ExpatInItaly Posted June 8, 2019 Posted June 8, 2019 I'm not going to engage with her. If I see her I will say "hello" and that's it. as far as I am concerned, there is nothing and will be nothing will the Colombian. last night, it was all finished in my mind. but at the same time I don't want to behave like a child or create enemies. so if i see her I will just say 'hi' and move on. You are engaging with her by responding to her, OP. I can't see the point of not telling her it isn't working for you, and parting ways cleanly. She will stop texting you and you can be done with it. Go out with the other woman. Forget about this idea: "so I might introduce her to the colombian flaker LOL" I know in the back your mind you want her to see you with someone else, but it's pointless to try to make her jealous. I agree with d0nnivain that you seem to be enjoying this now. Sure, it fluffs up your ego when she reaches out and you feel you are the one in control of contact, but it's not ultimately going to get you a decent girlfriend. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 8, 2019 Posted June 8, 2019 but at the same time I don't want to behave like a child or create enemies. so if i see her I will just say 'hi' and move on. Then keep these 2 women apart or you will make enemies of them both. I know nothing about Brisbane. According to the internet it is the capital of Queensland & has 2.5 million people. I can't believe it only has 1 nightclub. Since you already know the Uber eats girl is there, go anywhere else. 1
Author dinzsant Posted June 10, 2019 Author Posted June 10, 2019 You are engaging with her by responding to her, OP. I can't see the point of not telling her it isn't working for you, and parting ways cleanly. She will stop texting you and you can be done with it. Go out with the other woman. Forget about this idea: "so I might introduce her to the colombian flaker LOL" I know in the back your mind you want her to see you with someone else, but it's pointless to try to make her jealous. So I went out with the other girl. It went great. The Colombian message me "where are you?" I said I was at the same club she mentioned before, but she had moved on to another. seems like she was lying that she wanted to see me, or she was not even at out at all. I never bothered going into the club the Colombian supposedly was at with her "friend" (whoever this "friend" was) Yes I was enjoying it a bit...the prospect of it. But I think I am entitled too this, after the Colombian enjoyed all the attention from me- flirting with me yet having absolutely no interest in anything serious with me. The Colombian has messaged me twice since that night and I have ignored both messages. I can't see any point in answering-- 95% sure she want's a text relationship friend...which is not what I am after.
Author dinzsant Posted June 10, 2019 Author Posted June 10, 2019 Then keep these 2 women apart or you will make enemies of them both. I know nothing about Brisbane. According to the internet it is the capital of Queensland & has 2.5 million people. I can't believe it only has 1 nightclub. Since you already know the Uber eats girl is there, go anywhere else. But why should I? I actually liked that club. Bumping into her was only a prospect. She was the one than played me, so why do I then have to avoid going to a place I like because of her? Anyhow I didn't even see her there and I am not convinced she was actually out. she has messaged me twice since that night. i have not responded, I don't think it will help to respond.
Author dinzsant Posted June 10, 2019 Author Posted June 10, 2019 You don't need to understand it, for whatever reason she's not interested in you romantically but just likes someone to talk to. Don't try to figure out why you'll never know. And yeah, you should wrap it up. She seems like the type that won't accept "no" for an answer, you may just have to ghost her or block her honestly. You learn from this experience, I definitely think you messed up in the beginning by doing a little too much overpursuing and telling her you really liked her too early. I didn't see her on the weekend. I have ignored her for two days. She has now written back "Have lost interest in me"? I am not sure what to say. The fact remains is she never was keen to meet me for a proper date, yet she endlessly flirted ("i miss you" "I love your heart" "i think about you every day"....blah blah blah). As we know she didn't want to meet Friday night- she mysteriously lost her passport but mysteriously found it an hour later when I told her I was out with a friend. The following night she texted me and mentioned she was at a club we went to together- she asked me to come. I did go (with another girl), and she wasn't even there...but apparently she moved onto another club. To be frank, I am not sure she really went out that night but lied to me that she was out for some weird reason. Even the ONE proper date we had...after it, she got rid of me so fast...basically dumped me in my car and ran inside to her house. Even after this date she said "we kissed too much"- even though, in a joking voice. another nights, she went to a bbq and forgot about my offer of a date.... So in response to her new message "Have you lost interest in me'? Perhaps I should say "Hi, I strongly feel you are interested in a text only relationship, which doesn't suit me. I think it's better we stop now. But I wish you the best". this is one weird chick.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 Man up and be honest. Just let her know it's not working out for you and be done with it, OP. Sooner or later she will stop messaging you anyway when she gets the hint and finds another guy, but I don't get the point of dragging this out any longer.
