Meddle Posted June 6, 2019 Posted June 6, 2019 Hello! As I am not successful in dating and I need your advise. One week ago I met a guy, our first date was 2h long, it was nice. At the end he asked me to tell him once I am home so I texted him after coming back and thanked for a meeting. He said he had good time and would like to see me again. He texted me next afternoon and we were chatting for few days. On Tuesday he asked me out for drink on Thursday at 8 pm at the river area (it was generic). We did not talk on Wednesday and on Thursday at 7 pm he wrote me where exactly we meet. I live far away from the city centre so I need 1h to get there (he knows in which area I live). I declided and told him I thought it's not happening since he did not contact me earlier. He said that he told me it's at 8pm at the river area and thought it was settled and asked if I can meet him next week as on weekend he goes to his hometown. In the past in this case scenario I was asking for the confirmation myself or getting ready quickly and going for a date but always it was tunring out that these guys were not into me and I was wasting my time. Ones who were interested were always reacgin out in a timely manner. Besides he invited me for a date so he should contact me prior to that and pick the meeting point. Do you think it makes sense to agree for the re-scheduled date or again I just doom myself to fail...?
kendahke Posted June 6, 2019 Posted June 6, 2019 I don't think you should have gotten into high dudgeon. You blew him off after he told you when and where already. There was nothing keeping you from asking him while you were talking to him or between Tuesday and Thursday to pin point exactly where to meet if you were that concerned. As for the last paragraph of your post, I think you have unexpressed expectations that you use as a $#!t test and it keeps failing. You expected him to not be interested, so you proceeded in a fashion to make that right. There's a saying: you can be right and be alone. I wouldn't reschedule because you're not into him. You already have a chip on your shoulder about him, so why bother?
Author Meddle Posted June 6, 2019 Author Posted June 6, 2019 (edited) I don't think you should have gotten into high dudgeon. You blew him off after he told you when and where already. There was nothing keeping you from asking him while you were talking to him or between Tuesday and Thursday to pin point exactly where to meet if you were that concerned. As for the last paragraph of your post, I think you have unexpressed expectations that you use as a $#!t test and it keeps failing. You expected him to not be interested, so you proceeded in a fashion to make that right. There's a saying: you can be right and be alone. I wouldn't reschedule because you're not into him. You already have a chip on your shoulder about him, so why bother? What was stopping me from asking were painful experiences from the past. I just don't want to date a guy that is not into me again. When he asked me out on Tuesday I said yes and we agreed on that time and area. Edited June 6, 2019 by Meddle
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 6, 2019 Posted June 6, 2019 When a guy ask you out last minute it doesn’t always mean that he is not really into you However you do teach men how to treat you There are men who have devaluing habits not because they are intentionally trying to “devalue” you. A lot of times they are just in the moment, thinking of the now, thinking about what they want, and thinking about whats easier for them. Inconsiderate yes but more so out of ignorance or laziness or both lol. Don’t think bad of them for it just flirtatiously redirect them in the way that encourages them to put in a little more effort that is reasonable and considerate. So don’t agree to anything that’s inconvenient. So next tine he ask you out last minute just say “sounds like fun hun. I’m free on x day and x time”. Just let him know what’s better for you. Good luck!
clia Posted June 6, 2019 Posted June 6, 2019 If I were a guy and on Tuesday asked a girl out for Thursday -- two days later -- and gave her a time and a place, I would be very confused if she cancelled an hour before on Thursday because she hadn't gotten enough confirmation that the date was on. I think you are lucky he wants to reschedule because you come across like a flake. I would probably feel different if he asked a week in advance and you hadn't heard from him over the week, but it was only two days. And why did you cancel? Why couldn't you have gone when he called at 7? 1
emeraldgreen Posted June 6, 2019 Posted June 6, 2019 You're a flake. Don't blame every new guy for what every other guy did. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted June 6, 2019 Posted June 6, 2019 We've discussed this here. There are confirmers and non-confirmer. I'm a non-confirmer. If I talk to you on the phone or we agree via texting even that we will get together on X day and Y time, then I put this on my calendar and I will be there. I assume the other person will be there. Once I was 5 minutes away from the museum for a 2 p.m. date, when my date called me ... and said, she didn't know if the date was still on ... even though our last words were (and this was after a detailed discussion): let's meet at the Art Museum at 2 p.m.(I had free tickets.) And we had set the date less than a week earlier. There was nothing iffy about the date in my mind. I really didn't like her lack of trust ... And why didn't she call me to confirm a day earlier? I get that you've been burned before ... So you might want to develop a little habit of sending a text the day before like, "looking forward to the x tomorrow night." ... or ... "just checking in ... x time tomorrow ... meet inside/outside ..." I think texting has screwed this up ... before cell phones and smart phones, people made dates and didn't feel the need to triply confirm. Now we text to set up daggone phone calls and alert people Left home ... 5 minutes away ... ten minutes away. So we're in transition ... where not everyone agrees on the etiquette.
