sweetsportschic Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 Hello ladies I just joined and I need some advice please! Here is my situation. I have been with my boyfriend Andy for a year and a half. We are deeply in love and have been talking about marriage. I thought that everything was perfect and that I could completely trust him. Well, tonight we got into a huge fight and that is when s*** hit the fan. We both said a lot of things. Part of it was over his friend who I have a real problem with. I am not a possessive type gf, but I do not trust this friend since he tried to get Andy to cheat on his last gf several times and has done several other things I am not fond of. I found out that Andy was going out with him behind my back and even went to a strip club with him one night when he told me he was going home to do work. This is completely unlike him to do this and then keep it from me for this long. He never cheated on me, but I am upset that he lied to me and kept this from me. It is the sheer principle that he says he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me yet he does this. It could be worse I do realize, but I don't think this is nothing either. Am I way out of line or do I have grounds to be upset? Also what should I do about this because right now I can't even talk to him. Sorry for the length and thanks in advance for any help!
Copingsaw Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 Yes, you have a right to be upset. What he did was wrong. You need to talk to him and understand why he did it. You may need to accept that this is likely something you will have to live with if you continue the relationship (i.e. him doing things with his friends against your wishes). Why can't you talk to him? If you can't, it is a sign of something deeper that is wrong with your relationship. Don't blow this too far out of proportion or your actions may do more damage to the relationship than his.
ShineOnMe Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 Like Copingsaw said "Yes, you do have a right to be upset." I def. would talk to him and find out why he did what he did. Is he not ready to commit to you? Does he need time to go out and let lose? It's important that you two have figured out that you want marriage. Seems that you both don't have any problem with communication.
downcydeguy Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 I'd be upset too! It's not that he "forgot to mention" going out with his friend, it's that he straight up lied to you about it. Honesty and being up front about everything in a relationship is key to success. I don't know your ages but I'm going to assume under 23 for both of you. A lot of guys feel they have to keep their image strong amongst friends. I was that way myself. (i'm now 27) You two need to have a long, serious discussion over a really nice dinner very soon. Be blunt with everything, even if it may anger/hurt the other person. If you don't want him going to strip clubs, don't force it. Ask what it is about the clubs that he enjoys so much as to lie to your face about it. Let him know that if he loves you like he says, he would never tolerate anybody making you uncomfortable, ie his friend. YOU should be number 1 in his life if you're going to get married. If he's not ready to make you number 1, the wedding should be postponed. Good luck.
Author sweetsportschic Posted September 24, 2005 Author Posted September 24, 2005 Thank you to those of you that have replied! It is very greatly appreciated! Sorry guys I didn't mean to leave you out when I titles the posts to the ladies and it was nice to hear from you too! We are both actually 25 years old, but right now I feel like he is 21. After the fight we did talk even though I was quite disgusted with him. We didn't really get much accomplished though. He admitted he was wrong and justified it as being okay in his head because he was mad at me. The way he acted was unlike him and he said some cruel things. It makes me wonder what is going on. We were both going through drastic changes at the time and had some rough spots but we have been fine until last night. I called him today with a much cooler head and asked if he could talk because I really need to talk to him and get everything out in the open or else I will continue to feel like crap. This was a few hours ago and I have heard nothing back. I refuse to call again because the ball is in his court now. It is my fear that he is out with his friend and he told him to ignore me and Andy is so dumb that he listened. This friend is complete trash and a hindrance to our relationship. If he did this it shows that he doesn't put our relationship first and is not interested in the hurt he put me though. Him not calling me back to talk to me after he hurt me makes me question if he even cares like he says he does. You don’t do this to someone you claim you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. If this is true it is going to kill me but I will need to walk away. The worst part is that all my friends are far away and I have no one to turn to now. Again sorry for the length and any comments are appreciated!
johan Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 Guys screw up sometimes. It's right to get mad and give him a hard time. It's also smart to keep it in perspective. Thinking that you've revealed his weak character is not a healthy way to think of the man you love. It's not fair. And you're capable of screwing up too, so don't hold him up to any unreachable standards. Some things you write sound very judgmental, and that could be a much bigger problem for your relationship than some dumb friend of his.
Author sweetsportschic Posted September 24, 2005 Author Posted September 24, 2005 Just to clarify real quick I am not just mad over the sneaking around. Although it does really upset me that he lied to me and kept things from me, I am also mad at his attitude last night and things that he said. I am not a judgemental person and if it appears tht way in my post it is because I wrote it in anger that he has not bothered to care enough to call.
Recommended Posts