dinzsant Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 sorry for the mini essay..... Met a Colombian girl. We chatted once. Next time she saw me she ran after me and asked for my number. I've know her for 4 weeks, and I am having big questions about what is going on. In the 4 weeks, we text daily. Often she leaves me waiting for a reply for a few hours, but (stupid me) generally replies fast. She works for Uber eats. I have seen her 3 times on her break. I bought her dinner each time. When we meet, she flirts with me, touches me, and it's a great feeling I have with her. Last Sat night she invited me out- we we kissed about 4 times. (although at the night's end, she got rid of me very fast-- had the uber drop me off at the car and she ran inside). Also despite her saying "I miss you" and "my lovely" blah blah blah I am not convinced. I've bought her a lot, yet she never has bought me one small gift. When she has had free days, she has chosen to hang out not with me, but with her friends (one one occasion she told me she was upset because some "male friend" ignored her). I was not even invited. When she texted "I miss you" I replied "I don't think so"- she had no response. When I texted "you could have invited me out" (on a day she went out with her friends and had a bad time"- she had no response. I ignored her today...and she texted me about 7 times..."I miss you", "are you OK".... however, I'm feeling this is not good. any advice is much appreciated.
d0nnivain Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 If she works for Uber Eats she probably drives a lot. She can't text you back immediately. It's unsafe. She also probably doesn't have a lot of spare cash to be treating you but if you think the money is unequal, you dial back your spending. At a mere 4 weeks in there should not be serious gift giving anyway. It's too soon. She seems enthusiastic to me. She is somebody you haven't known that long. Yes, it would be nice if she incorporated you more into her life but you are rushing things & confusing a new relationship (what you have) with an established long term relationship. In the latter you spend more time together & her friends are your friends etc. It's a tad too early for that. She's still trying to balance cute new person (you) with her life. Chill out a bit & let her settle in without pushing so hard. 1
chillii Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 She ran after you and asked for your number , man some of the stories l see round here such forward women. how old is she ? Maybe she thinks you auta do a bit of chasing now. Nothing wrong with her going out with her friends alone , your hardly know each other yet and it's understandable her not asking you anyway, she can still miss ya. Sounds too much like all the silly cat n mouse texting games to tell what she really thinks though for me. Ask her over or something , spend some real time with her and find out l spose.
Author dinzsant Posted June 3, 2019 Author Posted June 3, 2019 thanks guys. she is 28. Maybe I am looking for the negative where it is not Maybe she simply wants to take it slow?? It was a great night; she kissed me a lot. But after the night was done she basically got me away in my car and on the road FAST! I have always had this philosophy that, if a woman really digs you, she will chase and hunt you all the time. But who knows? And I have had a bad night oo haha
crispytoast Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 (edited) When she has had free days, she has chosen to hang out not with me, but with her friends (one one occasion she told me she was upset because some "male friend" ignored her). I was not even invited. When she texted "I miss you" I replied "I don't think so"- she had no response. When I texted "you could have invited me out" (on a day she went out with her friends and had a bad time"- she had no response. I ignored her today...and she texted me about 7 times..."I miss you", "are you OK".... however, I'm feeling this is not good. any advice is much appreciated. Just reread what you wrote. Don't just reveal your hand like that. How old are the two of you? Edited June 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote edited
d0nnivain Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 From a woman's perspective most women believe that the fastest way to catch a guy is to make him chase you. So your philosophy that a woman will hunt a man she is interested in seems contrary to conventional wisdom to me. For heaven's sake she texted you 7 times while you were playing games giving her the silent treatment. She chased after you to ask for your phone #. What exactly does it take for you to get it that she is interested?
Author dinzsant Posted June 3, 2019 Author Posted June 3, 2019 Just reread what you wrote. Don't just reveal your hand like that. How old are the two of you? sorry, what do you mean? 36 and 28. she's 28.
