not wanting to date because its expensive

[BluEyeL]

I agree that if you are paying a lot of money for dating, you are doing it wrong.

 

One, first dates do NOT have to be expensive ... and in fact, the dates I've gone on where I've paid a lot of money, I was performing, not really being myself and the dates went nowhere.

 

A good date reflects who you are as an individual at that time in your life. If your finances are modest, you want the date to be affordable ... because in the long term, that's how you are going to roll, given your modest finances.

 

But asking someone out to an affordable evening does take some guts and courage.

 

I once when on a date when I had not a dime in my pocket ... because the ATM machine ate my card ... She picked up everything. I had some fantastic dates with a woman where we walked through the city (holding hands)... nearly all-night long.

 

A woman who is sharp (and thus the type I want to date) will figure out your financial status really fast. It's foolish to try to hide that.

Very well said. You have to stay true to yourself.

[JuneL]

For the record, I personally have no issue taking turns to pay for dating expenses, though to be completely honest, I prefer someone I really like to pay more during the few few dates. I would insist on splitting if I went out with someone I’m meh about, even if it’s the first date.

 

It actually takes more creativity to come up with a nice yet inexpensive date.

 

In my view, a woman who expects her boyfriend to always pay for their dating expenses is high maintenance by definition, regardless of whether she has voted for Trump or Hillary or was a Bernie supporter. My cousin had an ex-gf like that, and her attitude extended to other areas, like he was always expected to pick her up and drop her off. Now she had a good job and good income too. I cringed when I thought of her.

[littleblackheart]

But asking someone out to an affordable evening does take some guts and courage.

 

Really? The asking out itself takes some confidence, I guess; the choice of venue can be a good gauge of compatibility, no?

 

If I were to date, I'd much rather someone had put thought into making it an intimate, meaningful, personal, cosy experience than someone throwing money at it hoping it's enough to impress.

[Ruby Slippers]

I said I'd stay out of this thread... but just a little more insight into the perspective of a dating & mating traditionalist...

 

It's not about being a helpless princess. I've been supporting myself financially since I was 17 and am fully capable of taking care of myself. I'm now in serious financial and retirement planning mode and already have a solid plan to accomplish everything I really want to, all on my own.

 

As long as she's been with my dad, my mom has never had to work outside the home, and she's extremely hard-working, down-to-earth, and utilitarian. Now in her 70s, she still insists on mowing her own huge yard herself. She has many men who work for my dad offering to do it for a reasonable price, but she likes it done her way and she's willing to work in the sweltering summer heat to get it done.

 

Personally, I'm not romantically or sexually attracted to men unless they're at my level or better in terms of earning/providing power.

 

I think a lot of women feel the same way but aren't as open about it because they don't want to be criticized. I think a lot of women are completely turned off sexually when they have to reach down in their purse on a date, and conversely delighted and turned on when the man takes care of everything.

 

Most women aren't going to talk about this openly like I do, for all the flak they'd get. But the evidence is as clear as day.

 

I'm pretty sure that even Gisele Bündchen, a multi-millionaire in her own right, would have been completely turned off if Tom Brady ever expected her to pay for a date.

Edited June 7, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[littleblackheart]

Most women aren't going to talk about this openly like I do, for all the flak they'd get. But the evidence is as clear as day.

 

There is no evidence pointing to the fact that dates need to be expensive, though.

 

The rest has already been covered ad nauseum on the 5 million post 'Paying for Dates' thread.

[Ruby Slippers]

There is no evidence pointing to the fact that dates need to be expensive, though.

 

The rest has already been covered ad nauseum on the 5 million post 'Paying for Dates' thread.

Absolutely. I wrote pretty extensively in that thread about why if I were a man, I would NEVER take a woman who had not proven herself to be marriage-worthy on an expensive date. I've never expected that up front, and even find it weird if a guy takes me to a fancy place before he knows me. In my opinion, that should be something special reserved for after we've established there's real potential.

[JuneL]

 

Most women aren't going to talk about this openly like I do, for all the flak they'd get. But the evidence is as clear as day.

 

I'm pretty sure that even Gisele Bündchen, a multi-millionaire in her own right, would have been completely turned off if Tom Brady ever expected her to pay for a date.

 

It’s presumptuous to make a general statement like that. I was just being strongly criticized by someone in another thread like couple of days ago

Does it occur to you that perhaps some of the guys who were always paying all of your expenses, even when they’re already in a serious relationship, were very resentful? But like you said, they didn’t want to talk about this openly for fear of getting insults or a breakup. My cousin used to rant to us about his high maintenance girlfriend.

