Marioneta Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 Hi everyone, I write here in hope that I get some sort of "support" or advice, or something...I will try to make it short, if I can! I'm 38 today. When I was 15 I met a guy, who was 18, when I was on holidays with my parents. He was staying at the next room with his parents. We were looking at each other at the balcony, or wherever we met outside at the beach. But we were both shy and didn't do anything else. They left after some days, and we found by chance their address which was quite close to where we were living. So, when I was back home, I took a girlfriend of mine, and passed by where he lived with his parents. They let me in, and he was thrilled to see me! We all had a very nice chat there, which resulted that we exchanged tel numbers and we were talking hours on the phone, after that. However, he was odd. Very odd! Once, when we were talking for one hour, the line got down, and when I called back again, his father answered and he told me he was not there. Also, all of the times that we were arranging to see each other, we never managed. He would tell me that we would show up at the place where I would be with my friends...but never. So, it faded away, met other boys etc. Fast forward, to 12 years later, I go for holidays with my parents to the same place. Woke up the next day, went out at the balcony and...there he is!!! At the balcony beside. We were thrilled. Again. They would stay there only for 3 days. These three days, we were together, having an intense romance. I had however moved to another country, so I wasn't living close to him. Later the next month after our romance, he persuaded me to go and visit him back at my home country for a weekend. I booked tickets, went there, I was gonna stay at my aunts, and he had his mobile off. I never met him there, and after that I lost all trust and interest in him. How could he do this to me! But after 2 months he started contacting me again through the internet. I never got an explanation, but I couldn't cope with that either. Our discussions were as this never happened. It also faded away at some point. 3 years later, that was in 2010, I went for holidays at the same place, for one weekend. He was there. We had a night together, but it didn't do much for me emotionally, since I had disconnected myself from him due to all his strange behaviours the previous years. I just couldn't take him seriously. After that, up until 2019, we had periods of no contact at all, and periods emailing each other which he always always initiated. His emails through the years started having more apologies, more pleads to meet again, he couldn't think that we would never see each other again. Years went, with the same motive...that he is at least glad that he can use the internet and write to me and be around me in that way and that he hopes, that some day, somewhere we can meet again. Since the last contact I got from him in January 2019 after 3 years of no emailing at all, we starting smsing each other. I visited the relatives back to my home country for the weekend and I met him for a coffee. It was intense, and we clicked immediately. We couldn't let each other go at the end. The hug at the end before saying goodbye again was endless and very tight. He continues now to contact me, and we try to get to know each other...We haven't even done this all these years. We talked on the phone for one hour yesterday, what music we listen to, our hobbies etc. And of course...we wants to meet me again. The problem is, I also want to meet him again. Now, at 38, when I know what I want from a man, I can say that besides his strange behaviours, we had a perfect chemistry when we met for a coffee. But, I just can't get over the damage of trust. The consequence is that I have promised myself that I will NEVER put any effort myself for a meetup with him. And that if he REALLY wants it, then he should make it happen. I'm just very very sad with the thought that it's just not meant to happen. It makes me really sad. And at the same time, I can't cut off the contact with him. This is a very short relationship in total, but it has never ended for the past 23 years...I'm confused. Can't trust him. I want him. But I can't pursue it either. Help??? Why am I so confused? Is he playing with me? For 23 years?? I can understand this when he was 18. But he is now 41. What he tells me now, about how he sees me as a person, he tells me I'm unique, that it made him good to see me again now etc etc can't be explained in relation to his older behaviours, which yes they were many many years ago, but I just can't get passed them
Redhead14 Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 I can understand this when he was 18. But he is now 41. That same thought process can be applied to you . . . You're acting like the 18 year old love sick girl you used to be except now you're 38 and should realize he's just a summer love fantasy that's never going to materialize. Stop playing with each other and get on with your lives for real. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 OP, has he given you any indication he wants to see you more seriously? I don't get the impression he wants anything beyond a text-buddy and to meet up when you happen to be in his area.
preraph Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 I think it highly unlikely that he's not either married or got a girlfriend at his age which would explain why he keeps acting like he's going to get together and then doesn't.
Author Marioneta Posted June 2, 2019 Author Posted June 2, 2019 OP, has he given you any indication he wants to see you more seriously? I don't get the impression he wants anything beyond a text-buddy and to meet up when you happen to be in his area. Hi! You are right. We can't make it serious because of the distance. We are in different countries, 4 hour flight apart. I think one of the reasons I'm frustrated is that it feels and seems doomed. We can't even try.