Author dinzsant Posted June 3, 2019 Author Posted June 3, 2019 From a woman's perspective most women believe that the fastest way to catch a guy is to make him chase you. So your philosophy that a woman will hunt a man she is interested in seems contrary to conventional wisdom to me. there is a school of guys out there now..."PUA's"...who essentially say the woman actually do the chasing...and if a woman is not chasing you, she's not keen... so for example, if she's very slow to respond to texts, sometimes ignores you,.... she's not keen. Conversely, if she likes you..she will initiate contact....will try to be close to you and be around you...
d0nnivain Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 I get it but she did chase you & she texted you 7 times. What exactly do you want? I already explained to you that she can't text you while she's driving. You are being negative. Try to stop.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 (edited) OP, I say this with respect, but aren't you a little old to be playing games and sticking to lame PUA advice? (I'm a little older than you, and female, for what it's worth) Despite what you might have read, most women are not going to be the pursuers at the beginning. We are taught to let the men take the lead, whether or not you and PUA "gurus" agree. You need to get it out of your head that she should be the one to chase you all the time. It usually just doesn't work like that. 4 weeks is quite soon to be expecting gifts from her. It is also not unreasonable that she doesn't yet include you in outings with her friends. She hardly knows you, man. Give it time. What is going to turn her off? Messages like this: "I texted "you could have invited me out"" and "When she texted "I miss you" I replied "I don't think so"" Dude. Where is your confidence? Those were awkward messages; I wouldn't have responded either because I wouldn't have known what to say. It would have me thinking that the guy is too needy and attached already. If you want to see her, stop ignoring her messages. She is trying to contact you. Be mature and reply. See if she's up for something fun. And pump the brakes a bit on your own expectations; they're a bit of whack for woman you have only met a month ago. Edited June 3, 2019 by ExpatInItaly 2
Author dinzsant Posted June 4, 2019 Author Posted June 4, 2019 (edited) Well, I am still not sure. Because, no matter how many times she repeatedly texts me "I miss you a lot", whenever i say "let me know when you have time to meet"- i never get a response. let alone a define time and plan. words are cheap. So, apparently she misses me so much that she never has time to see me....although on her free days, she meets her friends (and at one point was upset because a "male friend' was ignoring her...) It's 4 weeks now- we have been on one proper date. the other 2 or so meetings were in her work break where i paid for her dinner. She is working on her English right now. Who's to say she is not just keeping me 'on the hook' with her sweet words, to text me and improve her English? Edited June 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed quote
Author dinzsant Posted June 4, 2019 Author Posted June 4, 2019 (edited) yes. said that more than a few times to her.! Edited June 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed quote
ExpatInItaly Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 I think all you can do at this point is try to set up another fun date. Name a couple days, ask her which one is better. If she continues to be vague, or doesn’t get back to you, then just leave it be and stop contacting her.
crispytoast Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 Maybe tell her you are going out to do something on a day and ask if she wants to join you instead of asking when she's free. That way you already have an agenda instead of making her the agenda. Also do you speak any Spanish?
Author dinzsant Posted June 4, 2019 Author Posted June 4, 2019 Maybe tell her you are going out to do something on a day and ask if she wants to join you instead of asking when she's free. That way you already have an agenda instead of making her the agenda. Also do you speak any Spanish? I don't speak any Spanish. actually before I even mentioned some days to her. what gets me is she keeps messaging with "I miss you", "you are sweet/the best" blah blah blah.... yet these are all mere words. Through text she's conveying she's really interested but I am not seeing any real action. I just hope she is not so self-centered to be doing this all for some English practice., I have had plenty of girls in the past....they were all very easy to arrange times to meet...they would never had ignored "let me know when you are free" it's why I am getting a bad feeling here....
d0nnivain Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 I have had plenty of girls in the past....they were all very easy to arrange times to meet...they would never had ignored "let me know when you are free" it's why I am getting a bad feeling here.... Maybe she is waiting for a request for an actual date as in "Would you like to have dinner on Thursday at [name of restaurant]?" Some women don't respond well to "let me know when you are free". I know I don't. For example in her shoes I'm not going to give up some extra work hours to Netflix & chill, for example.
chillii Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 From a woman's perspective most women believe that the fastest way to catch a guy is to make him chase you. So your philosophy that a woman will hunt a man she is interested in seems contrary to conventional wisdom to me. For heaven's sake she texted you 7 times while you were playing games giving her the silent treatment. She chased after you to ask for your phone #. What exactly does it take for you to get it that she is interested? Yeah l just recaught that bit too , and you ignored her op, for crying out loud.
