OLD Friday night with a beta

[Happy Lemming]

Look she finally has a "fish on the hook" and she's been sitting on the dock with her line in the water for a long time.

 

Time to set the hook, reel him in and get the net ready.

[Highndry]

I'm afraid the boat is in dry dock and that's a snag on an old spare tire somebody dumped into the water.

Edited June 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Curiousroxy86]

Imo she should say

 

“I would love to see you again. I am free next (whenever she is free)”

 

I don’t think she should cancel plans

 

I don’t think she should just say I am busy either

 

I think she should express she wants to see him and just tell him when she is free

[Highndry]

I think she should express she wants to see him and just tell him when she is free

 

 

Exactly. Because, as a guy, if a woman puts in such low effort as she has I just move on. I am interested in women who are happy, enthusiastic and show interest back.

Edited June 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Curiousroxy86]

I am interested in women who are happy, enthusiastic and show interest back.

 

And that is very important for women to do (show interest back) especially if they expect men to initiate asking and want them to continue asking them out

[NuevoYorko]

"I am busy" and "evening" are pretty much telling a man to move along, quickly.

[FMW]

mortensorchid, you're killing me here.

 

As others pointed out, you got advice on these types of no go text responses before.

 

You keep ignoring openings and putting up fences to block any overtures a guy might make toward you.

 

Are you sure you really want a relationship? Maybe you're scared and subconsciously making sure you just don't have to deal with taking a chance and getting hurt. Maybe you're more comfortable lamenting your unhappy experiences.

[elaine567]

You don’t have to cancel your other plans.

 

Maybe in the OPs situation, she does need to cancel other plans and prioritise dating.

Else the garret and the parrot beckon..

 

 

 

Life is not a rehearsal...

[mortensorchid]

Well, to answer everyone's come down on me, here's how it went:

 

Last Friday afternoon he texted me (after a week of silence) saying he's been busy with work and would I like to get together this weekend on Saturday or SUnday? He said it's Friday so if I already had a plan he'd understand. I texted back and said I had plans that weekend already. He said okay. I texted on Sunday afternoon and he didn't respond, just said "Evening" in it. He responded the next day saying "I'm sorry I didn't respond to you earlier I was in bed sick with a cold all weekend", I said I also fell this sickness (my throat's been on fire for days). We texted back and forth about symptoms of sickness, then he said he was going to watch a baseball game on TV. I said "Ok, chat soon".

 

Nothing since.

[greymatter]

Since he asked you out and you turned him down previously, it's your turn. Text and ask if he is feeling better, and if he is free this coming weekend.

[Versacehottie]

Ok let me be a little more specific when i say you need a better text game and just better social skills overall. Do you see how you both just went back and forth with FACTS and basic boring trivialities??? That is a buzzkill. Socially aware people, may start a conversation off like that but it will jump on a more fun tangent easily. You need to create traction by injecting personality, flirtatiousness and fun into whatever you are talking with ANYONE about. You have a unique opportunity every day and in every venue--including here, lol--to work on your ability to banter, make things more fun, more your personality. You will get NOWHERE with dull, which is what the description of your interactions is and then you get down (which frankly is basically where you start to be honest, also not a good thing) that no momentum happens out of it. Um, no momentum would.

 

You have always struck me as a monotone person. Even a dry and sarcastic person has that to fall back on as a way to create good tension. You need to find what you are and utilize it. If you don't have much of a personality or cannot yet express yours well, a good option is to show INTEREST in the other person and through asking questions about their interests (detailed conversations) find ways to bond (i.e. i like that too, i noticed that too, i don't know about that at all until YOU told me--f*ck i'm saying it really basic but that is because you haven't shown to be capable of much more). Again you can practice that on a daily basis when you interact with others on here--which you don't do much in terms of bonding, i must say. I will give you credit for coming back to a thread of yours which hasn't been that approving of your behavior and giving an update. On a positive note (which you should utilize in your "personality"), you have a really tough skin--utilize that and make it interesting.

[FMW]

I agree with greymatter, reach out to him and ask him to do something specific on a specific day, at a specific time.

 

My guess is he's thinking you're not really too interested in him so he's not going to go out of his way to ask again.

 

I think it's great that you aren't completely writing him off yet, you're stepping away just a bit from your hard and fast rules.

[Curiousroxy86]

Morten a lil flirty interest with redirection will go a long way I think. If you would have just said “I would love to see you. I’m free next Saturday” he more than likely would have agreed or gave a counter offer. I would like to encourage you to respond like that when you have plans or busy and see what happens. Good luck!

[basil67]

I'm not surprised you've heard nothing since - your response to his request for a date showed disinterest on your part. Had you said, "I'm busy this weekend, but how about Saturday next?" you could have had a completely different outcome.

 

It was good that you reached out after not being available to him, but a text saying "evening" isn't enough. I mean, sure my BFF and I will start a conversation that way, but she's a BFF that I've had for years and we can get away with such casual approaches. A better approach would have been to give a comment about how your weekend was and ask about his.

[Logo]

"I am busy" and "evening" are pretty much telling a man to move along, quickly.

 

 

Exactly. Why play the "I'm busy"?

 

He's showing interest. Reciprocate! Do you think by making yourself unavailable it will make him chase after you? He's going to move on.

Edited June 21, 2019 by Logo

[olivetree]

This thread is cracking me up.

 

I agree with Versace.

MC, you come off like a dead-pan debbie downer on LS, and I imagine it's much the same in person.

The texts and dates sound very dry.

"Evening" was what you said to the DJ in your other thread and you got flack for it, then you pulled it again with this guy lol.

You only report fact exchanges during your dates.

Where are the laughs? The flirting? The connection?

If you want a guy to act "masculine", try acting feminine... smile, flirt, be sweet.

