BaileyB Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 It's visually attractive. But painful to the undercarriage. Lol. I hear ya, and I can not disagree. 1
Redhead14 Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 (edited) Yeah I don't get it. Panera is ok if you're on the road and want a soup or sanga after getting a few groceries from Walmart. But it's not somewhere you go for a date. How unromantic. People are being a bit unfair here, I can see from these examples that the guy aint going to take the lead in any way whatsoever. That is hard work for morten. He sounds like a dud. First meets from OLD are not dates. They are short meet ups to make sure they look like their pictures, are who they say they are and to see if there is enough there to want a "real date". You don't spend a lot of money on a first meet. A couple of cups of coffee or drinks and maybe hors d' ouerves. You don't want to spend a lot of money on a girl you meet for the first time from OLD. There are tons of women on those sites who just go out with the guys for a free meal and that's it. No intention of seeing them ever again no matter what. Edited June 9, 2019 by Redhead14 3
BaileyB Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 First meets from OLD are not dates. They are short meet ups to make sure they look like their pictures, are who they say they are and to see if there is enough there to want a "real date". You don't spend a lot of money on a first meet. Absolutely. ^^^^
Els Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 This thread just made me add Panera to my list of stuff to try on my next trip to the US... 1
Happy Lemming Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 ...painful to the undercarriage. Yes, I've been told that. Thus another reason I am clean shaven.
FMW Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 Yes, I've been told that. Thus another reason I am clean shaven. After a few days the stubble is softer and can actually be a bonus
FMW Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 This thread just made me add Panera to my list of stuff to try on my next trip to the US... The chocolate croissants are worth the trip alone! 1
Els Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 This is how it should be with a gentleman, especially if he is manly. The lady walks ahead. The lady chooses. A gentleman will let her through the door first, walk behind her, and let her order first. It does not mean she's leading. You should get used to walking ahead a lot. The guy choosing where to sit and walking in front is treating her like a child not a lady. I think this guy was just polite but not interested. Pretty much this. H and I actually have a M/f dynamic going on in the bedroom, but as a gentleman he always allows me to choose where we sit when we go out. If he does walk ahead, it's because he spotted a good location that he knows I'd like. A guy who just walks ahead and picks out a table without any consideration for what the woman prefers is a complete turn-off IMO.
greymatter Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 I was going to say the same things as the poster a few posts before this. It was a first meeting, NOT a date. I always tried to pay for myself when I first met someone, not to reignite the great debate. Morten, he sounds like one of the nicer, higher quality people that you have met and yet you picked him apart on multiple levels after only meeting him once. You already have the expectation that he has to take the lead and you are not willing to let him know that you enjoyed meeting him. Expectations like that are not reasonable after one meeting and you are not willing to meet people halfway. My boyfriend has blond hair and a little grey in his beard which is otherwise dark blond - it's sexy to me and he looks distinguished. Men often do with salt & pepper on their head and in their beard. But really, who cares? It's just one element of his physical features and you seized on that as something odd about him instead of seeing it as normal. It's part of your overall approach that makes me wonder what it is like for men to sit with you on a first meeting and what their perception is of you based on what you say and how you present yourself. What did you say to him? You probably won't answer this as you never bother to respond to my questions, but I'm curious to know what you shared about yourself. 1
Author mortensorchid Posted June 9, 2019 Author Posted June 9, 2019 I was going to say the same things as the poster a few posts before this. It was a first meeting, NOT a date. I always tried to pay for myself when I first met someone, not to reignite the great debate. Morten, he sounds like one of the nicer, higher quality people that you have met and yet you picked him apart on multiple levels after only meeting him once. You already have the expectation that he has to take the lead and you are not willing to let him know that you enjoyed meeting him. Expectations like that are not reasonable after one meeting and you are not willing to meet people halfway. My boyfriend has blond hair and a little grey in his beard which is otherwise dark blond - it's sexy to me and he looks distinguished. Men often do with salt & pepper on their head and in their beard. But really, who cares? It's just one element of his physical features and you seized on that as something odd about him instead of seeing it as normal. It's part of your overall approach that makes me wonder what it is like for men to sit with you on a first meeting and what their perception is of you based on what you say and how you present yourself. What did you say to him? You probably won't answer this as you never bother to respond to my questions, but I'm curious to know what you shared about yourself. What did I say to him about his appearance? Nothing. I shared a few things basic (what I do for a living, interests, etc.). We talked about movies and whatnot, he said he teaches brass music lessons.
