SmartDude Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 Has anyone said this to a person they are dating? . It seems like when someone makes a statement like this, it is more of a sign of sexual inhibition and repression than anything else right? Either that or its just an excuse but means nothing. Wondering if there is a correlation between women who withhold sex for a long time while dating to women who will not be very sexual, but are very controlling and "societal" once a relationship is established? It may be strange but if a woman does not have sex soon within dating, It is now a red flag to me because of this.
preraph Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 It doesn't say anything much about her sexually. It says she's not looking for casual sex and isn't giving herself to a man and all that comes along with that until she is pretty sure it's serious. She's not looking for hookups, and that's probably all she's gotten out of 90 percent of men out there. 3
alphamale Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 there are no hard and fast rules SD, but, I would never say that to a woman and I've never had it said to me
Els Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 Lots of people of both genders only have sex with people whom they are in love with. It's not just women. And lots of them have fantastic sex lives in their marriages/LTRs - in fact, they are probably more likely to, because they're wired towards monogamy and long-term sex. 2
kendahke Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 Has anyone said this to a person they are dating? . It seems like when someone makes a statement like this, it is more of a sign of sexual inhibition and repression than anything else right? Either that or its just an excuse but means nothing. Nope, it means that they're not down for NSA sex, eff buddy/FWB situations. It's being clear up front and not wanting to waste time and squander youth with someone marking time. 4
Author SmartDude Posted June 7, 2019 Author Posted June 7, 2019 Lots of people of both genders only have sex with people whom they are in love with. It's not just women. And lots of them have fantastic sex lives in their marriages/LTRs - in fact, they are probably more likely to, because they're wired towards monogamy and long-term sex. Bahhh, I keep forgetting that these people exist. But they are actually the majority. Thanks for the reminder(not sarcasm).
Els Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 Bahhh, I keep forgetting that these people exist. But they are actually the majority. Thanks for the reminder(not sarcasm). Who ever said "majority"? All I said was "lots".
Grey40 Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 There’s always exceptions to the rules and people sometimes do the opposite of what they say. It’s important to look more at their actions and behavior than the words they use. I’ve met women who say they never ever sleep with a guy until they’ve been on numerous dates and are exclusive and but I’m “different” and she’s ok with it on the 2nd date. So it’s more of if they’re really into you or not. When someone is that enthralled with you, all those rules, checklists etc. fall out the window. It’s natural. 2
Els Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 (edited) I’ve met women who say they never ever sleep with a guy until they’ve been on numerous dates and are exclusive and but I’m “different” and she’s ok with it on the 2nd date. So it’s more of if they’re really into you or not. When someone is that enthralled with you, all those rules, checklists etc. fall out the window. It’s natural. Reality check: She wasn't "enthralled" with you and you're not "different". She probably says that to every man she's slept with on the 2nd date. Not that there's anything wrong with sleeping with people on the 2nd date if that's what you want, but come on. The whole "she was so chaste before me but I'm irresistible so she made an exception for me!" thing is clearly made up, lol. For people who genuinely only want sex in a LTR, it's not a "rule" or a "checklist", it's who they are. They wouldn't have sex with you on the 2nd date any more than a lesbian would. Edited June 7, 2019 by Elswyth 4
Author SmartDude Posted June 7, 2019 Author Posted June 7, 2019 There’s always exceptions to the rules and people sometimes do the opposite of what they say. It’s important to look more at their actions and behavior than the words they use. I’ve met women who say they never ever sleep with a guy until they’ve been on numerous dates and are exclusive and but I’m “different” and she’s ok with it on the 2nd date. So it’s more of if they’re really into you or not. When someone is that enthralled with you, all those rules, checklists etc. fall out the window. It’s natural. I strongly agree with this and have experienced similar.
Author SmartDude Posted June 7, 2019 Author Posted June 7, 2019 Reality check: She wasn't "enthralled" with you and you're not "different". She probably says that to every man she's slept with on the 2nd date. Not that there's anything wrong with sleeping with people on the 2nd date if that's what you want, but come on. The whole "she was so chaste before me but I'm irresistible so she made an exception for me!" thing is clearly made up, lol. For people who genuinely only want sex in a LTR, it's not a "rule" or a "checklist", it's who they are. They wouldn't have sex with you on the 2nd date any more than a lesbian would. There must be a way to detect and avoid these serial monogamists, Please tell me how?