Author Meddle Posted June 7, 2019 Author Posted June 7, 2019 (edited) The problem is that the place was not specified as the "river area" is very big and in the end he picked the one which is even further from my home. I guess he is just inconsiderate which also is not good Edited June 7, 2019 by Meddle
Grey40 Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 You're both to blame here. He should specified an exact place and meeting spot. To do so an hour before the date is pretty crappy imo, and also just a really bad move. Men should ask woman out and always include, day/time AND place. Also, ask them out no longer than 3 days in advance. Then there's never a need to confirm, it's been laid out and agreed to. If I have to set up a date like 5-7 days out, then I always check in 1 or 2 days before and just confirm, but I try avoid that if possible. You're to blame because you easily could have texted and asked if it was still on. You allowed previous experiences to ruin a potential chance with a great guy. No person is exactly the same, and just because they behave similar doesn't mean they'll be like the others.
d0nnivain Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 Because you had most but not all of the details, you should have taken the bull by the horns & reached out to him for confirmation earlier in the day because you knew you needed more time. Confirming details is not clingy. It's self confident -- it shows you respect your own time & are a straightforward person. Instead you played passive & got aggressive when he didn't give you enough time. When he waited until 7 & you couldn't make that because you were too far away, you would have been better served changing the location & having him travel closer to you. Instead you blew off the whole date. He doesn't really understand that you had legitimate logistical issues; he's wondering what he did wrong because even though he "knows" where you live he didn't factor in travel time correctly. Yes, he could have done better but you could have done better too. Not an auspicious beginning. 1
kendahke Posted June 7, 2019 Posted June 7, 2019 What was stopping me from asking were painful experiences from the past. I just don't want to date a guy that is not into me again. You made that determination with absolutely no solid proof except your unresolved past baggage from other failed attempts. It wasn't his to unpack and sort: it was yours. When he asked me out on Tuesday I said yes and we agreed on that time and area. But by your own admission, it wasn't enough information and instead of getting the information, you made an assumption because then you could be right. Determine which is more important: meeting someone or being right... because you can be right and be alone. 1
spiderowl Posted June 8, 2019 Posted June 8, 2019 If a guy did that to me, I would not go on the date (have not done in the past). It's just disrespectful not to be specific as to where and when. It is also disrespectful not to give someone time to plan what to wear, whether they need to eat beforehand or not, and how they will get there. I was seeing a guy who persistently contacted me at night the day before he wanted to meet on the following day, or on the day itself. He wanted to be able to be more spontaneous. I explained to him I needed time to plan and did not like last-minute arrangements. I had a busy week and needed to plan to fit in things like eating, getting ready, getting shopping (if I was going to be host to a meal or something), and doing other jobs around work. In the end, I got fed up of what I felt was disrespect. I guess he got fed up of what he felt was a lack of spontaneity and fun. Basically, we were just not suited!
Lotsgoingon Posted June 8, 2019 Posted June 8, 2019 Miscommunication, perhaps on both sides. But ... I encourage you to not see this as another defeat. This guy showed up ... and at the time he promised ... he was late in giving you the exact location. But he showed up. Miscommunication ... he might be too familiar with the area ... and failed to understand that you are not as familiar. But miscommunication like this isn't necessarily disrespect. 1
Foxhall Posted June 8, 2019 Posted June 8, 2019 ah yes go on the second date, text communication can often be misinterpreted so the old fashioned phone call might have worked better? lots of first dates do not go any further, so if you got a good vibe there, seems a pity to throw it out based on past experience rather than the current situation. 1
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