greymatter Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 Huh? I wasn't asking if you commented on his appearance. 2
basil67 Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 You’re probably right re: PUA circles, but imo in a more mainstream place like LS it seems to me it’s the women who refer to alphabet soup more often- either as a form of humble brag about their latest paramour because ‘Alpha’ is a shorthand way of conveying that they have bagged a leader of men (and doing so may elevate our perception of them if they can bag an ‘alpha’) whilst ‘beta’ is used by women (as in this thread) as shorthand to shame a man who disgusts them with *their perception* of his weakness. I doubt it will ever be seen as objectifying/shaming in the wider sense, but it’s nice to see people pick up on how harmful it can be when a lot of talk has taken place in the recent ‘mental health awareness’ week about the effect that male stereotypes have on men’s mental health. Good stuff. I can't recall women saying they've bagged an Alpha, but I do see the Beta comments. Interestingly, most frequently by women who are having trouble attracting a man. Coincidence or not? 2
guest569 Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 First meets from OLD are not dates. They are short meet ups to make sure they look like their pictures, are who they say they are and to see if there is enough there to want a "real date". You don't spend a lot of money on a first meet. A couple of cups of coffee or drinks and maybe hors d' ouerves. You don't want to spend a lot of money on a girl you meet for the first time from OLD. There are tons of women on those sites who just go out with the guys for a free meal and that's it. No intention of seeing them ever again no matter what. That's your opinion. It is not a universal fact. A 'first meet' then, to see if she is a fatty in disguise, as you put it. Doesn't mean you have to go to some lame chain that is half a step up from Subway. I didn't mention anywhere that a 'first meet' (aka date) should be a 5 star restaurant. I did not mention money anywhere. However, I had forgotten that USA don't actually have nice cafes or coffee. So maybe I'm wrong. How about Shake Shack? 1
frus69 Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 Alpha and Beta are just the words to describe two different types of men, why get so butt hurt over it? Some women like alpha male and some like beta. Although from OP's description I dont know if he's beta, but rather he is kind of cheap and also not very into her.
basil67 Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 I think alpha and beta are a load of tosh. They are also many different meanings applied to the same word depending on who is using them....so much so that they've lost their meaning. Even on this thread, we can't agree if he is beta. But generally speaking, the word beta is a put down mostly used by the PUA guys. Read how they describe a beta - it's really denigrating. 1
alphamale Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 Alpha and Beta are just the words to describe two different types of men, why get so butt hurt over it? Some women like alpha male and some like beta. I think alpha and beta are a load of tosh. They are also many different meanings applied to the same word depending on who is using them....so much so that they've lost their meaning. Even on this thread, we can't agree if he is beta. the vast majority of men are somewhere in between "alpha" and "beta" 1
frus69 Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 I think alpha and beta are a load of tosh. They are also many different meanings applied to the same word depending on who is using them....so much so that they've lost their meaning. Even on this thread, we can't agree if he is beta. But generally speaking, the word beta is a put down mostly used by the PUA guys. Read how they describe a beta - it's really denigrating. I thought alpha is used to describe men who are assertive,dominant,leader sort of guy and beta is men who are more emotional, sensitive, maybe submissive. Both have good and bad traits in them and some women like alpha, some like beta. I dont think one is better or worse than the other.
frus69 Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 the vast majority of men are somewhere in between "alpha" and "beta" Great. Because the best is being alpha with others and beta with me 1
alphamale Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 Great. Because the best is being alpha with others and beta with me
basil67 Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 I agree with Alpha that most men have a combination of both traits. It's not cut and dry.
frus69 Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 Is Panera like subway..hmm awful choice. If any guy asked to meet me at subway i'd cross him off, honestly. Makes me feel hes either cheap or just plain broke.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 Great. Because the best is being alpha with others and beta with me That's the dream!! 1
rightondude Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 First meets from OLD are not dates. They are short meet ups to make sure they look like their pictures, are who they say they are and to see if there is enough there to want a "real date". You don't spend a lot of money on a first meet. A couple of cups of coffee or drinks and maybe hors d' ouerves. You don't want to spend a lot of money on a girl you meet for the first time from OLD. There are tons of women on those sites who just go out with the guys for a free meal and that's it. No intention of seeing them ever again no matter what. "You never get a second chance to make a first impression." If I am into a woman, her pics and her attitude from OLD, I am for damn sure taking her out to a nice place. Gotta do what I can to separate myself from the masses of other schlubs out there. I sure as hell wouldn't be taking her to Panera, Denny's, Waffle House or Panda Express. 2
alphamale Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 Is Panera like subway..hmm awful choice. If any guy asked to meet me at subway i'd cross him off, honestly. Makes me feel hes either cheap or just plain broke. Panera is different than Subway (), Panera is more upscale with higher prices and a more varied menu. The inside of Paneras is also nicer than Subway but it depends on the particular store 1
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