norealusername Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Every woman I have dated or known in the past 5 years has been consumed by their phone. Hours upon hours a day of redundant text messages, countless selfies, pics of their dinner, pics of their drink, video chats...etc. I am expected to spend all day and night playing with the phone. If I don't, then I'm accused of not caring about them. I'm sorry, I do not like playing with the phone all day and night. I find it tedious and pointless, I have things to do, I can't do anything else if I'm playing with the phone every 5 minutes. It's rude and boring to demand this much of me. I do not like taking selfies. I do not like hearing "send me a pic" at any random moment. I do not like getting unannounced video calls at any random time of day. It's rude. I do not want a camera in my face right when I wake up, why is that uncaring? Seems like most woman are like this.....or maybe just every one I'm meeting. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 I would say this is likely an epidemic among the younger generation 20's and maybe 30's. Those of us over 40 aren't like this, or at least most of us aren't obsessed with our phone and technology the way many of the younger men and women are. This need for constant validation and distraction. I have a cell phone. I use it daily. I have some social media which I check a couple of times a day if I'm lucky. I text and am fine with it most days but still prefer a good old fashion phone call. I've taken selfies but who hasn't. My life is, for the most part, very private and only post very general things IF I post anything at all online. It doesn't rule my life or rule my relationships. It's called balance. I agree that too many live and die by their phones and social media which I still can't wrap my head around but perhaps that's a good vetting tool for you. It is for me. I don't want to date anyone who is obsessed like this either and have walked away from men who can't strike a balance. It's been a game changer. 1
Els Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Nah, the common denominator is you (or rather, your picker). I'm early 30s, very much into tech, and I probably use my smartphone for <1 hr a day, mostly for work and errands. H and I did use tech to communicate a lot when we were in a long-term LDR, but for a person you're only dating and not even long distance with, I agree with you that what you describe is excessive. Maybe reevaluate the type of women you ask out?
Shining One Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Maybe reevaluate the type of women you ask out?How does one screen for this sort of thing?
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 How does one screen for this sort of thing? You just ask. One of the first questions I ask when I'm trying to get to know someone. Then I look to see if their actions match their words. 2
Els Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 How does one screen for this sort of thing? Can't you usually tell the kind of person (both male AND female) that typically takes "countless selfies" and is literally obsessed with social media? IMO they're generally very self-absorbed, overly focused on appearances, and intellectually shallow.
guest569 Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Haha it becomes clear very quickly because you can't even talk to them as they're too busy falling into water fountains etc. 2
Author norealusername Posted June 5, 2019 Author Posted June 5, 2019 You might think this would mainly apply to young people....but I am 50, the women I've known are my age or in their 40s. It's gotten so I explain this right from the start...that I do not spend a lot of time on the phone. I tell them them all of this, I don't like taking selfies, I don't like endless texting. They never seem to get it, then they start complaining later that I'm not putting enough effort into the phone messages.
Shining One Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Can't you usually tell the kind of person (both male AND female) that typically takes "countless selfies" and is literally obsessed with social media? I suppose I could tell if I paid attention to social media.IMO they're generally very self-absorbed, overly focused on appearances, and intellectually shallow.I suppose it's easy to tell if I know the person or have an opportunity to observe them. I was wondering if there was something to look out for on OLD profiles.
smackie9 Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 As time has gone on, it's no longer an age thing anymore. I know someone who is 57 and she is constantly on her phone, posting everything on FB and crap. Going on trips with my girlies, all in their 50's are all on their phone...and there's me sitting there watching them, trying to strike up a conversation. I just find it so rude. Younger people, sure the numbers are higher because they grew up with the technology. BUT there are those out there that are not on social media, and find other things more important that taking selfies.
Gretchen12 Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 I am expected to spend all day and night playing with the phone. If I don't, then I'm accused of not caring about them. "If" you don't? You mean you actually went along with it? Just don't participate in it right from the beginning.
Author norealusername Posted June 5, 2019 Author Posted June 5, 2019 You have to participate somewhat if you want to date anyone. There's no avoiding texting or using the phone. I don't mind it and enjoy it to a point. It just always gets too consuming after a while.
alphamale Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 nrun, why do you even have a smart phone? you should ditch in favour of the prior cell phones with 3G capabilities
preraph Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 It really is out of control, but only you can set your boundaries on it. Nonsense to those who say you have to play along with it. You can have a frank discussion and negotiate how often you are willing to give/receive texts/calls. If you can't say no to someone about this, that person is pretty adolescent and you'll never be able to stay together anyway if they can't see reason on this simple subject. Don't just stop doing it but sit down and tell them, I'm not a phone person and I don't have time for it and it irritates me. Please don't send me random texts and lets limit it to two a day. Whatever. They're just keeping tabs on you. AND if they have this much time on their hands they need to get a job, or if they have a job, they need to get two and find something better and more productive to do than waste time like this monitoring their love interest and seeking attention like a toddler.
some_username1 Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Women, of all ages, crave novelty. They kill for it. It has got to the point where we need to re-appraise this generally accepted wisdom that women mature faster than boys. That may be the case during adolescence but My experience is that women regress as they age. Women in their 30’s would jump after their phone if you threw it off a cliff. Photos of food, snap chat filters on their selfies, Instagram posts coming out of their ears...it all speaks to a vacuous existence that revolves around novelty and instant gratification. Honestly I feel so proud of myself that I have mostly walked away from social media because modern woman couldn’t manage it, they have to, at the very least be liking some absolute tripe on someone’s Facebook page. The problem is that if over-use of phone and social media is a deal breaker for you you are looking for like, 2% of the female population- total Darwinism. Even the best quality woman that I have met in recent years of dating was still addicted to her phone. It’s just the way it is these days I’m afraid.
preraph Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 It's one thing to be looking at your phone a lot and another thing is you're constantly seeking attention and bugging one person. There's lots of ways to entertain yourself with your phone, but I still say they need to get a job or two if they have that much time to waste.
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