kscholze Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 Just as I was having a great time and met some beautiful girls and was enjoying thier company, my ex texted me with "are you mad at me?" I had ignored her text from earlier in the week and I guess she felt I was moving on and she better put a stop to that. She told me she is having trouble with her BF. I told her I really dont want to here about her BF. then She said "sorry baby" why baby? It really didn't bother me to hear from her the way it used to, but I do still love her. Can anyone tell me why she would feel the need to tell me about her BF problems, and why she would call me baby?
Author kscholze Posted September 24, 2005 Author Posted September 24, 2005 dont know why I posted here, really not coping anymore. I just dont know the right forum I guess. I do feel very strong now though. I wasnt hurt this time
RainyDayWoman Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 she's telling you she's having trouble with her boyfriend because she wants your attention. she probably thinks this will make you hopeful, and more likely to contact her. i doubt she is actually having any trouble--i know many girls who have done this same thing to exes, and the trouble is not with the new boyfriend, it's with knowing that the ex is getting over her. she doesn't want that to happen, even if she doesn't want to be with you. stop answering her. and if she texts you again, send her one last text back (or even call her, if you can be firm about it) that says "please stop contacting me. you need to move on, just like i have. thank you." you need to take a tougher approach with this girl, she seems to think she has you wrapped around finger whenever she feels like wrapping. if you're letting her do that to you, it's not her fault. but if she's taking it upon herself to make you her entertainment piece, that's absolute crap.
Author kscholze Posted September 24, 2005 Author Posted September 24, 2005 I just have trouble believing she is not sincere. She hasn't called me baby since we broke up in june. I have to admit it felt very good.
RainyDayWoman Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 I just have trouble believing she is not sincere. She hasn't called me baby since we broke up in june. I have to admit it felt very good. i am sure it did feel good. it's called "manipulation." and you're falling for it, so it's working. sorry, but if she wanted to get back together with you, she wouldn't be so evasive. she's testing to see how far she can get without having to commit to her own feelings. she wants you to want her, even when she doesn't want you. if she does want you, she should have to work a little harder than that to get you, otherwise, you're bound for a relationship of being stepped on. i am sorry that i am not telling you what you want to hear, and my intention is NOT to hurt your feelings. but i am female, and i know many females, and almost alllll break-ups end up like this, she finds a new guy, but keeps the old one in the background just in case, and it's because she wants to feel desired by him. she'll keep him interested by sending or leaving strange messages or cop-outs (like "are you mad at me?" b/s she knows you'll answer) but never comes out and says "i miss you and i want to try it again." there is a reason she doesn't say that...because she doesn't mean it. eventually, the playtime gets old and it will stop. you can keep your dignity by not letting her rule your mind. you said you were having a good time and meeting beautiful girls....KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. in the unlikely event that you and this girl did try to work it out again, at least by allowing yourself to have some new experiences now would help you to decide how you really feel about it, not to mention have some fun....because you might find it's not love anymore at all, and that you really do want something new. i wish you luck, i really do. this can't be easy, and i give you a lot of credit for not turning into some pathetic, lovesick ex-boyfriend who is begging for scraps like a puppy--because some do, and it's very sad.
Author kscholze Posted September 24, 2005 Author Posted September 24, 2005 thanks rainyday. If this is really what she is trying to accomplish I will be disgusted by her. I deal with it knowing that I cant be anymore hurt than I was and even when I here about her and her BF (BTW he was an EX too). one day I woke up and I thought about her, but I didnt miss her. Of course she textd me that day, and I didn;t return it. NC and then she textd again. I am starting to feel sorry for her
RainyDayWoman Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 thanks rainyday. If this is really what she is trying to accomplish I will be disgusted by her. I deal with it knowing that I cant be anymore hurt than I was and even when I here about her and her BF (BTW he was an EX too). one day I woke up and I thought about her, but I didnt miss her. Of course she textd me that day, and I didn;t return it. NC and then she textd again. I am starting to feel sorry for her good for you. it's natural to have highs and lows with this, as well as hope and disgust, so don't think that you are wrong in the questions you're asking. i was just hoping i wasn't too harsh, because i don't want to hurt your feelings.
Author kscholze Posted September 24, 2005 Author Posted September 24, 2005 No offense taken here. Thank you for your words. This place has really helped me through some bad times
RainyDayWoman Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 No offense taken here. Thank you for your words. This place has really helped me through some bad times glad to hear it! always come here when you need to...sometimes it can stop you from making a huge mistake, just to talk it about with someone else.
Author kscholze Posted September 25, 2005 Author Posted September 25, 2005 found out she is always talking and asking about me last night from a friend. She knows he will tell me.
westernxer Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 Testing the waters through a friend is okay, but don't give in so easily. If she wants you back, she needs to put herself on a limb. Until she says so, don't assume anything. Right now she's still in play mode.
