First Date Ended Awkwardly, Now Things Are Weird

[Darky820]

Me(22M) and this girl(20F) were chilling few days ago from University that I met in class. We had spoken before here n there but in regards to school etc etc, she mentioned while back shed be down to come see me and hang out. We recently started talking properly and decided to hang out.

 

She drove over an hr because she insisted, we met up and took my car when she came down and did a bunch of stuff for.. 8 hours or so straight from Lunch, to hanging out, Dinner, going to a bar, etc. I wasn't sure if it was a date or not at first.. but by the way we were talking and her coming this far it pretty much seemed like a date and I went with the flow throughout us spending time and I got the vibe that yes it seems like it is a date. We held hands, being cheesy here n there. We had good convos and no awkward or weird moments, learnt alot about eachother and things seemed fine.

 

After dinner she decided to head back, since it was a pretty far drive and we did have a long day. I dropped her off to her car and got out and she got her stuff from mine and left, I gave her a hug and during this moment I grabbed her face and kissed her (nothing too sexual or trying to make out or anything like that). It happened for like a second or two, then we both sorta backed off and she looked at me and smiled. But it seemed super duper awkward.. So whatever I didn't bring it up right then or anything. As we exited the parking lot I got out my car and walked up to hers and told her how to get on the highway properly and yeah.

 

Keep in mind this was my first time experiencing something like this after a first date, I've never faced this issue before lol... And tbh I wanted to be ballsy/make a bold move and I did and there's nothing wrong with that IMO as I made a statement.

 

Then I met up with few of my friends and I texted her to let me know when she's home safe. She texted when she got home and I said I had a fun time and she said the same and I said we should hangout again and she replied she's down for it. I told her to enjoy her night and she said the same and that she's goin to bed.

 

Next day I msged her and we sorta spoke a little but it seemed dry/off. I asked how her work was and she replied back later saying something along the lines of 'Sorry late reply, I'm out with friends today work was brutal but I'm done'. So I said oh cool whatchu guys up to etc but then she was ghost!

 

We originally started talking via Snap.. So we still would send eachother snaps and she'd sometimes snap back on a snap I'd send or I'd snap back on something shed send. But... Ever since that day that also has diminished quite a bit like for example she stopped sending snaps often (still does on a daily basis but not like before..and sometimes ignores any snaps I send her unlike before) and I can feel some sort of strain from her end and it's definitely weird and not normal.

 

So what do I make of this situation/what do I do? Kind of weirded out bc I thought things were fine and we really did have a fun time together.

 

Someone pls shed some light as I'm a little confused as to what went wrong or whatever

 

Should I message her and try to clear the air as to why there's a different vibe between us ever since we hung out?

 

TL:DR- A girl from Uni, started talking more recently and we hungout/had a great day. When saying goodbye went for a kiss and it seemed awkward, things have been a little weird since then. Read the whole thing it'll make sense ^

[PRW]

I see mistakes here. But you are still young, so I guess now is the time to make them. I'm not going to approach this as if I am trying to save the situation. I am going to approach it by pointing out the mistakes in hopes that you can do better the next time. If it happens to be with the same girl then great but that isn't the main point of it.

She drove over an hr because she insisted, we met up and took my car when she came down and did a bunch of stuff for.. 8 hours or so straight from Lunch, to hanging out, Dinner, going to a bar, etc. I wasn't sure if it was a date or not at first..

You didn't know it was a date because you were being too passive and letting her "drive" the situation (no pun intended). A girl isn't going to go on an hour drive to see a guy that she doesn't care two cents for. So you should have:

 

1. Defined it as a date yourself. You are the man. It is your job to drive and define the situation at the beginning before she even gets in the car to come to you.

 

2. 8 hours is way too long for a 1st date. Since she did drive and hour to see you then you can stretch it a little to maybe 4 hours, but normally not much over 2 hours. It is just a first date.

 

We held hands, being cheesy here n there. We had good convos and no awkward or weird moments, learnt alot about eachother and things seemed fine.

Fine, but I get the impression based on other things you said that you are still being the passive one following her around.