 

I wouldn’t be surprised if Gisele never had to pay a penny, because Tom is rich. But if a woman insists on never paying, even if her boyfriend has lots of financial obligations and doesn’t exactly have the kind of money to spoil her, that would be a real issue.

[MaleIntuition]

Personally, I'm not romantically or sexually attracted to men unless they're at my level or better in terms of earning/providing power.

 

Assuming that’s true; how does that translate to him having to pay? Earning much is cool, but with actual economical competence should also realise that investing money is much more sensible than using them in order to impress the ladies. Ofcourse that also applies to expensive dinners and such.

 

This “debate” has mostly to do with traditions. Majority of personalities are uncomfortable challenging established norms and therefore simply choose to play along I suppose.

[preraph]

I am not for draining a man's pocketbook dry or for him living above his means to impress me. It's about having similar lifestyles.

 

That said, there is a legitimate and very ancient reason men are looked to in the beginning to prove that they can provide, and that is because at some point if the couple has kids, the man will have to be willing and able to provide for at least some period of time, from a couple of months to the whole time raising kids, if that's the choice.

 

Aside from that, it's a legitimate concern that a person (or both people) prove they are financially stable and responsible or at least in agreement and on the same page about spending, whether it be sensible or not. No one who has worked hard for a living, male or female, should want a person to come along and lean on them financially to the extent it really affects their future or lifestyle. And that includes people who can't keep a steady job or people who are satisfied with a job that doesn't pay enough and living like a pauper.

 

A friend of mine's first husband, they were both young and neither making much money. But as a few years went by, she realized he was perfectly happy not owing a car (but having her drive him around and pay all her own car expenses) and had no ambition beyond his $7 fry cook job. You can't do that and have a family, so she bailed.

[Ruby Slippers]

Tradition, as well as family of origin dynamics, I'm sure. In my family, my dad always paid for everything, period. When my brothers took a girl out, they paid, period. When my sisters went out on dates, the man paid, period. In 99% of cases when I've gone out on dates, the man paid, period.

 

Right now, I have room in my budget for makeup, hair styling products, cute date clothes, etc. - while also working on my much bigger long-term financial and retirement plan.

 

If I were a man, I'd have room in my budget for dating. And yes, if I were working on more pressing goals than finding a long-term mate, I'd absolutely shelve dating until I had room for it in my budget again. That's a very responsible thing to do.

[MaleIntuition]

That said, there is a legitimate and very ancient reason men are looked to in the beginning to prove that they can provide, and that is because at some point if the couple has kids, the man will have to be willing and able to provide for at least some period of time, from a couple of months to the whole time raising kids, if that's the choice.

How does spending money prove that you have money? Doesn’t it simply prove that you HAD money?

 

You guys should vote for whomever is pro mandatory payed parental leave if you truly want a change.

[Timshel]

A relationship is between two people who find financial compatibility among other compatibility's and they couple with each other.

 

If a date or two reveals financial incompatibility, it's a no and moving on is required. If a person sticks around despite knowing that they are financially incompatible, that's on them.

 

There are so many people in the world it is perplexing that any person would choose indignation and rage instead of simply finding a person of similar values.

 

There is absolutely no way that every person on planet earth or from where you are located will share your own opinion. That is the opposite of progressive.

Edited June 7, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[preraph]

How does spending money prove that you have money? Doesn’t it simply prove that you HAD money?

 

You guys should vote for whomever is pro mandatory payed parental leave if you truly want a change.

 

Nope. Having kids is optional. If you can't afford them, don't have them. See, I'm a single person and I pay more taxes than people with kids already because they get big writeoffs and I resent that.

[Happy Lemming]

I'm now in serious financial and retirement planning mode and already have a solid plan to accomplish everything I really want to, all on my own.

 

Not to derail the thread, but can I give you a big HIGH FIVE and some kudos for your retirement planning!! Way to go!!

 

I wish my girlfriend had done a better job of retirement planning. I'm trying to help her budget her expenses, but due to poor retirement planning her finances are on a razor's edge, with minimal room for emergencies or "rainy days".

[JuneL]

You should be sorry as you read as misogynist and as far away from 'progressive' as a heterosexual male could be. This is splitting/all or nothing thinking.

 

A relationship is between two people who find financial compatibility among other compatibility's and they couple with each other.

 

If a date or two reveals financial incompatibility, it's a no and moving on is required. If a person sticks around despite knowing that they are financially incompatible, that's on them.

 

There are so many people in the world it is perplexing that any person would choose indignation and rage instead of simply finding a person of similar values.

 

There is absolutely no way that every person on planet earth or from where you are located will share your own opinion. That is the opposite of progressive.

