Grapesofwrath Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 I've been dating a man for about 5 months. Things are going GREAT! We get along beautifully, enjoy the same things, make each other laugh, and have great sex. While I have sometimes had the impulse to say, "I love you," I have been holding back because I don't want to scare him or create an awkward moment. He has not said it to me, either. But he has developed this interesting habit of singing the lyrics to songs that have "I love you" in them. So he will sing along with something, look me straight in the eye, and sing "I love you" or something like that. Is this his way of telling me that has those feelings and is similarly afraid to say it directly? The other day I said, "I adore you." And he said, "I adore you, too." So what is our problem? And does it really matter?
Lotsgoingon Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 One of you will say this in not too long and the other is going to immediately reciprocate ... On feeling afraid of scaring him ... If he runs from those words or you run from them, then your relationship was fragile to begin with. But ... no rush ... because the three words don't magically transform relationships. You guys just both sound a little afraid. No biggie. You'll get to the words. 1
frus69 Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 If you want to say I love you just say it. whats the big deal here 1
basil67 Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 If you saying it after five months scares him, then he's not that into you. Sometimes taking a risk shows us the reality of a situation - sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst. 1
PRW Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 Is this his way of telling me that has those feelings and is similarly afraid to say it directly?Yes, that is pretty much it. The other day I said, "I adore you." And he said, "I adore you, too." So what is our problem? And does it really matter?I don't see a problem. I know people who came from messed up alcoholic homes who heard "I love you" from someone mostly when that person was drunk. So it kind of poisoned the word. So they look for alternative or indirect ways to say it.
alphamale Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 get him drunk, that will let the cat outta the bag 2
snowcones Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 Who knows? My friend's boyfriend hasn't said after 2 years.
Iris The Butterfly Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 I’m feeling the same way about my bf of 7 months. He’s been the first to say things ‘ around’ I love you, but not quite. He’ll say things like “ I love my baby” or “you’re so cute, I just love you”, “you know I REALLY like you, right?” “I’m so crazy about you”, he will use the word ‘love’ to describe how he feels with me, but he just won’t say ‘I love YOU’ yet. I’ve thought it many times that I feel it, I am very sure he’s felt it too but neither of us has come to that big moment yet where we freely admit it. I think once that line is crossed, there’s no going back, for me I feel very cautious about baring my heart to someone unless I know for absolute certain it is reciprocated. I think a lot of people might feel that way and want to choose the words carefully and in the right time. I think that actions do speak louder than words and at least in my case I can feel it without hearing it. I know how he feels about me by the way he acts, not what he says. When he does put his feelings into words it makes it even more special, because I know it’s true. Some people say I love you but don’t back it up by their actions. When the words and actions align I think you can really believe it. Not sure if there can be a universal timeline that is ‘right’, it’s a feeling and it will come in the right time. I always have let the man say it first, what you can do is SHOW him you do, and let him SHOW you he does too, that really makes the words have true meaning. It’s not something I say lightly or would want someone to say lightly to me. Let it come naturally. I remind myself - actions speak louder than words... look at the actions to know that he loves you. And he’s likely doing the same thing. He probably wants to be sure just as much as you do.
chillii Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 (edited) The main issue here is though - can he sing ? Nah , it's natural some well and truly take their sweet time, something like that should not be said lightly it's a very very big thing and changes everything. Actually even admitting it also leaves you wide open and also the other person too so you wanna be damn sure you know just what your saying, it's probably stuff like that with him. my 2 cents Edited June 10, 2019 by chillii
d0nnivain Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 It's a good sign that he mirrored your "adore" wording. Hedge your bets. Next time you have to write (with a pen & paper not electronically) something to him sign it "love, Grapesofwrath". Gage his reaction. Next time it's on the tip of your tongue, say something like "I think I'm falling in love with you." That was always my favorite line. It's equivocal. It gives you wiggle room & you can move back from it. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 Bridge I still think your boyfriend saying “I love my baby” and “your so cute I just love you” counts as I love you lol Op...many will disagree and I don’t care lol...let him say I love you first 1
salparadise Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 Summon up your courage to be vulnerable and say the words. It's not a strategy or anything, it's authenticity. I don't think you'll regret it.
Author Grapesofwrath Posted June 12, 2019 Author Posted June 12, 2019 Just got back from a short getaway with my man and guess what....He said it!! We were spending the day at the beach. He went to get us some cold drinks and when he came back he sat down in his beach chair and said, "I need to tell you something." "Tell me." "I have fallen for you. I love you, Grapesofwrath." Just like that. To which I responded that I love him, too, and then we spent hours talking about how many times in the past few weeks we have each wanted to say that to each other. I'm so happy. 7
The Outlaw Posted June 12, 2019 Posted June 12, 2019 Saying it, even five months on, isn’t easy. I’m sure he knows how you feel and vice versa, but there may always be some shred of doubt within him, or anyone the sentiment may not be returned. It’s a big step into a larger, more responsible world in any relationship. Give him time. If he says nothing, say it to him. Take a chance. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 12, 2019 Posted June 12, 2019 Go grapes go grapes go grapes! :::doing the roger rabbit::: 1
Lotsgoingon Posted June 12, 2019 Posted June 12, 2019 You guys crossed the bridge! Congratulations. You two had been mirroring each other ... which is what you want ... it's really cool though to finally say the "love" phrase. Nice report! ... thanks for updating us.
Author Grapesofwrath Posted June 12, 2019 Author Posted June 12, 2019 You guys crossed the bridge! Congratulations. You two had been mirroring each other ... which is what you want ... it's really cool though to finally say the "love" phrase. Nice report! ... thanks for updating us. Thanks, Lots! I think you're right that we were "mirroring." This happens a lot as we seem to often be in synch about things. There have been a couple times over the last week or so where he would be looking into my eyes, snuggling me, but not saying anything. I would just say, "me too." And I think that was kind of the start of it, but he told me it started to feel like these words were something he really needed and wanted to say. His emotional availability is one of my favorite things about him...and there are many favorites.
Lotsgoingon Posted June 12, 2019 Posted June 12, 2019 The fact that you guys were mirroring each other ... was in fact far more of a good sign ... than couples who say the "love" phrase earlier ... but aren't in sync.
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