OatsAndHall Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 This is an area of dating where I've needed to plan and set boundaries. 1) I only date one woman at a time due to the messiness and expenses that go along with being a multi-dater. Dating more than one woman at a time stretches my schedule and my wallet thin. 2) The first few dates aren't expensive or cost any money at all. Coffee, ice cream, drinks, a walk/hike, etc..etc.. There's no reason to spend a ton of money when you're just trying to get to know someone. 3) I'm more than happy to pay for a dinner date if the first few dates have gone well. But, I tend to avoid pricey, upscale restaurants; there's plenty of decent places to eat that don't cost a fortune. If they suggest an expensive restaurant, I tell them that I don't enjoy the food there and suggest another place. 4) Chances are we're not going to date for very long if a woman isn't willing to pay for a date. My last serious SO didn't have a lot of disposable income so I paid for most of our dates initially. I was fine with that as we clicked and it was sweet of her to pay for a date as she had to budget for it. 5) It probably won't make it past a few dates if it's clear that there's a disparity between our tastes and our lifestyles. I don't begrudge their enjoyment of more expensive outings but that's not my thing. If they offer to pay for an expensive outing early on, great. If not, then we part ways. 1
elaine567 Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Whilst younger women need to see a man paying for stuff as she is assessing his suitability as a provider, an older women needs to see a man paying for stuff as she doesn't want to be landed with some guy who will sponge off her and expect her also to be his housekeeper/carer as he ages... 2
Shining One Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Definitely, "women" and "dating" will not change and I don't think you'll find a woman who would agree to just come to your house and have sex right away, without you springing for a slice of pizza first. That's too bad so sad.Where can I find these women who only cost a slice of pizza? 1
BaileyB Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Whilst younger women need to see a man paying for stuff as she is assessing his suitability as a provider, an older women needs to see a man paying for stuff as she doesn't want to be landed with some guy who will sponge off her and expect her also to be his housekeeper/carer as he ages... Very true.
OpenBook Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Dating is a bit pricey but if you are low on funds you can always take that into account when planning dates. Instead of going out to dinner, make some cheap food at home and go on a picnic in a local park. Might save you some cash and you will score points for being original. Some ladies might judge you for trying to save a buck but if you are creative about it, you should be able to pull it off nicely. Quoted for truth. The time (NOT the money) a man spends on anything is priceless. 1
clia Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 my comment is not that im cheap, because as I said, I payed tons of money per month. my comment is that im just tired of it. women just arent aware how much a guy really pays. ive payed my dues to society...err wrong forum.. But presumably half of the 300 is spent on yourself -- for your food, your bowling, your drinks, etc., so really you are talking about spending 150 a month on your date, which averages out to, say, 40-50 a week. If that is breaking the bank for you at this point, then you should definitely take a break. I have to be honest, though -- I don't know any women who expect the men they date to pay for every single thing, including all trips, for the entire relationship. Everyone I know picks up the tab sometimes, helps pay for trips, reciprocates on the expenses, etc. So, maybe you just need to be going after a different type of woman than the ones you are currently trying to date.
BluEyeL Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Where can I find these women who only cost a slice of pizza? That’ was metaphor .
