SweetCharity Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 I'm back. Some of you know my history which has been wrought with pain and trauma. I'm separated from my husband and will finally divorce him by the end of this summer. But I met someone last Friday at a film screening I volunteered at. He seemed normal and cute and even made a funny joke I only seemed to get. He told me he was going to be working the next film screening so I said I'd see him then and it was nice meeting him. That night I received a message from him on Instagram saying it was nice meeting me. We ended up exchanging bee puns all night. Two days later I messaged him my number and he texted me a couple hours later. We had a small exchange but he didn't respond to my last text and I left it alone. He's been liking my Instagram posts but I'm not sure if he lost interest already. I'll be seeing him at the next event which will be this Friday so I'm leaving it alone. I did panic a little because this is the first time in a long time I've had an attraction to someone who wasn't my therapist or my coworker. I don't want to scare him away before I even get to know him. I'm trying to really change this time. I'm in NA, going to therapy. I found out I might have BPD so I'm keeping myself in check and even joined group dbt therapy. I'm making a lot of change. So what should I do? Wait until Friday and ask him out? Leave it alone? Or text him to show him I'm still interested? Thoughts? 1
stillafool Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 Wait until you see him on Friday. Let him ask you out. 3
preraph Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 Yeah, don't contact him and over chase. He knows you're interested. He will either spend time with you Friday or not. Don't let him just pick you up for sex Friday when you see him, though. If he is really interested, he'll ask you out, not in. 1
Fekenaws Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 I'd keep your expectations in check. My ex broke us up, but months later she broke NC a few times, liked a Facebook picture or two, etc. Well, we finally hung out this past week for the first time (8 months after the break up) and she was totally over it. It was heartbreaking and almost as bad as the original breakup, although much shorter lived. (A few days of crying as opposed to a month or two). I still feel empty inside, but I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that the relationship is over, and has been for a while. 1
Author SweetCharity Posted June 4, 2019 Author Posted June 4, 2019 I'd keep your expectations in check. My ex broke us up, but months later she broke NC a few times, liked a Facebook picture or two, etc. Well, we finally hung out this past week for the first time (8 months after the break up) and she was totally over it. It was heartbreaking and almost as bad as the original breakup, although much shorter lived. (A few days of crying as opposed to a month or two). I still feel empty inside, but I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that the relationship is over, and has been for a while. I'm sorry you're going through that. My situation is that I just met this person so I do want to keep my expectations in check. It could be something. It could be nothing.
preraph Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 You can't go wrong by playing it cool and being moderately friendly but seeing if he's interested enough to make the moves.
d0nnivain Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 Respond if he reaches out to you. Feel free to like something new on his social media but don't do anything else until Friday. Flirt with him as you both volunteer & see if he asks you out. If he doesn't, you can always invite him for a drink right then & there. 1
Author SweetCharity Posted June 4, 2019 Author Posted June 4, 2019 You can't go wrong by playing it cool and being moderately friendly but seeing if he's interested enough to make the moves. Yeah that's how I played it when we met. I was working the event so I was taking pictures of everyone. He and his friend asked me to sit with them and I couldn't because they sat up too high. After the event I found him and politely mentioned it then said it was nice meeting them both. I thought he was cute but didn't want to throw myself at him.
Author SweetCharity Posted June 4, 2019 Author Posted June 4, 2019 Respond if he reaches out to you. Feel free to like something new on his social media but don't do anything else until Friday. Flirt with him as you both volunteer & see if he asks you out. If he doesn't, you can always invite him for a drink right then & there. It won't be too bold? I mean I was thinking of doing that anyway...He'll be working a pop up video store.
Flame Aura Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 No do not message him. If he messages you first then reply. Otherwise just wait until you see him on Friday.
d0nnivain Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 It won't be too bold? . I'm a bold woman. I think sometimes you have to manipulate a situation to get what you want. I actually told my now husband I was apprehensive about going into a parking garage alone to get him to walk me there on the night we met. I had hoped he would ask me out. He didn't. I had to find another reason to pique his attention to get him to do that. 1
Author SweetCharity Posted June 4, 2019 Author Posted June 4, 2019 I'm a bold woman. I think sometimes you have to manipulate a situation to get what you want. I actually told my now husband I was apprehensive about going into a parking garage alone to get him to walk me there on the night we met. I had hoped he would ask me out. He didn't. I had to find another reason to pique his attention to get him to do that. Lmao, that's amazing. The truth is, I'm a bold woman too. A little too bold and it's bitten me in the hindquarters. I'm trying to play it cool since I'm new to the game (again). To be honest this guy isn't the only number I've gotten. but I'm trying not to go crazy. Lol. Just dipping my toes back onto the ocean.
alphamale Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 Wait until you see him on Friday. Let him ask you out. I agree with saf
crispytoast Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 Everything I would say has been said, play it cool see him Friday. But hey I have a meetup with a lady who is into bees in the near future, can you share some of those bee puns with us? I hear they're the buzz
Author SweetCharity Posted June 4, 2019 Author Posted June 4, 2019 Everything I would say has been said, play it cool see him Friday. But hey I have a meetup with a lady who is into bees in the near future, can you share some of those bee puns with us? I hear they're the buzz That sounds like serious beesniss. You need to thorax. I'm at a wasp on how you're going to deal with all this. Don't be enabee-ling. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 Great move to attend group dbt meetings. DBT seems to be expanding as a helpful treatment for people beyond those who had bpd. You've received great suggestions so far ... I will add another. Remember, the reason you are playing it cool isn't simply to seem cool to him. You want to play it cool because that's where you are right now. You exchanged some witty banter with him, but you no NOTHING about him. So check yourself, contain yourself ... feel the feelings but don't feed the feelings ... You want to go slower for YOU! ... not just to attract him ... but for YOU to avoid over-attaching to someone far before you know enough to safely attach. There is literally no rush ... And when you see him, don't assume things SHOULD be good. Instead, just show up and see what happens, being yourself. Don't run ahead of the relationship. So Friday isn't a day to push things forward. It's just another chance to interact with this person to see if the chemistry you've felt so far ... can last another day. (Often it can't.)
Author SweetCharity Posted June 5, 2019 Author Posted June 5, 2019 Great move to attend group dbt meetings. DBT seems to be expanding as a helpful treatment for people beyond those who had bpd. You've received great suggestions so far ... I will add another. Remember, the reason you are playing it cool isn't simply to seem cool to him. You want to play it cool because that's where you are right now. You exchanged some witty banter with him, but you no NOTHING about him. So check yourself, contain yourself ... feel the feelings but don't feed the feelings ... You want to go slower for YOU! ... not just to attract him ... but for YOU to avoid over-attaching to someone far before you know enough to safely attach. There is literally no rush ... And when you see him, don't assume things SHOULD be good. Instead, just show up and see what happens, being yourself. Don't run ahead of the relationship. So Friday isn't a day to push things forward. It's just another chance to interact with this person to see if the chemistry you've felt so far ... can last another day. (Often it can't.) I'm already starting to doubt myself. He posted a picture wearing a mask and some alternative chick with a VHS collection commented that she wanted it and he said to "come and get it." Well...guess our bee puns meant nothing to him. *
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