Redguitar35 Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 (edited) Was I supposed to respond to her last text, or is she just a flake? We were trying to set something up for the following day but I never heard from her the day of, and not planning on texting again: Her: I am! Hope you’re well also Me: Definitely. See ya tomorrow? Her: I’m still in [visiting town about 80 miles away] currently but I’ll keep you posted. What time would work best for you? Me: Gotcha, whatever time’s best for you I was thinkin afternoon or evening Her: Yes I think evening would be best For some context, I had matched with this girl a year ago, she canceled and we never met up. Last week we matched again and reconnected but with this I feel like she’s just flakey. Edited June 3, 2019 by Redguitar35
Flame Aura Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 Yes you should have replied. She asked you what time, why are you then turning it round telling her what time she wants? She confirmed evening is best and you didn't even reply with a time? Start acting like a man and take control and initiative of the situation, right now you come across as not interested and way too casual. 2
FMW Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 At this point it just sounds like a communication breakdown, not ghosting. She should have gotten back to you with a definite time, but you also could have followed up the day of to lock it down. At this point it seems you are probably both in a standoff, waiting for the other to make a move. If you're interested, try one more time and be definite about time and place.
Author Redguitar35 Posted June 3, 2019 Author Posted June 3, 2019 Yes you should have replied. She asked you what time, why are you then turning it round telling her what time she wants? She confirmed evening is best and you didn't even reply with a time? Start acting like a man and take control and initiative of the situation, right now you come across as not interested and way too casual. How am I supposed to interpret “I’ll keep you posted”? Because that’s what she said and she didn’t.
Author Redguitar35 Posted June 3, 2019 Author Posted June 3, 2019 At this point it just sounds like a communication breakdown, not ghosting. She should have gotten back to you with a definite time, but you also could have followed up the day of to lock it down. I’ve always been the one initiating, I just don’t feel like she’s ever made enough effort and that bugs me. Why do I have to be the one to make the effort all the time? At this point it seems you are probably both in a standoff, waiting for the other to make a move. If you're interested, try one more time and be definite about time and place. What would I say?
Flame Aura Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 How am I supposed to interpret “I’ll keep you posted”? Because that’s what she said and she didn’t. She said she will keep you posted and asked what time is best for you. You didn't reply. How is she supposed to keep you posted whether she can make it or not when you haven't even arranged anything?
FMW Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 You don't have to be the one making the effort all the time, you are free to just let it drop and move on. That's probably what I would do if I really felt she wasn't putting in any effort. If you are interested and want to try one more time, text her with something like "I didn't hear back from you with an update on your availability, I'm sorry we missed getting together <day of the week>. Would you like to get together <day & time>? If she continues being vague then you'll know to let it go and move on.
clia Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 Seems like you mutually decided that you didn't care enough to make a definitive plan to get together. I tend to agree that you should've responded to her last text with either a suggested time or confirmation that you would get together in the evening. Even a "Sounds good, let's plan for the evening then" would've been something. Instead you kind of left her dangling.
Flame Aura Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 I’ve always been the one initiating, I just don’t feel like she’s ever made enough effort and that bugs me. Why do I have to be the one to make the effort all the time? Re read your first post. You stated you matched a year ago, she cancelled, you reconnected again, you are trying to set up a date. In this time she has probably had multiple guys trying to move to her. Girls get attention very easy. And now you are saying why should you be the one making the effort? It's very simple. A woman expects a man to make the effort because the way the world works is woman have lots and lots of choice compared to men. Do you want to be just another one of those guys? Or are you going to be something a bit more, that makes her think 'Wow this guy is really making an effort, let me give him a chance'? At the moment you are just another one of those guys.
Author Redguitar35 Posted June 3, 2019 Author Posted June 3, 2019 Re read your first post. You stated you matched a year ago, she cancelled, you reconnected again, you are trying to set up a date. In this time she has probably had multiple guys trying to move to her. Girls get attention very easy. And now you are saying why should you be the one making the effort? It's very simple. A woman expects a man to make the effort because the way the world works is woman have lots and lots of choice compared to men. Do you want to be just another one of those guys? Or are you going to be something a bit more, that makes her think 'Wow this guy is really making an effort, let me give him a chance'? At the moment you are just another one of those guys. I’m not playing that game. After she cancelled last time she should be the one making more of the effort this time. I’m going to drop it and wait for a girl who puts forth more than minimal effort. Thanks anyway.
