Chrys31 Posted May 14, 2019 Posted May 14, 2019 (edited) Well i dated this guy for a second date. Before the actual second date, i was to go on holiday so i asked to meet him before i went. He told me he wanted to ask me the same thing and we set up a date and time. 2 hrs before he cancelled due to a work issue and apologized multiple times. We kept in touch throughout my holiday. I had deleted my profile on the dating site and created a new one with a diff name and same info and photos as i wanted to put my actual name but there was no option to change it. I saw he took a snoop on my profile. So I looked at his as well. At the week before we met.... I noticed he stopped initiating texts. So I did text him a few times prior to our meeting and he texted me friday and saturday for our meeting. The date was great we kissed mid to end date passionately and he suggested to go to a hotel. I of course declined, because i said it is too early to do something like this. I was a bit ticked off that he suggested that tho. He told me that he wouldnt do anything that is uncomfortable for me and wanted to kiss me all night long. I said i wanted the same just not on a hotel as it is quite early for any type of sleepover. So after that, we talked through the night and on Sunday morning where we said we want to explore each other. Monday passed with no word. I called him accidentally on Whats app and then we talked in the evening where he repeated the same bed etc innuendos. He sent me a kissing emoji in the morning and i sent a good morning text too with kissing emoji. After that no text. And actually all last week he didnt text me at all on his own. I asked him for a beer on Saturday for Monday, as i was working from home, which he said yes and we agreed on a place . I didnt want to text him again because i have done quite a bit of initiation. Sunday passes no word and Monday he didnt text me at all so i didnt. All this time i he was online on POF sometimes as I was too. But it seems like he really lost interest....Is it because he just wanted sex? Edited May 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Construct paragraphs and merge update
Flame Aura Posted May 14, 2019 Posted May 14, 2019 Assume every guy you meet, especially online, wants to have sex with you as soon as possible, that is how we are wired. Someone who is genuinely interested in a long term relationship with you will be able to be patient, and get to know you first until you are both ready. Seems like he's not. Most likely he has found someone else to chase. Next him. 1
kendahke Posted May 14, 2019 Posted May 14, 2019 Yes. Reading your post, you're the one doing all of the contacting. He's not. He's just going for the ride until you agree to have sex with him. He's not worth any more spilled ink. Let him take his mess to someone else. You dodged a bullet. 3
Ruby Slippers Posted May 14, 2019 Posted May 14, 2019 He wanted easy sex. He didn't get it, so moved on. Bullet dodged on your part. 1
Author Chrys31 Posted May 14, 2019 Author Posted May 14, 2019 Errr he told me he wanted to take me out for dinner etc but ok....
Redhead14 Posted May 14, 2019 Posted May 14, 2019 Errr he told me he wanted to take me out for dinner etc but ok.... Well sure he said he wants to take you out for dinner. Telling a woman he wants to pump and dump her isn't a good selling point . . . 3
Author Chrys31 Posted May 14, 2019 Author Posted May 14, 2019 Well sure he said he wants to take you out for dinner. Telling a woman he wants to pump and dump her isn't a good selling point . . . Dunno. A bit silly coming from a full grown adult
Redhead14 Posted May 14, 2019 Posted May 14, 2019 Dunno. A bit silly coming from a full grown adult Unfortunately, his "approach" apparently works on full grown adult women often enough . . . 1
Author Chrys31 Posted May 14, 2019 Author Posted May 14, 2019 Right i did say to him i am looking for a relationship
d0nnivain Posted May 14, 2019 Posted May 14, 2019 You need a thick skin & a healthy dose of skepticism with anybody you meet on line. You need to discount everything they say & practically assume they are lying to you especially about their desire for a relationship. If lying is too strong of a word for you, at least don't assume they even know what they want. You met this guy in part because he said all the right things. You liked him & were attracted when you met so you hoped he'd move forward with you. Unfortunately his actions tell a different tale: he's not willing to work for a relationship with you. You may never know the why. All you can do is accept the behavior you are seeing as lack of interest & move on. 1
Author Chrys31 Posted May 14, 2019 Author Posted May 14, 2019 You need a thick skin & a healthy dose of skepticism with anybody you meet on line. You need to discount everything they say & practically assume they are lying to you especially about their desire for a relationship. If lying is too strong of a word for you, at least don't assume they even know what they want. You met this guy in part because he said all the right things. You liked him & were attracted when you met so you hoped he'd move forward with you. Unfortunately his actions tell a different tale: he's not willing to work for a relationship with you. You may never know the why. All you can do is accept the behavior you are seeing as lack of interest & move on. Sure . But its very disappointing
smackie9 Posted May 14, 2019 Posted May 14, 2019 Sure . But its very disappointing You are just going to have to assume the majority on those websites they are looking for a quick lay....well because it's the internet, it makes it so easy to do. Basically if they start nudging towards a hotel after the second date, that is pretty much where his mind is at. Making sure you have a fantastic first date is just simply part of the plan. 1
Author Chrys31 Posted May 14, 2019 Author Posted May 14, 2019 You are just going to have to assume the majority on those websites they are looking for a quick lay....well because it's the internet, it makes it so easy to do. Basically if they start nudging towards a hotel after the second date, that is pretty much where his mind is at. Making sure you have a fantastic first date is just simply part of the plan. Well....i have made my intentions clear. There are lots of women that ALSO are looking for just sex. Why me??? I am very upfront that i.am looking for a relationship.
