guest569 Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 It just sucks when you are chatting with someone and getting along fine and they seem really keen and interested until you meet and go on a date. Usually I pick them well and we get along in person too and all is good. It's hard to be rejected in this way. I don't even know why he wasn't interested, he hasn't said anything and neither have I. He's just gone quiet. He texted the night of the date and we chit chatted.. I initiated texts a couple of days and we chit chatted. But now I'm sitting back and waiting and hear nothing. I know he was back in town and didn't tell me or want to see me. From chatting most days for several weeks to hardly anything. I'm taking it really hard and feel really hurt. I guess I can see why people don't wanna chat too much before meeting because it may fall in a heap. We were distance so it's not like we could have met sooner. But maybe in future I should just avoid chatting much before we meet. But it was fun, we had nice chats I jump to the conclusion that he thought I was ugly in person. If these forums tell me much then it's that a first date is a 'first meet to see if they're actually a munter'. Even though I'm pretty sure my pics convey that quite well so they know they're getting a 1/10.
frus69 Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 If I lose interest after first date it's 99% because he doesn't look like his pic. Shyt happens. But no need to feel bad because one guy rejected you. Every one has different tastes. another guy may think you look better than your photos. If you can still get other man, then dont worry about it. 1
basil67 Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 It could have simply been that the chemistry was missing. It would have been nice to tell you though. Sorry you're feeling bad
Osho Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 For someone to not take the time to get to know you and lose interest that fast is usually a good thing. It means they weren’t what you were looking for. Look at it like it’s his loss not yours. Keep at it and you’ll stumble across someone who is interested to get to know who you really are.
Lotsgoingon Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 Please do not tell a guy (one who expresses some interest) that you are a 1/10. Please ... you really want to work on valuing yourself more than that. Most of us are thoroughly mediocre looking ... and then people add some personality elements and they're attractive enough to some people and that's all we need ... is some people to be attracted to us as human beings. 1
Author guest569 Posted June 10, 2019 Author Posted June 10, 2019 Please do not tell a guy (one who expresses some interest) that you are a 1/10. I don't. ?? My pics and appearance say it.
basil67 Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 Smiley, a 1/10 is in dire need of reconstructive surgery...probably after a horrific accident. Is this REALLY you? 2
chillii Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 Don't be too hard on yourself look l've even had customers we've clicked really well over the phone organizing the job , they turn up and we don't like each other. just sayin as examples of how things can work in many scenarios . These things are about feel and vibe just as much as looks or anything else. lf no one feels it for whatever reason it's just how it goes it's no ones fault. 1
Els Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 Oh, smiley. It might not even have been you. Maybe he has ****ed up ideas on what women should do on the first date ("No first date sex? I'm outta here."). Maybe his dog died. Maybe he's just the kind of guy that likes chatting but not real-life dates. Who knows? Please don't internalize this. I can totally understand that it sucks, but it might not have anything to do with you at all. Even if it was "you", that doesn't mean you're ugly, it just means he isn't compatible with you. {{hugs}} 1
Author guest569 Posted June 10, 2019 Author Posted June 10, 2019 Thanks all, the hugs and support really do help. I have felt so down about this. I'll try not to take it too personally. I am just not great with rejections. I was quite taken with this guy. I'm going to a meetup soon and trying to keep moving, doing stuff, living life, socialising. After about 5 days of silence from him I will give up and move on. I have another date set up with someone else and I'm pretty excited but also not getting my hopes up too much. I actually didn't think I had my hopes up much last time but obviously deep down I was quite smitten and hoping it would continue beyond 1 date. I was a tad shy and anxious, maybe he wrote me off because of that. It's not like we sat in silence staring at each other for 2 hours though. I just don't know. Once I gave up on a guy after 2 dates because we were both shy and awkward, but not just that, because all we could talk about was football. And that was it. Whereas this guy and I had heaps in common and had loads to talk about. Anyway, it's probably stupid to just come up with every scenario on what is wrong with me. It won't help my confidence or nerves moving forward. Stuff 'em, jst gotta get my self esteem back and focus on more important things. 3
basil67 Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 Good for you Smiley. You sound like you've got a lot going for you.
Flame Aura Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 (edited) Thanks all, the hugs and support really do help. I have felt so down about this. I'll try not to take it too personally. I am just not great with rejections. I was quite taken with this guy. You have the right idea of what you need to do. Just remember, you don't want to be with someone that doesn't feel the same about you as you do about them. There will be many times when you feel more, and others when they feel more. When you both feel the same for each other that's when you've hit the jackpot. Edited June 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Cali1978 Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 This happened me before Christmas. There were plenty of guys I wasn’t interested in after one date but I met a guy who I could talk easily to and I felt the date went well. I never heard from him again though and I took it really badly-ruined my Christmas. I deleted all the apps after Christmas annoyed with myself that someone could affect me that much. It had been so long since I had had a good date that I really took it personally when he wasn’t interested. Anyway the break did me good and I’m much more relaxed about the whole thing now. If I meet someone I meet someone. And if I don’t I don’t. Looking back he was probably the most unattractive man I’ve met but I was blinded by finally meeting someone who could have a conversation. I missed out on nothing. The best is yet to cone.