Author kscholze Posted September 25, 2005 Author Posted September 25, 2005 I wont do anything while she is seeing this guy, but my freind also said that he is just convenient to her. I wasnt asking my friend all of this, he just told me. He likes to get in the middle of ****.
sundrop Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 you may want to do what I had to do when m ex was calling my friend. I asked her not to tell me when he called her again unless it was something she tought I needed to hear. All it was doing was upsetting me. Wondering why he was asking all these question and talking about me to her. I didn't understand his motives. That was a few weeks ago and I had yet heard from him, so go figure.
RainyDayWoman Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 my freind also said that he is just convenient to her. that's not up to your friend to decide. you already know what i think. i'm with tanbark on this one. i also think you are trying to convince yourself of a few things, and that's a dangerous thing to do. if she genuinely wants to be with you, you will know...and it won't be through a friend or a text message.
Author kscholze Posted September 25, 2005 Author Posted September 25, 2005 ur right rainy day. I am trying to convince myself of a few things. Funny thing is I can get on with my life and still be holding on to this azt the same time. If I am out meeting and dating other girls, why am I holding on to this? I really dont get upset anymore. I guess Ill just always wonder
Author kscholze Posted September 25, 2005 Author Posted September 25, 2005 she has also told me that he is just convenient, but I guess she is just a phsyco drama queen
Baz Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 Go get a girl who is comfortable with a relaxed relationship with you, someone who understands where you are emotionally and then let your friend know... Whats good for the goose is good for the gander!
jimbea Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 I went through something similar. Keep away and make her want you, no matter what she does just reject it. Sounds crazy but I fell into the trap you may be heading for, if she truly wants you back she will let you know straight forward. You gotta go by actions with bi***s like this, she left so her words and promises mean zip, zero, nothing anymore. Sorry to be so harsh but I broke the no contact, told her I wanted her back and lost my ex pretty much for good, take it firsthand & don't make the same mistake. Two things can happen from here: 1) You make her almost desperate to get you back 2) She thinks your the desperate and needy one because you break down and tell her how you feel and takes off for more of a "man" while toying with you. The truth sucks, sorry.
brittanyjean259 Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 well me and my( 3 year relationship) bf brokeup and he rebounded and wont talk to me.....he loves ingoring me and being bitter...but when we used to get in to fights if i didnt talk to him hed go nutz....well im not indenial but i know there is like a 50% chance he will try to contact me with like whatsup...and when that happens im coming straight to here estatic for the moment bc he will deserve to try to get me back...but than sad knowing its over no matter what....blah haha
BadBadGirl Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 she has also told me that he is just convenient that's ridiculous. then why is she still with him and not with you? or with someone else, for that matter, someone who's not "just convenient"? no one is making her date someone, she could just be single for a while. if she didn't really want to be with him, she wouldn't be. she's a liar. some girls do this stuff, and so do some guys, and many people fall for it because they hope it works out in their favor. in this case, unless she steps up and stops playing this game, it's not going to work out the way you want it----unless what you want is to end up without her.
Baz Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 That's agreed then. Forget this wench and go find someone who values you. If you are a decent bloke and not some crazed axe murderer she will very quickly realise what she has just lost and you will feel a surge of power. You just need to feel valued, this isn't about love it is about rejection like most posts on here. (me included)
Author kscholze Posted October 5, 2005 Author Posted October 5, 2005 Honestly I just want to move on. And I do, but she always does something to make me think she wants to get back together. Stupid me, I always hear her out and tell her I still love her. I never tell her i want her back until she says something like "i love you and want to be with you" or calls me "baby". I wont tell her I love her anymore when she does these things. I feel that by saying these things to me she is losing her dignity. I have lost alot of trust and respect for her now.
Baz Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 I know where you are exactly, trust me i do. It is a new experience and one that I for one did not know how to handle. I really thought that the comments that she threw out my way would lead to us getting back together but all that happened is that her confusion became my confusion. In essence you are being abused for being a good man and the sooner you come to realise that the sooner the situation will be resolved. I know people chuck out advice like "GO NC!!!" but unfortunatley this is your only option. But there is a twist. It is NC on your terms. Take the power back and say to her in your own words that you are no longer prepared to tolerate her confusion and the dance that you now find yourself in. Wish her well and if and when she realises that you are the one she wants to be with then she should contact you - AND IF YOU ARE STILL AVAILABLE YOU WILL CONSIDER BUILDING A NEW RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. DO YOU UNDERSTAND???? Once you have communicated this, back out. Go strict NC. Until she quite literally is at your door, do not acknowledge her at all. To add a bit of fizz to the cocktail - go and get yourself a girl friend not a girlfriend and let the world know you are moving on. I cant say this enough - think that you are the prize, not her.
samski3409 Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Damn K. It's always the same crap isn't it? it's like such a slap in the face for them to say stuff like 'I love you' "i miss you'blah,blah blah!!! what do they know about missing.if they really did miss you or love you,they know where to find you if they're serious about it. i miss her all the time but it wasn't my decision to leave, so there's nothing i could do about it.We gave them plenty of chances already but know that ship has sailed ,my friend. good luck and keep strong. i think you're going to be just fine if you keep it up. for me I've managed to hang in there even with receiving some random text from her i have not responded and every time i resist that urge i get a hell of a lot stronger!! Stay up,K.
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