 

I never really understand what this word “progressive” stands for. Does it include imposing one’s gospels on others like those religious fanatics? Then I agree they’d be better off with other “progressives”. I know there’re cheapskates who are hiding behind this “progressive” word; in that case, I’d rather be with an “aggressive”

[Shining One]

I know there’re cheapskates who are hiding behind this “progressive” word

There are also cheapskates hiding behind the "tradition" word. I would argue that the one wanting to pay 0% is more of a cheapskate than the one wanting to pay 50% though.

[Timshel]

https://www.dictionary.com/browse/progressive

 

 

lol, rascal It means change and our potus would claim that as quickly as any person in either direction.

 

Liberals and people who throw the word 'progressive' around usually mean open to other persons beliefs, cultures, lifestyles and ideas.

 

Should this be in Just Sayin'.

[Lotsgoingon]

My dislike of the man paying expectation is that it encourages a certain dishonesty. Men can so often pretend that paying for a costly date means they have money for ongoing costly dates. Not true at all.

 

This ritual can easily lead men to hide their financial truth until they have gotten more deeply involved with the woman. Thus the dating game is rigged towards men spending money early--and then becoming honest about finances later.

 

There's also the illusion that if a man pays, he's being mannerable, respectful and all of that. Not necessarily--he can just as easily be playing the game. The "man pays" ritual offers an easy way for men to pretend to be mannerable and respectful and generous.

 

There's another problem with this traditional expectation: men will propose all kinds of inventive dates ... that they honestly have little interest in. One of the biggest complaints some women have is that their married husbands no longer have interest in the theater or all of that, that the men just want to stay home and watch sports. The woman and man are fooled because early on the guy initiated a lot of interesting dates and laid out some cash (he played the game).

 

Ironically, I think the cheapness that people want to screen for ... is stinginess with money after the couple has gotten serious.

[Orokotikki]

I dunno, sometimes I'll ask my wife to pay for our dates, but more often I do.

It doesn't really matter except at restaurant's, I find it a little embarrassing when she pays (I still let her sometimes). And I think its sweet when she offers even if I end up paying anyway.

 

But it can add up.

But I don't think I'd ever be with someone who can't have a fun time at say white castle with me for a date. (Haven't been to one in far to long and diet has given me carbs on the brain today).

[JuneL]

There are also cheapskates hiding behind the "tradition" word. I would argue that the one wanting to pay 0% is more of a cheapskate than the one wanting to pay 50% though.

 

But I learned from this thread that Trump voters subscribe to this notion that men are supposed to be paying, no?

[Ruby Slippers]

Not to derail the thread, but can I give you a big HIGH FIVE and some kudos for your retirement planning!! Way to go!!

Thanks, man! My secret weapon is Dave Ramsey. He is the MAN! He lays out a clear, simple plan to build wealth that ANYBODY can follow. Even homeless people call in to his show raving about how his advice helped them get back on their feet and prosper

 

And yeah, he's all about the man having his act together and taking care of his tribe. He says he told his wife of decades on their first date that he was going to be a millionaire (done, many times over), and then his raggedy old car broke down during their date lol

[littleblackheart]

From the 2nd date with a complete stranger, people should do whatever suits their lifestyles.

 

What is the reasoning behind the expectation that a man should be covering the first bill on date 1 as part of a 'tradition', though?Maybe those who date often can explain? I genuinely find this puzzling.

[Happy Lemming]

Thanks, man! My secret weapon is Dave Ramsey. He is the MAN! He lays out a clear, simple plan to build wealth that ANYBODY can follow. Even homeless people call in to his show raving about how his advice helped them get back on their feet and prosper

 

Yep, I bought Dave Ramsey's book for my girlfriend (used... of course)!

 

And I often quote him when she whines about her budget/finances...

 

"Adults devise a plan and follow it, children do what feels good.” - Dave Ramsey

 

Again... GREAT JOB!!

[Ruby Slippers]

Yep, I bought Dave Ramsey's book for my girlfriend (used... of course)!

 

And I often quote him when she whines about her budget/finances...

 

"Adults devise a plan and follow it, children do what feels good.” - Dave Ramsey

 

Again... GREAT JOB!!

THANK YOU! hahaha Sweet! I'm proud to say I checked out his book from the library

 

I grimace to think of some of the stupid things I did with money in the past. I've always been very frugal, out of necessity, but now I'm getting SMART. I've got the coupon and rebate apps, am taking complete glee in saving GOOD MONEY on essential grocery and household staples. Today it was me and 3 old ladies at the clearance rack at the grocery store. I stocked up on froofy wheat crackers that normally cost $3 a box for 74 cents each. Cha-ching! Every dollar I save is a dollar that'll be going toward earning all that fabulous compound interest to support my dream life in the future and in retirement

[gaius]

French has some advice for you.