No longer secure in my relationship. Bf clearly doesn’t care if I come or go anymore

[Msday91]

BF and I have been together for 10 months now and things are pretty serious. We are thinking about moving in via a mortgage, get engaged at the end of this year and having children shortly after. I am in the process of getting a steady career and this is not very easy at the moment but I am getting there. I may have to move away for the year and go long distance ( up to 1 hour away from each other) but this may mean longer weekends together etc.

 

I am still deciding and I have told him I will consult him with my options when I get at least 2/3. We had a little bust up at the beginning of the week and some of the things he said really hurt me and I am not questioning the stability of our relationship. He said that I am immature when it comes to my career and I cannot hack having a tough, successful career ( I admit, I have left a couple of jobs but I am now looking for something solid and long term and have worked on getting myself ready for it for the past few months). He said that I am wasting his time and that he needs someone who is making a good amount of money like himself otherwise we won't have a steady life. I totally get that. I asked him what he wants to do and he said that he does not care either way. We later sorted it out but I am left questioning whether he even cares about us at all.. I do all I can for this relationship to work, now I feel like there is just no point.

 

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tl;dr boyfriend made some comments that hurt my feelings and now I feel less secure in my relationship

[kendahke]

I think you should put all of your focus and energy on securing steady work and less on trying to maintain this relationship.

 

If he's at the point where he doesn't care if you are there or not, don't put yourself in a position to be reminded constantly that you have been demoted to the option category.

[Curiousroxy86]

If somebody doesn’t care if you come and go then you go

 

How did y’all “work it out”? Did he apologize for talking reckless like that and said that he does want to continue the relationship towards marriage or did you have to beg him to reconsider?

[FMW]

I think your plans of getting a mortgage together and getting married by the end of the year need to be put on hold.

 

Focus on yourself and what you want for yourself, not in view of being a couple with him. If the two are compatible, great. But it appears there is some question about that.

 

He's clearly told you he's prioritizing financial success over you as a person, that you need to have a high-earning career or otherwise you're wasting his time. I don't think I could get past that if I were you.

 

Financial compatibility is very important in partnerships/marriages. It's reasonable for him to expect you to be responsible and make decent money for security and stability, to contribute a fair amount to the household budget. But it seems that maybe he's got loftier requirements.

[Redhead14]

I do all I can for this relationship to work

 

Stop doing that. Sounds to me like you're making it too easy for him. He has all the "comforts" of a relationship but he's not really investing much, at least emotionally, that's clear. I'm kinda struggling to understand why you're considering moving in with him. A guy who doesn't care if you stay or go, can't have been making you feel special and loved, etc.

 

I'd tell him you're out because you want to focus on you and your career and education, etc. and you don't have time for the unfulfilling relationship he's offering you.