Gaeta Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 Hello fellow members. I've never thought I'd be the one posting such a story but I need to let it out of my system. BF and I have been together for 3,5 years and it's been a smooth sailing. I'm in Canada and he's from Europe and living in my Country. He has a teen girl living in Europe and he is being a responsible father, video chats with her almost every day, sends money monthly, visits, etc. Friday morning he had to announce to his ex he won't be able to travel there for daughter's Catholic Confirmation, he's at the end of his current work visa and the next one has not come in yet, it's imperative he doesn't leave the country. What followed is a nighmare weekend aimed at him, and at me and everybody he knows. His ex called me Friday at work and yelled and cried over the phone that my bf was more concerned with raising my foster-kid than participating in his own child's life, told me lies about him that were ridiculous like he has other women and babies, and as proof sent me pictures of my own nieces and nephews she found in his phone. The craziness went on and on, I had to block her. Then she somehow got a copy of his contacts in his phone and called EVERYONE of his contact to tell them he's a bad man, a bad father, and he's not the man we all think he is....His contact list included his boss!! customers!! and my sibblings. Since Friday she calls him non-stop, he doesn't pick up. She got their daughter involved, now his child is sending him voice messages yelling and crying at him that he's not her dad anymore. My bf is destroyed over his daughter words, She is scheduled to spend the month of August with us. I am afraid her mother turned her against my foster-child. They are only a couple of years apart. I deeply want to be part of his daughter's life but my first responsability is offering my foster-child a stable and peaceful environment. What a mess *sigh* Thank you for listenning.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 Oh dear! Well, I guess be thankful she's not close enough to be pounding on the front door! How in the world did she get into his phone to get pics of his "other family" (LOL that made me laugh) and his contacts?? This woman sounds unhinged.....this isn't her high school graduation or her wedding....I mean, I'm not Catholic so I guess maybe Confirmation is a bigger deal than I thought, but.....
Flame Aura Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 To be honest he should have planned the visa stuff before and not let it get to the stage of missing something I guess is important to his daughter? No excuses there, just poor planning on his part. The ex does sound crazy though calling up everyone in his phone. Sounds like she has access to his Google account or something, he should change his passwords.
Author Gaeta Posted June 9, 2019 Author Posted June 9, 2019 Oh dear! Well, I guess be thankful she's not close enough to be pounding on the front door! Thank you for putting a positive spin on this! How in the world did she get into his phone to get pics of his "other family" (LOL that made me laugh) and his contacts?? Not only she got a hold of his entire phone but she is getting copies live of every messages he gets. If I send him a text right now she'll get a copy. This woman sounds unhinged.....this isn't her high school graduation or her wedding....I mean, I'm not Catholic so I guess maybe Confirmation is a bigger deal than I thought, but..... I asked my bf how he could have spent 10 years with her, he said I am only seeing the tip of the iceberg, he moved a continent away to get away from her. Apparently when they were together she would visit his work site to make sure he was at work.
Author Gaeta Posted June 9, 2019 Author Posted June 9, 2019 To be honest he should have planned the visa stuff before and not let it get to the stage of missing something I guess is important to his daughter? No excuses there, just poor planning on his part. His on top of all his immigration papers - we do them together. They're always done ahead of time. That is a free accusation.
Author Gaeta Posted June 9, 2019 Author Posted June 9, 2019 Sounds like she has access to his Google account or something, he should change his passwords. Thank you! That never crossed our mind, I will tell him to change his password. 1
BaileyB Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 To be honest he should have planned the visa stuff before and not let it get to the stage of missing something I guess is important to his daughter? No excuses there, just poor planning on his part. Based on my experience, an individual has no control over how quickly/or slowly the government processes a visa application. I have heard from lawyers that it literally depends on who’s desk it lands on, and whether they are on holidays or not... It could take 6 months or 12 months - it’s wait and see and hope for the best! 2
Art_Critic Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 Not only she got a hold of his entire phone but she is getting copies live of every messages he gets. If I send him a text right now she'll get a copy. Maybe she set up a tablet that mirrors his phone or he did it years ago and never unhooked them. My tablet does this and my wife's did too when she first set it up. Maybe the Daughter has the tablet.. If he set up a tablet then sent it to his Daughter so they could facetime then that is it... Change all passwords and if he did setup a tablet and give it to her then he should go into his phone settings and disconnect the tablet from his phone. Yikes... Talk about no privacy... 2
ExpatInItaly Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 Based on my experience, an individual has no control over how quickly/or slowly the government processes a visa application. I have heard from lawyers that it literally depends on who’s desk it lands on, and whether they are on holidays or not... It could take 6 months or 12 months - it’s wait and see and hope for the best! Bingo. I also live abroad and have a work permit where I currently live. Thus, I also have to apply for a renewal each year. It usually doesn't matter much when the work is submitted, as long as it's within the legal window for renewal; there are a number of other factors that dictate when it will actually be finished and in your hands again. And those factors are usually well out of the applicant's control. Suggesting this was a poor planning on Gaeta's boyfriend's part is unfair and inaccurate. Those of us who actually go through this process can speak from experience. 3
Author Gaeta Posted June 9, 2019 Author Posted June 9, 2019 Maybe she set up a tablet that mirrors his phone or he did it years ago and never unhooked them. My tablet does this and my wife's did too when she first set it up. Maybe the Daughter has the tablet.. If he set up a tablet then sent it to his Daughter so they could facetime then that is it... Change all passwords and if he did setup a tablet and give it to her then he should go into his phone settings and disconnect the tablet from his phone. Yikes... Talk about no privacy... Thank you. I was thinking resetting his phone to manufacturing state would work? But sounds he also needs to change his accounts passwords.