Author dinzsant Posted June 10, 2019 Author Posted June 10, 2019 Man up and be honest. Just let her know it's not working out for you and be done with it, OP. Sooner or later she will stop messaging you anyway when she gets the hint and finds another guy, but I don't get the point of dragging this out any longer. "when she gets the hint and finds another guy" the whole point is that she doesn't really like me, but is playing me for an ego boost. She's probably got a few guys she is doing this do, which does make it surprising to me that she keeps messaging me
ExpatInItaly Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 So why do you keep playing the game with her? You're not going to get her to commit, if that's what you believe you'll accomplish by engaging in this nonsense.
Author dinzsant Posted June 10, 2019 Author Posted June 10, 2019 So why do you keep playing the game with her? You're not going to get her to commit, if that's what you believe you'll accomplish by engaging in this nonsense. what game am I playing? I just wasn't sure what to write back to her when she asked me "have you lost interest"? I was just going to say "not working, all the best" but i am not sure. that's not playing games!
d0nnivain Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 It's totally game playing. You don't have to never go back to that club ever but to purposefully go there with another date knowing she is there with a plan to throw the 2nd woman in her face is game playing. The name of the game is one upsmanship. You want to make her jealous. Writing back, yes I have lost interest, this isn't working for me is direct. Do that & be done with this.
Versacehottie Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 what game am I playing? I just wasn't sure what to write back to her when she asked me "have you lost interest"? I was just going to say "not working, all the best" but i am not sure. that's not playing games! I don't think you are playing games per se but i do think you are kind of squirming around trying to make things different with her than they are. That's why you brought some other girl to a place where you thought you might bump into her, to make her jealous, regret etc and now don't know how to answer her most recent text. I think if you really believe this will never turn into anything (i would agree with that) and have already chosen a course of action with that, i.e. no more contact, then stick to your plan and don't respond. I don't think you owe her any explanation. She already has you easily flip flopping on basic stuff so any discussion is just going to have her try to suck you back in. It can be an ego blow that she is not into you, playing you, avoiding a real date with you but it's probably time to accept it and put her out of your mind. Once you really commit to a course of action you will feel a lot better.
Author dinzsant Posted June 10, 2019 Author Posted June 10, 2019 I don't think you are playing games per se but i do think you are kind of squirming around trying to make things different with her than they are. That's why you brought some other girl to a place where you thought you might bump into her, to make her jealous, regret etc and now don't know how to answer her most recent text. I think if you really believe this will never turn into anything (i would agree with that) and have already chosen a course of action with that, i.e. no more contact, then stick to your plan and don't respond. I don't think you owe her any explanation. She already has you easily flip flopping on basic stuff so any discussion is just going to have her try to suck you back in. It can be an ego blow that she is not into you, playing you, avoiding a real date with you but it's probably time to accept it and put her out of your mind. Once you really commit to a course of action you will feel a lot better. Thanks for the message!, good points. Tonight I ignored the "Do you lose interest in me?" text. She responded back some small talk about her new job and I said "I hope it all goes good for you" Then she came out with a "I really miss you a lot" At this point I time I just got sick of it and said "you said you miss me but don't want to meet. It's all OK of you don't want to meet but your words don't match with your behavior" she responded: "it's not true. I definitely want to meet you. i think the last week was difficult for me but it doesn't mean I don't want to see you" well, who knows what's going on in her head. She told me she was out at a club and asked me to "come here". I told I was going to the same club with a friend (but she was apparently in a different club wasn't when I arrived). (yes i was 'squirming around' here!) On Friday night she mysteriously lost her ID and passport before we were going to meet for a drink. And then after I told her I was out with a friend, she mysteriously found them lol Before, when I mentioned another woman in a text she got very inquisitive asking if "I liked her" and kept with the "i miss you, you are the best" stuff. So, within the next day I am going to make a decision to either block her. or see if I can retain some type of friendship with her (I am romantically interested in her, but sometimes my interest is waning due to all this nonsense). Your thoughts are much appreciated!
olivetree Posted June 10, 2019 Posted June 10, 2019 I'm going to chime in, though it seems like you're ignoring all of the advice, OP. She is very careless with her words and behaviour. Coming on strong with words often means someone doesn't really care / not worried that they will scare you away. She also clearly knows she can just say something sweet and you'll be reeled back in. She isn't interested, and you're coming off like you care way too much for someone who is little more than a text tease. Ignore her and move on. If you stay "friends" you'll be nothing more than an orbiter, which is what I think she, not you, wants. 1
Author dinzsant Posted June 14, 2019 Author Posted June 14, 2019 so i ignored her...initiated no texts.... but she kept writing back every 2 days or so..trying to back small talk...as usual..i responded briefly and didn't engage her. finally, after I ignored her for 2 days, she asked me if i had lost interest in her. I basically replied by saying "we haven't even met for a long time". She went into all this stuff saying how she loves to be with me, etc etc. and then she said that: "I am scared falling in love" is this another game?
