malaiyas Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 I have always had this philosophy that, if a woman really digs you, she will chase and hunt you all the time. Your philosophy is flat out wrong. This may be true of SOME women, but we are taught that men are natural born hunters and that the best approach is to lean back and let men lead to see how interested they are. We convey interest in kind by being RECEPTIVE and WELCOMING to your advances, NOT by advancing ourselves. I do think she could be better about returning the ball to your court, but I also wonder if there is a language barrier causing some of this.
The Outlaw Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 Put whatever fear you may have to rest. You may have a good thing here, and by the lack of response on your end will indicate that you aren't interested, and she'll just move on.
Author dinzsant Posted June 5, 2019 Author Posted June 5, 2019 Your philosophy is flat out wrong. This may be true of SOME women, but we are taught that men are natural born hunters and that the best approach is to lean back and let men lead to see how interested they are. We convey interest in kind by being RECEPTIVE and WELCOMING to your advances, NOT by advancing ourselves. I do think she could be better about returning the ball to your court, but I also wonder if there is a language barrier causing some of this. There is no language barrier. being receptive and welcoming? so every time I say "let me know when you are free" she ignores me and seems to be never free...unless it's to go to the bar with her other friends. is that receptive or welcoming? it's OK she doesn't like me...but why keep writing "I miss you every day"....it's only cheap words
rightondude Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 (edited) It takes her literally 2 seconds to send you those words and likely that's the amount of thought that goes into it. It keeps you hanging around and posting questions like this to internet forums looking for answers. if she ever really needs something from you ($$$) you will get your response and date then. Until then you are just being kept on standby brother. And for those who say women don't do the pursuing....that's true, to a point. But if a woman wants to be with you, she will make it happen without a lot of effort and questioning ("Does she REALLY like me???") on the man's part. Edited June 5, 2019 by rightondude 1
Author dinzsant Posted June 5, 2019 Author Posted June 5, 2019 And for those who say women don't do the pursuing....that's true, to a point. But if a woman wants to be with you, she will make it happen without a lot of effort and questioning ("Does she REALLY like me???") on the man's part. 100% true! The fact that I have to ask these questions here, and am wondering....it's a very bad sign. I think it's time to ignore her and move on. Next time I hear the "I miss you and think about you every day" nonsense, I'll ignore it.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Next time I hear the "I miss you and think about you every day" nonsense, I'll ignore it. Then why not just block her number right now? 1
Author dinzsant Posted June 5, 2019 Author Posted June 5, 2019 Then why not just block her number right now? 1. because there is this small part of me - very small- feeling "she may be serious, but there maybe be a culture difference, or she may be feeling scared etc" 2. i don't like to block... be a bit awkward if i saw her in the street.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Your reasons for not blocking her are what I imagined you'd say. I feel you're not being honest with yourself, OP. You know you don't want to ignore her and never talk to her again. You are hoping that ignoring her will somehow make her take you more seriously, right? At the moment, you're feeling hurt and a tad self-righteous, which is understandable if you feel rejected by her. But ignoring her is not going to yield the results you want. It's juvenile, if you are using it as a mechanism to make her pay more attention. 1
Author dinzsant Posted June 5, 2019 Author Posted June 5, 2019 But ignoring her is not going to yield the results you want. It's juvenile, if you are using it as a mechanism to make her pay more attention. why not ignore her? why should I respond? I have asked her over 5 times to let me know when we can meet. No response. That speaks volumes. If a girl I liked asked me that once (or any man) I would give her a date and a time. Common sense. I am after a relationship. Not to get chatty with a girl as a text only relationship. Do you think it's in my interests to continue a text-only relationship with her where she repeatedly ignores my frequents to meet? This week was her week off- last week she told me...I'd love to meet with you every day next week. So I wrote to her saying "are you free to meet" - no response. seems as if she is playing me.