Happy Lemming Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Where are you guys going that costs $300-400 per month?? Even if you are a "weekend only" dater, you'll have some type of late dinner on Friday night. Any "sit down" place is going to be $30, throw in a couple of drinks and a tip for the wait staff and you are at $50, if not more. Then you'll have to plan some type of activity for Saturday night, again another $50 - $75 and if you stay over on Saturday night, she'll be looking for you to take her to breakfast Sunday morning ($20 - $30). By Sunday afternoon you are $125 - $150 lighter in your wallet. Multiply that by 4 and you are well over $300 - $400/month. ...as soon as I start dating my wallet will get thinner and there is no way to stop that. you cant tell the lady, let me take a month off so my wallet can inflate again. Quoted for truth... If you try to even take a weekend or two off and she thinks something is wrong, you are out with someone else, dumps you and you are back to square one. ----------------- And where are these over 40 women that pick up the check. I've been dating all of my life and never has a woman picked up a check or planned a date or paid for even a movie ticket. I've dated all aged women, including into their 50's. These women may have their own money, but they are keeping a tight grip on it. 1
BluEyeL Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 My point is, it's not "dating" in itsellf that is expensive. It is getting out of the house that costs money. Going out with friends is expensive, for example. When I didn't have money, I didn't go out with friends. Or I brown bagged my lunch instead of going out with coworkers. Since dating means getting out of the house, it's going to cost money. Even if the woman pays half of the time. And it seems the OP is ranting against the fact that dating means getting out of the house. Well, too bad, I don't think women will line up to come to his house and have sex so it's free for him. Damn, so unfair! Thus, postopone dating until you have to funds to get out of the house, and at that time, follow the other posters suggestions about keeping costs low: dating just one woman at a time, keeping first few dates low cost coffee, walks/picnics/hikes, not agreeing to dinners at fancy places and picking more casual spots, and last but not least, on the medium/long term, making sure you and your partner are matched in terms of lifestyle and spending habit. BTW it is not true that women NEVER pay for dates. They may not pay at the first couple, but everyone knows it's normal that as the relationship advances, they start chipping in. If she doesn't, dump her. 1
Happy Lemming Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 ...I don't think women will line up to come to his house and have sex so it's free for him. 100% True... if a man wants to have sex with a woman he will pay & pay & pay... 2
Tamfana Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Take a break. No harm in that. Maybe one day your cost/benefit analysis will change and you’ll want to date again. Priorities shift over time. 1
kendahke Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 I could do a lot with 300+ then you should go ahead and do that lot and stay out of dating altogether. Everyone is entitled to their preferences in and who they want as a mate. If you're too broke to date, then you're too broke to date. Know that and stay in your lane. 1
BluEyeL Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 (edited) 100% True... if a man wants to have sex with a woman he will pay & pay & pay... Right, men are so mistreated ! True victims! Is there a go fund me page where we can donate to help? Edited June 5, 2019 by BluEyeL 5
OatsAndHall Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Here's an approximate breakdown of the money I spent over a the initial month's worth of dates with my last serious SO: Date 1: Ice cream and chatting at a park. $10 Date 2: A walk around a nature preserve: free Date 3: Lunch: $35 Movie: $20 Coffee: $10 Date 4: Coffee and free window shopping: $10 Date 5: Dinner: $50 Movie: she paid Date 6: Cooked dinner at my place: $20 Rented movie: she paid. $155 total.
preraph Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 You know, it just depends on the woman. Young women often are broke and are happy to eat pizza on a date. Women who've worked quite a while want at least an equal match or nothing at all. They don't want a whiff that someone may be chintsy to any extreme because they figure at some point, they'll end up being the one who gets leaned on. Many women appreciate frugal in daily life but like to splurge on an occasional date and live it up a little. I know I wouldn't have been happy dating someone who only took me for pizza and fast food because that's not how I live, but I wouldn't have expected them to take me to a steak house except maybe on a special occasion, and I would occasionally buy groceries and cook a nice dinner and always cook breakfast or feed them a sandwich after a night at the club. You can't pretend that doesn't happen. Groceries are expensive too. I mostly wanted to see bands and usually it was me who got the tickets gratis, and then if I took someone, I'd hope they'd pay for dinner if we took time to do that. With me, it comes down to is their lifestyle close to mine or not? Because if not, I'm not planning on keeping them anyway. If they don't share some interests, including eating out some, or music or whatever, they aren't for me. I've had more than one friend whose major complaint about the man they married is then he wouldn't ever want to go do anything. I guess he just got married to have convenient sex and not have to leave the house. They would go do things on their own, but I'm sure that brought on some issues as well. You need someone who matches your lifestyle in daily living. Expect a woman who doesn't have any desire to go out to nice places to likewise dress accordingly.