Redhead14 Posted May 14, 2019 Posted May 14, 2019 Well....i have made my intentions clear. There are lots of women that ALSO are looking for just sex. Why me??? I am very upfront that i.am looking for a relationship. Do you realize how many times these men hear "You know, I never do this . . . ?" after the woman has made it clear that she's looking for a relationship and doesn't sleep with men on the first date 2
smackie9 Posted May 14, 2019 Posted May 14, 2019 Well....i have made my intentions clear. There are lots of women that ALSO are looking for just sex. Why me??? I am very upfront that i.am looking for a relationship. You attracted him and what you are looking for it's going to stop him...I'm sure he has had success regardless of their profile says. Guys will do or say anything to get a woman in the sac. Like D0nnivian, "You need a thick skin & a healthy dose of skepticism" to navigate these men who use these sites.
Author Chrys31 Posted May 14, 2019 Author Posted May 14, 2019 They can hire an escort or go to a strip club to jerk off or possibly more if they just want this Wtf they would go to a date with a woman that wants a relationship
The Outlaw Posted May 14, 2019 Posted May 14, 2019 If he lost interest because you didn't have sex with him, you didn't lose anything. He was looking for a hookup/one night stand, not a relationship. 1
Author Chrys31 Posted May 14, 2019 Author Posted May 14, 2019 If he lost interest because you didn't have sex with him, you didn't lose anything. He was looking for a hookup/one night stand, not a relationship. This is my question tho. Was it because i didn't have sex??
d0nnivain Posted May 14, 2019 Posted May 14, 2019 Wtf they would go to a date with a woman that wants a relationship Just like we are cautioning you to be skeptical about what you hear, these men think that a woman who says she wants a relationship is just saying that because it's more socially acceptable then a woman saying she's DTF & looking for NSA sex. They think you are lying about what you want & what you will tolerate. They are also so full of themselves that they think if they wine & dine you, say the right things, & give you good first date that you will fall into bed with them.
Redhead14 Posted May 14, 2019 Posted May 14, 2019 This is my question tho. Was it because i didn't have sex?? Yes! + 10 characters
Author Chrys31 Posted May 15, 2019 Author Posted May 15, 2019 Just like we are cautioning you to be skeptical about what you hear, these men think that a woman who says she wants a relationship is just saying that because it's more socially acceptable then a woman saying she's DTF & looking for NSA sex. They think you are lying about what you want & what you will tolerate. They are also so full of themselves that they think if they wine & dine you, say the right things, & give you good first date that you will fall into bed with them. If they think that they are nuts. Why wouldn't i say i want just sex if thats what i want That is crazy
basil67 Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 I'm going to play Devil's advocate: It could have been because he sees you as a tease. Getting into passionate kissing on a second date does indicate that you want more. Of course, you have every right to put on the brakes and say no, but honestly you were giving the signals that you were up for it. He may not appreciate being wound up and finding it was going nowhere. If you want to avoid sending mixed messages, act in a way which reflects how you want the date to go. Also, some great relationships do start with early sex. The fact that you want a relationship doesn't mean that you don't want sex too. Unless you specifically said that you want to take it slow and matched that with your behaviour, this misunderstanding is not surprising.
TheFinalWord Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 I'm a guy and I put a lot of time into my dating profile summary statement, clearly stating I am looking to build towards a relationship. You'd be surprised how many women attempted to initiate sex on the first date. I guess because I'm a guy they thought I wouldn't say no...if women are like this online, men are just as bad, if not worse.
Author Chrys31 Posted May 15, 2019 Author Posted May 15, 2019 I specifically said to him going to a hotel its too early. Im up for dating kissing and cuddling but its too early for sex for me . I also think asking me to a hotel was a bit insulting. Kiss is just kiss. Doesnt mean im up for more especially early stages. I think the guy was just up for a quick lay
elaine567 Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 Yes he could hire an escort of find a women who just wants sex, but convincing a "quality" woman to have sex with him is a bigger "prize". Basil67 has a point too. You led him almost to the point of no return and then said no. Some guys are paranoid about being in a sexless relationship they want things to go with the flow, they want a woman who enjoys and wants sex, they don't want a woman dictating when sex does or doesn't happen. Of course he may just be a pump and dump guy who lost interest, so I guess you have not really lost much, but look to your own actions and how you present yourself too. If you look like and act like a "second date sex in a hotel" type of person, then do not be surprised if guys get the wrong idea.
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