mortensorchid Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 Last night (Friday night), I was on Facebook before bed and I got a ping from someone in the chat box. I opened it. It was a message from a guy I had been chatting with about 6-9 months ago. We'd met once at a party years ago, we friended each other on Facebook. Then he and his wife divorced (she cheated on him and left him for another man), he then asked me out well after his divorce was final. I said okay, I would. And ... Nothing. He reached out after 6/7 months of silence last night and asked how I was. I said I was quite busy with work and all I'm sure he can see (he sees what I'm doing on Facebook more or less). He said he was in a situation right now, he said he started dating this other woman apparently immediately after we had arranged a date, she broke up with him, and now she's calling / texting him to help get bail money for her new bf who ended up in jail. I was like "Huh ..." I asked "And what did you say or do?" He said he doesn't want anything to do with this. And neither do I. He didn't ask any further to see me, I would have turned him down because that ship sailed. Another odd thing ... Back in March I had an OLD with this guy I met through Facebook. When we met, I had posted in a previous thread, he had his hand on my knee under the table. I didn't brush it off or say anything about it. He then asked if I wanted to go back to his house with him which was nearby, I turned that down immediately (for obvious reasons). He asked me to text him when I got home, which I did, and I thanked him for an evening and now I was going to bed. No contact since on his part or mine, he was just looking for sex. Which is fine, but I want a real relationship not just a hookup... And then today about 2 months later I went to an event and see him across the room from it. At one point we made eye contact and I mouthed "Hello" to him. He didn't respond, just walked away. And then I post the photos I took at the event later on and he liked them. Strange, huh?
nospam99 Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 He didn't ask any further to see me, I would have turned him down because that ship sailed. mortens, I apologize ahead of time because I'm about to 'beat on you'. Not that I don't think you deserve it, but criticism is... On the one hand you often post about how difficult you're finding it meeting Mr Right. And on the other hand you often post about how crappy the men you're meeting are. I'm saying you can't have it both ways. I'm going to 'speak for myself' in the next paragraph with the assumption that lots, if not most, other people are dealing with the same factors. You and everyone else can 'beat on me' in response if you wish. 'We' are the searchers. If we are looking for a romantic relationship, that's what we are looking for. There are NOT 3 billion people of the opposite sex out there to choose from. There are only the few whose location, age, and interests MIGHT make them compatible partners. And if their interests include a stable romantic relationship, they're searching, too. Any of 'us' who are fortunate enough to have multiple 'prospects', have to decide how many we want to cultivate at once. Given MY goal, personally I find it almost impossible to 'work' more than one 'growing' relationship at once because all of my emotional capital is focused on one person. So far it hasn't worked out for me. So days, weeks, or months 'down the road', sometimes after a 'recovery period', I'm 'open' to 'try again'. This sounds like exactly what the first guy you wrote about did: (VERY 'bad form' in my eyes to have asked you out and ghosted) he 'found someone else', spent 6 months trying to make it work, had it not work, and is ready to 'try again'. He contacted you. I understand whatever conversation you had focused on the bail issue and that he didn't ask to see you. I've got to wonder how much of the ''didn't ask'' was because he detected a negative vibe from you. Given my model of 'searching by dating', I have, and I suspect most others have also, 'left behind' several candidates from my limited pool of possibilities. Lots of women have ignored my messages. A smaller number have dated me briefly and not been interested in continuing. But in many of those cases I wouldn't say 'that ship sailed' because I understand and accept that they may very well have had what they thought at the time was a better prospect and chose to focus on him. I don't know why in the case of this guy, you feel 'that ship sailed'. But with as frustrated as you write you are and with as negative as your tone is generally (e.g. 48 hour rool), I've got to wonder why. Your standards for 'never again' are what they are. My point in this Wall of Text is to suggest that you keep in mind that you're meeting a bunch of guys who probably have difficulty 'juggling' several women who only 'might' be what they're searching for and, for that reason, for you to 'lighten up' . 3
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