Happy Lemming Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 ...men are so mistreated ! I'm not saying that... I'm just saying if he (or any other man) wants to have sex, he is going to have to do the "date planning" and put out the funds for meals and activities. Personally, I found "date planning" to be the biggest "pain in the butt". Paying for the dates was the easy part. In successful date planning, you have to come up with something fun, something (somewhat) original and something she may like to do. I try to pick up on hints from earlier dates. Then you have to (sometimes) get tickets (in advance), plan for contingencies in case something goes awry and have a backup plan "B" that will keep her interest and fit into your budget. And even then, sometimes you "lay an egg" and fail. Recently, I got so tired of listening to my girlfriend complain about our trips/adventures, that I told her... "Here is the monthly budget for activities/travel/adventure, you plan them out and I'll pay for them" Problem solved! 1
Shining One Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 My point is, it's not "dating" in itsellf that is expensive. It is getting out of the house that costs money. Going out with friends is expensive, for example. When I didn't have money, I didn't go out with friends.I've never found going out with friends to be as expensive as dating. When I did my analysis of a year's expenses, it was less than a 1/4 of what I spent on dating. 1
SophieG Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 I’m a woman and I’m with you on that one... dating is expensive, period. Every single date I’ve been on I offered to pay for the meal (or at least my half) and I always insist on paying on the 2nd or 3rd date. I personally think that men don’t have to always pay for everything... they’re not ATM machines. I go on a date to have a good time and get to know someone, not get a free meal. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Pretty much all women select for men who pay for dates, entertainment, and beyond. This is about as obvious as the fact that water is wet. In general, the only ones who settle for less are the ones who can't do any better, usually meaning they aren't very desirable women - or women with plenty of money who are willing to pay for an exceptionally hot, fun guy as a companion. You need to be in the top 5% of men in terms of looks and fun for this to happen. So yes, if you're a man and you can't afford to date, you shouldn't date. And if you're going to continue to complain how unfair this is, rather than directing that energy toward working and earning the money it takes to date and get with women, you're going to keep running in circles and being frustrated. 5
littleblackheart Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Imo, unless you multi-date high maintenance women who expect to be wined and dined on a weekly basic, the expense should be manageable (if well managed!). Besides, these kinds of expenses are a good indicator of the life change that comes with living as part of a couple anyway - some expenses will be shared, some will be doubled, some expenses will be planned, some will be emergency, etc. If you are not ready for this long term, you are not ready to 'date'. 2
salparadise Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 100% True... if a man wants to have sex with a woman he will pay & pay & pay...Right, men are so mistreated ! True victims! Is there a go fund me page where we can donate to help? It depends entirely on the woman. Not all women have the entitlement mentality... you know, the belief that va-jay-jay is her money maker, and that she ought to be extracting cash from men by virtue of being born female. I've dated both types, and I don't date one of them anymore. Fortunately, it's the smart, educated, progressive, ones that tend not to have the entitlement attitude. The less educated, the more entitled. I guess that's their career plan. I use keywords in my profiles, such as progressive and fully reciprocal, that the smart ones pick up on, and my experience has been that even on first dates they not only offer but insist on splitting the check. I'm really not interested in taking on a dependent at this stage of life. If they view companionship and intimacy is a transactional activity, they can take on down the damn road. 3
Orokotikki Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Spend that $300 a month doing things you like and maybe try to meet someone who shares those interests? In a similar line of thinking, go to dates at places you like and consider that roughly half the money you are spending on 'yourself' not the 'the date'. If you are budget minded get yourself a tap water or tap beer instead of fancy drinks, caesar salad instead of surf 'n' turf, etc. And if they suggest fancy (read expensive) restaurant for 1st date - go ahead and take a pass on that. 1
Happy Lemming Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Besides, these kinds of expenses are a good indicator of the life change that comes with living as part of a couple anyway Who said anything about "living as part of a couple"?? I never want to live with a woman again, made that mistake and won't repeat it. She can pay her own rent at her own place! If I wanted a dependent, I would have had kids. And what does dating have to do with "long term"?? Either party can "call it off" at any point. 1
Shining One Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 In general, the only ones who settle for less are the ones who can't do any better, usually meaning they aren't very desirable womenIt's not necessary to insult egalitarian women in order to justify your own sense of entitlement. 4
littleblackheart Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 (edited) You're right Happy Lemming. I guess there are men like you who enjoy dating forever. In which case yes, it is expensive. Everything is expensive when you won't want to fully invest, though; probably the main reason why these long 'dating' 'relationships' never last. I just had in mind that when people (maybe the OP, since I was replying to him, not you) go out of their way to find 'dates', it is with a relationship in mind. Edited June 5, 2019 by littleblackheart 1
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