Grey40 Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 (edited) In my experience (and I go on a crap ton of dates), it's pretty easy to tell when a girl is into you or not. If you sit around wondering, "does she like me?" then the truth is that her interest isn't as high as you think. that usually is a good gut feeling. Doesn't mean she's not interested, but she's probably not as into you as you'd like yet. There are tons of clues women give all over the place that kind of lead you into the direction you should go with them. Don't overthink it. This girl showed a bunch of interest in the beginning but now is kind of falling out of it. Could be lots of reasons...you took long, she met someone else, she's not single, she's not over an ex, tragic **** happened in her life, or you came on too strong and tried to push too hard. Women really lose attraction quickly when they feel that the guy like them more than they do. It weirds them out. They want to feel like they earned you too, not just that you'll easily bow down to them. However, you have asked her when she is free. I'll tell you right now that's the worst possible thing you can say, and no it's not enough even for an interested woman to respond and set up. Women are not great decision makers, really they want the man to lead, whether they think of that consciously or not. It's a matter of confidence. Asking her when she is free isn't the most direct and confident way to go about it. You need to pick a day and time when YOU'RE free and pick a specific place and time to meet...."Hey, are you free Saturday night to get drinks at XXXX" THAT's what you have to do. You'll be amazed at how her response changes. If she's actually really into you, she'll agree to the date relatively quickly and be excited. If she's not into you, she'll avoid it, come up with an excuse or just not respond at all. If she can't do the time you suggest and she likes you, she'll ask to do a different day or time. She won't always suggest one either, that's some BS. She'll just say she can't do that day but wants to def hang, and then at that point you just wait like 5-6 days and try again. Edited June 5, 2019 by Grey40
Author dinzsant Posted June 5, 2019 Author Posted June 5, 2019 like they earned you too, not just that you'll easily bow down to them. However, you have asked her when she is free. I'll tell you right now that's the worst possible thing you can say, and no it's not enough even for an interested woman to respond and set up. Women are not great decision makers, really they want the man to lead, whether they think of that consciously or not. It's a matter of confidence. problem is, 3 times before I have actually asked her "are you free tonight, or this weekend"? no real response again. although I have mainly said "let me know when you are free" I've definitely said specific times. I remember one day I saw her during her break at 2pm. I said let's meet tonight. She seemed very keen. Anyway, she went off to a bbq at 6 or so....and forgot all about me and my offer. then the next day said "i felt so bad about doing that, blah blah"
Grey40 Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 like they earned you too, not just that you'll easily bow down to them. However, you have asked her when she is free. I'll tell you right now that's the worst possible thing you can say, and no it's not enough even for an interested woman to respond and set up. Women are not great decision makers, really they want the man to lead, whether they think of that consciously or not. It's a matter of confidence. problem is, 3 times before I have actually asked her "are you free tonight, or this weekend"? no real response again. although I have mainly said "let me know when you are free" I've definitely said specific times. I remember one day I saw her during her break at 2pm. I said let's meet tonight. She seemed very keen. Anyway, she went off to a bbq at 6 or so....and forgot all about me and my offer. then the next day said "i felt so bad about doing that, blah blah" All of those times you never actually mentioned what you were going to do. "Are you free tonight?" .....For what? Come up with an actual plan or place to go. If you leave stuff up in the air it'll never happen. She'll end up doing something her friend plans because it's set. If her friend says , "hey im going to a bbq at my friends house at 6 wanna come?" She's goign to do that over, "are you free tonight to meet?".. Get it?
Author dinzsant Posted June 5, 2019 Author Posted June 5, 2019 All of those times you never actually mentioned what you were going to do. "Are you free tonight?" .....For what? Come up with an actual plan or place to go. If you leave stuff up in the air it'll never happen. She'll end up doing something her friend plans because it's set. If her friend says , "hey im going to a bbq at my friends house at 6 wanna come?" She's goign to do that over, "are you free tonight to meet?".. Get it? I said "are you free tonight to get to such and such venue". i remember specifically naming a place to her.