Art_Critic Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 Thank you. I was thinking resetting his phone to manufacturing state would work? But sounds he also needs to change his accounts passwords. The tablet would most likely still have access to his email, the texting issue would resolve however unless you restored it from a backup, then it would come right back. Changing all his passwords is the only way.. including his apple ID or google ID password. You can also go into the settings on the phone and tell it to not connect the device to receive messages from the phone.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 Thank you! That never crossed our mind, I will tell him to change his password. Apple ID password, too.
Art_Critic Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 Apple ID password, too. Yes, his Daughters phone or tablet might be using his Apple ID and when they do they mirror each other till you turn off those features. The same with Google/Androids.. I can't imagine how many things the EX has seen in the last few years that she shouldn't have... *shutters* 1
d0nnivain Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 I'm so sorry this is happening to you. She does sound awful. Thanks for the education about visas. I had no idea that you were at the mercy of someone else. Doesn't sound like a great way to live. Anyway European privacy laws are much more strict then in the US. I don't know about Canada. But if your guy has the cash, perhaps engage a lawyer to make her stop. Her calling people from his contacts sounds like she crossed some serious lines. How is the poor daughter taking all of this? She has to live with this nut of a mother.
littleblackheart Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 he moved a continent away to get away from her And from his daughter. Yes, the ex sounds crazy - so why would he leave his child with someone so toxic and go so far away from her? I don't know about the access to texts thing - I have access to my son's school emails because school has set it up that way since he's a minor and my authorisation was required first, so I have no idea how the exwife can have access to his stuff without him knowing. In any case - can a compromise be reached? Lots of churches allow an Internet feed to broadcast big events online. Maybe this can be discussed with the priest so your bf can still attend remotely?
Author Gaeta Posted June 9, 2019 Author Posted June 9, 2019 I can't imagine how many things the EX has seen in the last few years that she shouldn't have... *shutters* Just to give you an idea she complained he spent money on a trip to Niagara Falls 2 years ago, she has our trip pictures. It's a good thing my bf and I aren't into kinky pictures eh!
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 Just to give you an idea she complained he spent money on a trip to Niagara Falls 2 years ago, she has our trip pictures. It's a good thing my bf and I aren't into kinky pictures eh! Why has he let this go on so long without figuring out why/how she has access to all of this? 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 9, 2019 Author Posted June 9, 2019 Yes, the ex sounds crazy - so why would he leave his child with someone so toxic and go so far away from her? It was not without hurt. He visits, she visits, she was here not even 3 weeks ago and comes back in August. The plan was to register her to high school here as soon as he gets his permanent residency, the mother has already authorize it, his daughter will pick when she's ready to come. In any case - can a compromise be reached? Lots of churches allow an Internet feed to broadcast big events online. Maybe this can be discussed with the priest so your bf can still attend remotely? She won't make it that easy, the whole madness is about him not being in the pictures with her. It's a lot of drama, I told my bf to go, and to come back on the same weekend and he fears it's too close for comfort.
Author Gaeta Posted June 9, 2019 Author Posted June 9, 2019 Why has he let this go on so long without figuring out why/how she has access to all of this? We've just learn Friday she has access to his phone. She complained to me on Friday that he was spending money on trips with me, .... We don't know since when she has access to his phone. 1
littleblackheart Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 his daughter will pick when she's ready to come. How old is she? She won't make it that easy. Well it's not really about her. Your bf can talk to the priest himself as the father and ask it be done. Would his daughter (not the mum) agree to a remote feed? Is going for the weekend jeopardising your bf's visa? Is it worth it for the sake of having some photos taken?
Author Gaeta Posted June 9, 2019 Author Posted June 9, 2019 How is the poor daughter taking all of this? She has to live with this nut of a mother.The daughter seems to follow in mom's steps, she has a mouth on her, told her dad she will hurt herself if he doesn't go. Of course it's manipulation but she's everything to my bf so he can't sleep and worries.
Author Gaeta Posted June 9, 2019 Author Posted June 9, 2019 How old is she? She's 12. Well it's not really about her. Your bf can talk to the priest himself as the father and ask it be done. Would his daughter (not the mum) agree to a remote feed? Is going for the weekend jeopardising your bf's visa? Is it worth it for the sake of having some photos taken? Yes he can certainly talk to the priest, and bring the idea to his daughter. He will need to wait for the drama to dissipate, right now his daughter is threatening to hurt herself, since Friday it's drama wall to wall.
Author Gaeta Posted June 9, 2019 Author Posted June 9, 2019 Is going for the weekend jeopardising your bf's visa? Is it worth it for the sake of having some photos taken? I'm Catholic as well and a Confirmation is not THAT big of a deal you can do it at any time, as long as it's before marriage. To them it's a big deal they are religious, they do it the traditional way, the entire family is there, she has the traditional dress, the blessing, etc etc.
littleblackheart Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 If it's important to them as a family, then it's important full stop imo. I'm agnostic myself so I couldn't care less either way but I had traditional Catholics friends growing up back home in France (which is where your bf is from, from memory?) and their confirmation was a huge deal. They all did it at the age of 12. It's unfortunate that the date clashes with the visa thing, and if there was any way he can go without it being an issue, he probably should go. I mean his 12 yo daughter travels to visit him all the way in Canada on a regular basis, the mum has agreed on principle for her to move to Canada when her father gets permanent residency (so she can be reasonable?) so a weekend to attend his daughter's confirmation seems fair. Other than that, the internet thing seems like a fair compromise. 1
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