Art_Critic Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 It's unfortunate that the date clashes with the visa thing, and if there was any way he can go without it being an issue, he probably should go. This is the camp I'm, and what the EX thinks shouldn't matter about this issue.. the only thing that should matter about this is what his Daughter thinks.. If the visa deal won't allow it then the Daughter would have to accept it.. 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 9, 2019 Author Posted June 9, 2019 If it's important to them as a family, then it's important full stop imo. I'm agnostic myself so I couldn't care less either way but I had traditional Catholics friends growing up back home in France (which is where your bf is from, from memory?) and their confirmation was a huge deal. They all did it at the age of 12. It's unfortunate that the date clashes with the visa thing, and if there was any way he can go without it being an issue, he probably should go. I mean his 12 yo daughter travels to visit him all the way in Canada on a regular basis, the mum has agreed on principle for her to move to Canada when her father gets permanent residency (so she can be reasonable?) so a weekend to attend his daughter's confirmation seems fair. Other than that, the internet thing seems like a fair compromise. Yes France. Now, If he goes they will think they won by making his life a living hell and threats of harming themselves....sigh. Even so, I think he should go and make it a back and forth trip. If he has a problem at custom he can come in as a tourist, he won't be able to work till his next visa arrives though. Then if your status change in my country you have to advice immigration right away, would re-enter as a tourist hurt his work visa process or permanent residency. It's a big risk.
chillii Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 Sadly his daughter has to live with her dad in another country and of course it would break her heart enough through all this but then that he can't come which was probably more important than anything to her. of course she';s hurt and angry. as for the ex . yeah she's goin crazy , but she's at home and seeing her daughter going through this and knows what it's doing to her. so it's the wrong way , and she's going nuts and l'm not saying it's right but she's fighting for her daughter .
chillii Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 It was not without hurt. He visits, she visits, she was here not even 3 weeks ago and comes back in August. The plan was to register her to high school here as soon as he gets his permanent residency, the mother has already authorize it, his daughter will pick when she's ready to come. zz Geez though , that's unreal , l really hope they cn get it happening . She won't make it that easy, the whole madness is about him not being in the pictures with her. It's a lot of drama, I told my bf to go, and to come back on the same weekend and he fears it's too close for comfort. You mean with his daughter or , of course his daughter would want him in the picture it'd mean the world to her. lf he could do that he should go then , he'll make it back.
Happy Lemming Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 I know I'm a little late to the party and I'm not up to date on the latest technologies, but I change my passwords (on everything) every month or so. I keep a little book buried in my desk, it has my log-ins, current passwords, etc. just in case I forget. 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 9, 2019 Author Posted June 9, 2019 You mean with his daughter or , of course his daughter would want him in the picture it'd mean the world to her. lf he could do that he should go then , he'll make it back. His immigration lawyer told him he should not travel so close to the end of his work permit. Customs have the power of life and death over you, even if he has a window of a few days they can block his entry back in the country.
snowcones Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 I would be pretty upset if my children's father moved away from our children to another country (or even far in the same country), and it would be salt in the wound if he went to be with another woman and her children. Of course, we all know men do this all the time. It even happened to me, but it was only for the last 3 months of our youngest child's year in HS, so I let it go. We had a stipulation in our divorce decree that neither of us could move more than 20 miles from where the children go to school without the other parents agreement. Thank God we had that because he probably would have moved way before the last 3 months, and to be honest, I might have moved too if we didn't have that.
chillii Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 Shyt wonder hth she gets into his phone, know a few phones l wouldn't mind being able to get into . Not that l probably even would anyway , but the mind boggles.