Author Redguitar35 Posted June 3, 2019 Author Posted June 3, 2019 She said she will keep you posted and asked what time is best for you. You didn't reply. How is she supposed to keep you posted whether she can make it or not when you haven't even arranged anything? Why would I bother proposing a specific time when she doesn’t sound 100% sure she could make it that day by saying “I’ll keep you posted”?
Mrin Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 I’m not playing that game. After she cancelled last time she should be the one making more of the effort this time. I’m going to drop it and wait for a girl who puts forth more than minimal effort. Thanks anyway. Okay, this is a great example of the disconnect that exists in the dating world. A few observations: 1. Fact: For most women, courtship is not egalitarian. They want to be pursued. Wooed. Be chased. The old gender norms are still very much in place. 2. If she is at all attractive and in a city with a sizable population, she probably has her Tinder or Bumble blowing up with dudes. Sure, more of them are douches but you have to do something to stand out from the rest. 3. She probably doesn't even remember flaking/canceling with you a year ago. 4. She is out of town but still asked what time works best for you. That's an opening. 5. And you dropped the ball. As yourself, do you think you're making her feel pursued? Chased? Like you're putting in the effort? Probably not. Instead you're being all passive and butt hurt that she didn't pick a time. If you want a date with her, come with a day/time/place. If not, just un-match and look for another. 1
MaleIntuition Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 This one is one you OP. A simple “Great! See you at [place] 6 pm, and we can find a place and grab a beer/have a coffee!” Would have sufficed. 1
Flame Aura Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 I’m not playing that game. After she cancelled last time she should be the one making more of the effort this time. I’m going to drop it and wait for a girl who puts forth more than minimal effort. Thanks anyway. It's not a game. I can tell you do not have much experience with women. Why would I bother proposing a specific time when she doesn’t sound 100% sure she could make it that day by saying “I’ll keep you posted”? Oh dear, you just don't get it. Good luck in your search. 1
The Outlaw Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 You should have confirmed that an evening date would be fine. When you didn't reply, she could have taken that as a lack of interest. I really don't feel she ghosted you.
Gretchen12 Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 What works against you is that the world is full of men who would reply to her. 1
Author Redguitar35 Posted June 3, 2019 Author Posted June 3, 2019 What works against you is that the world is full of men who would reply to her. I don’t really care anymore, dating doesn’t work no matter what I try or who I try it with. I give up.
Author Redguitar35 Posted June 3, 2019 Author Posted June 3, 2019 It's not a game. I can tell you do not have much experience with women. Not many good experiences, that’s for sure, and I doubt I ever will at this point. I give up.
FMW Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 "I give up" seems a tad overly dramatic Either try again with this girl or not, no big deal. Next time just keep in mind the advice you received here and maybe have a different approach, a different mindset. We all have to navigate our way through relationships.
frus69 Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 If you give up this easily then dont complain " I will forever be alone" later. 1
basil67 Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 Yep, the last message was yours. At the very least, you could have written a "great, I'm really looking forward to it. Let me know"
Mrin Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 Not many good experiences, that’s for sure, and I doubt I ever will at this point. I give up. OP: just a thought to consider. Next time you match up with a woman you fancy, try going the assertive courtship route. Ask her out quickly with a firm dinner date proposal. Ask her her opinion on lots of things at dinner - to make her feel like you're genuinely interested in her and putting in the effort. Pay for the evening make her feel like she's worthy of being treated to a nice evening. Follow up quickly with a second date proposal. Have some good confident text game. You know - the whole nine yards making her feel like you're pursuing her and putting in the effort with confidence. Just give it a try and see what happens. If anything, do it so you can come back here and tell me I'm full of it. Ha! Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
Author Redguitar35 Posted June 3, 2019 Author Posted June 3, 2019 If you give up this easily then dont complain " I will forever be alone" later. Nothing easy about it. I’ve had nothing but negative experiences with dating since I got dumped two weeks before Xmas. Time to hang it up.
emeraldgreen Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 Her: I’m still in [visiting town about 80 miles away] currently but I’ll keep you posted. What time would work best for you? You: I'll pick you up at 7pm. If says she can't make the time that you've decided you're heading out, you reschedule. Leaving things open leaves things open to failure. 1
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