Grey40 Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 I said "are you free tonight to get to such and such venue". i remember specifically naming a place to her. Try again the next time you see her, or via text/phone. Ask her out for drinks nearby on a specific day and time and see what she says. Then post in here. Definitely sounds like you've been pushing way too hard, you haven't been playing it cool.
Author dinzsant Posted June 5, 2019 Author Posted June 5, 2019 All of those times you never actually mentioned what you were going to do. "Are you free tonight?" .....For what? Come up with an actual plan or place to go. If you leave stuff up in the air it'll never happen. She'll end up doing something her friend plans because it's set. If her friend says , "hey im going to a bbq at my friends house at 6 wanna come?" She's goign to do that over, "are you free tonight to meet?".. Get it? and also there was one other girl I met before the one I talk about now. she would ask ME when can we meet. and when I asked her "when are you free", she would name a whole list of times. when girls REALLY like you...not just maybe a bit.... they act as such
Grey40 Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 and also there was one other girl I met before the one I talk about now. she would ask ME when can we meet. and when I asked her "when are you free", she would name a whole list of times. when girls REALLY like you...not just maybe a bit.... they act as such For the most part yes. But not always. I've had girls be really interested in me that just were really bad at making plans and a little intimidated by my looks. They felt insecure and didn't want to come on too strong, so they kind of hoped I would take the lead. They personally told me this. So my point is, 95% of the time, it's pretty obvious and those are the best kinds of women to "pursue" because they don't leave any mystery it's just easy. However, just because a women isn't begging you to hang out all the time, doesn't mean she's not interested. In those cases just be persistent, but not over the top. If she gives a ****ty excuse to you asking her out, you put on a backburner and don't talk to her for like 2 weeks.
Author dinzsant Posted June 5, 2019 Author Posted June 5, 2019 Try again the next time you see her, or via text/phone. Ask her out for drinks nearby on a specific day and time and see what she says. Then post in here. Definitely sounds like you've been pushing way too hard, you haven't been playing it cool. pushing hard? in what way? I asked her out. I'm cool...if she doesn't want to come out that's fine. I just don't then want all the "i miss you" messages.
Grey40 Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 (edited) Pushing too hard is asking her out multiple times when she hasn't said yes to any of them. Saying "I Miss You" back to her also doesn't make sense. How can you miss her if you don't hang out? Also, saying stuff like "No you don't" or "I don't think so"....it shows you care too much. You haven't even been on a proper date yet with this girl for a while, who cares if she misses you or not. When you asked her out and I mean when you picked a definite place and time to meet and she blew you off or didn't say yes or try to reschedule etc. you should have just stopped talking to her for a while, or when she texts you just respond very briefly. If she says "I miss You" you don't respond. Only respond to normal questions she asks and stuff like that. Asking her out again when she didnt' say yes is pushing too much. By doing that, you are showing her that she may have missed her chance, or you might be mad at her. If she's actually interested, she'll do what it takes to get that chance of a date back. If she doesn't, then you just saved yourself weeks of pain and guessing. It's a great way to filter out the women who use you for attention and ego boost and it helps gauge their interest level. She could even be dating or seeing someone else for all you know, which is why she can't commit to a date. Girls will do that all the time---pretend they are interested because it makes them feel good you want them, or maybe they're unhappy in their current relationship and are looking for attention elsewhere--but aren't going to actually grow a pair and breakup with the person or act on their desires. They just keep you around like a fool. Don't be that guy. Edited June 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed
Author dinzsant Posted June 5, 2019 Author Posted June 5, 2019 (edited) I know. so you think my best plan of action now is....don't ignore her, but don't ask her out, and no response to her "miss you" stuff? Thanks mate Edited June 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed 1
Grey40 Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 I know. so you think my best plan of action now is....don't ignore her, but don't ask her out, and no response to her "miss you" stuff? Thanks mate No problem man. Yeah, don't initiate texts at all. If she texts you, then you respond but only to certain things. If she says, "i Miss you" or any kind of lovey dovey stuff, you ignore it 100%. If she says something like " how's your day going?" you can respond but be brief.." it's going great, really productive. You?" Don't ask her out again, not for a while. I'd wait a good 2 weeks. You want her to bring it up. She'll start to wonder why your behavior is different and why you don't seem to like her as much, and she'll probably apologize and want to go out again. (If she's interested). If she's not, she'll just fade more and more as the days go by, which ultimately is what you want if that's the case. Because if she's not that into you, she's leading you on, and no way jose.