 

I gave her a hug and during this moment I grabbed her face and kissed her (nothing too sexual or trying to make out or anything like that). It happened for like a second or two, then we both sorta backed off and she looked at me and smiled. But it seemed super duper awkward.. So whatever I didn't bring it up right then or anything.

On one hand being bold enough to kiss her is a good thing but grabbing her by the face and surprising her with it, especially when there wasn't anything preceding it to make it seem like the logical outcome just made it come off as a "attack". It think one term for this is "Socially Uncalibrated". It was out of sync with the surrounding circumstances.

 

And tbh I wanted to be ballsy/make a bold move and I did and there's nothing wrong with that IMO as I made a statement.

No, it came off as an attack,...not a serious one, it was just a simple kiss,...but still more like an attack.

 

Then I met up with few of my friends and I texted her to let me know when she's home safe. She texted when she got home and I said I had a fun time and she said the same and I said we should hangout again and she replied she's down for it. I told her to enjoy her night and she said the same and that she's goin to bed.

A little needy. There is no need to see if she got home ok unless the weather was bad or other special circumstances. Saying "we should hangout again" is no good. It says that you still haven't been willing to call the previous time a date and are afraid to call the next one a date. It also says "Please don't forget about me". You shouldn't have contacted her at that point and this conversation should not have happened. You should have contacted her a few days later after her emotions have settled down so that the bad emotions would have faded (like the Kiss Attack) and any good emotions would have her wanting to see you again. Women become more attached to you when they are NOT with you and have time to sort though their emotions from the preceding time they were just with you.

Next day I msged her and we sorta spoke a little but it seemed dry/off.

Exactly what I would have predicted.

 

I asked how her work was and she replied back later saying something along the lines of 'Sorry late reply, I'm out with friends today work was brutal but I'm done'. So I said oh cool whatchu guys up to etc but then she was ghost!

This part was a meaningless "going nowhere" conversation. Basically you were poking her with a stick to find out, "Do you remember me? You haven't forgotten about me have you?" She didn't "ghost" you she just didn't respond to your last comment. She was thinking the same thing about the conversation that I just thought.

 

We originally started talking via Snap.. So we still would send eachother snaps and she'd sometimes snap back on a snap I'd send or I'd snap back on something shed send. But... Ever since that day that also has diminished quite a bit like for example she stopped sending snaps often (still does on a daily basis but not like before..and sometimes ignores any snaps I send her unlike before) and I can feel some sort of strain from her end and it's definitely weird and not normal.

Boring dancing around in circles stuff and hiding behind social media. She is getting bored.

 

So what do I make of this situation/what do I do? Kind of weirded out bc I thought things were fine and we really did have a fun time together.

What you should have done after the date was to wait 2-3 days, contact her, and set the next date with a specific day/time/place. Be specific, nothing wishy-washy. It is not her job to make everything happen, it is your job. She is supposed to go on the adventure with you, enjoy it, go home wishing it lasted a little longer, and eagerly wait for the next one. But it is your job to create the adventure and make it all happen.

 

Some day when she gets married she doesn't want a husband that is basically an additional child that she has to be the "mom" for him. She doesn't want to make sure he gets up for work on time, she doesn't want to manage his money for him, she doesn't want to be the one who plans their next vacation and then tells him how they are going to do it. It is fine for her to help out with these things to an extent but it is supposed to be the husband who is the driving force behind it all. He is to be the provider and it isn't just about the money.

 

So can you see how the way a guy behaves on a date can indicate future behavor? See how a girl can meet a guy with high hopes,...but then get on the date,...roll her eyes and sigh, "Oh here we go again,...another one"? So just don't be that guy.

 

Should I message her and try to clear the air as to why there's a different vibe between us ever since we hung out?

No. There is no such thing as "clearing the air",...all that is is a "confrontation". She is not going to "feel better" after that, she is going to feel "confronted". Clearing the air only muddies the water.

 

TL:DR- A girl from Uni, started talking more recently and we hungout/had a great day. When saying goodbye went for a kiss and it seemed awkward, things have been a little weird since then. Read the whole thing it'll make sense ^

Good summary. Shows you are thinking about it and trying to figure it out. That is good. Edited June 6, 2019 by PRW

[smackie9]

Tho I do give you kudos for being bold....but if there was no heavy flirting sexual tension building up during the date, that kiss would be off putting. She's still feeling you out, and went on this date to see if there was any chemistry.