 

From where I sit you keep doing the same things over and over and expect a different result.

I will say, it's great that you've made an effort to smile more - just try to muster up some positive feelings so they are genuine.

Fake smiles are worse than no smiles.

Edited June 21, 2019 by olivetree

[guest569]

Please promise us never to send the following text again:

 

"Evening"

 

My god!!!!

 

How about "I'm busy doing x, y and z but would love to catch up again soon, how about one EVENING this week?"

 

It's fine that you're not big on texting. But follow some of the advice the others have taken the time to provide. You've rejected the guy and given him no indication that he should bother asking again. Was your texting cold because you were ticked off about him not texting you for a WHOLE week?

[rightondude]

Well, to answer everyone's come down on me, here's how it went.....

 

I think in reality most here are rooting for you (I am). But frankly you keep on with the same old fuddy dud cold, emotionless actions and seem to expect these people you keep going out with to totally be OK with that and rescue you or something. I have found you tend to attract that which you already are. If you want someone exciting and charming, be that yourself. No more expecting someone else to fill in the holes. Either try to become that which you want or be happy with someone who's exhibiting similar behavior as you are.

Edited June 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Versacehottie]

One of the best posts ever on loveshack! ^^^

Edited June 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[greymatter]

I live in a U.S. city that has hundreds of cool cafes. Not every area does. The thing in this thread that interests me the least is that they met at Panera. The options for meeting spots depend on where one lives. So they met at a chain restaurant - who cares, no big deal.

 

What I am interested in is seeing Morten increase her dating and communication skills (and I believe you are trying hard to, Morten, because you keep coming back to this thread). She wants to be in a relationship and I can relate to that.

[SmartDude]

The problem is it is too complicated and it does not have to be. Go to a movie so you don't have to actually have a conversation. Or even just go to a bar and F*&%$. Figure it out later. Sometimes you have just have to get creative. What do you want and how much time do you want to spend? Go ahead and break some rules.

[greymatter]

I don't really understand the post above - the complexities for Morten are not so much about the meeting spot (she wasn't really even on a date, it was a first meeting).

 

I didn't go to a movie with my partner for the first 6 months, because our dates were all about interacting with each other (not that we were avoiding movies). The point of dating is to get to know the other person to determine compatibility and it's important in early dating to do things together that allow each person to see whether they should keep dating or move on.

 

All of that being said, I'm not trying to open a debate about movies. This is about Morten's individual situation and it is complex for her, because she is trying to figure out the communication part.

[mortensorchid]

Well somewhat from the pressure of others I decided to relax my rules / standards and give him a shot. We met today at an art museum and walked around to see the art. I was in complete and total command - he asked what I wanted to see, I said I wanted to see etc. We walked around the museum and it was like talking to a brick wall 90% of the time. I asked him a few basic questions like if he had any kids or if he'd ever been married. He said he has no children and he was married once (divorced 3 or 4 years). He asked if I was ever married or had kkds, I said no to both. At the end of the date (I called it once I had seen everything I wanted to) I asked him what he had planned for the week coming up, he said he is ending his job (contract work with another kuseum), going back to teaching music classes (trombone) and then going to fun classes. He never bothered to ask what I was doing, I don't think he cared much. Got to the parking garage where I had parked and he said goodbye and I said "Well I'll see you".

 

Done. People say I have high standards but when you come across someone who is laissez faire and proves themselves to be so, it's disappointing.

[Versacehottie]

@mortensorchid...

Ok,

 

1. Why are you so hostile and angry about this?

 

2. You seem to be missing the point of why people are encourage you to put yourself out there. It will never magically turn a frog into a prince. The goal we are trying to push is to turn YOU more into a prize.

 

3. What is disappointing about having pushed yourself and now you have no regrets about how you managed your end of things? You need a perspective shift! I would say you are improving in terms of effort and stretching yourself. Still needs major improvement on DELIVERY and tone and game. If you think, exchanging information as you have recounted above is going to win over either a dud or the man of your dreams, you are mistaken. By your characterization of him as a loser, in theory with the simple-minded equation you are working in your head, he should be dying to spend time with you and treat you like a queen, yet neither of those things are happening--with multiple guys. The constant is you.

 

4. Dating is a numbers game so you should look at this as one step closer to where you want to end up, not a failure or a waste. You should also look at the whole thing and look for ways to improve. Nothing happens in a bubble so it doesn't reset when you give this guy another chance or send boring texts--he was also probably put off by you, as you were by him from the EARLIER stuff. That's why you HAVE to go in with a good attitude and create momentum and flirting--exchanging FACTS is never going to get the job done. Congratulations on getting to a second date. Now LEARN from YOUR behavior and revise.

 

5. It seems like you are looking for (and happy about I might add) that this date did not prove "successful" in your eyes. Why do you do that? It's very negative. I say again that this is what seems to emanate from you always in all of your posts and it turns people off of you. Here, on dates, everywhere.

 

6. 100% serious on this (and don't answer if you don't want to), do you have Aspergers? The lack of understanding how to connect with people is so much.

 

7. You want to be your best to attract your best. So again, what was wrong with what happened? You seem like you have taken a step towards getting better. An attempt, effort, etc. Now you need to classify what has happened in your head as a good thing or step in the right direction. NOT as a bad thing. You can't control other people, who they are, etc. What you can do is control yourself and that includes making effort that will lead where you want to go & how you characterize this event.

Edited June 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Happy Lemming]

Look at the bright side, you went on a second date.

 

There must be something positive you can say about this guy?? There must be some redeeming qualities??

 

Maybe this is what you get, maybe this is the best you can do.

 

Look I'm not going to get Christina Hendricks, so I accept my current "plain Jane" girlfriend is the best I'm going to be able to obtain. And I'm OK with that.