trippywonderland Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 Hi! I am dating someone, but despite constant reassurance I'm insecure about my face. I'm told that I'm a good looking woman with nice facial features, however I've had acne for most of my life and it has left me with permanent scarring, one side of my face is quite prominent and is visible in harsh light. I also have some mild breakouts most of the time, not cystic and it doesn't look severe like it was when i was younger, but there are always some red bump here and there on my face, or redness from the ones that healed. It is mostly the scarring that makes me feel ugly, despite people telling me they're not noticing it. My boyfriend doesn't seem to notice them at all, and my acne doesn't bother him. Other people do reassure me as well, but kids I work with tell the whole truth, asking me why one side of my face looks like it has been a bit burned. So I think people might lie to me... Maybe my boyfriend is trying to be nice too. I became more self-conscious when I have someone to look at me from very close up. How about people on this forum? Would you date a woman with some facial scarring/acne? If she's otherwise quite pretty and has nice figure, but her face looks scarred in direct sunlight or bathroom light and she has red bumps here and there (mostly cheeks)? Oh and please, I'm not looking for advice on how to help my skin, I'm doing more than anyone with clear face can even imagine doing for their health and their skin.
Flame Aura Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 Yes I certainly would. It's the imperfections in people that make them different, which is a good thing. 2
kendahke Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 I think it would depend upon how at peace they are with it.
preraph Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 I've known of quite a few people who found their match who had acne scarring. Some people are not as sensitive to it as others. That said, there is no such thing as "permanent acne scarring" with today's dermatological technology. I have seen them removed in one day with laser resurfacing, which is a more pleasant experience than chemical peels (I've had one -- it's like having your face torched). More likely, a dermatologist would do it over a series. I'm sure it's not cheap, but if it was me, I'd get a second job and save up to do it. 1
GorillaTheater Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 Probably, but that's not important. What's important is that the person you're dating will.
SophieG Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 I have scars and acne. Going on Accutane in the fall, even though it’s really bad for my health and my dermatologist isn’t super warm to the idea. Started when I was 22 years old, and it comes and goes. Met my boyfriend during a wild acne period, to the point that I didn’t want him to sleep over so he wouldn’t see me without makeup. That being said, he never made a comment about it, and told me I was beautiful acne or not. During the winter, I had another bad breakout and cried because I felt disfigured and would hide my face all the time. He reassured me for days, telling me that it didn’t matter to him... and it didn’t. He would still tell me randomly that I was hot and beautiful. I haven’t had any for 2-3 months, but the scars are visible. Everytime I tell him that I have to remove my makeup he tells me : Oh you’re wearing makeup?! I doesn’t see any difference on my skin whether I wear foundation or not. So I would say, yes... some men will date you even with acne scars, but some won’t. It sucks, because sometimes there isn’t anything you can do about it, but I’d say that you should trust your bf.
The Outlaw Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 If someone doesn't want to date you because any type of scarring, they aren't worth your time in the first place. Trust me, it speaks volumes about a person's character. We're all guilty of this, but we tend to look more on the outside than the inside. 1
JuneL Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 (edited) I think if it’s a very serious case of scars, there’re people who would be bothered. I learned from this forum that there’s some guy who wouldn’t date women with feet bigger than US size 5.5 But your boyfriend is dating you. Does it matter to my 5’10” bf that there’re women who only date guys at least 6” tall? Edited June 7, 2019 by JuneL
Lotsgoingon Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 It's the whole person ... one of the prettiest women I know has a burn scar on her face ... that is prominent. If I'm really into the person, sure ... But it's a judgment ... if I can feel the person is attractive, for sure ... There are people with no scars ... who are quite pretty ... who I wouldn't want to date at all. The key thing is to carry yourself with confidence and self acceptance.
alphamale Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 I shop at my local CVS drugstore 2 or 3 times a week. there is this lady who works there as a asst. manager, she's been there for years. she is always really nice to me and flirts a lot. she has everything i'm looking for in a woman except she has really bad acne scars. I treat her like a friend but cannot date her.