 

So kool off, step back, be aloof, let her miss you. To be desirable is to be less available. If she does the slow fade, she's not interested.

[Darky820]

Tho I do give you kudos for being bold....but if there was no heavy flirting sexual tension building up during the date, that kiss would be off putting. She's still feeling you out, and went on this date to see if there was any chemistry.

 

So kool off, step back, be aloof, let her miss you. To be desirable is to be less available. If she does the slow fade, she's not interested.

 

We did flirt and etc over texting/Snap prior and there definitely was a bit of "sexual" tension, not a whole lot but the vibes, etc did some like you know what there's a bit. I did step back a bit and being a little aloof, she still replies to my snaps time to time and what not but defs not like before as I mentioned. Anywho, should I try to talk to her soon to make plans again or kind of let her come on her own terms(if that does happen)?

[preraph]

To me it sounds like in person she didn't feel the chemistry. It's easy to make up the person and attribute qualities to them they don't have when you're just writing each other, texting. In person, you really feel that person's chemistry and it's two of you, not just you, and it either fits together or it doesn't. I just don't think she felt chemistry for you in person.

[Darky820]

I see mistakes here. But you are still young, so I guess now is the time to make them. I'm not going to approach this as if I am trying to save the situation. I am going to approach it by pointing out the mistakes in hopes that you can do better the next time. If it happens to be with the same girl then great but that isn't the main point of it.You didn't know it was a date because you were being too passive and letting her "drive" the situation (no pun intended). A girl isn't going to go on an hour drive to see a guy that she doesn't care two cents for. So you should have:

 

1. Defined it as a date yourself. You are the man. It is your job to drive and define the situation at the beginning before she even gets in the car to come to you.

 

Yes, I guess I should've asked or made it clear to figure out if it was a date or not but based on convos and her coming down it lowkey felt like it was one so I didn't clarify but I should've and that was a mistake.

 

2. 8 hours is way too long for a 1st date. Since she did drive and hour to see you then you can stretch it a little to maybe 4 hours, but normally not much over 2 hours. It is just a first date.

 

She's from a small town where not much happens, she barely ever comes to the city where Im from (Toronto) and I figured I'd show her around more of this area since she's barely here, soo I planned some stuff since she wanted to spend the day and I figured it was fine.. we met up around 2 in afternoon and finished off around 930..she still wanted to hang out more but she got blisters on her feet and was hurting her to walk + Im not gonna force her to stay longer if shes not in the mood for it.

 

Fine, but I get the impression based on other things you said that you are still being the passive one following her around.

 

On one hand, being bold enough to kiss her is a good thing but grabbing her by the face and surprising her with it, especially when there wasn't anything preceding it to make it seem like the logical outcome just made it come off as a "attack". It think one term for this is "Socially Uncalibrated". It was out of sync with the surrounding circumstances.

 

I guess you're right where you coming on this, once again I never had any experiences like this in the past and what I did seemed to be okay in the past but I guess everyone is different and yes it may have come around a little differently. Although, I didn't "attack" her, I simply just held her face with both palms on like cheeks sorta and went for a kiss.

 

No, it came off as an attack,...not a serious one, it was just a simple kiss,...but still more like an attack.

 

A little needy. There is no need to see if she got home ok unless the weather was bad or other special circumstances. Saying "we should hangout again" is no good. It says that you still haven't been willing to call the previous time a date and are afraid to call the next one a date. It also says "Please don't forget about me". You shouldn't have contacted her at that point and this conversation should not have happened. You should have contacted her a few days later after her emotions have settled down so that the bad emotions would have faded (like the Kiss Attack) and any good emotions would have her wanting to see you again. Women become more attached to you when they are NOT with you and have time to sort through their emotions from the preceding time they were just with you.

Exactly what I would have predicted.

 

Fine, I supposed I can agree to this and could've taken a different route. She barely comes to this area and driving around here etc is a bit challenging for those that aren't from here and just wanted to be nice to make sure she got home alright.

