I wouldn’t trust her. If she was really committed to your relationship, she wouldn’t be behaving the way she is behaving. 1
The Outlaw Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 I think that if she really respected you, she wouldn't be doing any of this nonsense. You can't tell her what to do or who she can hang out with, but this more than warrants concern. If she did it once, she'll do it again.
emeraldgreen Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 You keep saying you allow her and let her, as if you have any say in it or that she wants your permission. You've convinced yourself you have any control over it to lessen the severity of the fact that you have a GF with a wandering eye, and who knows what else is wandering?
Marc878 Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 You seem to be overly worried about being controlling, etc and your gf is out basically dating others guys and who knows what else. Sounds to me like your doormatish and weak. Strength is attraction the game you're playing is not 2
alphamale Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 personally I would dump her, this is a sign of disrespect on her part. there are lots more fish in the sea
Author toyboy98 Posted June 11, 2019 Author Posted June 11, 2019 Thanks for your comments guys. I just really dont know what to do right now. I have seen her talk and dance with other men before and I can say it has been really harmless. Right now it seems like this time it went somehow too far because my friend had to tell me about it. She told me that she said to this guy that she is in a relationship and she will go home when he invited her to continue the night at his place. I dont know if this is good or bad tho. I feel like I need to talk to her again and tell her its not cool if someone else have to tell me something suspicious happened. Also I feel embarrassed because of that. She likes attention. Maybe shes insecure and it boosts her confidence. However I know she loves me and it would break her heart if I now walked away. I hope this can still be fixed with proper talking, telling her that I dont want to hear anything like that ever from a friend again. Its hard because I dont want to put her in a cage. Only good thing is that nothing unreversible happened like kissing or blowjob in a bathroom. 1
frus69 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 The way he told me sounded like something really bad have happened. Thats why it feels like something bad happened but I just didnt get to see it with my own eyes. You mean the way he told you sounded like she did more than just dance and flirt and that's why you are worried? And if it was really only just dance and flirt you'd be ok? Then why dont you ask your friend exactly what more did she do then
BaileyB Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Then why dont you ask your friend exactly what more did she do then The day that I have to ask my friend what kind of inappropriate behaviour he witnessed my girlfriend do is the day I dump my girlfriend... 1
frus69 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 The day that I have to ask my friend what kind of inappropriate behaviour he witnessed my girlfriend do is the day I dump my girlfriend... Yes, for most of us, and for his friend too I suppose. That's why his friend was in a big shock and had to tell OP. But OP is different, he has a very low bar. Many things we deem inappropriate are totally ok by him, which is fine, you know, if he's happy.
Author toyboy98 Posted June 11, 2019 Author Posted June 11, 2019 When he told me, I asked if anything else happened than spending time and dancing with that guy, and he said no.
frus69 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 If you are truly ok with those sort of behaviors, and your friend has told you nothing more happened, then shouldnt you just chillax and go on with your life? Unless you dont trust your friend? Or you arent truly ok with these behaviors?
central Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Some people get flirty when drunk, and it goes no further. Is she like that, or don't you really know? But why is she going to clubs without you? If this is a frequent thing, and she usually behave this way, it could lead to real problems. It sounds like it could lead to problems, if she's sticking with one guy for more than a dance or drink or two. Perhaps discussing some boundaries to keep things acceptable to you both would be good.
Author toyboy98 Posted June 11, 2019 Author Posted June 11, 2019 If you are truly ok with those sort of behaviors, and your friend has told you nothing more happened, then shouldnt you just chillax and go on with your life? Unless you dont trust your friend? Or you arent truly ok with these behaviors? Having fun, chatting and dancing with men is okay and harmless in my opinion. But if you know someone is interested in you and you spend the whole night with him for attention is not that much. Telling him at the very end of the night that shes in a relationship doesnt change that and I need to talk with her.
Author toyboy98 Posted June 11, 2019 Author Posted June 11, 2019 Some people get flirty when drunk, and it goes no further. Is she like that, or don't you really know? But why is she going to clubs without you? If this is a frequent thing, and she usually behave this way, it could lead to real problems. It sounds like it could lead to problems, if she's sticking with one guy for more than a dance or drink or two. Perhaps discussing some boundaries to keep things acceptable to you both would be good. Exactly like that. Shes flirty and likes male attention but im 100% confident that she would not do anything what is considered cheating. Im not afraid of that. She went without me because I was at work.
Marc878 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Exactly like that. Shes flirty and likes male attention but im 100% confident that she would not do anything what is considered cheating. Im not afraid of that. She went without me because I was at work. Famous last words. How many times you see that on here then BOM 1
frus69 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 (edited) spend the whole night with him for attention is not that much. Shes flirty and likes male attention but im 100% confident that she would not do anything . You are contradicting yourself. Are you ok with she wanting attention or not? If you are truly 100% confident in her, then why cant she spend the whole night getting attention? She wouldnt do anything, right? Edited June 11, 2019 by frus69
Author toyboy98 Posted June 11, 2019 Author Posted June 11, 2019 You are contradicting yourself. Are you ok with she wanting attention or not? Me being 100% confident she doesnt cheat doesnt mean I am cool with her wanting attention to the point it doesnt respect our relationship anymore.
Rayce Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Me being 100% confident she doesnt cheat doesnt mean I am cool with her wanting attention to the point it doesnt respect our relationship anymore. There is a difference between flirting and outright giving someone the wrong signals… her letting him lead her around by the hand... well that sounds beyond flirting... IMHO. If she respected your relationship she would be pushing guys away when they got to the point of grabbing her and man handling her... right???? I mean are you ok with that? Is that ok compared to kissing?
Recommended Posts