Author Gaeta Posted June 9, 2019 Author Posted June 9, 2019 I would be pretty upset if my children's father moved away from our children to another country (or even far in the same country), and it would be salt in the wound if he went to be with another woman and her children. Of course, we all know men do this all the time. It even happened to me, but it was only for the last 3 months of our youngest child's year in HS, so I let it go. We had a stipulation in our divorce decree that neither of us could move more than 20 miles from where the children go to school without the other parents agreement. Thank God we had that because he probably would have moved way before the last 3 months, and to be honest, I might have moved too if we didn't have that. He's from another culture and they have different views on this. My BF's sibblings immigrated all over the world, to countries with better economy and less racism and then follows the children. I try not to judge him with my Canadian values. The daughter is excited about Canada and the mother view positively her daughter can benefit from it. I only have a daughter and she's 32 yo. It was only my BF and I our first 3 years together then I was given the guardianship of my deceased ex-husband 14 year old daughter. She has been with me 9 months. My BF did not cross the ocean to take care of another woman with children.
elaine567 Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 sounds to me like she's a whack-o nut job Or just a frustrated and angry mother. Upset that her ex decided to move continents and set up a new family, leaving her daughter to make do... Completely out of order with the phone nonsense but she has been left a single parent whilst the father plays happy families somewhere else. Sounds like this Confirmation is a big deal and he should have made doubly sure he could attend or alternative plans could have been made well in advance to accommodate the whole visa thing. He let his daughter down there.
Author Gaeta Posted June 9, 2019 Author Posted June 9, 2019 Completely out of order with the phone nonsense but she has been left a single parent whilst the father plays happy families somewhere else. My BF and I do not live together. He is not playing family or 'providing' for my foster-kid in anyway. Sounds like this Confirmation is a big deal and he should have made doubly sure he could attend or alternative plans could have been made well in advance to accommodate the whole visa thing. He let his daughter down there. Will not repeat what has been said already about the work permits.
snowcones Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 He's from another culture and they have different views on this. My BF's sibblings immigrated all over the world, to countries with better economy and less racism and then follows the children. I try not to judge him with my Canadian values. The daughter is excited about Canada and the mother view positively her daughter can benefit from it. Well in that case, I have no idea what's going on. They just sound emotional and unreasonable, and what can you do about that? Btw, I'm Catholic as well and Confirmation was a big deal in my family at the time, but when you're a kid, everything's a big deal. As adults, we don't see it as a big deal, but kids think it's a big deal.
Author Gaeta Posted June 9, 2019 Author Posted June 9, 2019 Well in that case, I have no idea what's going on. They just sound emotional and unreasonable, and what can you do about that? The mother is a drama queen and a manipulator transfering her ways onto her daughter. The mother is a trouble maker willing to spread lies and willing to destroy people's business and personnal relationships to gain what she wants. There is nothing I can do but to block her and support my bf through this. In 48 hours she was able to spread lies to several people, god knows what else she can do. Ironic this is a woman going to Church every Sunday.
preraph Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 He can go before a judge and let them know what she's doing. Judges do not like when a parent poison's the child from the other parent. It will work against her. He would need proof he's kept up and been responsible. But his being in another country may work against him unless he makes frequent visits. It's ridiculous for her to get that upset about something like that, but as you know, she's just upset he's not with her. 1
snowcones Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 This HAS to be about her still wanting to be with him and not so much about the child. Otherwise, she would have made a stink as soon as he left if it was about the child, not wait until now. Is he helping out as much as he can financially?
Author Gaeta Posted June 9, 2019 Author Posted June 9, 2019 This HAS to be about her still wanting to be with him and not so much about the child. Otherwise, she would have made a stink as soon as he left if it was about the child, not wait until now. Is he helping out as much as he can financially? She has known about me for a long time, if it was about getting him back wouldn't she have attack me early on? Her problem seem to be around anything that has to do with children, thinking he has children in Canada, demanding (to me) how old is my foster-kid and if he's the father, sending me pictures of my nieces and nephews and suggesting they're children he had with other women or maybe they're mine and he's supporting them. Yes he helps a lot financially. What is not helping is each time she bombards him with questions he doesn't reply. Before calling me she sent him pictures of my nieces and nephews and asked him who they were and he told her it's none of her business, to every question she asks he doesn't answer so she builds up all types of crazy stories in her head that he has multiple women and multiple children in Canada. He says if he does reply to her questions it just brings on more questions and more drama.
preraph Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 What does she care if he does have more kids at this point? She does sound a little nutso. His life is only her business insofar as it affects the kids, so maybe that is her concern.