Versacehottie Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 In short.....yes. Come on now, you can't be that hard up that you keep falling for this, can you? And you keep replying to her (in spite of saying you won't). A two day gap is nothing really--she's probably relieved in a way because it's less work to keep stringing you along when you don't reply. I get it when you are torn because you like someone and they are giving you "something". But then test her again and see if she will go out with you, I'm guessing she will make up some excuse again or you will get the bare minimum of attention from her. While her behavior is annoying of course, at this stage you keep doing this to yourself and way you saying your frustration and then retaliating and then claiming to shut down only to open it back up, I'd say you both look foolish. Sorry this is just my opinion but she is making an a** of you and you are letting it happen & spinning out over it. Calling it like i see it 1
Author dinzsant Posted June 14, 2019 Author Posted June 14, 2019 In short.....yes. Come on now, you can't be that hard up that you keep falling for this, can you? And you keep replying to her (in spite of saying you won't). A two day gap is nothing really--she's probably relieved in a way because it's less work to keep stringing you along when you don't reply. I get it when you are torn because you like someone and they are giving you "something". But then test her again and see if she will go out with you, I'm guessing she will make up some excuse again or you will get the bare minimum of attention from her. While her behavior is annoying of course, at this stage you keep doing this to yourself and way you saying your frustration and then retaliating and then claiming to shut down only to open it back up, I'd say you both look foolish. Sorry this is just my opinion but she is making an a** of you and you are letting it happen & spinning out over it. Calling it like i see it I'm not torn. I now don't expect anything from her, but the situation is nevertheless interesting. I spend maybe 3 minutes texting her max....not exactly a big portion of my day. And I am not going to ask her out again. I've done it a few times with no success, so I will just send her 3 mins worth of texts every 3 days until she asks me out. if she doesn't, no problems. And with respect to this: "Come on now, you can't be that hard up that you keep falling for this, can you?" No one knows what's happened or going on in another person's life. I remember once years ago I was rejected, and I got angry at the girl. Turns out the poor girl was raped in the last year and was fearful of any man. But with this girl I am not so concerned but more interested in why she is behaving the way she is. Whether she likes me or not... I've resigned myself to the fact that nothing will happen...yet I still want to know what;s behind her behavior.
d0nnivain Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 She went into all this stuff saying how she loves to be with me, etc etc. and then she said that: "I am scared falling in love" is this another game? Sort of. She is a silly little girl with a head filled with romantic Dreams. She loves the idea of love. Think about it. She can't possible BE in love with you. You two don't even know each other. You aren't going on dates. Hell you are barely speaking to her & you are dating other women. When you ask her out, she turns you down. She likes having you around to stroke her ego. I think olivetree hit the nail on the head. She uses language casually & she's immature. Take everything she says with a grain of salt. She doesn't really mean it. You can't trust her words
Author dinzsant Posted June 14, 2019 Author Posted June 14, 2019 Sort of. She is a silly little girl with a head filled with romantic Dreams. She loves the idea of love. Think about it. She can't possible BE in love with you. You two don't even know each other. You aren't going on dates. Hell you are barely speaking to her & you are dating other women. When you ask her out, she turns you down. She likes having you around to stroke her ego. I think olivetree hit the nail on the head. She uses language casually & she's immature. Take everything she says with a grain of salt. She doesn't really mean it. You can't trust her words I don't take her seriously now; not expecting anything from her. But I am not stroking her ego too. I just reply briefly and say, if anything, "have a good day". No flirty things. And I never initiate texts now. Yet she still texts me every morning when she wakes up "good morning". and says "miss you' blah blah. We did meet up around 5 times before, only 1 of those times was a proper date. So I don't know how she could be scared of falling in love with me, too. (she didn't say she was in love). I'm not emotionally invested now, but I still am curious about her behavior.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 14, 2019 Posted June 14, 2019 How are you going to feel when she eventually stops texting you?
Author dinzsant Posted June 14, 2019 Author Posted June 14, 2019 How are you going to feel when she eventually stops texting you? all cool with me. at one point i didn't text her for two days. and she didn't... I thought it was finished then, and I felt fine about it. I am dating other girls too, now.
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