DK092 Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 Hey guys so since monday we have a new work-colleague. I felt attracted to her the moment we saw each other for the first time. She was sitting one table away in front of me and glanced into my direction every now and then while stretching her body and playing with her hair. I took this as an indicator of interest on her part so I tried flirting a little bit by smiling at her, which she returned. She also laughed at all my jokes I was telling during a group conversation. However, since she has a child I decided to not blindly go for it. During break we were alone outside. I could tell she definitely wanted me to approach her but I couldn't get myself to do it and remained shy and insecure by looking at my phone the whole time during break. Aside form me holding the door open for her, we didn't interact during break at all but I generally got positive vibes from her since she was holding eye contact with me every now and then. The next day during break, she asked me if I can give her a cigarette. I gave her one and started a conversation. It was a bit awkward because I still felt pathetic for letting her approach me first but I remained confident and went with the flow as well as holding eye contact with her, like I normally do during convos. We were talking about work-related stuff, about life and what we did before this job. Overall our conversation was neutral. She then mentioned her boyfriend and from then on I decided to keep my distance from her since at that moment, I thought about how I don't want to date women with a boyfriend (I have done this before and it didn't end well). After this, we talked a bit more about work related stuff and I remained cool. Then I told her I'm going inside and went about my day. She kept giving me IOIs that day and I still feel strongly attracted to her but the fact she has a boyfriend+a child turns me off. I know that dating someone who is in a relationship can actually be really exciting and the fact that she is all flirty despite being in a relationship shows me that their relationship might be at a fragile point atm but dating a woman like this goes against my own values. Also, I am wondering whether or not her saying she has a boyfriend is a ****test just to see how I react to that or her telling me that I should stay away from her. Her body-language and actions suggest the first case. At least on my part, there is something there since I keep thinking about her and under different circumstances I would have asked her out asap. What do you think?
PegNosePete Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 What do you think? I think you have rocks in your head if you're seriously interested in a woman who has a boyfriend and is a work colleague. 4
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 She is not testing you. She doesn't want to date you. She has a BF & a child. She is a work colleague. All those things you interpret as signs of interest are just her moving through the office. I suppose on one level this is a "test". If you make a move you will fail the test because you are reading signals that aren't there. 3
lurker74 Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 I think you'll have better luck in a PUA forum since you're using all their language. 2
Gretchen12 Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 She's at a new job. She's trying to get people to like her. Sometimes some people may instinctively get the opposite sex to like them by attracting them. But then when she realized she may have inadvertently sent the wrong message, she told you she's not available. The new kid in class just wanted to be liked. 1
ChatroomHero Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 I'll give you a simple rule that you can use that will answer your question...If a woman mentions a boyfriend to you, she is specifically doing it to inform you she has a boyfriend and is spoken for. If she had a bf and wanted to hook up with you, she would no0t mention her boyfriend. For example, you are at a bar and an attractive woman is there and you say, "I love your shirt" and she replies, "Thanks, my boyfriend bought it for me", she is really saying, "I have a boyfriend, I am taken." Think about it logically, if you had a gf and wanted to cheat, what's the last thing you would mention to another woman?...that you have a gf. It may come up later, but it is not an early conversation drop unless she is telling you to back off. You seem to be taking the fact that she acted normal and didn't spit on you or tell you off at work as a sign of interest and the fact she told you she had a bf as another sign of interest. You're wrong on both accounts. 3
darkmoon Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 she's a flirt, just superficial stuff, fun at work... 1
smackie9 Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 Even if she is attracted to you doesn't mean she's going to drop everything and date you. People can have crushes and never act on them. She told you about the kid and BF, that's her drawing a line in the sand to not cross. The attention she will take, and the occasional cigarette, but nothing else. 2
Author DK092 Posted June 7, 2019 Author Posted June 7, 2019 I'll give you a simple rule that you can use that will answer your question...If a woman mentions a boyfriend to you, she is specifically doing it to inform you she has a boyfriend and is spoken for. If she had a bf and wanted to hook up with you, she would no0t mention her boyfriend. For example, you are at a bar and an attractive woman is there and you say, "I love your shirt" and she replies, "Thanks, my boyfriend bought it for me", she is really saying, "I have a boyfriend, I am taken." Think about it logically, if you had a gf and wanted to cheat, what's the last thing you would mention to another woman?...that you have a gf. It may come up later, but it is not an early conversation drop unless she is telling you to back off. You seem to be taking the fact that she acted normal and didn't spit on you or tell you off at work as a sign of interest and the fact she told you she had a bf as another sign of interest. You're wrong on both accounts. You are right. Thanks for your advice. Also I am not the kind of guy who gets 'spit on' by women. I simply misinterpreted it all and was wrong. It happens:D. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 I don't see any signs of romantic interest from her, OP. You're attracted to her and I think you are seeing flirting where there really isn't any. She's being social. That's it. There is nothing to do here but be friendly and professional. 1
chillii Posted June 8, 2019 Posted June 8, 2019 I think you have rocks in your head if you're seriously interested in a woman who has a boyfriend and is a work colleague. Yep, plus a child just to ice the cake. And even if she is interested in any real way which l doubt anyway, you'd really want a women that goes acting like that and at work , while she's in a relationship ?
basil67 Posted June 8, 2019 Posted June 8, 2019 She's new in the job and wants to meet the people she works with. You are just one of those people. She's not at all interested in romance with you. 2
The Outlaw Posted June 8, 2019 Posted June 8, 2019 Some people flirt just to flirt. Since she has a boyfriend and child, leave her alone. Keep it casual. Anything more is asking for trouble.
Lotsgoingon Posted June 9, 2019 Posted June 9, 2019 There are people whose energy is on a continuum. Some people sort of naturally flirt ... and do it based on intuition. These folks (and I imagine this woman is like this) don't mean anything serious by flirting other than that maybe your face looked like the face of someone worth getting to know, something she thought she could trust. Heads up: you delayed your approach to her by inflating the importance of approaching her. Approach next time. And understand that saying hi and even have a fantastic conversation means little. It's only possibly partly a first step. Remember, we don't even know we like someone's voice until we hear them talk for a bit.Your mind is skipping far down the road. Just say hi and talk about work, the meeting, whatever. If there is a spark of flirtatious energy, you won't have to do hard work--that energy will emerge without a lot of effort.
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