Author dinzsant Posted June 5, 2019 Author Posted June 5, 2019 No problem man. Yeah, don't initiate texts at all. If she texts you, then you respond but only to certain things. If she says, "i Miss you" or any kind of lovey dovey stuff, you ignore it 100%. If she says something like " how's your day going?" you can respond but be brief.." it's going great, really productive. You?" Don't ask her out again, not for a while. I'd wait a good 2 weeks. You want her to bring it up. She'll start to wonder why your behavior is different and why you don't seem to like her as much, and she'll probably apologize and want to go out again. (If she's interested). If she's not, she'll just fade more and more as the days go by, which ultimately is what you want if that's the case. Because if she's not that into you, she's leading you on, and no way jose. Best advice. Thanks. I will do it again....and you are right...if she really digs me...she will keep writing and trying....if not she will fade. I will do what you say here. I know in my heart it's right mate.
malaiyas Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 There is no language barrier. being receptive and welcoming? so every time I say "let me know when you are free" she ignores me and seems to be never free...unless it's to go to the bar with her other friends. is that receptive or welcoming? it's OK she doesn't like me...but why keep writing "I miss you every day"....it's only cheap words You seem to think, from posts previous, that she may be using you for free English, so it seemed that way to me. I didn't say that she is being receptive and welcoming to your advances, only that it is a woman's job to be if she is interested in you. I get the impression she is interested only in attention.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 (edited) Do you think it's in my interests to continue a text-only relationship with her where she repeatedly ignores my frequents to meet? This week was her week off- last week she told me...I'd love to meet with you every day next week. Nope. That's why I asked why not just block her and be done with it. You're keeping yourself ensnared in pointless drama by ignoring, but continuing to allow her to contact you. If you truly don't want to see her and you think she is playing you, man up and let her know that it's better if you two stop seeing each other. Why do you even want to bother with her if you believe she is using you? It is silly to assume that she will continue to try to reach out to you if you keep ignoring her. No, she will assume you are not interested, back off, and find another guy. You don't seem to understand how this works. Edited June 5, 2019 by ExpatInItaly 1
Author dinzsant Posted June 6, 2019 Author Posted June 6, 2019 No problem man. Yeah, don't initiate texts at all. If she texts you, then you respond but only to certain things. If she says, "i Miss you" or any kind of lovey dovey stuff, you ignore it 100%. If she says something like " how's your day going?" you can respond but be brief.." it's going great, really productive. You?" Don't ask her out again, not for a while. I'd wait a good 2 weeks. You want her to bring it up. She'll start to wonder why your behavior is different and why you don't seem to like her as much, and she'll probably apologize and want to go out again. (If she's interested). If she's not, she'll just fade more and more as the days go by, which ultimately is what you want if that's the case. Because if she's not that into you, she's leading you on, and no way jose. So she didn't text me all yesterday. But this morning she texted first saying "good morning". I said good morning back and said i was working. Then she asked why i "forgot her" and started mentioning how she lost her uber job. I said I didn't forget her" and then she started talking about her new job options etc. Should I really start this process of being engaged in small-talk leading nowhere again? It's tough, cause I have established myself as the "nice guy" with her- someone who tries to help her with her problems, buys her free dinners, etc.
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