alphamale Posted June 12, 2019 Posted June 12, 2019 Nope, it's Wednesday afternoon. Never heard a word from him again. Next. hmmm that's too bad
Versacehottie Posted June 12, 2019 Posted June 12, 2019 hmmm that's too bad Is it? Whose loss is it really if they are not a match and he can't pierce her shell and she doesn't appreciate or get to know a normal guy that was into her (at least for a minute!)? The tone of OP's most recent message suggests so many things. That she is better than him, confirmed that yes indeed he is defective and the elitist attitude to only come back and answer that one part when there has been a lot of other discussion here. It's like she is saying: see i was right. I mean he sounds alpha to me: WhyTF waste time on some bored, non-smiling, non-engaging woman? He nexted her himself. Let's just be real about that and not perpetuate the lofty things going on in the OP's head. She doesn't seem to understand the simple concept: good things IN=good things OUT. Put in good effort yourself and it will usually pay off. It's actually humorous to make it like she is nexting him. If OP (assuming you read these even if you don't reply), you mean next as in you are shoring yourself up to keep looking and put better effort out there yourself, then I've got that part wrong. *assuming alphaM that you are being sarcastic really. 8
Author mortensorchid Posted June 12, 2019 Author Posted June 12, 2019 It didn’t seem like the first meeting went well for either of you. I’m curious if you smiled at him at any point including when you initially saw each other. I’m asking because you’ve posted that you’ve been told you never smile. Sure did. I have made a point to start doing it more for the sake of customer service. 1
greymatter Posted June 12, 2019 Posted June 12, 2019 Sure did. I have made a point to start doing it more for the sake of customer service. That’s excellent -I’m glad to hear it. 1
rightondude Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 Hmm just thought of something though. OP this does not reflect on you, just making a general observation. If I had a woman who was nice but was a stickler for all the rules..I would take her to Panera. It would be like a test to see if she becomes a self-righteous biotch or not. If she was cool at Panera that would mean she likes me and that we are good for a 2nd date! How are women supposed to just "know" all of this about you outside of observing your actions and the choices you make in their presence? They're just supposed to sense you're a cool, smart dude? This aint a movie man. You have to prove you're worth a damn and check the boxes. 2
Juha Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 MO reminds me of a girl I went out with a few times but ended up moving on from as she was very rigid and wanted to be difficult. Now do not get me wrong she was some fun but the other things trumped the good So a little story about going out with the lady above. Set a date, it was a beautiful day, brought my Jeep for the date, my other car was an Audi. I get to her place, pick her up and she has an attitude right away about why did I bring the Jeep and she really does not like it. Complains it is too bouncy, windy for her hair, and noisy. I tell her it is a great day out and thought it would be fun to take the Jeep, get some sun while we are driving. So we're driving and she is pouting and being a beetch about the Jeep. So I ask her do you really want to go out with me today and have a great, fun day together? If so your attitude needs to change for that to happen, if not then I can just take you home if the Jeep is that much of a problem for you. She tied her hair up, smiled at me, gave me a kiss, and said let's go have some fun. We had a great day and night Moral of the story... MO it seems you really need to lighten up and have some fun and not be so rigid if you want to go out and have some fun dating. I wish you luck 2
Versacehottie Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 Sure did. I have made a point to start doing it more for the sake of customer service. Well I'm also glad you smiled, even a fake one is a start. You can do some quick research though and without being able to place exactly why, humans are so good at non-verbal communication that they can tell a genuine smile from and non-genuine one. Microexpressions & eye crinkling. Again to my point that you can virtually never hide the thoughts and belief system that are going on inside you from seeping out and affecting your interactions with others. I.e. this guy and the other guys are "reading" you, OP. Much like we are here and this isn't even a visual space--it comes through in your tone-- like comment above is wry and flippant, not too genuine; also act of now smiling is driven by wrong reasons rather than good natured ones so there is that. So at least get your thoughts and beliefs to neutral.
OatsAndHall Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 ^^^^Agreed I don't think some women gives men enough credit for picking up on subtle cues that we're being strongly weighed, measured and found wanting during a date. I didn't pull a chair out for a woman at a restaurant once and, although she was pleasant the entire date, the look on her face when she sat down told me that I had a "strike" against me. That was a turn off for me.
Redhead14 Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 Why is dude called a beta? Because of Panera? He's being called "beta" because the OP perception was that he didn't take much of a lead during the meet up . . .