preraph Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 When his daughter comes, he needs to sit down alone with her and let her know that she doesn't need to worry about his and her mom's adult problems and that he's sorry she's put her in the middle, and then he needs to never put her in the middle himself. She is old enough to know her mom is a little cra-cra. But just take a load off her that SHE is supposed to somehow be in the middle and fix this.
snowcones Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 She has known about me for a long time, if it was about getting him back wouldn't she have attack me early on? Her problem seem to be around anything that has to do with children, thinking he has children in Canada, demanding (to me) how old is my foster-kid and if he's the father, sending me pictures of my nieces and nephews and suggesting they're children he had with other women or maybe they're mine and he's supporting them. Yes he helps a lot financially. What is not helping is each time she bombards him with questions he doesn't reply. Before calling me she sent him pictures of my nieces and nephews and asked him who they were and he told her it's none of her business, to every question she asks he doesn't answer so she builds up all types of crazy stories in her head that he has multiple women and multiple children in Canada. He says if he does reply to her questions it just brings on more questions and more drama. Okay, she's a quack. Usually when a woman goes nuts about the children and not the man it's because she needs/wants more money. And we all know when it comes to money, the best place to deal with that is in court. If he doesn't want to do that, then this drama is going to go on and on.
Art_Critic Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 IMO, she has spent so much time immersed in their life thru the picture/phone/texting/email that she feels too close to it all, she shouldn't give a darn but she does because she has been reading emails pictures and texts to the point she cannot stop herself. She reads something then takes that data she shouldn't know and it festers in her.. Taking away the ability for her to snoop will help with that. The rest.. she sounds pretty nutty and not very controlled and with someone like that there is nothing you can do except ignore them when they go off the deep end. 1
Gretchen12 Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 Only an unhinged person would do what she did. But that aside, I get the feeling you are only seeing the manifestation of something else that had been under the surface. He knew he couldn't go until he had has papers. So she should have known as well. Why did it come down to him breaking the "news" to her on Friday? It doesn't add up. Unless he mislead them into believing he'll be there come hell or high water, and then Friday he told them he changed his mind. Her big reaction was sudden. They were surprised. They should not have been surprised if they had known he'd only go pending the permits. When was the last time he saw his daughter in person? 3 years ago? She was 9? As she goes into her teens he'll be less and less important to her. He should be glad she even still want him there. When she no longer cares enough to be disappointed when he no-shows is when it really hurts him. If this is the first time they are acting this way, it's probably their first realization that he is now really gone. They have been in denial. This is a turning point for them, to emotionally let him go. Going forward the video chats with the daughter will probably not be the same as before. 1
snowcones Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 ^^ it's possible that they held onto hope that he'll return to them, but I would think that once Gaeta arrived on the scene, that would have caused a fury. Plus, Gaeta said the daughter has been to visit, and no mention of drama then. I'm thinking mom is thinking about money. Like, dad doesn't want to spend money on his kid and we need more, but he has excuses and he's there spending money on new woman and her kid.
preraph Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 If you google "email for divorced parents," you will see that there are websites strictly for parents to communicate about their kids on that will stop this nonsense. If they get out of line, the emails are stored for the judge. And you're simply not allowed to on some of them. Often judges mandate that this be the only communication -- except a medical emergency - -that parents communicate. It forces them to keep it civil and on point. 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 9, 2019 Author Posted June 9, 2019 Only an unhinged person would do what she did. But that aside, I get the feeling you are only seeing the manifestation of something else that had been under the surface. He knew he couldn't go until he had has papers. So she should have known as well. Why did it come down to him breaking the "news" to her on Friday? As I understand it he told them 'maybe' depending on the date and turned out the date is not good. I asked why they don't move the date so you can go later like fly back with her end of August, BF told me they have re-scheduled the date often. I think I don't have the whole story concerning the Confirmation but even if my boyfriend is responsible for a big deception it doesn't justify going batcrazy with threats and calling his contact list. Her big reaction was sudden. They were surprised. They should not have been surprised if they had known he'd only go pending the permits. It's a very good point, I have very little info on what was the original plan for her confirmation. When was the last time he saw his daughter in person? 3 years ago? His daughter was here 3 weeks ago.
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