Author dinzsant Posted June 4, 2019 Author Posted June 4, 2019 Maybe she is waiting for a request for an actual date as in "Would you like to have dinner on Thursday at [name of restaurant]?" Some women don't respond well to "let me know when you are free". I know I don't. For example in her shoes I'm not going to give up some extra work hours to Netflix & chill, for example. haha If a woman truly likes a guy ""let me know when you are free" is more than enough. and if a woman truly likes a man she is more than happy to give up extra work to meet him. And looking through my phone, I actually have named three days before when we could have met. Should i now send her an official invitation card with the date on it?!
d0nnivain Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 I can really like somebody & refuse to give up my dignity or my income for him. If you offered specifics, then that is fine. Maybe she isn't into. It's still early in this . . . only a month. If you are not getting your needs met, walk. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Flame Aura Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 I don't speak any Spanish. actually before I even mentioned some days to her. what gets me is she keeps messaging with "I miss you", "you are sweet/the best" blah blah blah.... yet these are all mere words. Through text she's conveying she's really interested but I am not seeing any real action. I just hope she is not so self-centered to be doing this all for some English practice., I have had plenty of girls in the past....they were all very easy to arrange times to meet...they would never had ignored "let me know when you are free" it's why I am getting a bad feeling here.... Listen to your gut feeling. From everything you have posted it does seem like she is just keeping you in orbit, close enough to stay interested in her, far enough to not have to actually do anything with you. Attention seeker. Met plenty of them before. Personally I would try one more time to arrange to meet up. If she makes an excuse, pulls out last minute, without any attempt to arrange a different time, but still carries on messaging I miss you etc then stop contact.
crispytoast Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 haha If a woman truly likes a guy ""let me know when you are free" is more than enough. and if a woman truly likes a man she is more than happy to give up extra work to meet him. And looking through my phone, I actually have named three days before when we could have met. Should i now send her an official invitation card with the date on it?! How could she ever pass up your natural charm? I just dont understand. 2
Author dinzsant Posted June 4, 2019 Author Posted June 4, 2019 Listen to your gut feeling. From everything you have posted it does seem like she is just keeping you in orbit, close enough to stay interested in her, far enough to not have to actually do anything with you. Attention seeker. Met plenty of them before. yes, true. I think it's a combination of attention seeking and getting some free English. I mean, all the "I miss you's, "I think about you every day".... if that is all an act...it's not cool at all.
preraph Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 To be certain she isn't just using you for meals, cut off the money spending on her entirely. Next time you see her, go for a walk in the park. Do something free a couple of times and see if she tries to prod you to spend money on her. There are girls like that. I've known one. She told me she'd have dinner with anyone who asked her and that she didn't eat unless someone else was paying for it. So they're out there. Paying for a date is one thing, but there should be no physical gifts at this stage at all or you're just asking to be used for money. Gifts come a few weeks or even months into a relationship. Again, test her by not buying her anything the next couple of times.
Versacehottie Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 thanks guys. she is 28. Maybe I am looking for the negative where it is not Maybe she simply wants to take it slow?? It was a great night; she kissed me a lot. But after the night was done she basically got me away in my car and on the road FAST! I have always had this philosophy that, if a woman really digs you, she will chase and hunt you all the time. But who knows? And I have had a bad night oo haha I think you might be slightly realistic with what is going on (not necessarily negative but realistic) however, why to get an "answer" from her are you approaching communication with her negatively? that's not good. Right away you're putting the person on defense and making yourself sound bad. I agree with donavin that she probably doesn't have extra money for gifts for you--she is probably barely making ends meet herself. Also it's possible that she could be traditional in male-female way because of her culture--so maybe she just expects you to do the caretaking--it's totally in the realm of possibility. That said, I would take the "i miss you's" with a grain of salt. A) again, they can be slightly cultural, latin, you know; sorry it's generalization but i had seen it to be true a lot B) it doesn't match with her behavior. If she has time to spend with you but rushes away, that's not a good sign. If you want to know what's going on, ask in a more neutral way. Don't fill in the blanks for her by assuming negative or putting her on the defense. Pose the question in just an information gathering way and allows for either a positive or negative response, one you couldn't even imagine. After all, if you want an answer only she can give you, it could be many things.
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