HumanMachine Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 I have never gone for the nice normal girl, I find them way too boring.. Even if they are not. What is up with me? Every girl I've been in a relationship with has had some level of 'craziness' one way or another. The only explanation I can think of is that my life is too boring/easy and deep down I enjoy the roller coaster of emotion these girls bring with them. Do I need help?
d0nnivain Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 You don't need help. You do need to realize that you make bad choices & then you need to change that dynamic. If you want a fixer-upper buy a run down house. Do not try to change or fix your dates. Since you seem to like drama & action, try dating women with challenging careers or who enjoy action / adventure sports. They won't be boring but they will be healthier. 2
Author HumanMachine Posted June 3, 2019 Author Posted June 3, 2019 You don't need help. You do need to realize that you make bad choices & then you need to change that dynamic. If you want a fixer-upper buy a run down house. Do not try to change or fix your dates. Since you seem to like drama & action, try dating women with challenging careers or who enjoy action / adventure sports. They won't be boring but they will be healthier. Thank you Donnivain, however I don't seem to have much control over who I like. I'm currently talking to two females, one is career orientated and focused (she earns twice as much as me!) the other works part time and is constantly partying and travelling. Guess who I am attracted to the most? She's not even 'better' looking!
JuneL Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 Did you have an abusive or distant parent growing up? There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to the party girl if you just wanna have some casual fun.
d0nnivain Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 You need to listen to your brain then. Logically you know which one is the better choice. Talk her up in your mind & try dating against type. You may be pleasantly surprised.
FMW Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 There isn't anything wrong with you, we are attracted to who we are attracted to. Are these "bad" traits in the women you are attracted to causing problems for you? Are they the reason the relationships don't last? If you're willing to deal with what comes along with the "bad" traits, then don't worry about it.
crispytoast Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 (edited) The thing is, money, career, it's not everything. Soul isn't defined by the material world. Sometimes it takes more time for women like her to get their life together though. And she might not have it together until you're long gone. Are you willing to be a learning experience for her? Are you willing for her to be a learning experience for you? It can hurt. It can also be incredibly rewarding in ways that many people can't even dream of experiencing. I have many exes like her and I don't regret dating any of them. Also who tells you that partying and travelling is bad? I think a lot of people would tell you that it's a vital part of growing into your truest self. There's something to be said about worldliness. Edited June 3, 2019 by crispytoast
chillii Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 lt's just like the whole bad boy bs , bad girls can be heaps of fun , and have fun personalities and are often better looking to boot even if not the case this once. Wouldn't worry about it just yet mr machine , if ya find yourself in love with some druggo street chick maybe it might be time. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 Op what traits specifically are you finding attractive? I would really like to know. Confidence? Humor? Unpredictable? Self respect? Fun loving? Charismatic? Active? Reasons people find bad boys/girls alluring is normally because of traits that are attractive within those people. That is actually normal. So to combat this problem you don’t necessarily have to deny what you like. You just have to deny what’s not good for you. So identify traits you have to have that’s not bad within itself, look for that when dating, and if a girl shows red flags that’s not good you get out there, rinse and repeat until you find a girl you do like that is good for you. If you really are attractive to traits that are bad such as Mean Abusive Distant Hot and cold Narcissistic Selfish Then I say yes you do need help and you should not date. If you do date anyway then you can’t complain about abuse if you really do like abuse. If you want to change that then please get help. 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 Not sure if you need help or not, but women who are repeatedly attracted to bad boys are usually told to seek therapy. 1
smackie9 Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 (edited) A lot of our development stems from childhood. Is that the kind of atmosphere you were exposed to as a child? You have an older brother or sister that had a lot more freedom that you did growing up? They partied had fun while you were restrained from any kind of that activity? Pretty much the norm here with: you desire most what you can't have. To be unavailable is to be desirable. What happens is, when you get a partner that is aloof, Dopamine gets released in your brain. It's called the love drug. This is where your desire comes from. Edited June 3, 2019 by smackie9 1
preraph Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 Ex bad girl here. Unless you're hooking up with actual violent criminals or drug addicts, there's nothing wrong with liking a woman who has a little fire. My whole old crowd was pretty much that way. Just don't be one of those tools who think they're the best thing to hang out with and have sex with but that they're not good enough to marry and have a family with, cuz unless there's really something severely wrong with them severe mental illness her criminality, you'll be happier with someone who doesn't bore you over the long term.
smackie9 Posted June 3, 2019 Posted June 3, 2019 OP you just need to find yourself a girl that is independent, free spirited, spontaneous/unpredictable, but in a healthy way. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 You might also have a been of inaccurate stereotyping going on ... "Normal" girl? ... Don't know what that is ... Some of the shyest, seemingly sweetest, most "innocent" women I've dated--time after time have proven my initial impressions to be complete old-school nonsense. What I'm saying is that some of the women you're not attracted to now ... trust me: have plenty of fire ... passion, sexual energy ... and so on. There's a practical side ... don't commit deeply to someone before you learn more about them. Take six of these women you find yourself attracted to, they're not all the same. And look, get that analytical brain into the mix. Dating a certain type and ending up burned by dating that type ... that recognition is what usually gets folks to expand their attraction type. Are you reminding yourself of the pain you've felt dating these women who are your current type/ 1
elaine567 Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 Are you in fact attracted to these women or are these the women that you attract?
frus69 Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 What's wrong with dating crazy girls when you enjoy the craziness anyway? Why do you have to date nice girls if you find them boring?
alphamale Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 Every girl I've been in a relationship with has had some level of 'craziness' one way or another. join the club HM Do I need help? probably not
Gretchen12 Posted June 4, 2019 Posted June 4, 2019 A lot of people seek others on the same level. If she is "bad" then there's less expectation of you. Even just take the income in the example you gave. With the woman who earns more than you, you are under more pressure to match her. With the woman working part time, there's no pressure on you. The same with level of commitment, accountability, good behavior, responsibility. With the bad girl, you don't have pressure. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted June 5, 2019 Posted June 5, 2019 Like attracts like. Dynamics are established in childhood, and then most people seek to recreate them for decades. A few break out of old patterns and eventually find a healthier way. Myself, I had a verbally and emotionally abusive dad. I reacted strongly against this in my teens and 20s by dating overly doting men without much backbone, because I could be in control. Then in my 30s, I swung back the other way and dated dominant but slightly emotionally abusive men (critical, for example) - very similar to my dad, though at the time I wasn't consciously aware of this. Finally, in my 40s, better late than never, because my mind is healthier and clearer, I'm attracting like people with healthy, positive thinking as well. Your need to get with women who don't have their act together probably stems from the way you related to your mom and possibly your dad. How was your relationship with your mom? 2
Recommended Posts