Versacehottie Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 He's being called "beta" because the OP perception was that he didn't take much of a lead during the meet up . . . D*mn i feel for the guys, yes agreed: think the simple fact that he has manners to let the woman walk first regardless of where they are he's him qualified as passive SMH. TBF, he should have paid IMO. 1
alphamale Posted June 13, 2019 Posted June 13, 2019 I don't think some women gives men enough credit for picking up on subtle cues that we're being strongly weighed, measured and found wanting during a date. I didn't pull a chair out for a woman at a restaurant once and, although she was pleasant the entire date, the look on her face when she sat down told me that I had a "strike" against me. That was a turn off for me. I agree OAH...I won't pull out a chair for her but I will pick up the check
Author mortensorchid Posted June 15, 2019 Author Posted June 15, 2019 And it's a week later and I got a text from him saying he was busy all week but wondered if I wanted to get together. All comments about Panera and my rigidity, now, what does one do?
Happy Lemming Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 In the end, it doesn't really matter what any of us think, its how you feel. Are you comfortable with his sparse communication?? Are you comfortable with his actions and non-actions during the first date?? Do you like him enough to try a second date?? I, for one, just want you to find some happiness in your life. I hoped you find a nice normal gentleman to date. Just some general happiness that some of us experience on a day to day basis. So... What is your decision?? 2
some_username1 Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 And it's a week later and I got a text from him saying he was busy all week but wondered if I wanted to get together. All comments about Panera and my rigidity, now, what does one do? Come on OP, it would be pretty shameless of you to accept another date off a man who you were so scathing of. Have some pride in yourself and decline and look for someone who ticks your boxes. If you do go on the date then at least have the gumption to tell him you think he is a beta male to his face. 3
elaine567 Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 Methinks you are actually attracted and were just a bit disappointed he was not keener. I think you should give him a chance. 6
Happy Lemming Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 I think you should give him a chance. Upon further review, I agree. You haven't had a second date in quite a while. If memory serves, didn't you churn through about 10 or so (first dates) since the beginning of the year?? Maybe this "beta" (as you put it) might just turn out to be "the one". What do you have to lose?? Anyone can be a little off or "fail" on the first date, and let him pick up the check. Don't offer, don't buy your own anything, see if he takes the lead. Now if he asks you to "pitch in" when the check arrives, then that is different and cause for concern. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 morten give him another go if he offers something a bit unsexy try to redirect "sounds great would you be open to meet at xyz instead"...somewhere that requires you to wear a flirty dress (if you dont mind wearing one of course) but still within the price range that he offered loosen up a bit if you can I agree with all of what lemming said so do that and then see how it goes good luck 1
NuevoYorko Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 morten give him another go Wow, I strongly disagree. OP clearly has no respect for this guy. Why should he be subjected to spending time with a woman who thinks so little of him? 4
elaine567 Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 OP clearly has no respect for this guy. Why should he be subjected to spending time with a woman who thinks so little of him? We are not really certain here, that she indeed does think so little of him... 1
NuevoYorko Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 We are not really certain here, that she indeed does think so little of him... I tend to take people at their word. If someone is belittling another because of their own insecurities, IMO it still "counts." 4
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 (edited) so she was very critical of the guy but she did admit she liked him and she obviously was looking for him to text again and this is the beginning stages so I say why not Edited June 15, 2019 by Curiousroxy86 1
greymatter Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 And it's a week later and I got a text from him saying he was busy all week but wondered if I wanted to get together. All comments about Panera and my rigidity, now, what does one do? Who cares what anyone here thinks. Do YOU want to see him again is the question? If you do, continue to be yourself (no need to "wear a flirty dress" or be anything other than who you are, other than being your most positive self). Whether you see him again or not, you can now officially retire your 48 hour rule. 2
Versacehottie Posted June 15, 2019 Posted June 15, 2019 Well he's not so beta after all, is he? So he's a guy who is into a second date with you and you are a girl who needs practice on second dates and opening up. If you can get past the knee jerk judgements you made (which is a weakness of yours), you should try to go. If you lean at all 51% his way, give it a chance. For practice alone, where you will learn something about yourself, give a person, a relationship a chance (not using a person), you should try to go. I second the others who said it doesn't really matter what we think though. You should do what your gut tells you. I think the majority of us have been trying to get through to you to not be so judgmental and write people off. In a way, i think you do that to protect yourself when you are worried they don't like you first or those signals aren't clear. And part of the reason you aren't getting clear signals is because you are not open or particularly friendly or flirty on the dates. I hope you go just because you should stretch yourself but if you've created too much of bias against him in your head then it might be hard for you to get over it. 2
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