chillii Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 Of course. l had a gf in early 20a that had acme and scars and still got pimples and troubles. She was still a really nice looking girl , it didn't worry me you just kind of excepted that part of things. Went along with her to different specialists and supported her though special diets and stuff and all kinds of things all through too. Lotta famous people have that kind of thing, didn't stop them.
preraph Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 A guy in a local band I used to drum-roadie for always had bad acne scars and is not good looking anyway, but he married a friend in his circle who is successful and smart and pretty. Someone else I know who is pretty and super nice married a guy with acne who is also not at all good looking nor very nice. A guy who is average or better looking with acne scarring can still get women. My understanding he has little success until he was a bit older. I'm not sure about how it is with women. Maybe it is different. I've seen women with bad breakouts dating no problem. I just don't happen to know one with bad acne scarring. A friend of mine in high school was red hair and freckles and had some pretty bad pimples from time to time and also kind of buck teeth, but had a modest but really nice rack and a great butt and she got boyfriends.
guest569 Posted June 8, 2019 Posted June 8, 2019 Yeah why not. Come to think of it, I have. But like your bf, I guess I hardly noticed. One day he was acting strange and eventually fessed up he was self conscious about a breakout on his chin. I was just stunned as why would this awesome guy be self conscious. Other people don't care as much as we think. 2
emeraldgreen Posted June 8, 2019 Posted June 8, 2019 Yes, I would if I was still attracted to her. If she can hack my love handles, I can see past some facial scars. 2
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 8, 2019 Posted June 8, 2019 I would though I never have. But more importantly, why not get your scars removed? There are ways to do so. And if you still have acne there are many ways to manage it quite well such as acutane, antibiotics, retina and spironolactone. I knew a young lady (teen ager) who folks considered to be average in appearance yet had low self esteem because of her acne. She ended up marrying and began to get treatment for her acne so that she had beautiful skin. What happened was that her personality (which had been non existent) also blossomed and when that happened a lot of people said she was the most beautiful woman they'd ever seen. Point being, help is available for your complexion via acne treatment and laser treatment. It would not only make your skin prettier but may change the way you think of yourself, which in turn, affects the way others see you. I encourage you to look into it as I believe your quality of life would improve based on your self confidence improving in addition to your appearance improving.
beentheredonethat77 Posted June 8, 2019 Posted June 8, 2019 Sure, why not.. if i was attracted to other aspects of them. First person that comes to mind is .. Heidi Klum, she married Seal (ok they didn't work out but im sure his scars weren't the reason lol). 1
Author trippywonderland Posted June 8, 2019 Author Posted June 8, 2019 (edited) I would though I never have. But more importantly, why not get your scars removed? There are ways to do so. And if you still have acne there are many ways to manage it quite well such as acutane, antibiotics, retina and spironolactone. I knew a young lady (teen ager) who folks considered to be average in appearance yet had low self esteem because of her acne. She ended up marrying and began to get treatment for her acne so that she had beautiful skin. What happened was that her personality (which had been non existent) also blossomed and when that happened a lot of people said she was the most beautiful woman they'd ever seen. Point being, help is available for your complexion via acne treatment and laser treatment. It would not only make your skin prettier but may change the way you think of yourself, which in turn, affects the way others see you. I encourage you to look into it as I believe your quality of life would improve based on your self confidence improving in addition to your appearance improving. I said no acne/scars advice for a reason! You people who aren't acne/scars sufferers think it's so easy and that we aren't aware of the "help" that's out there. There is a huge different between fixing a teenagers scars and a 30 years old woman who has a medical condition! You really think I'm not aware of what is out there? I have done 4 laser resurfacings, 8 microneedling sessions, 3 subcisions with fillers - 20% improvement for a total of around 5000 dollars and I still have a debt I'm paying off for the loan I took to do all that. I've been on 3 accutane rounds and acne comes back but the hair I lost during it never grew back as thick and nice. 3 years on Spironolactone, discontinued due to potassium overload in my blood, 6+ years on birth control, antibiotics doesn't help hormonal acne and I've done several rounds as a teen, which made my digestion hell. I eat gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, low hystamine, anti-inflammatory diet and don't allow myself any "fun" foods - others eat ice cream? Pizza? Chips? Sushi? Nothing of that sort for me! Different topicals, serums, washes... And to have someone say "oh, but there are ways to have perfect skin, did you hear about..." Oh yes, I heard, I tried, and it didn't work! Edited June 8, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Off topic
Author trippywonderland Posted June 8, 2019 Author Posted June 8, 2019 Sure, why not.. if i was attracted to other aspects of them. First person that comes to mind is .. Heidi Klum, she married Seal (ok they didn't work out but im sure his scars weren't the reason lol). But women are more forgiving to men's flaws. There is even a saying, that scars look good on men. No such saying about women.
