Lotsgoingon Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 This conversation really has got me thinking and looking around in my life. Here's one ... I know two guys, brothers ... who are cantankerous, highly opinionated, intellectual, funny, real ... kind ... and both completely disorganized. Both have women partners who are organized, decisive CEO types ... Like in both relationships, the woman is in charge of managing the couple's money. When either guy had to do some major logistical task (like sell their parents' home or move their parents) their partners would be the ones in charge directing everyone. These guys couldn't write a list let alone follow one. And they both were completely non-defensive about this. Here's the thing, the executive-type women these brothers were partnered with ... LOVED that these guys were touchy, feely ... warm ... funny ... nonconformists and on and on. One of the brothers helped his partner's family members who were dying. The wife was dazzled that her husband could hold the hand of the dying family member (body racked with tumors) and encourage her to "let go" since she was in so much pain. Both guys have high-level nurturing skills. If you were sick or bedridden, you'd want one of these guys taking care of you ... Of course, you'd want their spouses to make sure the light bills were paid and you'd want their spouses to remind them that they needed to get to your place to take care of you. 1
alphamale Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 I hate all this alpha/beta nonsense. ... it's not nonsense, it's a spectrum
fishlips Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 When either guy had to do some major logistical task (like sell their parents' home or move their parents) their partners would be the ones in charge directing everyone. These guys couldn't write a list let alone follow one. And they both were completely non-defensive about this. Exactly! I pay all the bills and basically do logistical tasks because my husband is disorganized about a lot of things. He is perfectly content to let me do it, and he's not a wimp by any means. 1
guest569 Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 Exactly! I pay all the bills and basically do logistical tasks because my husband is disorganized about a lot of things. He is perfectly content to let me do it, and he's not a wimp by any means. That works for you both but I suspect would be a deal breaker for morten. 1
GorillaTheater Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 And now I have to worry about my beard being grayer than my hair. 6
Versacehottie Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 That works for you both but I suspect would be a deal breaker for morten. Everything is a deal breaker for morten:roll eyes: lol Apparently, including doing the courtesy of coming back of to RECEIVE the posts people have made in response to her original post. Gratitude and self-awareness would not only help in relating to others but certainly will help with her dating journey. Just saying. 3
Redhead14 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 (edited) I kinda suspect that she wouldn't come back because there is a general lack of support. If there was one response on "her" side, that's the one she'd acknowledge. Kinda like going to 10 doctors until you get the diagnosis you want, not the right one. Edited June 11, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 4
CLS63AMG Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Alpha and Beta are just the words to describe two different types of men, why get so butt hurt over it? Some women like alpha male and some like beta. Although from OP's description I dont know if he's beta, but rather he is kind of cheap and also not very into her. No, they all like alphas. The ones that "allow" a beta in only do because they want a man they can control - initially. That changes - might be 2 weeks, might be 20 years, but when she wants a strong man she's done with the weakling. In the 50's most men were alphas, marriages and families were strong. Now divorce is over 50% because betas are rampant. Coincidence? No. "I was so nice to her and she left me for some a-hole" Same thing.
basil67 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Divorces are high because we can now have easy access to divorce. There were previously plenty of unhappy marriages, but people weren't able to escape them. 2
alphamale Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 (edited) divorces are high now because of women's lib and the ability for women to earn a paycheck Edited June 11, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
frus69 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 (edited) No, they all like alphas. The ones that "allow" a beta in only do because they want a man they can control - initially. That changes - might be 2 weeks, might be 20 years, but when she wants a strong man she's done with the weakling. OMG when can guys start to comprehend the difference between "nice" and "weak" , is it that difficult to understand??? Edited June 11, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
rightondude Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Everything is a deal breaker for morten:roll eyes: lol Apparently, including doing the courtesy of coming back of to RECEIVE the posts people have made in response to her original post. Gratitude and self-awareness would not only help in relating to others but certainly will help with her dating journey. Just saying. yeah reading these posts now is just schadenfreude ... never takes any of the advice given or even responds to questions asked, just keeps on with the "why me" without actually stopping to perhaps learn why. Each thread is usually some (admittedly sitcom worthy) tale followed by 20-30 questions with no response or apparent appreciation of any advice given. I could admittedly be wrong. 4
rightondude Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 No, they all like alphas. The ones that "allow" a beta in only do because they want a man they can control - initially. That changes - might be 2 weeks, might be 20 years, but when she wants a strong man she's done with the weakling. In the 50's most men were alphas, marriages and families were strong. Now divorce is over 50% because betas are rampant. Coincidence? No. "I was so nice to her and she left me for some a-hole" Same thing. You can be both strong and possess the full emotional stack also. It is entirely possible. Women now have more options than they did in the 50's too you know. The 50's may have been a grand ol' time for knuckledragging a-holes but for a lot of people those times sucked. Now I do think in a lot of cases people (including women) have a glamorized fantasy in their head of how life is supposed to be and if it isn't that 24x7x365 they're quicker to leave than in the past. But that door swings both ways. A lot of that is built off emotion rather than logic, so take that for what you will.
