What factors should you look at to decide what to believe?

[How to trust]

I'm in a situation where I'm having a hard time trusting what my boyfriend tells me. I think it's because: (a) I've been lied to in the past (by him); (b) I am on edge about making the decision to stay with him and him moving in; and © I'm scared of being hurt. The lies are about money, he never was with someone else to my knowledge and he hasn't lied in about 6 months but did so on occasion over a few years.

 

I sort of accused him of another lie recently about some money and he flew off the handle and swore it wasn't a lie and "he could prove it" but I told him not to. I explained I am really on edge about trusting him when he tells me information about his financial state. I still don't know if it's a lie but based on his explanation, I'll know for sure come later next week. If what he tells me is true, he used $ belonging to his older mother and paid one of his bills in advance (not even due yet) - but he says after he gets paid next week, he's putting that money back - he also says that's his $ really b/c his mother can have that $ (she's on Medicaid) and he is her only heir (all true) but it still seems yucky... I said what if she needs something? You need to have that $ put aside.

 

In discussing staying together after he stopped yelling (and he said I should have apologized and I didn't but explained why I did accuse him), he said we should move forward and live together and worst case, he'll move out in less than 30 days.

 

First, he wanted to pay me a fixed amount (lower amount then his current rent) and then take the additional $ he is spending now on rent and save it for our trips, etc. I told him I didn't trust him to actually save that extra $ and he would need to pay me the full amount (which is substantially less than 50% of the household expenses; it's more like 20% but he earns less than me), he cannot wiggle out of in any way - in other words, if he decides to pay me $900/month, then it's got to be that amount no matter what his other issues are - he said what about a car emergency, and I said there are NO excuses - he makes other $ he can set aside if he needs to and he was really offended.

 

I'm just really torn; we care for each other a great deal and generally we are good for each other but I have a lot to lose ($) if this doesn't work out - he doesn't. I told him I don't want to have any financial relationship with him the way I feel now, but am I being too harsh? Should I give this a try and take my chances? I'm a conservative person and have worked really hard for what I have - no one has ever given me anything!!

[kendahke]

Are you so torn that you can't go back and read all the locked threads you've started giving you the same advice?

[Orokotikki]

Dump this dude, sounds like a millstone around your neck!

 

AAAAAND even if he got his **** together, the fact he would act 'hurt' or expect YOU to apologize, when he has lied to you before so IT IS PERFECTLY REASONABLE that you would suspect he would lie again.

 

Run run run!