Author trippywonderland Posted June 8, 2019 Author Posted June 8, 2019 I have scars and acne. Going on Accutane in the fall, even though it’s really bad for my health and my dermatologist isn’t super warm to the idea. Started when I was 22 years old, and it comes and goes. Met my boyfriend during a wild acne period, to the point that I didn’t want him to sleep over so he wouldn’t see me without makeup. That being said, he never made a comment about it, and told me I was beautiful acne or not. During the winter, I had another bad breakout and cried because I felt disfigured and would hide my face all the time. He reassured me for days, telling me that it didn’t matter to him... and it didn’t. He would still tell me randomly that I was hot and beautiful. I haven’t had any for 2-3 months, but the scars are visible. Everytime I tell him that I have to remove my makeup he tells me : Oh you’re wearing makeup?! I doesn’t see any difference on my skin whether I wear foundation or not. So I would say, yes... some men will date you even with acne scars, but some won’t. It sucks, because sometimes there isn’t anything you can do about it, but I’d say that you should trust your bf. Be ready for Accutane not working forever if you have hormonal acne. 3 rounds for me, would only stay clear 6-10 months after each round. Each time I had crazy hair loss (I had super thick, shiny hair down to my butt, the hairloss was so bad I had to cut it shoulder length, it stopped growing fast, it never regained the thickness), lips so chapped I bled everyday, loss of facial volume and weird pains that has never went away. I hope it wont happen to you, but maybe discuss with your doctor to be on a lower dose (I was put on 80mg as the doctor said it prevents relapse... not!), many people have same results as high dose but it taking a longer time. And if it doesn't work, look for hormonal solutions. Yeah my boyfriend says the exact same thing. He says my skin looks radiant and nice and internally I'm like "what?? are you serious?". When I "came clear" about my insecurity about scars and pimples, he's like "oh! I haven't noticed that you have any"
JuneL Posted June 8, 2019 Posted June 8, 2019 So why did you think your bf is with you? Did you believe he’s at the bottom of the barrel (say, because his member was small) and had no options?
Author trippywonderland Posted June 8, 2019 Author Posted June 8, 2019 (edited) So why did you think your bf is with you? He's too nice and the women he's been with were horrible and using him. I think he's probably with me because I'm the first woman who appreciates him and is nice back, so he probably convinced himself the scars are ok I'm ok with his small member when he stopped putting himself down. But I try to not mention my scars except when he takes a picture of me in harsh light then I ask him to delete them Edited June 8, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Calmandfocused Posted June 8, 2019 Posted June 8, 2019 Kids are great for this sort of thing aren’t they? I have 2 children and like any parent’s probably experienced,I’ve had very direct questions/ observations about people’s hair, clothes, skin colour, weight etc, usually when that person is standing right in front of us!! ( eg “ mummy why has that person got no hair”?) They’re a bit older now and understand that such behaviour is inappropriate and rude. However on reflection I think they were just curious about the world, the people in and were curious about diversity and difference. Here’s the thing: any difference is certainly not unattractive infact it’s what makes us individual and unique. So you’re not perfect? Neither are any of us. Your acne scars mean very little, they’re just a very small part of what makes you who you the unique person that you are. They Certainly have no correlation with unattractiveness whatsoever. Embrace them and learn to accept that do not define you as a person or as an attractive person. Most people’s aim is to find a compatible partner. Such things won’t matter to good people. If it does matter the problems on them, not you. Please don’t worry about this.
preraph Posted June 8, 2019 Posted June 8, 2019 You probably shouldn't focus so much on your acne scars and consider that it's more often personality that makes people like you or not. 1
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