Flame Aura Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 This guy sounds like a complete mess...but... If you do want to meet him then just tell him he can come to see you and you can meet up and talk. Then you can find out what you both want and whether there's any possibility of anything serious. If he doesn't come then cut off all contact and don't talk to him again. Distance is not an excuse. I've travelled from the UK to Brazil, Mexico, USA as well as Australia to meet women I was interested in and to see whether anything could happen (all met in real life, nothing online). Much rather try and fail then not try at all. 1
Author Marioneta Posted June 2, 2019 Author Posted June 2, 2019 I think it highly unlikely that he's not either married or got a girlfriend at his age which would explain why he keeps acting like he's going to get together and then doesn't. I know that he's had different girlfriends through the years and yes, then I can imagine that we never get together. He has split up from his last one 6 months ago..
Author Marioneta Posted June 2, 2019 Author Posted June 2, 2019 This guy sounds like a complete mess...but... If you do want to meet him then just tell him he can come to see you and you can meet up and talk. Then you can find out what you both want and whether there's any possibility of anything serious. If he doesn't come then cut off all contact and don't talk to him again. Distance is not an excuse. I've travelled from the UK to Brazil, Mexico, USA as well as Australia to meet women I was interested in and to see whether anything could happen (all met in real life, nothing online). Much rather try and fail then not try at all. Thanks for that! You are totally right. And in fact, if he doesnät make it happen and come and see me then I really need to get onwith my life once and for all.
stillafool Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 It's puzzling that after all the years of communication he would only take you for coffee and a hug instead of a romantic dinner and evening. Is he cheap or does he have a wife or gf? It would just seem that he would want a whole evening with you. Knowing what you want in a man is more than just chemistry but loyalty, trust, faithfulness as well as the ability to make sound decisions. TBH, if I traveled to see a man at his request and my money, and he doesn't have enough respect or care for me than to turn off his mobile phone that would be the end of us. His number would be blocked and no more thought given to or about him. If he cared about you he would have traveled to wherever you live and seen you by now.
E-Squared Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 Too $hort ain't about no relationship These are the tales, the freaky tales. These are the tales that I tell so well. 1
Foxhall Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 It looks likely that there is another woman but also that you may be the one that he really wants. Are we really that different at 38 from 18- older and wiser but fundamentally not that much different. I like the description of the type of connection or passion that you have though, your heart is saying go for it, your head is saying No. Id go with your heart!
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 Hi! You are right. We can't make it serious because of the distance. We are in different countries, 4 hour flight apart. I think one of the reasons I'm frustrated is that it feels and seems doomed. We can't even try. And when you were in his area, you two had what wasn't even really a date. It's not only the distance. He's just non-committal (to you) and clearly not trying to explore anything more than a flirty friendship. I think you would be better off to stop seeing him as an option for something more. I don't get the impression he sees you that way.
Author Marioneta Posted June 2, 2019 Author Posted June 2, 2019 And when you were in his area, you two had what wasn't even really a date. It's not only the distance. He's just non-committal (to you) and clearly not trying to explore anything more than a flirty friendship. I think you would be better off to stop seeing him as an option for something more. I don't get the impression he sees you that way. Actually it was me that wanted to go only for a coffee because I didn't know how it would be after almost 10 years, and also I had promised my friend to meet her afterwards, so I had to keep it short. I was there for 2 days and had to meet a whole bunch of people, and I thought giving him a chance now to meet him. I didn't expect to feel like this - again...
chillii Posted June 2, 2019 Posted June 2, 2019 This guy sounds like a complete mess...but... If you do want to meet him then just tell him he can come to see you and you can meet up and talk. Then you can find out what you both want and whether there's any possibility of anything serious. If he doesn't come then cut off all contact and don't talk to him again. Distance is not an excuse. I've travelled from the UK to Brazil, Mexico, USA as well as Australia to meet women I was interested in and to see whether anything could happen (all met in real life, nothing online). Much rather try and fail then not try at all. Wow , kinda cool in a way , but you must've the money too to do this stuff yeah ? But anyway l thoroughly agree op , if he wants to do something with this once and for all then he should make the effort to come see you and stick around for awhile and find out just what this is once and for all. 4hours is nothing, l wish, l was involved with someone on the other side of the world. My gf now is 2hours flight away so we're sort of month on month off at the moment back and forth till she can move down . l'm also be thinking he might be married but surely you've talked about everything and life in major detail a 100 times and you must know one way or nother, or picked up if he's covering. Anyway, all these years, l say get him to come to you spend some real time together and put this puppy to bed one way or other once and for all. lf he can't do that then somethings not right here, he should be chugging at the bit to do it.
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