Els Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 There must be a way to detect and avoid these serial monogamists, Please tell me how? Aren't you already doing so? 1
Tamfana Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 There must be a way to detect and avoid these serial monogamists, Please tell me how? Talk to each other honestly. Just bring it up. Men who have wanted to have sex with me fast, in a few dates, found out my perspective as soon as they raised the topic. Detecting liars and users is a lot harder but not specific to sex habits.
Kitty Tantrum Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 For me sex is a relationship-builder, and that has nothing to do with inhibition or repression, thankyouverymuch. I've done all sorts of crazy crap in committed relationships, including having sex with other people -when the man I was in love with wanted and encouraged me to. I don't think I would do that again, because my personal experience was that it had the exact opposite effect of strengthening those relationships. During the brief periods of my life when I was actually a single adult, I didn't have sex with anybody at all. I don't think it's unhealthy/repressed/inhibited for a women (or a man, for that matter) to only want to engage in sexual activity within whatever context feels safe or is conducive to their relationship goals. How to avoid serial monogamists? Be open and honest about your intentions. Don't dangle the commitment carrot. Don't leave any room for any woman to believe that she might get a relationship out of you by having sex with you. I think one of the dumbest things people do when dating is not being upfront about various things, because they don't want to limit their pool of immediate options. Great way to waste a whole bunch of time and possibly end up entangled in some very unpleasant situations. 2
mark clemson Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 There must be a way to detect and avoid these serial monogamists, Please tell me how? Sure - simply be up front and honest about your propensity for escorts. Such a thing is no doubt anathema to women like this and they should quickly self-select out. 5
Orokotikki Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 I have said this and meant it. I do not think it was true of any woman I have ever slept with however (not that they claimed so either), nor do I know if I would have held to this if I had not met my wife and got married.
crispytoast Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 Lots of people of both genders only have sex with people whom they are in love with. It's not just women. And lots of them have fantastic sex lives in their marriages/LTRs - in fact, they are probably more likely to, because they're wired towards monogamy and long-term sex. Statistically this is not true
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 Reality check: She wasn't "enthralled" with you and you're not "different". She probably says that to every man she's slept with on the 2nd date. Not that there's anything wrong with sleeping with people on the 2nd date if that's what you want, but come on. The whole "she was so chaste before me but I'm irresistible so she made an exception for me!" thing is clearly made up, lol. For people who genuinely only want sex in a LTR, it's not a "rule" or a "checklist", it's who they are. They wouldn't have sex with you on the 2nd date any more than a lesbian would. I don’t know. When people are attracted they do let go of their boundaries. A lot of women who have sex before they want to probably really intended to wait and would rather be with a guy that they are in love with or in a relationship with but got caught up in their emotions, the chemistry, the attraction, the lust...it happens
crispytoast Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 Waiting until you are in love to have sex increases the likelihood that you will already be emotionally attached by the time you discover sexual incompatibility. This increases the likelihood of infidelity, and divorce.
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 There must be a way to detect and avoid these serial monogamists, Please tell me how? I don’t know what’s its like to date women but have you tried free online dating sites and choose any status that doesn’t say want relationship/marriage? Bar/club hop maybe? Women traveling/not in your town/long distance? Make it clear on your profile that your looking for NSA?
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 Waiting until you are in love to have sex increases the likelihood that you will already be emotionally attached by the time you discover sexual incompatibility. This increases the likelihood of infidelity, and divorce. Sex is oh so fun when your in love though
alphamale Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 Sex is oh so fun when your in love though sex is over-rated
crispytoast Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 Sex is oh so fun when your in love though True, coming together with someone I love is the best feeling but being a dying relationship with bad sex is the worst.
chillii Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 (edited) Not at all with me , 50s , never been with a woman that sleeps and dates around like they seem to in forums . Not ex w or gf's earlier, my gf hadn't slept with anyone 4yrs before me and it's not like she couldn;t she's hot as hell. lt's nothing to do with manipulation at all with anyone l've ever known , l can't believe some guys don't understand it. Not to say it might not be with some women though , l wouldn't bother with that kind of person though. Edited June 7, 2019 by chillii
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