Gretchen12 Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 Calling yourself 1/10 is negativity. Men (people) will pick up on that even if you don't say it. You know how men always say they need to be confident to attract women? Well, the same is true the other way. Also, conversation suffers when you are tense. Another thing is that you became too interested in him too soon. He can pick up on that too. There are always reasons why a guy loses interest. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you, sometimes it is something you can work on. It could be because you pick incompatible guys and these guys could see they're not right for you. 1
Author guest569 Posted June 10, 2019 Author Posted June 10, 2019 Before the date I felt confident and beautiful. One of the days where you look in the mirror and say 'oh wow, I look alright'.
Author guest569 Posted June 10, 2019 Author Posted June 10, 2019 As for ME becoming too interested in HIM too soon. Well, it went both ways. It was definitely 50/50 if not more interest from him. He was quite keen. That's why it sucks that he backed off. I definitely didn't come on strong. A lot of assumptions here *sigh*
twatwa123 Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 Don't be so down. There are plenty more fish in the sea!
Author guest569 Posted June 10, 2019 Author Posted June 10, 2019 I guess even if he did bother to tell me I would still have to make assumptions. Who knows
Redhead14 Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 (edited) It just sucks when you are chatting with someone and getting along fine and they seem really keen and interested until you meet and go on a date. Usually I pick them well and we get along in person too and all is good. It's hard to be rejected in this way. ..... Smiley, this is another reason for having a short meet up the first time. If you hate the guy or he's not really into you for whatever reason, you're stuck with them through a whole meal . A couple of quick drinks, no biggie. And, if you're really digging each other, you can extend it too. And, it's not about checking to see if they are a "mutter". It's about confirmation that the person you've been chatting with is the same person you were seeing on line. People use fake pictures all the time. And, the old adage always applies, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". You just don't know why, so why assume the worst? It's also a good idea not to spend a ton of time chatting online for an extended period of time too. A) People tend to build the other person up in their heads and when they meet, the other person doesn't "live up to" the vision they had in their mind so he or she is kinda doomed anyway without getting a chance and B) you might not be that attracted or compatible anyway and you've wasted a lot of time. Spend a little time to see if the interest is enough, but don't go months. Get it over with fairly soon. If you like the guy and are hoping to see him again, you can let him know that. Forget about the "let them chase you" thing in these cases. They need to have a little encouragement at least. If you let them know and they don't call, so be it. No mystery. Edited June 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author guest569 Posted June 10, 2019 Author Posted June 10, 2019 Yes there was a reason it took a while to meet. As for a "long date" I don't see a brunch as lengthy. I'm not going to be rude and tell the guy no I only want a quick coffee with you, not sitting through anything more than that. We live a few hrs apart so having a quick coffee wouldn't cut it imo. We both love brunch so why not. It's not that which has upset me. It's the rejection itself and being left wondering. We chatted a few times since so I'm pretty sure he has a big green light to ask me out again if he wishes. But I see he was back in town and didn't even mention anything. 1
Tamfana Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 There’s no reason to think the worst when you don’t know why. There’s a good chance that it has nothing to do with you at all. Think of all the reasons you’ve decided to not date someone. I bet that lots of times it wasn’t because there was anything wrong with the guy you decided not to date. Reading here too, we see so many people decide not to date someone even though there’s nothing wrong or inadequate about that person. When in fact you just don’t know why, go with this assumption instead: I obviously reminded him of his hottest ex and he just couldn’t cope with the resemblance. It’s as good a speculation as any other. 1
Author guest569 Posted June 10, 2019 Author Posted June 10, 2019 (edited) There’s no reason to think the worst when you don’t know why..... :laugh: haha that's a good one, thanks for that! I think it's just my anxiety and low self esteem telling me all the worst possible reasons. Another speculation I had was.. maybe I'm too tall for him. Some guys get a bit weird about height. Whether it's physical, chemical, personality, I was 100% myself and he wasn't into it, and that's all there is to it. I put in effort to my appearance, hygiene, and I think my social skills have come a longggg way. So I will just keep being me and not obsess over my perceived flaws. Edited June 11, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
BluEyeL Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 I’m sorry you’re hurting . I’m sure it wasn’t because you’re ugly. I know this because when I first started dating I got a lot of first date rejections. After about 6 months and studying and practicing some dating techniques, I NEVER got a no after the first date for an entire year. I was always called back for a second date. I did not get any prettier. Or skinnier. I had very clear pictures that truly represented how I looked like. Make sure that’s true for you. I got rejections because of how I looked when I went on blind dates , I.e the guys did not know how I looked like before they met me. And you cannot be everyone’s cup of tea. But if your pictures are a good representation of how you look like it’s surely not the looks. These being said, it’s generally good practice to chat a lot before meeting because a fantasy gets formed.
Recommended Posts