 

I suppose I should just let it be and let her come around if she wants to etc, instead of creating up more ****? Is there still a point anytime right now or next while for me to set up another day/time to hang out or just give it time? To me at this point, me hitting her up to hang out seems a little weird and Idk I'm not that person to be up someone's ass about something if I feel like the vibe between that person and I are a little off at this time.

[Darky820]

To me it sounds like in person she didn't feel the chemistry. It's easy to make up the person and attribute qualities to them they don't have when you're just writing each other, texting. In person, you really feel that person's chemistry and it's two of you, not just you, and it either fits together or it doesn't. I just don't think she felt chemistry for you in person.

 

I guess it makes sense, but I don't see why she would be down to chill for such a long time and still continue to until her feet were hurting and was having trouble walking. It also did seem like she had a really good time and did enjoy the things we did/the vibes we had. So that's where I am a little confused cus there were no odd/weird moments.

 

While we spoke in person she had also mentioned I was the only guy in class that was chill and that she liked the most, etc so things like these are the reasons why I'm thinking it's odd as to what happened afterward. Bc I have spoken to her time to time before while in school etc but just small light convos nothing too serious.

Edited June 6, 2019 by Darky820

[PRW]

I suppose I should just let it be and let her come around if she wants to etc, instead of creating up more ****? Is there still a point anytime right now or next while for me to set up another day/time to hang out or just give it time? To me at this point, me hitting her up to hang out seems a little weird and Idk I'm not that person to be up someone's ass about something if I feel like the vibe between that person and I are a little off at this time.

 

Dates are not "hanging out". "Hanging out" is how you get dumped in the Friend Zone. She is not going to come to you. She is not that invested, you only had one date. No true bonding has occurred yet.

 

What you do is contact her with an offer of a date at a specific day/time/place. She will either accept it, make a counter offer, or decline. If someone wants to spend time with you they will make the time and help it happen. If they don't then they will make excuses and decline without giving a counter offer.

 

It sounds like you are way too invested in her. She will pickup on that, women tend to be more intuitive than men,...and it will make you look bad and be a big turn off to her. She will most likely want a man that she has to "work for" a little bit.

Edited June 7, 2019 by PRW

[d0nnivain]

Stop overthinking it. Call her up. Plan another date. Go. Have fun. It will be fine if you calm down.

 

College dates can evolve from "hanging out." Don't get so hung up on language.

[Darky820]

 

Dates are not "hanging out". "Hanging out" is how you get dumped in the Friend Zone. She is not going to come to you. She is not that invested, you only had one date. No true bonding has occurred yet.

 

What you do is contact her with an offer of a date at a specific day/time/place. She will either accept it, make a counter offer, or decline. If someone wants to spend time with you they will make the time and help it happen. If they don't then they will make excuses and decline without giving a counter offer.

 

It sounds like you are way too invested in her. She will pickup on that, women tend to be more intuitive than men,...and it will make you look bad and be a big turn off to her. She will most likely want a man that she has to "work for" a little bit.

 

 

We haven't spoke for a bit except Snapping eachother here n there, so I definitely haven't been "up" her ass or anything like that.

[Darky820]

Stop overthinking it. Call her up. Plan another date. Go. Have fun. It will be fine if you calm down.

 

College dates can evolve from "hanging out." Don't get so hung up on language.

 

Considering we haven't spoke in a while, is it still worth to msg her and plan something? We have just been snapping here n there and that's about it.. Which has also lessened than before but yeah.

[d0nnivain]

Snapping is some kind of contact so yeah, I think you are on OK ground to try to plan something. If that doesn't work, then you know this is a non-started. You can walk away knowing you tried.

[Darky820]

Snapping is some kind of contact so yeah, I think you are on OK ground to try to plan something. If that doesn't work, then you know this is a non-started. You can walk away knowing you tried.

 

How do I go about starting this convo considering we havent really "spoke" in some time?

[d0nnivain]

Try:

 

Hey! What's up? We haven't talked in a while. I miss you.

[snowcones]

Just ask her out again and you'll have your answer. Please don't "clear the air", now THAT will be awkward.