elaine567 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 In the 50s it was easier to be an "alpha", women did as they were told and knew their place... many women could't leave due to financial/religious/social restraints even if they wanted to. BUT an ordinary working class man in the 50's in the UK was a respected individual, he had a job, a skill, a house even a garden, a wife and was king of his own little castle. Now with social housing gone and the working man reduced to zero hours contracts and unskilled, temporary work, no house no garden, insecure private rented accommodation, and scrabbling from one low paid job to another, he is king of no castle... 1
nospam99 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 OMG when can guys start to comprehend the difference between ''nice'' and ''weak'' , is it that difficult to understand??? Not difficult to understand at all, at least for this guy. Is it the WOMEN who can't understand that difference? I don't know. Obviously I think so or I wouldn't have posed the rhetorical question. I've never had a woman who dumped, rejected, or ignored me tell me 'You are weak'. But with the cultural norm of not hurting other people's feelings, possibly reinforced by women's fear of violent physical retaliation (I'm not too weak to mess you up, bitch.), maybe they've decided I was weak and wouldn't say so. On the other hand, only in the never-met-face-to-face OLD context, I have had women tell me 'You're too short' or 'You're not good-looking enough'.
basil67 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 divorces are high now because of women's lib and the ability for women to earn a paycheck And also ability to own assets and take out a loan.
frus69 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Not difficult to understand at all, at least for this guy. Is it the WOMEN who can't understand that difference? I don't know. Obviously I think so or I wouldn't have posed the rhetorical question. I've never had a woman who dumped, rejected, or ignored me tell me 'You are weak'. But with the cultural norm of not hurting other people's feelings, possibly reinforced by women's fear of violent physical retaliation (I'm not too weak to mess you up, bitch.), maybe they've decided I was weak and wouldn't say so. On the other hand, only in the never-met-face-to-face OLD context, I have had women tell me 'You're too short' or 'You're not good-looking enough'. We are never gonna tell you " I'm leaving you cuz you are weak". We will always say" you arent interesting enough" "arent attractive enough" or whatever nice excuses and the core is " we dont find you desirable because you are too weak to stand up for yourself/always agreeing /no backbone/wont walk away even when we treat you like shyt"
greenlights0000 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 I would say NEXT this guy. He didn’t pay for you coffee. From my experience, whenever I would go on a first date the guy would at least pay, it’s a gentlemen thing to do, for the first meeting.
elaine567 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Would a man pay anyway if he realised it was a no go almost from the first second? Is he a "beta" weak guy, or just a guy not willing to waste his hard earned cash? 2
greenlights0000 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Coffee only costs what like $7.00??? Seriously, what he can’t afford that? That’s pathetic on his end it’s not like they were eating at a fancy restaurant ordering seafood, steak, wine that would cost $100. It’s panera bread for gods sake, he can’t shell out 7-10 bucks? What hard earned cash? Is he poor or homeless thT he can’t pay for her coffee?
some_username1 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Coffee only costs what like $7.00??? Seriously, what he can’t afford that? That’s pathetic on his end it’s not like they were eating at a fancy restaurant ordering seafood, steak, wine that would cost $100. It’s panera bread for gods sake, he can’t shell out 7-10 bucks? What hard earned cash? Is he poor or homeless thT he can’t pay for her coffee? Such judgement can easily be turned round on the woman though: What?! Is she so useless that she can't even afford $7.00 and needs a man to pay for it?! Pffft! We live in the era of the strong independent woman, there is nothing strong and independent about sitting on your purse when the bill comes... 4
ZA Dater Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Agree. Giving the guy an arbitrary “strike” because he didn’t lead the way to the table seems a little rigid to me. In dealing with people and relationships, it’s important to be flexible and not to sweat the little things... I can understand her viewpoint to a certain degree even if I don't agree with it. Frankly in a world where for many a new date is a swipe away then some people feel the need to be very particular because they may have a lot of choice.
frus69 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Such judgement can easily be turned round on the woman though: What?! Is she so useless that she can't even afford $7.00 and needs a man to pay for it?! Pffft! We live in the era of the strong independent woman, there is nothing strong and independent about sitting on your purse when the bill comes... If a guy likes you, he will do everything to impress you and that for sure includes paying the bill If he doesn't like you, some guys will act cheap 1
elaine567 Posted June 11, 2019 Posted June 11, 2019 Coffee only costs what like $7.00??? Seriously, what he can’t afford that? That’s pathetic on his end it’s not like they were eating at a fancy restaurant ordering seafood, steak, wine that would cost $100. It’s panera bread for gods sake, he can’t shell out 7-10 bucks? What hard earned cash? Is he poor or homeless thT he can’t pay for her coffee? Maybe it is not about not being able to afford, it is maybe more about not wanting to pay for someone he knows he is not going to ever see again, as he knows he doesn't want to see her again. A stranger basically.
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